Capsule 15: Come alone here

A Tranquilizer with your Cold Coffee

 

You may listen to the music, my dear readers :)

 

 

Yet as I lay there on the high rock, looking at the stars, I thought about the ship which belonged to the white men. And at dawn, as light spread across the sea, my first glance was towards the little harbor of Coral Cove. Every morning I would look for the ship there, thinking that it might have come in the night. And each morning I would see nothing except the birds flying over the sea.
From Island of the Blue Dolphins Book

 

[Flashback]

“…You know Joohyun, you can tell me anything, anything at all.”

“….”

“Come’on, darling, talk to me.”

“No…I can’t.”

“Why can’t you, sweetheart?”

“..I…I don’t know who I am to you, Nurse Kim.”

“You are -”

 “Who am I to your burden? A patient somebody?”

“…”

“I come alone here.”

“…”

“Maybe I’ll come home. Soon – may I?”

 

 

 

[Present]

“…when are you going to give a press release?” Jonghyun asked his best friend when he came visiting president’s office.

“Press release for what?” Yonghwa replied with another question. He looked like he hadn’t got a clue at all - Jonghyun couldn’t believe it!

“For what?! Jinjja? ….You -..Are you trying to annoy me? Don’t you see those press and paparazzi who on the life quest to hunt your news?”

“Yes, they make it seemed like a real life quest.” Yonghwa said nonchalantly. Since the kiss scene last weekend, his life was affected by those journalists who kept following him everywhere, so he needed to have more guards now –despite that, he still kept his mouth well shut.

“Because it’s their life quest, pabo! Don’t you know - now every single goddamn person on this planet is dying to hear from you on your dating scandal with Korean National Angel?” Jonghyun almost screamed to his friend.

“Jonghyun, you know you have this habit of exaggerating things.” Yonghwa said.

“Don’t you turn the table around again‼ Spit it already what your deal.”

“My deal is I have an appointment after this with the—“

“Cut the crap, Yonghwa. I don’t understand why you are being like this!”

“Am I being like what?” Yonghwa asked, annoyed his friend already.

“You know very well what you have done but you pretend not to be acknowledgeable! You are such a jerk, my friend.” Jonhyun said, haft serious- haft joking.

“Seriously, Jonghyun?” Yonghwa uttered the words but tried to be at ease and composed

“I’m very drop dead serious here. Why can’t you make it clear what the relationship between you and uri Korean national angel is?”

“You want to know that much?”

“Oh come’ on, Yonghwa! You two kissed, the picture is spread like the wild fire in hot summer and you acted like nothing ever happened!”

“I don’t kiss and tell, Jonghyun.” Yonghwa justified.

“Now, are you suggesting me you and YoonA-ssii are friends with benefit?”

Yonghwa just glared at his friend for thinking such.

“No? Oh… Emm okay then…” Jonghyun got to first conclusion awkwardly.

“But what is YoonA-ssii to you? What is relationship between you and her for real?”

Yonghwa considered it.

Jonghyun listened attentively.

“We are fine in what we are.” Was always Yonghwa’s remark.

“Ahhh this again! Yonghwa, at least, you should accept to me you are the one who started that kiss, right? Or it’s other way round?” Jonghyun was now dying to know.

“Why you have to bother with this stuff, huh?” Yonghwa asked annoyingly.

“Because I have watched you and her since high school, I’m your royal friend and I am also a fan of Korean National angel. So I want to know who made this move – you or YoonA-ssii.”

“tsk…you have a lot of free time to poke your nose around, I see.”

“nahh, I just want to make sure. Is it because you are too slow, so the Angel needed to do something? Or you suddenly accelerated your speed after these years of sonbae-hoobae zone?”

“Just go back to your work, Jonghyun. I won’t tell you.” Yonghwa dismissed his friend.

“tsk…you really want to get me off your back. Then I better go.” Jonghyun decided to retreat back to his place.

Yonghwa could be relieved, but then Jonghyun realized something and turned around.

“How is Joohyun these days?” Jonghyun asked. “I hope she is doing fine in that dragon empire.”

“Dragon Empire?” Yonghwa stressed.

“Right, Dragon Empire. She said your home is way too big just like an empire. And you are mr. dragon indeed, so that made the impression of drangon empire. Hahaha I really like it.”

Alright, dragon empire, Seojoohyun?

“How is she there?”

“She is doing excellent. You should find time to call on her.”

“Does she expect me?”

“She never said, but I guess, never said doesn’t mean no expectation. Who knows?”

At this point, Jonghyun got to something and turned to be serious “I thought the girl is so lonely. Don’t you see it, Yonghwa?”

Lonely? A lonely girl?

“I feel like she keeps so many things inside, but pretend like there is nothing much for anyone to look her way. I thought the girl deserve a life. I mean you should introduce her back to society. She needs to go to an actual school, making friends, hanging around, having fun, something like that.”

“I’ve already thought about that.”

“Yeah? And the thing is - I’ve just realized it lately.”

“Realized?”

“That girl never denied any help or any offers from us, right? But the way she expressed her gratitude is made me feel like I have saved the whole nation or humanity, you know, like she would be forever thankful for what I’ve done.”

“She made you feel like the real superhero, is that what you mean?” Yonghwa asked.

“The real superhero is you. I’m just your side-kick, friend.”

Yonghwa paused to think about that, but he got to nothing in particular.

“You know - Last time when I bought the food for her, or when I helped her with the case, she kept saying thank you and it kept echoing in my ears like she poured all her heart and all of her universe into the word. I feel like her gratitude expressed all to it, from her loneliness, her desperation, to her hope and her waiting.”

“Aren’t you exaggerating again?” Yonghwa doubted but somehow considered it.

“Exaggerate or not, I think she might wait a long time for someone to come, to take her from that place and after sometimes she gave up, but to hope was to live. And then she learned to be happy on her own with things she could have – and that is the saddest thing.”

That sadness in her eyes.

Suddenly it made more sense to Yonghwa.

“How comes the attorney is so understanding. I remembered last time you are the one who tried to stop me.” Yonghwa teased.

“Yeah, I used to do that but not anymore. You know why I need to keep my guard up. The law should prevent something bad from happening, but then things just happened the way they are. And I’ve learned that human conditions are what to concern more. Because our feelings are real while the law is made-up on effort to fix our mistakes.”

“You have the point.” Yonghwa was impressed by his friend.

“You know Yonghwa, now I really think you did the right thing helping that girl.”

“Did I?” …help her?

“Of course, and you know what? That Joohyun girl doesn’t want to be your burden or even to disturb you a bit at all. Remember last time I took her to cafeteria? When I accompanied her back, she insisted to wait outside instead of knocking on your door. At first I thought she was weird for acting as the air, but when I considered it again – she really concerned about your privacy and all.”

“Uh-huh and how long has she waited?” Yongwha asked half-heartedly like he couldn’t care less about it. Though God knew he started to care.

“Don’t know. After walking her to your door, I got back to work.” Jonghyun answerd

Yonghwa recalled that day.

Somehow he could imagine Joohyun waiting patiently outside his office.

And those eyes again…

He remembered the sadness in her eyes.

How does it feel to keep waiting like that?

How does the girl feel all along these times?

“…Jonghyun, can I ask you something?” Yonghwa looked up to his friend.

“Sure.”

“You know I’m no good with people’s feeling. You think Joohyun still feels lonely? And so what can I do for her?”

Jonghyun looked up to his friend as if he got thunder-hit.

Yonghwa still sat comfortably and looked less than concern but what Jonghyun saw was – He cares.

And cares more than physiological and safety fulfillment of hers.

He cares for the girl’s feeling.

It’s getting deeper…

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Cham…this slow, little cuckoo! How long is it gonna take you to finish just one scarf?”

“I’m sorry, madam-nim”

“At least, you should finish one by now. Why are you so slow? Can’t you do it faster?”

“…but I thought being slow or fast, it doesn’t matter as long as we keep doing it. And since we have so much of free time, why should we in a hurry?”

“Why should we, huh? Because this is my place and I want it that way! Understand?”

“Then I need to speed up.”

“Indeed! And here, this way, how many times I taught you this,jinjja?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Tsk…this thick-headed! I wasted so much time on you! When I was your age, I learned this so much quicker!”

“Have you been knitting a lot all these years?”

“Of course”

“Time and time again, then you become an expert, right, madam-nim?”

“An expert, you could say.”

“Can I ask you something, madam-nim?”

“Don’t you realized you asked me a lot already?!”

“….”

“Go ahead. Ask whatever your messy brain wants.”

“Is time gonna make we belong?”

Is time gonna make..?

..we belong?

“Belong to what?” The old lady asked perplexed.

“…belong to some place.” The girl said softly.

“Maybe.” The old lady answered. “Or maybe not.” She added.

Joohyun looked up to the lady with woeful eyes from the floor she had been sitting“…even we come alone, madam-nim?”

The old lady paused the thing in her hands and looked down to the girl with calm look “Don’t we all?” She asked.

Don’t we what?

“We all come alone here, young miss”

Joohyun considered it.

Do we?

“..to this funny place – called life.”

We all come alone here to this life, right?

“So you better belong to you, or else you would never find peace within.” The lady said and got back to her work.

We all come alone here.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“..Why don’t you tell me you have learned knitting with my Imo?” Yonghwa asked on the dinner table – only he and the girl, surrounded by buster and those maids in service.

Yonghwa  sat on the head of table, Juhyun on his left side.

In this house so big…!

“And how did you find out?”

“I asked the head maid where you have gone to discover around.”

“So now you know, then what you say?”

“I was surprised. I heard you being hit a lot, huh?” He asked looking at her concernly.

“That why I didn’t tell you. Let’s just wait until I got praised then I will brag it to you.” She said and showed her grin afterward.

Wait until being praised, huh, SeoJoohyun?

..but until when?

“Do you like it or not? If you don’t want it, just tell me. I will tell my Imo to spare you.”  Yonghwa asked with so much concern.

He didn’t want her to get hit by whatever reason. And he knew well – how his imo went hard on everyone around.

That why he told the girl to avoid his imo. But then it turned out this way.

“You told me to adapt. You told me to open up and learn. So here I am doing as you told.”

She was doing her best as he told her to.

She always took his word as her command.

“But…if you don’t like it, you don’t have to force yourself.”

“I never told I don’t like it.” Joohyun clarified with sincere.

You will never tell, never complain no matter what – Yonghwa thought.

“Samchon, remember last time I told you about my two birds?” Suddenly Joohyun switched to another topic.

Yonghwa thought a little bit then replied “Uh-huh.” 

Here we go again to this, SeoJoohyun.

But this time he tried to pay more attention to it.

“The young birds were not like their mother and father, being grey and very ugly. But as the time passed by, they soon grew beautiful feathers and began to make the same sound as their parents, which was reep, reep.”

Before he knew, Yonghwa found the girl too cute to handle now, dabbling adorably like she had nothing to worry in this world – and somehow her sweet voiced made him feel serene – forget all of his troubles.

“..But it was soft and clear and much sweeter than the cries of the gulls or the crows or the talk of the pelicans which sounds like the quarrelling of toothless old men, can you imagine, samchon?” She asked

Yonghwa smiled “Yes, yes, I can.” He answered deferentially, wanted her to continue on whatever she was up to.

Joohyun smiled back approvingly. “Before summer came the cage was too small for my two birds, but instead of building a larger one, I cut the tips of their wings, one wing of each, so they could not fly away, and let them loose in the house. By the time their wings had grown out, they had learned to take food from my hand. They would jump down from the roof and perch on my arm and beg, making their reep, reep sound.”

Yonghwa somehow thought - It must feel like having SeoJoohyun around, maing sound -  reep reep reep.

“When their wings began to feather out, I cut them again. This time I let them loose in the yard, where they hopped around hunting food, perching on Rontu who by that time had got used to them.”

Yonghwa never thought he would enjoy the nonsense story this much, or maybe it’s her tranquil voice which he grew attracted to.

“The next time they feathered out, I did not trim their wings, but they never flew farther away than the ravine and would always come back at night to sleep and to ask for food, no matter how much they had eaten.”

And then Seojoohyun became silent as if suddenly she fought with her inside.

Yonghwa grew frustrated. He looked at the girl but he didn’t quite get it how her beautiful mind worked.

Joohyun finally looked up to Yonghwa. “Was I wrong?” She asked.

Wrong?

“..For forcing those birds to belong.”

Yonghwa somehow couldn’t find a single word to answer that question.

“Birds. They have wings. They are supposed to go wherever they want but I tricked them to belong to me. Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t do such things – where in the wide world would they go?”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Now Yonghwa could find his voice.

“Didn’t I?” Joohyun asked.

“You just needed them and I didn’t see what is wrong in there. We the people are capable of achieving anything we want.” Yonghwa said.

That’s it! That was the thing about the business man – he believed the world was about the surviving of the fittest game; there were the weaker ones, the stronger ones, and whatever the stronger want within their capability – who to stop them – the strongest maybe.

“In facts, you did those birds a big favors. Who knows if they went off on their own they wouldn’t starve to death. It’s called win-win situation, Joohyun.”

“Keudaeyoh..samchon, I see.” Joohyun uttered softly.

“Alright, don’t let such that stuff bother you again, ahrasseo?” He said.

Joohyun could only nod a little.

Then they went back to eat in silence.

After a while, Joohyun got to something again. “During the time that I was taming the birds, I made another skirt.”

“You made a skirt?” Yonghwa asked perplexed AGAIN.

“Yes, this one I also made of yucca fibers softened in water and braided into twine. I made it just like the others, with folds running lengthwise. It was open on both sides and hung to my knees the belt I made of sealskin which could be tied in a knot.”

“Keudae” Yonghwa could only go along with her.

“I also made a pair of sandals from sealskin for walking over the dunes when the sun was hot, or just to be dressed up when I wore my new skirt of yucca twine.”

Seemed like then, her eyes were drifted to somewhere afar. Yonghwa could only catch the feeling as if she was gone.

 “When we were left alone, we made cloths we could wear and admired them to be proud of ourselves.”

..left alone?

“And that we were left with so much time of our lives, we could spend it on anything – like making drafts and cloths, or knitting.”

So much time? ……knitting?

Suddenly she pulled her sight back to look Yonghwa in the eyes. “Time and time again, before we know it, we already became an expert – just like madam-nim”

Madam-nim? ….my Imo?

“But still, loneliness is there even we could find anything to do all through the end of time.”

“My imo seemed so lonely, is that what you want to tell me?” Yonghwa asked.

Joohyun nodded while looked straight to him expressionlessly. Her eyes, though, looked so much troubled.”

Yonghwa couldn’t help putting the hand on the girl’s head and patting her. He really wanted to reach her, to soothe her, and to dismiss all her worrying.

It proved to him again - the girl had a golden heart, she cared deeply for everyone around.

He might already know that his aunt was lonely. Deep down, he knew. But he had never done anything to stop it.

While the old lady had been putting fierce acts to chase everyone off and building the wall to prevent everyone from getting close along this time, he as a niece only took steps back and watched his aunt from afar. Time and time again, until them both drifted apart.

But now there was a girl who looked through the wall and saw his imo - the girl understood such old lady’s loneliness.

Or maybe she, too, was so lonely.

Right, she was lonely. Those eyes always seemed glistering in amazement but deep down inside, she always cried…those sadness in her eyes told everything.

“And you, Joohyun?” Yonghwa asked.

Joohyun raised her eyebrows.

“How do you feel all this time, my dear?” Yonghwa looked her in the eyes. He called her ‘dear’ which he had no idea why or who he was to the girl.

And who she was to him.

The light in her eyes flickered a little bit before she smiled sweetly and said

“I’m fine, samchon”

Are you?

“Please, don’t take me to the level of your burden and I will be fine.”

Yonghwa looked at her silently.

“I’m fine. I belong now.”

Where do you belong?

Here?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

(…I’m going to Thailand for business deal this weekend.)

“Ahh Keuraeyoh, oppa”

(Sorry for that, YoonA-yah)

“Ani, you don’t have to be sorry, oppa. I understand. And it’s just my friend’s wedding – you don’t even know them, so…..” Her voice trailed off

Silence filled between two people on the line.

YoonA didn’t know what to say next. She expected him to say something. It was getting hurtfully awkward to her now. And she meant about the scandal as well.

Before this, she collected all her nerve to call him, asked him to accompany her to a wedding ceremony. In fact, it was more like a plan to go on public with him after… after they kissed. But seemed like it was not a success…

At least, she just wished they could talk.

(Why are you so silent, YoonA?) He asked from the line.

And it made YoonA moody somehow. “I’m the one who should ask that question, Oppa”

(Are you mad at me now?)

YoonA suddenly realized her manner. “Aniyoh” She denied. “Why should I mad at you?”

(Because….)

Because we kissed and we didn’t talk about it?

(..I couldn’t accompany you t-)

“It really was not a big of a deal, oppa -  jinjja” She cut him between the line.

And then the silence filled in again.

She thought she would count to ten and if he didn’t said a word, she would hang up.

But then she couldn’t pull herself to do so. YoonA sighed heavily into the phone.

“I’ll hang up now, Oppa. Have a safe flig-“

(Let’s talk after I come back, okay?) He cut her this time.

Talk after you come back…?

(I know I leave thing midway and the weight is on you. Until next week, YoonA.)

“Ahrasseo, oppa”

Until next week, then just let me hear…

Who am I to you, oppa?

.

.

.

.

On that weekend..

Joohyun would spend time at the madam’s wing, learning on knitting while the old lady was watching her, nagging her and sometimes hitting her.

Somehow the girl felt fulfilled in this company. She wouldn’t complain.

But then, after the class dismissed she would watched the old lady turned around on her wheelchair and went alone on her way.

And then she would walk alone back to her place.

Yonghwa was on the business trip to Phuket alone.

YoonA was alone to her friend’s wedding ceremony.

Don’t they all?

Come alone here.

 

 

 

*********************************************************************

A/N.

Ottokeeee??? I feel much pressure on me now! I'm afraid I will let you down with my writing

Ahhhhh don't expect very highly of me.

I'm no good with word and my english still !

And if you wonder  - where is Joohyun get these thoughts from?

Well.. how should I say? The thoughts were inside me... I mean emm.. someone said I am somehow like Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter! HA!

Then if you found Joohyun weird that because I am.

HAHAHA XD

Anyway comment something juseyohhh > <

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
memelodies #1
Chapter 21: This chapter give me so much sadness for them. How sometimes I can relate about their loneliness...
I love this story so much authornim and thank you for give us a beautiful story not just about love but life too.
I hope you can continue this beautiful story huhuhu
justyongseo
#2
Authornim how are you?please comeback soon:)
Fighting, have a good day ^^
hwaseo #3
Chapter 25: Still waiting :)
Amelia_alex #4
Great story , pls continue writing
Triplss501 #5
The auther, where are you?
guguma94 #6
authornim,, where are you?? hope you update this weekend
aquaeia
#7
Chapter 24: Hi authornim! Its already weekend. When can we read the updates you promised? :( Still waiting patiently...
memelodies #8
Chapter 25: Oh my gosh I cant believe yu back .
Can't wait for the updates ?
justyongseo
#9
Thank you authornim, can' t wait for the update
mohw08 #10
yay thanks for the update :)