Yunho

We arrived at the hotel and the receptionist gave us the keys for our room. I had reserved a hotel room with two beds next to each other separated only by a bedside table. When we entered the hotel room I could see Jaejoong’s childish joy again. From the big window in the living room that was also leading to the balcony, we could see the beach and the ocean. It was beautiful.

“Are you tired or do you immediately want to go to the beach?” I asked.

“If you don’t mind, I’d want to go to the beach.” he said and I could hear his anticipation. After we had changed into swimming trunks, Jaejoong was wearing a t-shirt and I was wearing a black top. Then we started our way to the beach. Every few moments I could see him take a glance at me while we were walking. I burst into a wide smile and responded to his gaze, but he just slightly blushed and looked away.

Jaejoong

Yunho, wearing that black top and his sunglasses and his smile was an unbearably breathtaking sight I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. When he responded to my gaze and smiled at me, images of what had happened in the plane popped up in my mind. It was kind of pushing down my mood, because I didn’t know how to handle that situation…

Yunho

“Let’s go swimming!” I said while taking off my top. I looked at Jaejoong waiting for him to do the same. He was standing there seeming to feel uncomfortable.

“What’s the problem?” I asked.

“It’s just… I-I…don’t like exposing my body. I feel embarrassed.” he said stuttering.

“You’re talking nonsense! There’s nothing to be ashamed of, you’ve got a great body!”

I approached him and tried to take off his shirt.

“Hey, no!” he called out and escaped, but I chased him around trying to catch him and take off his shirt. I heard him laugh out loud and it was such a wonderful sound.

“Stop it, you’re tickling me!”

I stumbled and we both fell down on the sand. I was leaning above him. His smile faded. It was clenching my heart. To make him smile again I tickled him again and it was working. He was rolling around beneath me trying to escape from me. While tickling him my arm suddenly giving in and I kind of fell down on him. Our faces were so close that our lips almost touched. For a moment we both held in our breaths. My eyes wandered from his, down along his beautiful features, stopping on his lips…his beautiful plump lips, always as red as cherries…

Faster and faster my heartbeat raced, I was about to lose my mind when we suddenly heard someone clear his throat.

“Excuse me?” we heard a girl say. I hastily got up reaching out a hand for Jaejoong who hesitatingly took it to get up and blushed. When I looked up, I saw two girls who obviously were Korean, too. They smiled at us.

“We noticed that you two seem to be Korean, too, so we wanted to ask whether you would like to come over and sit with us?!”

I was about to open my mouth and say something but Jaejoong did first.

“Sure. Nice to meet you. I’m Jaejoong and that’s Yunho!” he said and smiled and nodded his head in my direction. I was surprised. I hadn’t seen him act this free and confident before. Harshly pulling me back to the situation, I also smiled and introduced myself.

“I’m Yunho. So, what kind of names belong to those beauties in front of me?”

Jaejoong

I couldn’t deny that we had lots of fun and that those girls were really likeable, but the way the taller one looked at Yunho didn’t stop disturbing me.

“What about some ice-cream?” the other one asked and we all agreed and got up to walk to a kiosk.

“When are you leaving?” Yunho asked the girls.

“Unfortunately, we’re already leaving tomorrow.”

“Oh, what a pity.” he answered. I felt my heart tighten in my chest.

We bought ice-cream and Yunho and that girl continued to play around and share their ice-cream. It was driving me crazy, but I knew I shouldn’t. He wasn’t mine and he never would. And I badly had to push that into my head.

Yunho

That girl was nice and cute and funny and usually I would have taken the chance, but although she was sending so many signs, I was too distracted by Jaejoong to concentrate on that. I never liked guys and I didn’t feel like I was attracted to guys. I felt like I was just attracted to Jaejoong. When we were about to separate, that girl whispered to me to ask me to spend her last night with her.

“Come on, it’s my last night. We’ve got a pool and a nice minibar at our hotel.”

“No, sorry, but-“

“What stops you?”

She kept on insisting, so in the end I thought of a way to escape that and I thought.

‘So what, you’re in Thailand and no one knows you!’…so I said:

“I’m sorry, but I think you got me wrong. I’m already taken!” I said and turned to Jaejoong who was talking to the other girl. I took his hand and interlaced our fingers for her to see it and then said:

“We’re going to go, now! It was a nice day with you. I hope you’ll enjoy your last few hours.”

Then I pulled Jaejoong to the other direction to walk to our hotel. When we were out of sight I slowed my steps and let out a sigh of relief.

“What was that?” Jaejoong asked. I sighed again.

“I was searching for a way to stop her advances.”

“And you had to use me? Why didn’t you just tell her something else or whatever…”

“Sorry it was the first and most effective thing I thought of.”

“…Would you…please…let go of my hand, now?” he then said. I hadn’t noticed that I was still tightly holding his hand.

“It’s dark and there’s no one around. What’s the problem?”

“I don’t want to…” he mumbled. I immediately let go of him as if an invisible knife had separated us and the rushed into my chest. For a while we hushed and silently walked next to each other.

“…I missed you, you know?” Those words suddenly burst out of my mouth. Jaejoong hushed.

“I knew that you kept your address a secret from me on purpose and I understand why you always avoid contact, but I can’t take that. I won’t give up my bestfriend.”

“No, Yunho, you don’t understand at all! Do you have any idea of what you’re doing to me with all those false hopes? Why did you have to hold my hand in the plane? Why do you have to look at me as if there was something and then go flirt with girls in front of me?! Why do you always say how much I mean to you, although I know it’s not enough. Not as much as you mean to me?! Why do you carelessly take my hand thinking nothing while I’m falling into pieces? We shouldn’t have come here. YOU shouldn’t have come to me. I was already prepared to get over you and then you started everything again!!!”

I couldn’t even answer anything, because Jaejoong had rushed into the hotel. For a few seconds I stood there frozen, not knowing what to think or do or say. I felt horrible. Why did I keep on hurting the person that I actually wanted to protect from getting hurt?...