Chapter 19

The Truth

Kris arrived in front of Lena’s door; however he found it difficult to press on those little buttons. What should he say? What could he say? Why exactly was he here, in front of her doorstep? He cannot think straight and was starting to panic a little more. Kris was starting to feel pent up; he was starting to feel pressured.

Inside, Lena was sitting on her sofa holding onto her phone tightly. She did not even realise she was holding on to her phone tightly until she felt her fingers getting sore. She knew why she was holding onto her phone, she was starting to be worried. She heard something in front of her door, hesitant but still, she stood up to take a peek in the peep hole. Her instinct was telling her to open the door even though she can’t see anyone.

She opened the door slowly and immediately she saw Kris’s on her left side, “Yi Fan?” She gasped as she saw his face; he was sweating bullets, “Are you okay?” Kris was leaning on to the walls, sweating, speechless and had only looked up towards Lena. Lena grabbed onto his hand and pulled him softly trying to get him to enter her house.

Kris slowly walked in but he only managed to sit on the side of the sofa. Lena left him to get a glass of water from the kitchen. When Lena walked in the living room, she could see Kris holding onto his forehead, thinking that Kris was getting headaches.

“Yi Fan?” Lena hands over the glass of water to him, slowly Kris clutch onto the glass and at the same time, their fingers touched. Lena was afraid to let go of the glass, she could feel Kris was not holding onto the glass tightly. He was out of energy. “What happened?” Lena asks as Kris took sip out of the glass and she took hold of the glass and put them on the coffee table.

Kris could only shake his head, “I’m sorry Len, I’m not good for you.” Kris said while Lena was still standing in front of him. Lena shook her head and was trying to ask Kris to sit on her sofa properly but Kris only grasped her wrists and looked up to her. “I knew I shouldn’t have involve you, this is getting complicated, Len” Kris wanted to hug Lena so much but he could only hold onto her wrists and stare into her eyes, trying to understand her feelings.

“What happened? Talk it out Yi Fan, please, don’t put blame on yourself” Lena said, without noticing, she naturally stood in front of Kris and holds out her hand to wipe the sweat Kris had on his left cheek.

“They want us to get married Len, they want to meet your side in two days. I knew I should not have involve you, I don’t want you to get hurt Len, trust me, I really don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want me to hurt you, Len, I really don’t.” Kris was almost out of breath as he said all those words, it was clear, he really cared about Lena.

Lena didn’t know what to say, she was shocked when she heard the word marriage, she was even more stunned when she heard your side.

“Please say something Len, don’t say nothing, get mad at me if you are, hit me, anything, just don’t stay silent, please” Kris almost begged but Lena only shook her head and her hands softly landed on Kris’ shoulders, giving him a composed aura.

“I’m not mad at you” Lena said calmly, her main focus was to get Kris to calm down. “I’m never mad at you, Yi Fan. Just please, don’t blame yourself” She said and finally gained Kris’ attention, he looked towards her and saw her smile. Kris felt at home, he saw sincere concern on Lena’s face and right then he felt something he never felt before.

“Can I?” Kris slowly pulls Lena to him and he slowly embraces Lena, his hands travelled to her waist. Lena was stunned but as she felt Kris slowly putting his head on her stomach, her hands slowly but calmly his head.

They stayed that way for a long time; their breath was almost the same, following the same pattern, rhythm.

“Len?” Kris called out without pulling himself from Lena.

“Hm?” Lena answered him.

“I want to tell you something, I need to tell you the truth but please, don’t walk away.” Kris almost whispered but it was still loud enough for Lena to hear. Lena nodded, promising. Kris took a deep breath, “I like you Len, no, I have a much deeper feeling for you, with you, I feel things I’ve never felt before. Ever since I saw you in class, you caught my attention. I love you, Len. You make me feel things I never thought I could, you make me calm, you make me feel like I’m in the center of everything, and you make me feel brand new but I’m scared, I know I’m not right for you, I can’t protect you, I’m not good for you” Kris confessed his feelings, his hold onto Lena getting tighter.

Lena didn’t know what to say. It would be a lie if she said she had no feelings for Kris because if she didn’t, she wouldn’t even be here, letting him hug her. She definitely wouldn’t. She would never let him in, she would never. But she was still speechless.

“Yi Fan, I’m not that. I’m not that girl. I can’t make you happy” was the only thing she manages to say. “I don’t deserve you, I really don’t” She continued and slowly tried to push away from Kris but Kris’ hold was strong but it was not painful.

“Yi Fan, you don’t know me. I hurt people, I’m never good with people, I bring bad stuff to people, look at you now, you’re facing difficulty, you are getting hurt” Lena was getting weak, she didn’t want Kris to get hurt. “I don’t want you to get hurt Yi Fan”

“You’ve never hurt me Len, whenever I’m with you, you make me feel positive things, you’ve made me happy and I know you will make me happy. Don’t say you bring bad stuff to people, you’ve made me feel wanted, no one made me feel wanted, you shown me appreciation, you made me feel cared, I’ve never felt that before Len. I need you. I really do. I’m not saying all this to make you marry me but ever since you entered my life, I’ve wanted to spend my entire life with you, when you left for Singapore, I didn’t know what to do so when I saw you again, it felt like fate telling me that it’s you, I need you.”

“Yi Fan, please, I’m not good, I’m not right” Lena pushes herself away and took a few steps back from Kris. Her eyes getting teary, she was confused, she was confused with her feelings, she was touched with what Kris had said but at the same time she was scared.

“Len, please, don’t walk away” Kris stood up and walked towards Lena and Lena just immediately step back and she felt the doorknob to her room, Kris stopped her from turning the knob. “Len, please, talk to me”

“I can’t Yi Fan, you don’t know me. Don’t feel all those things for me, don’t waste your time on me, please Yi Fan” She was holding onto the knobs tightly, Kris could feel it. “Tell your parents, there’s no side to meet.” Lena looked towards Kris and turned herself towards the door to her bed room.

“Len” Kris stopped her and hugged her from behind, “Please, don’t walk away, I need you, forget about marriage, forget about all that, I just need you in my life. I don’t care if my parents throw me out from the registry, I just need you, please forget about everything else, just please stay here for me”

“Yi Fan, I can’t, I just can’t. I’m scared. I’m too scared” Lena’s voice was shaking, she was shaking. “I’m scared that you would leave me too, so please just go when I’m all ready, I don’t want to get attached to you” She was now sobbing, almost frantic.

“Why would I leave you? I will never leave you. Why would anybody leave you?” Kris hold onto her tighter than ever before.

“They did, they left” She answered and slowly her body was getting weaker.