may you stay tuned :)

Dolphins are animals of good omen. It made me happy to have them swimming around the canoe, and though my hands had

begun to bleed from the chafing of the paddle, just watching them made me forget the pain. I was very lonely before they

appeared, but now I felt that i had friends with me and did not feel the same.

--- From island of the blue dolphins book

[Flashback]

I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.

Please never leave me.

I need you.

• Jung Se Jun

[Present]

This house had never been much like home before, never now, never when he was kid, never in his memory. It seemed like a family disease going on around.

He had grown up learning that his father had alcoholic problem. It happened once in a while but whenever his father locked himself inside the liquor storage, that day his imo would take him away, he still could hear his mother and father quarreling, grass shattering, stuff broken.

As a boy he wished he would never witness such that scene, it was the most painful thing happened in this world. He tried to stop them once and ended up with a scar on his head.

He remembered that time when his mother held him tight while staring at his father with hatred in her eyes, screaming ‘don’t you dare touch my son or I will kill you this instance!!’

What’s kind of women threatening to kill her husband? Yonghwa thought he knew just little about his mother.

For Yonghwa’s father, he had fought this addiction his entire life and relapsed every once in a while. In his glorious time, he was an intelligent, hard working, talented man who struggled with the past agony and the only way out he knew was going down with alcohol.

After sometimes, when this relapses happened again and again, to avoid the fight – his mother made up some excuses to go out. Sometimes Yonghwa felt like she would never come back and he felt so alone, a little lost and unsteady.

Sometimes it made Yonghwa scarred to get close to his father, but remembered the time when his father was sober, Yonghwa reminded himself – this was the same man, this was his father.

‘Are you feeling better, abonim?’ Yonghwa would ask.

‘Who is this little creature? Ah….Yonghwa’

 ‘Neh…it’s me, abonim’

‘Are you really my son, Yonghwa?’

His father would ask him that kind of question out of blurry behavior, it made Yonghwa confused.

‘Sometimes I doubted it, but you must be my son, ahrasseo, kid? You have to be mine’

‘I’m your son, abonim.’

‘Good god, having a son like you, what else I would ask for.’

Yonghwa looked at his father who crumbled on the floor.

‘You know I’m a loser, son, but you have to be my successor, promise me.’

‘I promise, abonim’

When he was looking back, sometimes Yonghwa wished his parents could hold on and stay put with it a little bit more – just as a family – just to prevent everything from falling apart. But then seemed like no one cared enough and the only thing left of this was his broken pieces.

I am your son.

Am I not?

Why did you do this to me, omonim, abonim? Why??

It was raining cat and dog since early in the morning.

Yonghwa was getting inside the car before it moved forward to anywhere.

Joohyun was holding on the curtain to watch him going out, she intended to avoid him because of last night incidence.

‘Self-absorbed’ of all thing he called her, Seojoohyun was hurt, more than hurt.

She didn’t take criticism well because she was a highly sensitive soul and it was worse when harsh judgment came out from the only person she trusted. But instead of being mad at him, she asked herself ‘am I really a self-absorbed person’ and her imagination went so fast to find such possibility.

She couldn’t walk a step without hearing the word ‘self-absorbed’ echoing in her head now. It made her feel anxious and unsteady.

With that, all of negativity found the way to her – ‘so I’m useless then’

I’m such a useless person to this place, what’s a shame.

Today since the madam didn’t ask for her presence, she kept hiding inside her room all day.

The head maid checked on her several times but she refused to go out.

“..please leave me alone, ahjumma. I don’t want to go out.”

“Ahh wae keurae, agushssi? At least let me bring you something to eat.”

“I don’t want to eat, ahjumma. I’m useless after all, what’s the point of eating then? Self-absorbed person should be left in her own world”

“ahgushssi, don’t be like this…”

“please ahjumma…leave me alone or else I will hate being your burden.”

 When she was alone, Joohyun thought and thought again where on earth she should be, where the place she would belong and who on earth would be there for her.

It made her missed her family more than she could bear.

Omma…

Appa…

Why did you leave me? Why…?

She remembered the day when there were 3 of them, her appa, her omma, and little joohyun going out to the park, having good time together, the days looked promising.

And then she remembered the day she went back from school and found the polices and people from hospital around her house, many neighbors were talking about her father committed suicide which she found ridiculous – her father would never leave her like that, and that’s she was wrong.

Next thing she remembered was her, standing in front of her father’s grave – holding her mother’s hand, and then everything became blurry from this point onward.

She remembered the feeling of hiding inside the cabinet; little that she remembered it was her mother out there threatening to hurt her.

But then she remembered sometimes it was her mother putting Joohyun inside the cabinet, telling her to stay quiet because some bad people were after them, and mother would protect the little girl no matter what.

After moving to his uncle’s place, Joohyun learned that her mother suffered from bipolar.

But there was this feeling again telling her there was no safe place in this world except the little cabinet, at least it gave her some physical warmth when the entire world failed her.

So that she crawled inside the cabinet and cried herself to sleep.

Late in that evening when Yonghwa was back home, the head maid informed him that Joohyun refused to step out from her room and hadn’t eat anything for a day.

Hearing that, some kind of guilty looming in Yonghwa’s chest but he just couldn’t admit it easily.

“Keudae” He replied. “Let’s see what I can do.” Said, while loosen his necktie.

The head maid only stood still.

“Why don’t you go check if the dinner was ready?” he then asked, wanting to dismiss the ahjumma.

The head maid looked up to him. “…ahrasseoyoh,hwejang-nim” She uttered the word and bowed low before went on her way.

Yonghwa walked to the grand stair, hesitated to go straight to check on Joohyun because some reason he didn’t want to fathom.

Yes, it was his responsibility on the girl’s well-being though remembered last time he accused her for being a self-absorbed person. Maybe that was too much for anyone to be called like that but as a man of his words, how could he take that back with his pride still fully intact?

He didn’t even know what was gotten into him to call her like that; yes he regretted it already – he just couldn’t admit it wholeheartedly.

He then thought to himself – ‘if she couldn’t take just only one harsh word, how can she live in this world full of judgments? Tsk’

So he came up with his defending points when he knocked on her doors.

After a while of silence, he was surer the girl might hold a tight grudge on him and this was what she wanted, so that he shouldn’t back down from his point.

He knocked harder on the door, the silence from inside the room seemed louder and lounder.

After sometimes he couldn’t stand it so he asked for the master key.

When he pushed the door open and found no trail of her, his head spun.

His mind went blank when he didn’t see her as he expected it to be.

Then he forgot how superior he would put of a show after looking around and didn’t find her, not in the restroom, not at the balcony, not at the living area.

In the back of his head telling him that she was gone….just gone…disappear like his mother…

His mind went from unexpectation to frustration to fear. And just then before he rushed out to find her, he noticed the cabinet was a little bit ajar, so he opened it and there was Seojoohyun sleeping soundly hugging herself into a coiling posture.

As if she was hiding from the entire world and this posture would make her become smaller until she was invisible.

Yonghwa stared at the girl for he couldn’t spell a word how relieve seeing her again.

After a moment, Yonghwa lowered himself to sit on his heels and wiped away his sweat from his face, staring at her and then losing his balance to sit fully on the floor – surrendered to the feeling.

He then sat in silent next to the cabinet for a time, listening to her breaths while she moaned a word like ‘omma’, and that when he noticed she cried in her sleep, too.

Poor Joohyun, why did you look so alone and so fragile all over again?

Is this because of me?

Didn’t I vow to be your guardian?

I’m sorry, Joohyun-ah.

He kept chanting the world ‘sorry’ inside his head like it would help her forgive him until the girl stirred from her slumber and opened her eyes.

When the two pairs of eyes met there was a moment she thought for once she didn’t have to wake up to loneliness and emptiness by herself, and for him he thought he could do better than this, he might.

“I’m guarding on you when you were asleep because I’m your guardian.” He said.

 She sat up, looked around and fond no word to answer him.

“So you find this cabinet comfortable than your bed, huh?”

“I… I just looked for something here and then I felt asleep.” She said, wanted to get away with it.

“I heard you lock yourself inside your room and I found you hide inside the cabinet, come out now, your guardian is here – no one can hurt you.” He offered his hand.

She looked up to him, wasn’t he the one who hurt her?

She was hurt once, and she found it not easy to trust him again. So that she hold on to the cabinet wall and move out of it on her own, and when she stood with her full-length the vertigo just hit her.

Yonghwa stepped close to help her standing steady but she pushed him away.

Yonghwa watched her guarding stare, and that he knew he failed to win her trust back.

He wanted to say sorry but it wasn’t easy to swallow his pride either.

“Last night I said some word I didn’t mean it and if it hurt you so badly I’m sorry. I’m here to take it back.” He tried.

“You can’t take back the pain when your word cut through somebody’s skin.” She said coldly.

“Can’t I? Then ottoke?”

“You can step back and watch what you have done.”

“Is this you seeking revenge then?”

“Aniyo, this is me who was called a self-absorbed person and I’m seeking justice not revenge.”

“What’s kind of justice?”

“You’re a bad person, samchon!” She screamed with frustration and hit him hard.

 Yonghwa who didn’t prepare for her attack had to step back.

 “You kept me in ignorance for all what you must bear. I know how it feels like being left alone in this world, I don’t ask for you to share it but when I wanted to be there for you like when you’re for me - you have to push me away with harsh word. You are such a bad, bad samchon!” She screamed and following him just to hit him some more.

Yonghwa was in awe with her anger.

And that he fell onto her bed.

“I watched people went through their hard time and it seems like the only thing left of them were all their ghosts. Then how could you made me remember all that again? How could you make me feel like the world turn its back on me big time again? I think this time it would be different, I think this time something would turn out differently because it’s you…” She kept screaming while hitting on him and finally Yonghwa pulled her to his embrace so she could stop hitting him.

Joohyun’s eyes widen and her face on his chest, unfamiliar inside his arms but somehow it felt so warm, she couldn’t move – didn’t want to.

Yonghwa somehow realized he want this too, wanting to hold on to something or someone.

“…because it’s me, so it would be different? How?” He whispered the question softly.

“Because it’s you, you’re my blue dolphin who came around my island. I think you came from the different planet. I think you must come from the Saturn or far, far away galaxy. I think it’s okay no matter where you take me to as long as I’m with you, or no matter if we get lost, you will still be my North star in my worst night.”

“How comes I am that much of things to you?”

“Because… because you give me something to hold on to.” She said the words close to his chest. “And that’s the exactly same reason why it hurt so much when you push me away with or without intention”

“I can’t let you get close enough to see my ugly side, Joohyun.” Yonghwa uttered the word nonchalantly.

Joohyun sat up. “It’s okay,samchon. Just put me at your arm-length so you can have me to hold on to when you are in need, I presumed that is how justice works.”

Put her at his arm-length; was that what she really wanted then?

“Do not push me away with harsh word or try putting on the front, or any kind of wall, or try shutting me out completely again – I want just that.”

He could go with that, he thought.

And since it never before someone tried to be at his arm-length, everyone just wanted to get too much involved, he found Joohyun was something else.

Something he might hold on to..

If he was in need…

When he was unsteady maybe?

Next day, on the 20^th death anniversary of Jung Se Jun

On the death anniversary ceremony of Yonghwa’s father’s, many relatives and inside circled-people attended. 

Joohyun observed how people had come and gone from her corner, she saw ImYoonA dressing in black attire shining so bright without any effort standing beside Yonghwa. Also she remembered a ChoiMinHo guy back from her samchon’s office dressing in his suit, looked so charismatic among the crowd.

He even smiled and walked to her, trying to engage her in conversations like they were some sort of good old friends. That made everyone looked their way, Joohyun who wasn’t familiar with being center of attention needed to excuse herself to hide inside the kitchen with those maids she made friends of.

“aigoo why would you be kept inside here, ahgush-ssi?”

“Ani, unnie, I’m not familiar with old tradition etiquette, I might embarrass samchon and madam-nim, staying out there.”

“But inside this kitchen, you pretty dress will be ruined.”

“It’s not like anyone would cut my cloth, right? How can it get ruined?”

“You always have your way with words, ahgushssi. Fine by me, do whatever you want then.”

“Can I ask you something, unnie?”

“You put your nose on the air like this, are you getting us into trouble again?”

Suddenly Joohyun smiled, then she spoke the words like poetry. "..You put your nose up in the air like that: you're just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house. So you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place, to see if you can change him."

Those maids watched her, couldn’t help but laughed for her adorableness. “What is gotten into you now, ahgusshi? A super-girl-wanna-be?” they would ask and giggle.

“Sometimes I thought I could do that, that why I keep putting my nose up in the air.”

“We said that just to tell you, you’re being nosy.”

“But I guess it’s our bad influent on you since you spend much of the time with us here.”

And then they would laugh heartily some more. Joohyun found these people suited her better than those business conglomerates out there.

The ceremony was set at the house, having some luncheon before people gathered and got inside the train of luxurious black cars to move to the private tomb at the urban of Seoul to pay respect to the deceased one.

Joohyun didn’t think she was included in that, so she was surprised when Yonghwa come finding her inside the kitchen. And to Yonghwa’s surprise, the girl was enjoying having Ramyeon with the maids instead of joining him on luncheon.

And those maids were getting paler seeing the hwejangnim of the household finding out how they all contaminated the so-called ahgushssi.

“What are you all doing here? It’s time to prepare the luncheon.” The head maid who just came inside was the one who scolded those maids.

Then they all hurried their way out.

Joohyun’s gaze followed those unnies accompanied by the head maid and then she looked back to where her samchon stood. “May I help you with anything, samchon?” She asked.

May I help you? It seemed like she put herself on the same level of those maids, wasn’t she? “I’m just looking for you, wondering why on earth you are in the kitchen instead of attending the ceremony.”

“It made me feel uneasy out there.” Joohyun answered.

“But out th-“

“It’s better to be in here, samchon. This kitchen seems like my place since this house doesn’t feel like my home at all.” She cut him.

“And it doesn’t feel like my home, either!!” He shouted, didn’t know where his anger were rushing from.

Joohyun was awe-struck. “Are you…are you mad at me, samchon?”

Yonghwa got to his sense then. “Ani, I just… I guess I’m just tired”

In fact, he was emotional drained off after a while of putting the front with those conglomerates, especially on a day like this.

Then Yonghwa turned his back on her. “You can be inside this kitchen just how you want it but don’t forget to be at my arm-length, you are the one who insisted it that way.”

And then he would walk away.

….

YoonA found Yonghwa’s in the garden, smoking his cigarette.

“I heard you smoke, but just now I catch you red handed.” She meant to .

Yonghwa looked her way, seemed like she didn’t mind if he smoke, so he went on. “It’s too much in that. So I come out here.” He said.

“Yes, it seems too much even for an outsider like me. Thank you for invite me anyway” YoonA said.

Yonghwa blew out some smoke freely.

“Your friends told me, you picked up many bad habits these past years.”

“Uh-huh, do you regret it that we ever met again?” Suddenly he asked.

“Why would I?”

“I don’t know. People are expecting JungYonghwa to be anything but this vain.”

“As far as I know no one ever says JungYonghwa is any close to being vain.”

“Then they just don’t know me.”

“But I know you, oppa.”

Yonghwa then looked at YoonA, his eyes were bloody red like he was one blink away from breaking down to tears. “Why are you here anyway, YoonA?”

“Because you invite me here on this occasion.”

“Because you said you want to know this side of me.”

“Then tell me what exactly this side is about?”

“…”

“It’s about you didn’t know how to let go of such agony, isn’t it?”

“…”

“It’s okay, oppa. I won’t let you go either, not after these times.” And then YoonA put her arms around his torsos, holding him close, patting his back to drive away his sorrow if it would help.

Yonghwa tried his best to hold back his tears, he didn’t want to lose it, not now, not like this and he succeeded it. “You will just work yourself too much, when you deserve much better, YoonA-yah.”

“Don’t worry, I know what I deserve, oppa.”

Watching that from afar, Joohyun figured out he didn’t seem so much in need of her, but if he wanted, he would find her at his arm-length.

She wasn’t going anywhere.

It was sunny when they arrived at the graveyard.

Joohyun was brought there, too, in the van to help out with madam-nim as the madam insisted. And the girl was fine this way, or another.

Yonghwa was in another car with YoonA, suddenly they seemed inseparable.

They all gather around the grave to do the ritual, Joohyun noticed how Yonghwa kept silent this whole time. His eyes kept turn to look under the big tree as if he expected someone to show up there.

He was waiting, she was sure about it.

“They should have come.” The madam-nim said.

Joohyun wondered who were they madam-nim just talked about, while Yonghwa pretended like he didn’t hear a thing.

“At least, he should have come. How couldn’t he?”

“May abonim rest in peace.” Yonghwa said one last word before turned to his imo. “May I be excused, imo.” Then he walked away.

The old lady’s gaze lingered on Yonghwa’s back.

Before she looked back to the grave of her brother.

“Aigoo, look at what you have done – the three of you‼ Look‼ You committed the big sin to that child, I will never forgive you‼ Never in my life‼”

Seemed like heaven heard the agony in old lady’s heart, just then it started to rain and those bodyguard was holding the umbrellas for the chaebols and Joohyun was having one, too.

But for Yonghwa, he rejected the offering and walked away in the pouring rain.

They said the rain would wash away everything, if you let it.

But the rain also made you slipped and that was why you needed to keep the rain boot nearby.

Joohyun somehow was thinking of a toddler who couldn’t walk without holding his parents hands because he was still wobbly, and that why we all needed someone to hold on to.

Like when we were unsteady…

Cause I’m a little unsteady.

The blue dolphins left me shortly before dusk. They left as quickly as they had come, going on into the west, but for a long

time I could see the last of the sun shining on them. After night fell I could still see them in my thoughts and it was because

of this that I kept on paddling when I wanted to lie down and sleep.

More than anything, it was the blue dolphins that took me back home.

--- From the island of the blue dolphins book

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[A/N] to be honest here, this chapter was written under The K2 drama's influence. HAHA

Because how can i not go crazy over it? hehe

Hope you enjoy it.

And comment will be appreciated wholeheartedly.

comment juseyoh \^0^/