[Flashback]

“…there could be something deeper there. People hide their issues, and it’s hard to tell from the outside what’s going on with them.”

“What do you know?”

“I know the loser when I meet one”

“…”

“When people get hurt, they just turn a sore loser. So be ready for it’s gonna hurt, Yonghwa.”

[Present]

Jung residence, Seoul, South Korea

“…So that will be all for today, any question, Joohyun?.” Her teacher asked after hours of studying.

“Seems like you are in a hurry seonsaengnim” Joohyun couldn’t help but notice.

The way her teacher dressed today also had something special in it; she wore nice make-up and a pretty dress, even put on some pretty accessories like earrings and necklace.

Joohyun watch the glittering necklace and started to form her conclusion.

“You look like those women in magazine today, very pretty”

“You praised me a lot already. I have an appointment later on but feel free to ask or discuss on the lesson.” The lady smiled to Joohyun while organized her document.

 “You have a date, perhaps?” asked that and Joohyun watched her teacher brushed in crimson.

“Sort of.” Her teacher replied.

“Ahhh..then I better not hold you back. Thank you for today, seonsaeng-nim”

“And you are the best student as always, good girl”

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 “….madam-nim” The girl uttered after a while of knitting late this afternoon.

“What do you want, missy?” The old lady replied a bit annoyed.

“I want to know besides the cloths, can this yarn was made into earrings or necklaces, madam-nim?”

The old lady lowered her hands from her business and looked the girl way. The rounded, clear eyes of the girl’s were as curious as of a little cat’s, but the lady wondered more what was hidden on deeper levels.

“The one that can be folded 3 times and wear around the collar kind of necklace, like on those magazines” She tried to convey the particular image of it.

The old lady touched her eyes specks to have a clearer look of a girl, she inspected all over Joohyun to make sure of her guess.

She wanted it – was the lady’s conclusion.

And she believed she was right since the girl wore none of any accessories.

Every so often Joohyun couldn’t push off some thoughts in her mind.

Like these past days she had met with many conglomerates…those beautiful people, especially Korean national angel – ImYoonA-ssi, they all seemed to put on some thought the way they dressed and all – they looked satisfying beautiful.

Joohyun never bothered with her appearance that much, but seeing her teacher today was triggering something….

‘It must be nice to dress up sometimes’ this deepest thought echoed.

But she always stopped herself before giving it a much thought, she didn’t want that.

No, she couldn’t stop it now.

“Go plead your somchon to buy you that kind of things – whatever you want; peal beads, diamond rings, gold, jewelry, you can have as much as you want, missy.” The old lady, this time, said in sarcastic tone and full of disgust.

Joohyub shook her head. “Aniyoh, madam-nim, I want to make it myself – this way I can cherish and be proud of it more.” She said with sincerity.

“tsk” the old lady made her face. “Who made accessories anymore, people just buy them.”

 “But if we were left alone on the island we would find a way to make some and even now, still, there is no difference..” spoke the words and something got inside, the girl lowered her head.

The old lady saw how Joohyun took a tight grip on her yarn.

“It’s so weird, madamnim……I don’t think I want to have any but then…I want to try putting some accessories on. I don’t understand it, and I don’t like it like this…” succumbed to her words this time, the tears dropped from her eyes.

“There you are crying now, missy?” The old lady uttered in mere surprise.

“If it goes like this it doesn’t mean adapting, right, madam-nim?” Said it and the tears were shredded more and more. “If I want more like this, I must be hated, majayoh? If I can’t make it myself, how else can I own it? How wrong of me to want a thing I can’t have? Then ottoke?”

The old lady turned silent watching Seojoohyun

…aigoo this poor girl, she was afraid of the normal thing which intensified by time. Just as time passed by, people couldn’t help it but want more…and that she was so afraid of what hidden inside every human being – the humans’ greed. All human races were made with greed and that was none of her fault.

Since the girl looked up at the crowds to find out what she should do or which way she should go…but then, here, this… this was merely a problem of following the pack.

At first she might not wanted that much but then when she saw enough of this addicted society she couldn’t help the way her human nature resurfaced. All this was what the old lady saw from the girl.

But she was not to blamed….it was such a mundane thing.

“Don’t you dare shed your tears on my yarn, this poor thing‼” The old lady screamed out in frustration made the girl squirmed.

Joohyun tried her best to compose herself and wiped off the tears from her face.

The old lady called out to her maid and asked for her velvet box. At that moment Joohyun’s face was wiped off and only got paler by the time, she sat still. Finally the old lady got her box; she opened it and took out a bead, it was pearl bead like what Joohyun explained.

She offered it to Joohyun.

“Take this! Palli and don’t ever cry so pitifully again. I have zero tolerate for people making such an ugly scene.” She said the words, full of self-importance nonetheless.

“this…for..for me, madam-nim?”Joohyun asked, her face was still pale.

“Who else you see? Just take it already!” She scolded.

Finally Seojoohyun took the bead “Thank you so much, madam-nim” She expressed all her gratitude and just stared at the luxury thing inside her hands.

“tsk, you don’t know how to wear it, don’t you?” the lady asked just then.

“I will just take a look, madam-nim. I will see it thoroughly to remind myself this isn’t beautiful and then I will return it to you”

“It isn’t beautiful? Then which one do you want? The one with big diamond?”

“I will be sure all this stuff is not that beautiful like the way I imagine it.” The girl said and then she cried again.

“eh?! This poor little thing!” Just that the old lady scurried again. “Here! Take the box and pick the one you like it best.” She sent the girl her expensive jewelry set.

The girl looked at the box and then turned her gaze to the madam of this household. “None of it was beautiful. None. I will find the stuff to make it by myself, maybe with some studs or rocks or shells. I will use some flower, knitting it together. It might not be beautiful either but I will sure love it, then I would wear it and be proud of myself.” She said, tears still shred from her eyes.

The old lady watched the scene …aigoo, this poor child..aigoo…

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[Flashback]

“When people get hurt, they just turn a sore loser. So be ready for it’s gonna hurt, Yonghwa.”

“..be ready? To get hurt? Why would I?”

“….”

“I would choose not to get hurt instead.”

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[Present]

Joohyun was inside her room, lying on her bed, her hands held the plastic bead up high and smiled proudly to herself.

This was the bead she made out of studs and plastic objects. The bead that madam-nim helped finding the necessary stuff and helped her figure out on how to. This was what ‘that kind of feeling’ when the girl made her own skirt out of yacca fiber. Joohyun liked it better than the expensive one.

Then the knock sound echoed on her door.

Joohyun sat up and hurry to open the door just to find her samchon standing hands crossed leaning on the door frame.

She wondered what brought him here after all.

Seemed like Yonghwa just got back from work, but usually he didn’t bother to call on her or to say hi. She didn’t understand why now, and then it was really gotten into her.

“What did ahjumma tell you?” She asked while looking everywhere but him.

Yonghwa observed the girl’s face, he noticed the puffy eyes bags and reddened nose. “She told me you had cried lately.” He replied.

Joohyun worked her brain hard on finding some excuse. She suddenly wished he was the last one on earth to know that she cried over the stupid bead.

“What did my imo do to you?” He asked.

Joohyun looked up right then. “madam-nim didn’t do anything to me. She is kind and nice and all.”

Yonghwa raised his brows. “Then why did you cry?”

“I didn’t cry. Ahjumma misunderstood the situation, samchon.” She tried her best to deny it.

Yonghwa stared at Joohyun and decided to give her a silent treatment; as time passed by, more pressure was added up in the air made Joohyun felt more uneasy.

“Alright, I did cry a little bit.” Joohyun admitted. “But it meant nothing…just some nonsense.” She shrugged.

“How’s nonsense? Let me hear” Yonghwa asked chilly.

Joohyun sighed off. “Do not judge me, alright?” she half begged half commanded.

Yonghwa just raised his brows. It seemed like lately the girl was torn between hiding and standing on her feet defending herself.

He just noticed something had changed in her, in the way she held herself.

Before this, Joohyun was presented to the world as if she was the outsider sending here to observe the ongoing sets of reality but never live in.

Now she seemed more down to earth, more real, more flaw, and messier which Yonghwa thought he liked this way better.

“Okay, now spit it.” Yonghwa smiled lopsided.

“Ahh why don’t you ask ahjumma instead? This is humiliating.” Joohyun whined.

Yonghwa watched her amusedly. “I didn’t ask her to keep the close watch, so she couldn’t tell what was going on exactly.” Yonghwa preceded his step inside her room making Joohyun stepped back. “Do you mind if I sit down.” He asked and before she said anything he sat down on the yellow couch, adjusted himself until he was in the comfortable position.

Joohyun felt the sudden change; it felt as if Yonghwa was an elephant inside her room taking so much space she couldn’t just ignore him and she had no idea what to do with this elephant, either.

“Why don’t you sit down and tell me what was going on?” Yonghwa asked, somehow his body language signaled her to sit next to him on the yellow couch so she did.

Joohyun sighed off one more time.”You know, samchon, you didn’t have to know everything about me. I mean it doesn’t matter, doesn’t it? I tell you it’s nonsense.”

“I will decide for myself if it’s nonsense or not.”

Joohyun couldn’t help but lowered her head staring at the plastic bead inside her hands; she kept feeling its texture, something tugged the tight nod inside her chest. Now Yonghwa seemed to have a clue but he would wait to hear her out.

Eventually she looked up. “You know, samchon, my ancestors before me made up some cloth and accessories stuff and then they put it inside this.” She touched her left chest.

She meant inside her heart, again.

“And so it passed on generation after generation…sometimes we pulled it out, and then there was me. I felt it inside my chest….”

She looked so guilty and embarrassed, Yonghwa didn’t like that. “You wanted it, did you?” he asked.

Joohyun halted. “…I think my ancestors did it wrong, samchon. Why did they make it up from the first place?” She said softly. “But it’s understandable since there was nothing much to do back then, at least there was no social network like now. And since it was the only thing they could cherish for themselves.” She lowered her face to look at the bead while saying, her knuckles turned white since she held the bead so tight.

And then Yonghwa couldn’t help but reach out to pull her chin up gently, she looked he in the eyes – his eyes were like a dark hole, they were pulling her in. “You don’t have to be sorry for wanting anything, haven’t I told you so?”

“I… I don’t know, samchon, I – I feel bad for wanting that much.” She looked away.

Yonghwa tried to make her look his way, he hold her face with both hands “Listen, Joohyun, didn’t you promise to let me know if you want anything in this whole world?”

“Have you ever wanted something so much you felt bad, samchon?” she asked staring into his eyes.

Yonghwa paused. “Not as I remember.” He answered just for the sake of it.

“How can we not want it, when it was written in our blood and bone?” She said much more to herself. “Now I learn that we all are just ordinary human…”

Yonghwa let her face go, when she forced it.

“I used to believe I was a super girl though.” She said to herself, her voice sounded strain. “Now that I’m afraid I’m no better than anyone.”

Yonghwa wanted to console her but didn’t know how.

“Why did I think I’m better? Such a delusive, self-centered of me.”

Yonghwa blamed himself for letting this happen. He should know it better what a girl would want in common. He felt lack as her guardian.

He felt ultimately lack these days.

She, too.

It was getting messier day to day.

Outside and in…

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[Flashback]

 “I would choose not to get hurt instead.”

“I’m afraid it doesn’t offer you such choice?”

“….”

“Are you afraid?”

“…”

“Of course, you seem so afraid.”

“Enough now, Stephanie.”

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[Present]

The news scoop on TV

{Eventually the Korean national angel showed up for interview on the hot topic, the talk of the town about her relationship with famous chaebal JungYonghwa. It had been almost one month after ‘the angel’s kiss’ paparazzi snap shot. Before this, both of them refused to say anything despite the wave after wave of paparazzi proves on their regular meeting. And lately, netizens were talking about seeing JungYonghwa in and out of luxurious jewelry shops.

Everyone is expecting to see the wedding ring and that meant the wedding is coming up, isn’t it?}

…..

YoonA readied herself. “...I’m sorry that I have avoided saying anything for past weeks. But I…err..I have been thinking a lot lately and I realized that I might be a type…er..a type who are afraid of committing in a relationship.”

That lead to the head title next morning, everywhere saying ‘Angel confessed afraid of commitment’

“But I’m working hard on it. I mean…I- I’m not sure for now but it will be better. Soon, I hope.”

…..

“Right now, all I can say – Yonghwa ssi is my closest oppa among all.”

….

“..err about it, that kiss….Because I had done a good deed so he wanted to thank me, just that.” Said that while kept tucking the lock of her hair to her ear.

….

“Wedding? Aniyoh. Where did you get that idea? Animnida. I promise I will let you guys know, but there is nothing much to tell now, so that will be all. Thank you for your interest.”

 ….

Like that most netizens seemed positive enough with the news and team up for supporting YoonA. They even dug about the symptom and treatment for ‘Gamophobia’ – the fear of commitment.

YoonA’s royal fans were thankful for Yonghwa, now that he came in picture to save their angel.

The two might be perfect; netizens believed that and went on the great length on sailing their ships.

Sometimes people were reckless like that.

We were ordinary people after all.

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[Flashback]

“Enough now, Stephanie.”

“Oops, sorry. I crossed the damn line again, did I?”

“You did.”

“But you gotta be ready, my dear Yonghwa, for what you are afraid of.”

“And what is that?”

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[Present]

Yonghwa raised the glass to sip his beer calmly despite the death glare from his best friend - LeeJonghyun. It had continued for awhile now.

They were hanging out after work hours and it was Jonghyun’s suggestion.

“..Afraid of commitment, doesn’t that sound like you?” Jonghyun finally said a word.

Yonghwa didn’t comment anything.

“I’m your friend, Yonghwa but I’m disgusting with the idea of women standing up in front covering things up while you are acting like you don’t give a damn even the entire world going down this moment.”

“Could it be possible that the entire world going down now?” Yonghwa grinned.

“Yah! This person!” Jonghyun shouted.

“You are always exaggerating things, Jonghyun.”

“And you are ignorant! You know what? Right now the whole nation believes our national angel has this flaw while you are the prince charming who comes to fix her. For god sake! People said you keep your mouth shut because you want to protect YoonA. And I..I know how this turn out wrong.”

“Right, you know it better.” Yonghwa said nonchalantly.

“No friend, I don’t know you anymore.” Jonghyun watched Yonghwa coldly.

Yonghwa noticed that kind of stare, the ultimate disappointment in there.

“I don’t know you because sitting in front of me is just a loser…how disappoint! I’m going.” And then Jonghyun grabbed his outer suit and headed off, leaving Yonghwa behind.

He didn’t spare a glance to look back how his word opened up the old wound in Yonghwa’s chest…and it was bleeding now….

 ‘How disappoint!

..Loser’

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[Flashback]

“And what is that?”

“Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go.”

“…”

“It's gonna hurt, Yonghwa”

“…”

“…It's gonna hurt because it matters.”

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[Present]

Yonghwa was on the phone with YoonA.

(..Oppa, I told you won’t give up easily.)

“….”

(I will try everything to get a key to your locked heart, okay? ..Talk later, goodnight.)

The line already cut.

Yonghwa stared out of the rearview window from the car that moving pass downtown Seoul, late at night but the light still out, many cars on the way, and people were everywhere.

...why did it look so messy?

Or perhaps it was not at the outside but inside.

Yonghwa tried to sort out his feeling.

But he couldn’t feel anything except the tight nod in his chest.

It was getting messier time and time again…

Inside and out…

How could he sleep this night?

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[Flashback]

“…It's gonna hurt because it matters.”

“What does matter?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m telling you people hide their issues, and it’s hard to tell from the outside what’s going on with them – with you.”

“You don’t need to know.”

“Fine, whatever, loser.”

“…”

“Oops, that’s hurt. Sorry.”

[A/N] Late update again. hope you enjoy