Yunho

I spent several days always being nervous and staring at my phone. I felt so upset and troubled, but I didn’t have the strength to overcome this problem. I wanted to call him so badly, I wanted to see him so badly, but I knew the time hadn’t come, yet and I knew it would probably make everything worse. But the situation made me feel so desperate and helpless as if I couldn’t do anything to stop us from falling apart. Days became weeks, and weeks became one month of no contact. But one day, when my cellphone rang, the day had come. Probably the worst but also best day of my life, although it wasn’t Jaejoong who called me.

Jaejoong

Besides of the fact that it was raining, it was a normal evening. A lonely evening, just as ever. But I had borne it for over a month now and I was determined to keep going. Yunho couldn’t be such a big part of my life that I would feel so empty without him. I didn’t want to believe that. It couldn’t be true. But on this day I realized how much I needed him, how much he needed me, how much we needed each other. The doorbell rang and I picked myself up from the couch and went to the door. When I opened the door and saw the rain-soaked Yunho in front of me, it felt so surreal. I hadn’t seen him for so long that I almost couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. I just looked at him, absorbed his view like some essential remedy. But then after a few seconds I realized that his face wasn’t only wet-soaked. It was drowned in tears. I was shocked at first. And then it hurt me so much. It hurt me so much to see him so sad.

“What happened?” I asked and tried to keep my voice calm. He looked me into the eyes. His lips were trembling.

“My dad...” I heard him say but it was rather a broken breath followed by a sob.

“My dad…is dead.”

It was as if I could see his heart break at his own words. For a moment I just stood there shocked and asking myself what I should do.

“Jae~…please I…I need you know…more than ever.” he said and his tears were falling down on the ground. Without hesitating I reached out my hand and pulled him inside and closed the door. I pulled him into a tight hug. I started to get wet and the coldness of his body started to get through to mine, but I didn’t care. I just held him tight.

Yunho

“I’ll prepare a bath for you. You’re ice-cold, you have to heat up.” Jaejoong said while giving me a cup of tea and then disappeared into the bathroom. I took a sip of the tea and let out a heavy sigh. Tears were still unconsciously running down my face while I tried to grasp reality. The call of my mom telling me that my father had passed away still seemed unreal to me. I hoped it was a dream, but step by step I realized that it wasn’t a dream and that I had to find a way to endure this…After all, to me, Jaejoong was still my best friend, and I needed him back then, probably more than ever. I couldn’t have borne to lose two precious persons at once.

Jaejoong

We were standing in the bathroom. The only sound was that of the water pouring into the bathtub. Yunho was standing in front of me as if his soul had left his body. He seemed so lost and hurt it was making me feel miserable, too. Hesitatingly, at first, I took off his jacket and put it aside. With more confidence, I then peeled off his shirt and also put it aside. When I reached out my hand for his pants he stopped me.

“It’s okay, I’ll do it.” he said and started to get fully undressed. I turned around and slightly blushed. It felt wrong to have such feelings in that kind of situation. When I heard the water stopping to pour and move I turned around again. Yunho was now lying in the bathtub with his eyes closed but still with traces of tears on his face. I wanted to touch them, make them disappear and stop them from ever coming back. I was kind of relieved about the fact that the water was blurred and filled with foam so that I couldn’t see beyond it. I sat down on the floor and rested on the wall and waited for him to talk.

Yunho

After a long silence, I told him about the call of my mum and what had happened. I had a lump in my throat while I was talking but fortunately I didn’t start crying again. I didn’t want him to see such a weak side of me. I didn’t want ANYONE to see such a side of me. After I had told him there was a silence again, but then I heard him move and then he was suddenly kneeling in front of the bathtub.

“I’ll wash your hair.” he said and told me to turn around. I was surprised but also thankful for him taking care of me, although it felt a little bit like I was a child. With soft and pleasant movements he put the shampoo on my head and I closed my eyes and just enjoyed and fortunately got a little distracted from the incidents of that day.

Jaejoong

I was waiting for him in the living room, when he entered the room wearing my clothes. His hair was still wet. I got up.

“Sit down, I’ll be back in a second.” I said and went to bring my hairdryer. When I came back I sat down next to him and turned to him. I the hairdryer and blow-dried his hair with it. Sometimes I thought I saw some kind of enjoying smile on his face but I wasn’t sure if I had seen it right. I didn’t want to stop touching his hair. I didn’t want to stop touching HIM. And with this thought I suddenly wondered what was going on right now. I had stopped contact with him and had actually ended our friendship and there we were, him sitting on my couch and me, longing to touch him. Without really realizing it, I had turned off the hairdryer and was staring at Yunho. He slowly opened his eyes and locked eyes with me. Even his gaze sent shivers through my body and made me feel electrified. I knew it was absolutely the wrong moment but I couldn’t hold back anymore. I wanted to make him forget every sorrow and every pain. I overcame the last distance between us…