CHAPTER 17: The Last Time

I opened my eyes and I saw Dong-nim, he was smiling to me.

“Finished sleeping?” He asked softly.

I rubbed my eyes softly to get a clear view. Then I looked around and found myself still in his car. “How long I sleep here?”

“Mmm.. you slept along the way back to Seoul and added around 15 minutes..”

“Oh Gosh! I’m sorry, Dong-nim...”

“It’s okay.. You slept really tight.. Guess you’re not sleeping last night, uhm?”

I nodded sheepishly.

“Well, I bought you chicken pop for your late lunch..”

“Oh, thanks.. Should we go upstairs?”

“No.. I have to catch up my evening shift..”

“Do you have an evening shift? Did you say you’re free?” I asked in surprised.

He grinned, “Yeah I WAS free..” He emphasized in was.

I smirked then smiled, “You’ll be late, it’s already 2:50 p.m..”

“That’s why I have to be hurry..”He said it while directing his eyes to the car’s door.

I got his message. “Oh, okay.. Thanks Dong-nim..” I said it before I leave.

“If you need anything just call me, okay?”

I nodded.

I felt really blessed to have a friend like Dong-nim, he was always here next to me every time I need someone to talk to, someone to lean on. I walked to my room with a lighter step. Guess, now I know what I have to do.

-00-

Guess, now I know what I have to do.

I decided to..... leave.

I used my free time in this suspension to collect many information about the place where I want to transfer my residency. I need a solitaire place, far away from the crowd of entertainment business, so I didn’t have to see his face, so my heart could take a peace. I let my parents know about my plan and they supported me with all of their hearts, they said that I made a wise decision. Yes, wise decision. I sighed.

Every morning I went to the hospital, not to work as a resident, but to say hi to my (soon to-be-ex) patients. I asked their condition and have a chit-chat. I wanted to spend my time with them, with all of my heart before I left them.

After I finished making plan, I went to meet Professor to discuss about my leaving.

“Are you sure about this, Oh Wangbi?” Professor asked.

“Yes, I am, Prof..” I answered it firmly.

“But here?” He pointed on my proposal on his desk. “Are you sure you choose the right place to transfer?”

“Yes.” I nodded firmly.

“Oh Wangbi ssi, do you know why SNU best students have given chance to take residency here in SNU hospital?”

I bent my head down.

“SNU best students have given chance to take residency here, because here, in this hospital we got patients in every hour, and we have many departments from pediatric, obgyn to cancer, so you can have chance to study a lot of cases, to learn more than other student.. Do you understand that, Wangbi ssi?”

“Yes, I understand, Prof..”

“So give me a solid reason why do you want me to sign your transfer? In this city, there would be no big hospital, Bi.. there are only small hospital or even clinics.. Have you consider it?”

“I have consider it, Prof..” I paused to catch some breath and continued, “I already spent a year here in this hospital, I have learnt many things here, I already made a note of cases compilation that I have been involved, and I have learn the most important thing..” I swallowed my saliva before continuing, thinking about my mistake back then was still hard for me, “The most important thing is, if I want to be a good physician, I have to be focus.. And for a personal reason, I can’t be focus here.. that means I can’t be a physician here.. So, I want to move.. I want to ease my mind so I can be focus and slowly regain my confidence to be a physician again.. That’s the reason that I can give to you, Prof..”

Professor looked like he thought about what I said.

“And who knows, there in the small city, I can be more useful.. There are already many SNU best students here.. So why not sending one of them to the outside of this jungle? Who knows, I can find a special case out there..” I ended it with smile.

Professor smiled back to me. “You know how to talk, Bi..” He signed the transfer document and said, “I’ll contact the chief after this... and you should keep giving a monthly report to me..”

“Yes, Professor..” I answered firmly and smiled. But then, I added, “Prof, if it’s possible, could you keep it secret about the place that will be my transfer destination?”

“You don’t want anybody knows where you are?”

“Y-yes..”

-00-

I informed Dong-nim, Hyeri and other residents that I wanted to be transferred to another hospital, but I didn’t tell them where I will be. Dong-nim was really against my plan.

He said, “You don’t need to do this, Bi...”

I smiled. “Didn’t you say that I have to take a break? Don’t you forget?” I asked playfully.

“But you don’t need to move out from this hospital...” He complained.

I smiled, then took a deep breath, “This is my way to solve my problem, Dong-nim.. I want to get some fresh air and start a new day.. Guess, this plan is a part of my own healing.. I need to heal myself..” I turned to look at him and smile.

He looked at me in the eye and said, “Okay, if it’s really what you want.. But tell me where you want to move..”

“What would you do if I tell you?” I challenged him.

He looked surprised by my question. “I... uhm... I.. can come in a while to check on you.. mmm.. at least I know that you’re healthy..”

I laughed. “If I’m sick, I will call you.. don’t worry..”

He sighed. “Then should I hope that you’ll get sick? Tsk tsk..”

I laughed to see his expression smirking at me.

I’m sorry, Dong-nim... But I need time to be with myself.. I’ll come to you when I’m ready..

-00-

Seemed like the universe supported me to leave Gyu, because the transfer administrations were easily done, and he didn’t contact me often so my heart didn’t get distracted. But still, sometimes I felt doubt when I imagining myself leaving him. Am I ready? I have questioning myself many times.

I decided to visit Somewhere Only We Know for the last time, the place where Gyu made his first confession to me, yes his ty confession. I chuckled when remembering that time. I was so mad that time, I was so mad over his insecurity. But then, the time when I was the one who felt insecure came. I’m the one who feel it right now.

I continued to walk closer to the tree where the word QB Rooock! carved.

“It’s still here...” I touched that word and suddenly felt something heavy on my chest and I became hard to breathe. Since the time I was meeting Jungyeop sajang I was often being like this. I felt hard to breathe and tears just started to fall again.

I kneeled next to the tree because I couldn’t support my body. My right hand was still on the word we carved, and my left hand was holding my chest. Is this gonna happen every time I think about leaving you, Gyu? Seems, a part of me was roaring telling me to stay, but no, I should believe my logic..

But it’s hard..

It’s hard...

I can’t breathe..

-00-

My plan was almost reached 90% done, what I had to do next was saying goodbye to Gyu, and it was the hardest thing to do.

He would have start the World Tour in Seoul next week, and I asked his time this weekend to spent time with me. I made Infinite World Tour as a reason why I need his time, so he didn’t get suspicious when actually I need it for our farewell. I decided not to telling him the truth and secretly leaving him, because I knew –like, Jungyeop sajang said- he wouldn’t ever let me go.

I prepared myself so much in this last date. I wore a sleeveless lacey white mini dress, I blew my hair, used a perfume, and put a light make up on my face. I was ready waiting for him. He promised to meet me in my apartment before sunset, but he just came when the sky has fully turning dark.

He went inside my apartment while saying, “I’m sorry Bi... The practice went—“ He couldn’t finish his words when he looked at me. “Woaaah.. Bi, is today a special day?” He walked closer to me.

I put my brightest smile to welcome him. “Yes, it is a special day..”

He caressed my hair softly and asked, “Why’d you have to be so beautiful?”

I was blushing. I was happy, but knowing that this happiness would end soon, I nearly cried, so I tried to change the situation by asking, “Have you eaten?”

“Noo.. Right after practice, I went here..”

We both walking to the pantry. He washed his hands and then sat on the tool and I served him a dinner.

He looked surprised by many dishes I have prepared. “Is today really a special day? What’s going on, Bi? Are you celebrating something?”

I smiled. “Yes, I’m celebrating Infinite world tour..”

“Aaah.. Don’t exaggerate.. we even haven’t start..” He laughed.

“It’s oka