Yunho

“ho…unho…Yunho~” a soft and tender voice slowly pulled me out of my dreams. I opened my eyes mumbling and saw Jaejoong’s wonderful face.

‘His skin looks so smooth…” I thought. I was still dizzy from sleeping. I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes.

“You have to go to work!”

When I looked around I saw that I was still on the couch. I must’ve fallen asleep. When I felt something in my hands, I looked down. When I realized what it was I was kind of confused. It was Jaejoong’s shirt. I looked up at him, cleared my throat and slowly put away the shirt.

“Uhm…thanks for waking me up. I guess I accidentally fell asleep.” I mumbled and got up.

“Breakfast’s in the kitchen. I have to leave now!”

“Goodbye…” he said and left. He was faster gone than I could say thank you. I entered the kitchen and my mood already brightened when I saw the perfectly prepared and yummy looking breakfast. After breakfast I went to the bedroom to take some clothes. When I entered the room, I suddenly wondered where Jaejoong had actually slept while I was occupying his couch. When I lay down on the bed I smelled his sweet scent and closed my eyes. What the hell was wrong with me?

Jaejoong

After work, I went to the bank to see if the new-earned money was there. When I looked at the abstract of account and deeply inhaled. I was ready. I had saved enough money. I was ready to leave and do a restart. I wasn’t planning to go abroad or something, I would try to find a flat near my workplace, because I didn’t want to lose it. As long as I would be out of Yunho’s house, everything would be fine. So after I had left the bank I went to see an agent to search for a new home…

Yunho

When I arrived at the house, Jaejoong wasn’t there, yet. I was wondering why. Maybe he was going out with friends again. I tried to ignore it. I tried not to care, but I couldn’t and it was confusing me to death. I prepared some food and lay down on the couch and waited for him. When I finally heard the door open, I sat up. Then I got up and walked to the hall to greet him.

“Hey, Jaejonng~ Wanna do the movie-night that you missed last time today?”, I asked and smiled. It just slipped out of my mouth like hot coffee. I wasn’t even conscious about what I was saying. But when I looked at his face that looked like a cold stone, I was thinking about other things.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Yunho, I have to tell you something.”

I was wondering what he was so serious about and laughed.

“Okay?! What happened? Did you kill someone? It’s okay, I forgive you.” I babbled and when I played it in my head again, it sounded like the biggest I had ever said.

“No…uhm…well, through my job, I saved some money and…I guess it’s time to leave your house. I was a burden to you for too long.”

“What?  No, I already told you!”

“Ok, forget the burden-thing, it’s not about that!”

“Then what else? Is it my fault?”

“No, Yunho, it’s MY fault! I can’t do this anymore, I can’t look at you every day and act like you’re just a friend to me. I can’t bear it anymore…and I couldn’t stay forever, anyway…”

I was speechless. I had divined it, but I tried to convince myself that he was okay. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted him to stay so badly, but I didn’t think there’s anything I could say that would make him stay. But still, I tried.

“Jaejoong, you’re…my best friend, I don’t want to lose that.”

His gaze after that killed me.

“I’m not saying that we’re not going to see eachother again, I guess I’m going to stay in this quarter, but…EVERYDAY is just too much…”

“How am I supposed to protect you if you’re not here?”

“You don’t need to do that anymore. You were my savior and I’m really thankful for that, but I can’t depend on you forever.”

“What if I depend on YOU instead of the opposite?!” I said, but I didn’t think it was much of a help.

“I’ll stay this night, but tomorrow I’ll pack my things. I’ve already been to the agent…Goodnight, Yunho…” he said and disappeared into the bathroom…

Jaejoong

I was lying on the couch and it felt hundreds of times more comfortable than ever, but still I couldn’t sleep. Again and again I thought of his words:

“What if I depend on YOU?”

What did he mean by that? I didn’t want to think about it. It wouldn’t change anything, I told myself again and again. As often as it was necessary until I believed it. While thinking, I suddenly heard the door of the living room open. I sat up.

“Yunho?” I whispered.

“Did I wake you up?” I heard him whisper back. His voice sounded even more stunning when he was whispering in a low tone.

“No.” I answered.

“Can’t sleep, too?”

“Yes…”

I heard him approach the couch, but he sat down on the bottom next to my head. When my eyes had gotten used to the darkness, I saw his eyes that were kind of glittering in the dark. We just looked at each other.

“I’ll miss you.” He suddenly whispered.

“Me, too.” I answered.

“Then stay~” he said with a suppliant voice.

“I can’t bear to stay…” I answered in a shaky voice.

“But I can’t bear it if you leave, either…”

I felt the heavy and loud thumping of my heart.

“Don’t say these things if you don’t mean them! Do you even have the slightest clue of how much I suffer every time I’m with you, trying to push down these feelings?! And you’re not making it easier. I can’t do this anymore, I need a break. My heart needs a break! So, please leave, now!”

I saw something flash up in his eyes, but I couldn’t say what it was. He opened his mouth and closed it again. For a moment there was a kind of meaningful silence. Then he suddenly got closer on his knees. Every inch he got closer made my heartbeat race faster a bit. I felt his hand touch my hair and it. Then he got closer and pulled me into a tight hug. I felt his body everywhere. His cheek was touching my skin and he was nuzzling into my shoulder and my neck. I felt his warmth come onto me and make me get goosebumps. Although I couldn’t help but feel so happy inside, another part of my heart was hurting more and more, hoping he would soon let go…

Yunho

Feeling his soft and smooth skin, I felt that weird longing that told me to let go. When I let go and saw the outlines of his face and his beautiful lips, I swallowed. My mind went blank. I didn’t know why, but I knew I badly wanted him to stay. I was almost desperately searching for a solution. But my head turned me down and made me get up and leave, so I did as I was told…

When I woke up in the morning, it was already quite bright outside and the house was so silent. Too silent! Kind of afraid, I hastily got up and ran to the living room. I harshly opened the door and there was nothing. His few belongings were gone. When I went back to the hall, I also saw that his jacket was gone, too. HE was gone…I had never felt that empty before.