Capsule17: Your cold coffee.

you may listen to the music: One day by Kodaline

'You forget that I am the son of Chowig,' he said.

'I do not forget,' I answered. ‘But you are a small son. Someday you will be tall and strong and then you will be able to handle a big canoe.'

'I am the son of Chowig,' he said again, and as he spoke his eyes suddenly grew large. ‘I am his son and since he is dead I have taken his place. I am now Chief of Ghalas-at. All my wishes must be obeyed.'

---- From The island of the blue dolphins book [he = the narrator’s little brother, Ramo]

[Flashback]

 You can’t even tell if in that cup is too cold.

 You are so lost.

Drift along the tide

Without sense of purpose and direction

Can’t figure the way you’re supposed to function

Worse than looming pain of emptiness

Lost ability to sleep

And you can’t even cry because you don’t even care

The feeling that you didn’t even know what the hell you’re feeling...

Mostly, you're just ed up, brother.

....

You are so ed up by that women.

[Present]

“Good morning, Imo.” Yonghwa greeted with wide smile when dropped by his aunt’s living room early in the morning after finishing daily workout in his full equipped fitness.

The old lady looked up from her yarn, a bit surprised by unexpected visiting. “What brings you here, so early in the morning? It seems like I haven’t seen you an age.” She said with purely amused tone.

“Perhaps, it’s the wind of Phuket which blew upon me. Here, imo, I bought you something you must like straight out of Phuket.”

Yonghwa showed a purple luxurious box to the old lady; inside laid the set of daily appliances. It showed how thoughtful the man was for picking all this. “Here are room spray, soap, aroma candles, this scent of mixed charming exotic herb which you like most. And look at this – this famous ‘Tiger’ Ointment. I remembered you said it was the best for all kind of bites and bruises, right?”

“Well… at least you remembered this; I thought you rather strived for letting all things slipped out of your mind.” The old lady replied in mocking tone.

One of the old lady’s specialties was to attack people at their weak spots – if only she knew where.

“And if what brought you here was because that psycho complained about how I tortured her, don’t you dare think you could intervene at all!”

“Ani-yoh, imo, Joohyun has never complained anything. Instead she kept quiet until I found out myself, then she told me to wait till she gets praised and she would brag it to me.”

“HA! Getting praised?! Well… let her wait for more ten years – skill like that, tsk.”

“Imo-ah, don’t go too hard on her ju-se-yoh. Joohyun has never knitted or done crafts. But she is good at reading. She has read a bunch of books already and she is the excellent story-teller, you may let her tell some stories or read for you and you will never find her unworthy” Yonghwa now was trying his best to convince his imo to go easy on the girl – even he didn’t call for its stop.

He was trying to do it Joohyun’s way; if the girl insisted on doing it, no complained, only kept bearing with his imo and even worry about the old lady’s well-being – then he, too, would support the girl, and be her little help before things went out of control.

But the thing he didn’t try to fathom was that he already put some faith on the girl to reach out to his imo and do something. He hoped to see whomever but him cross the big wall of the old lady’s…even there was an opened door only for him along these times.

And the old lady was there, left alone, behind her wall.

“Well…it seemed that she isn’t severely ill, that little cuckoo of yours. I see she’s still floating around like a perfectly sane person. If she is so sickly retarded, I sure wouldn’t try anything…. Keudae Why? Can’t I touch her at all? If can’t, why don’t you lock her away and cater to her as you please? Huh?”

“…but imo. Doing crafts or knitting is too difficult for the beginner with no basic skill like Joohyun, isn’t it?”

“Then when you suggest she would begin to learn it, if not now? No experience isn’t an excuse, Yonghwa. Or you just want her to sit around doing nothing worthy until she turns old, until those skills grow out from nowhere? And this way you treat her, cherished her with everything – are you planning on possessing her? Or will let her loose and have a life of her own, getting married in the future if someone happen to pick her out? And if it goes the last way, I shall suggest any maidens know how to cater to her men. Knitting is one in the way.”

Yonghwa suddenly became speechless; he had nothing to argue and just came to realize his aunt had a point – the point he badly missed.

“Or if she happens to marry a millionaire that will spare her from doing these handicrafts. A samonim sure will live a blessing life.”

Yonghwa became awestruck; he never had a thought to prepare Joohyun for such future or to make it clear - he never considered the possibilities of her being out of his protection, it just never crossed his mind. Yes, suddenly it was possible to him that the girl might leave him one day and marry someone.

“Well… so to say, she is already blessed living here, isn’t she? Though not as a wifey but a niece, and besides her, you’ve got no one to spend your fortune with. Isn’t she a little miss happy-go-lucky?”

“Imo, I understand what you are trying to convey now. I will make sure Joohyun learn how to run the household, or get these handicrafts done. But it has to compromise with her academic study; I want her to get back to school and college like those girls her age. I want her to being recognized as a professional citizen.”

“Being recognized and adorn by many people as possible – that will make it easier to take on your wifey position, don’t you plan on that, huh?”

“I don’t understand – how comes you view it that way, imo?” Yonghwa said with sincerely puzzlement.

“How comes, huh?” The old lady asked back with mocking facial expression – because I’ve raised you your whole life, kid. She might want to scream that but chose to give silent treatment.

“Joohyun is too young for me. And I only see her as a niece, imo. Don’t say anything like that again juse-yoh”

At that moment, the old lady wore on her fierce, cold look and held her head up “Well.. keep telling yourself that and make sure you won’t get into trouble with women like ‘MEN’ in this house did! Just thinking of it makes me sick to my stomach already.”

“Then better don’t think of it, imo.” Yonghwa haft-warned haft-begged, so it came out as a whisper.

Seeing her nephew like that, the old lady turned softer, or suddenly it was just really gotten to her “How can I not think of it? The funeral anniversary is coming close, don’t you remember?”

Yonghwa was just silent.

“My poor brother…aigoo” The old lady sighed off. “So much trouble, so much sorrow with that so called ‘love’ ” The lady slowly shook her head as if she got lost in her past misery.

Yonghwa was growing uneasy inside but outside he tried his best to keep on his calm look. This shouldn’t have effect on him anymore. It should be long gone.

“What is this thing we call "love" if it tears people apart? Is it terrific or should we be terrified of it?
Does it really define us or should we define it?”

Yonghwa had no idea how to answer his imo when she turned like this. Or maybe she didn’t really want the answer, just mumbling whatever as old person’s habit.

“Those didn’t really bother me, but just recently I’ve realized how it may do to you.”

And then the old lady looked Yonghwa in the eyes as if she decided to reach him but this time with tenderness.

“How are you these days, child? Are you still up all night thinking hard into it? Do you still drink too much to forget? Are you still picking up the habit of leaving your coffee till it turns cold? Suddenly I realized how many things go wrong with you. How do you cope up with them?”

“I’m okay, imo. I…” Yonghwa tried to say something nice but his voice betrayed him.

“You must be tired with so much weight on you. I’m sorry, child. I wish I could do anything to fix it but all I did is to turn your heart to steel, did I?”

“Then you made me the ironman, majayoh?” Yonghwa jokingly said and smiled, but that smile didn’t reach his eyes.

The old lady could only pity him secretly. “Whatever, chodding!.” She pretentiously scolded.

Yonghwa grinned then turned to look at his watch. “ahh seems like it’s time for ironman to off and save the world, imo. Would you mind?”

“Just go off already. I’ve enough with you now.” She said coldly.

Yonghwa was used to this cold imo better than the emotional one..

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“…When did you arrive, samchon? I wouldn’t know you’re back if ajjumma didn’t go collect me.” Joohyun asked when she stepped inside his home office as his demand for her presence.

“I arrived home last night. You would hear from me if you answer the phone but you didn’t.” He said in cold tone, annoyed with the facts she didn’t pick up his calls for the past two days.

And today, he planned to work from his home office since there was nothing much to be done anywhere.

The girl looked a bit guilty but she shrugged it off with her bright smile.

“I already told you I must put on the role of the planet earth.” She clarified innocently. “You know the planet earth doesn’t have mobile phone.”

“Then does the planet earth want any gift?” He mocked. “Well I don’t think so.”

“The planet earth never lives for any gift, but if one is brought we must accept for there is no space junk. And if there is no gift that is fine as well.”

 “SeoJoohyun, you are getting difficult to understand again, you know?” He said in defeat.

For him, there was some moment he almost felt close to her, but then she seemed to shift away further and further like now when she put on this stupid planet earth role.

He didn’t understand, wasn’t she the one who said ‘I miss you.’ Then she acted like she could live finely without hearing a word from him.

Then what was the words person said when it held no meaning? He already had trust issues and now she spoiled it again….bad SeoJoohyum.

And wasn’t she the one who said she meant what she said – very bad SooJoohyun, tsk.

She kept smiling as if nothing ever bothered her and then she said. “You never tried to understand me, instead.”

He looked at her smile and started to think about it…did I? Never tried to understand you?

“I am an opened book, samchon.” She told. “You just need to figure out what language I’m written in.” Then she laughed heartily, didn’t mean for it to sound challenging as it was.

Seeing she laughed like this lifted the weight in his chest a little bit. “Are you for real, Joohyun?” He said the words lightly, wishing to see right through her dept, her layers one day.

“And where is my gift, samchon?” She asked.

If there was something bothered him before, he already slipped it out of his mind or maybe it was her presence that brought the calmness back. “Here, come and see it for yourself.” He said and motioned his hand to a chair which he set it close to his desk beforehand.

Joohyun did as he told, she sat on the chair right next to him and Yonghwa handed her a pretty paper bag. “Kamsahumnida” The girl said and picked up her gift.

“Open it.” Yonghwa told her.

Joohyun opened the bag. She held her breathe when she found a dream catcher made with seashells, feathers, strings, beads and it turned out very pretty and unique. Her eyes glittered when she observed at it. “Dream catcher!....and seashells!.” She uttered the world and turned to Yonghwa, she couldn’t help but spread her smile to him as to thank you.

The way she spread her smile and the way those eyes seemed to sparked eternal light made his heart fluttered. It felt heavenly good to see her as happy as this – he wasn’t sure why but he would definitely look for a moment like this more in the future.

He smiled while watching her in glee. “Whatever you dream is, may you catch it one day, dreamer” He told her.

“Thank you, samchon” She said as softly as whisper before shifted her gaze back to her dream catcher. “I love it more that is has seashells.” She said.

“Yes, those seashells reminded me of an island girl Joohyun, I knew you must love it” he bragged.

She wrinkled her nose to him. “These seashells belong to the sea and ocean. Taking too much from nature is mean, but only this time – I really need some.”

“It belongs to you now; don’t be too humble, you make everyone else looked bad already.” He jokingly said.

“That’s because everyone tries to see themselves through the eyes of someone else. People care only what other people might see of them. How can they be true to themselves if they always bother with who make them look bad?”

“Alright, bless you with your authentic life, little miss goody.” Yonghwa couldn’t help to pinch her nose. “Now that I’m afraid spending too much time with you will purify me or maybe I’m the one who contaminate you.”

“Try me.” She replied immediately while tried to pull his hand away.

By ‘try me’ she meant to spend time with her, didn’t she?

“If you contaminate me, I won’t blame you. But if I purify you, the pleasure will be all mines.” She smiled.

Yonghwa looked at the girl with his serious face; she always amazed him and this time, too. But he hid it so well, this time he didn’t allow himself to show it before think about it thoroughly – there was something threatening in the way she said.

She made it sounded like an offer in which she was so willing to be under-privileged. Wasn’t she aware of that?

“How would we tell if you are contaminated or if I’m purified?” He asked calmly, wanting to hear it thoroughly before he would decide how to react.

She considered about it. “I will think about it and let you know later, is that okay?”

“Alright, just make sure you come up with the good plan, little miss witty.” He said halfheartedly, didn’t really expect to anything in particular

“Anyway, thank you of this gift again, samchon.” She said and raised her gift up.

“Enough of thank you. It’s a relive as well that you love it.” He said.

“Of course, samchon, I love it. It makes me think of the sea. I almost could hear the sound of waves, sent away and brought back again and again. I feel like I could smell the salt and the feel of sand underneath my feet. Ahh… where is to find the perfect sand for building a sand castle, samchon? Do you know?”

“Why suddenly a sand castle?”

“Just…I’m curious, samchon. I like the sea best among all the places and I want to build a sand castle one day, now I’m trying to figure out how.”

“You never build a sand castle?”

She shook her head.

The way she said it made Yonghwa suspicious “Have you ever been to the sea?”

She shook her head again.

At this point, Yonghwa surprised, a bit more like got hit.  …but she kept saying about sea and that island story.

..And then he figured out she just remembered from books.

He saw it again and clearer now – that sadness in her eyes, and the longing for the place she had never been.

But he chose to react with his smile.

“..Mweo? You are from the island of the blue dolphins but you haven’t been to the sea. What kind of your island then? The one without the sea surrounded? Alright, I guess, that could happen sometimes. Then I better take you on next trip to the island with the sea around, how does that sound?”

“Are you serious, samchon?” Hearing that made her eyes grew bigger and twinkled twinkled like little stars.

“I’m very serious, SeoJoohyun. I won’t allow the island girl to be ignorant of the real island.” He seriously said and then couldn’t help reward her gleeful face with his smile.

“Are you saying just to cheer me up?”

“No, my words held what they mean and you have my words.”

“I already know you are trustworthy, and I will look forward to it. I know you are busy but no matter how long I will wait for it. I’m good at waiting, you know that samchon.” Her words kept flowing from her because she couldn’t stop her joy, now.

 “Yes, I know you are.” He said. Seeing her in joy reflected on his wish for her future, after a pause he asked “Do you want to go to school, Joohyun? The actual school full with students, some would become your friends and you can have fun with them.”

That made Joohyun surprised and then confused. She looked at him mutely and her face was getting paler.

It reminded him of the first time she stepped into his house. Was that she scared? He expected she to like the idea. He might be wrong again.

Joohyun finally found her voice. “If I go to school, I will have some friends, right, samchon?” She asked.

“Yes, as many as you want.” He tried to make it to the point – his point alone.

He still didn’t understand her and might never understand the feeling of being lonely among so many people…

The feeling of being different, never fitted in, never belonged – it hunted her.

But it was okay even he didn’t understand, as long as he was there.

As long as she knew there was someone to turn to.

“..The thing you once said – about numbers like thousand per one, if I think about the trees – that would be a jungle with thousand of trees where I am one.. but lately I just realized.”

Yonghwa tried to hear her out.

“..for the small tree who newly settled in, it couldn’t grow well among those tall, strong trees because it didn’t get enough light, and it will barely breathe.”

Uncomfortable around many people, is that what you are trying to tell?

And now he came to realize she might feel different and not yet ready. Though for him, she was a completed person.

That must be because the girl was trying so hard. She was trying her best to mingle in, to get her life back, and to lead a simple, authentic life as normally as those people in society. Even though deep down in her heart, she saw faults in the way we unconcernedly lived in.

Some might already knew we were the society of addicts, most people were pretty sick, and many were dead – they didn’t dream, they didn’t work toward their dreams, they gave up on their dreams and they were done for lives. She wasn’t one of them. She tried not to.

“..not now, jose-yoh. I promise I will be better at it but please give me more time” She begged. “I know it’s good to have friends but I’m not ready yet. Now I have samchon as my company and it’s more than enough.”

At that moment, he only felt sorry for her the way she saw him as her good company but he didn’t quite understand her. “Ahrasseo. Not now, until you are ready then.”

“Kamsahamnida. I promise I will be a fine tree in the jungle full of tree one day.” She smiled to him.

Yonhwa then reached out to pat her head with such tenderness. “Let me know more; the things you like.” He said. “Because you never ask for anything, how could I know what you really want?”

“I already get everything I want, samchon.”

“Everything?”

“Yes, everything.”

“Everything in this world?”

“Yes, everything I want in this world.”

“What’s about in the entire universe, did you get all that you want?”

“Maybe what I want is only in this world, samchon.”

“But you said you already get everything you want in this world, then what is left for me to bring.”

“Let see if one day I want more, I will tell you.”

“If you realize you want anything more, let me hear, promise?”

“Promise.” And that she gave him her pinkie finger to mark a promise.

Yonghwa interlocked his pinkie with hers, as promising as it was – they both felt like re-connected.

Pinkie promise.

“Cross my heart, Hope to fly, Stick the Cupcake in my eye, I will tell you.” She uttered a chant while crossed a (hoof) hand over her heart, opened her wings and gave a flap, and put a (hoof) hand to her eye.

That made him laughed. “Where did you learn that?” He asked mesmerizingly.

“From my little pony: friendship is magic. It’s animated series, samchon. No pony breaks a pinkie promise though. It’s the most sacred promise anyone can give. When broken, you lose your friend forever.”

“Seriously? Amimation? Pony? Ahh I know someone back then who really into pony. HAHA but finding you  and that chant with such gesture is really the best. Neomu kweyeowo. HAHAHA.”

She could only brush because she suddenly realized the little pony pinkie promise was a little bit too childish and embarrassingly girly. Joohyun kept her eyes fixed on the floor instead of his full on toothy laughter.

Seeing how her face reddened amazed him and finally he got enough with his laugh and turned to watch her silently instead.

Until Joohyun looked up and caught him staring, he immediately looked away and coughed dryly as if she would find him guilty. And that he really had no idea with his actions.

That moment, she just noticed how he looked fresh in his shirt and sweat pant instead of his tailored suits. “Today, won’t you go to work, samchon?” She wondered.

“Ani. I’m feeling like being lazy today.” He then tried to stretch out and yawn in exaggeration.

She looked at him unbelievably with open mouth. He found that so cute.

“Wae? I just get back from Phuket. Don’t you think I might have jetlag or need more rest? And I’m the boss, I do what I want.”  He put a little effort with such excuse playing like he didn’t care.

She only looked him with rounded eyes, finally he felt bad for [choddingly] playing around just to get her amazed.

“Alright, today I work from home since there is only these paper works..” He clarified and signaled to a bunch of files on his desk.

“Ahh keudaeyoh.” She came to understanding. At first, she was in confusion for his chodding, lazy, bad side – she didn’t expect in him. “But can you do that, working from home?”

He flashed his megawatt smile out of habit. “Of course, I can work finely here in this home office.”

“Er..I mean you don’t have your secretary here.” She said with serious face as if she found it a big issue.

“That couldn’t help. I will need to manage myself.” He smiled as if to relieve her.

At that moment she snapped her fingers “I have an idea. How’s about let me put on the role of your secretary for today?” She asked. Her eyes sparked with glittering.

“You want to put on the role of my secretary?” Yonghwa asked, surprised with the way she came up with that offer.

“Yes, sir. I swear I will work hard and do my best.” She announced.

Yonghwa felt like entertaining with that idea. “Uh-huh. That sounds cool. I’m hiring you now, SeoJoohyun ssi” He replied with a professional smile.

“Daebak! But first, let me properly introduce myself. Nice to meet you, hwejang-nim. SeoJoohyun at your service.” She said and stood up before bended low to properly greet him.

Yonghwa smiled in approval. “Nice working with you too, Joohyun ssi.”

“er…then what should I start with? Honestly I don’t have any insight with secretary work, my apologize.”

“You can learn, Joohyun ssi. Think as if you intern here.”

“Okay, then I’m interning now. But where is my work desk, samchon. No! I mean hwejang-nim.”

“Your desk?”

“Should it be outside?” She suggested.

“Ani, how can I advise you if you are that far? There is a lot to learn, better keep you close.”

That sounded very VIP already for this new secretary. “That must be my desk then.” She pointed to the couch at the corner.”

“Ani, that is still too far.”

“Then right there.” She pointed to the rocking chair, a little closer to his desk.

“Ani, still far….here is your place, right next to me.” He said while patted again at the same chair she had sat from the first place.

“This?”

“Yes.” He confirmed.

“Ahgesseumnida, hwejangnim. Then, what is my first duty?”

“Today, I assign you to read any books you want to. Can you do that, Joohyun ssi?”

“Reading any books I want, here? Is that my duty as your secretary?”

“Yes, and just do as you were told. But before that…I need my coffee.” He told her, feeling more conscious saying ‘coffee’ than before. Yes, because it was SeoJoohyun and she seemed to have issue with coffee.

“But..I have never made coffee before.” She confessed.

Joohyun didn’t show a sign of having coffee issue but she felt lack for not knowing how to make coffee – this was how she prioritized.

And she sure strived for the excellent.

That moment, Yonghwa saw a chance to let the girl learn new things, especially when it came to running households and catering to people as his imo questioned his intention. That was why he asked for his coffee knowing she never made one.

“Ahgessuemnida, I will ask ajumma to teach me then.” Eventually Joohyun concluded, and that was what he wanted to see.

“Good intention, Joohyun sii. Now go learn how to make coffee and bring it to me, that is your first duty.” He said.

“Ahgessuemnida, hwejangnim. Please wait for awhile.”

And then she disappeared into the grand kitchen.

As the time passed by, Yonghwa had an urge to go find out if she was doing well or having trouble, but he didn’t allow himself to be kinder than he should be. And somehow he really wanted to see if she would succeed.

He knew she wouldn’t let him down.

Finally Joohyun came back with the tray in her hands and in it laid a cup of hot coffee. Yonghwa couldn’t hide his smile seeing her blooming, happy, proud face.

“Here comes you coffee, hwejangnim.” She said with cheerful voice.

“Set it here, Joohyun ssi.” He told her. She did as being told. “You have done a good job here. Now let’s get to your next assignment.”

“Neh, hwejangnim.”

As time passed, Yonghwa kept working on his paperwork, had a little smile every time he heard her turned the pages. While Joohyun kept reading, every once in a while she would look up from the book to check on the coffee cup, wondering how much the coffee was left, if he liked it or not, or first thing first, wondering if he has a sip of it already.

But he didn’t seem to touch it at all. She grew uneasy as the time passed.

Finally she uttered “coffee, aren’t you going to drink it?”

“Of course I am. But I will wait a bit more.” He told and turned to look at her wishing eyes as if she was waiting, expecting, doubting – all were mixed together. “I like it better when it turns cold.” He clarified, wanting to ease away her troubled look.

“You like the cold coffee?” She asked and looked him in the eyes with amazement. “You didn’t mean for ice coffee, right? You just plainly like it when the hot coffee turn cold, am I right?”

“You got it right.” He replied. “I like when the hot one turn into cold coffee.” He made it sound normal while busy checking the files.

She turned silent then, until he had to look up to find her unsettled face. “Is it weird?” he asked.

“I wouldn’t say that. I know everyone has own reason. But this means I haven’t finished making coffee yet. Then ottoke?” She said.

“You are done with your part. Now just leave it there.” He told her.

“Just leave it there, and I’m done?”

“Yes, leave it there.”

“Just leave it like that?”

“Uh-huh, leave it like that.”

“Leave it like that and then you get your cold coffee, right?”

Your cold coffee.

[Back in the morning when Yonghwa visited his imo]

…but before he would step out of her room, she said something.

“Sometimes we live our lives in the shadow of our doubts – am I worthy for love? Or is love worthy enough to go for it? What is it about love that makes people run after it? Don’t get stuck there, child. There is more to it.”

Yonghwa considered it a bit. “I know, imo.” He said just to get away with it. “See you around.” He said last thing before walked away.

The old lady’s gaze lingered wistfully on his wide back until he disappeared.

What do you know, kid?

Besides how your omma ran away with her loved one and how you appa sacrificed for his love and that you were left with so much workload you have learned to bear, as angst as it sounds, I’m really proud of you, kid.

But…that doesn’t count for more sorrow to come.

There’s always more to it.

After yonghwa was gone, the old lady looked up for something and finally found it in her drawer.

The picture of three kids; two boys and one girl – they looked utmost happy together.

So much trouble, so much sorrow.

Better save it for later, eh?

#YourColdCoffee

A short distance beyond the dune, near the cliff, I saw the pack of wild dogs. There were many of them and they were moving around in a circle.

In the middle of the circle was Ramo. He was lying on his back, and had a deep wound in his throat. He lay very still.

When I picked him up I knew that he was dead. There were other wounds on his body from the teeth of the wild dogs. He had been dead a long time and from his footsteps on the earth I could see that he had never reached the cliff.

---- From The island of the blue dolphins book.

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Late updating again.I'm so sorry.

The weather around my country is sooooooooo hottttttttttttttttttttt!!! I KENNOT BE PRODUCTIVE.

That is my excuse, please bear with me.

AND PLEASE COMMENT SOMETHING. It will help me refresh despite the killing weather.

TT_____TT

SJH is tooooo gorgeous to handle these days <3 LOVE LOVE LOVE!

#YSForever