CHAPTER 13: Jealousy

It was only in the beginning of 2013, but Gyu and I were already fighting. Just like that day after watching Nell’s concert. I had been taken home by Dong-nim when Gyu was standing there looking at us with full of questions. But that was not the time for me to answer his question, so I said..

“Get out!” I yelled at Gyu.

“Ah, okay.. I’ll get out..” Dong-nim who was standing next to me responded it fast.

“No.. Not you Dong-nim, but him..” I looked at Gyu and he looked at me with a shocking face.

“Bi?”

“I SAID GET OUT! GET OUT FROM MY LIFE! I HAD ENOUGH! ENOUGH!” I was broken down, I fell on my knees and covered my ears.

Dong-nim was directly kneeling next to me, Gyu was also getting closer to me. “Bi, are you okay?” They both asked.

“Just go, I’ll take care of her..” I heard Gyu was talking to Dong-nim.

Seemed like Dong-nim agreed, because then he said, “Bi, take a deep breath and loose it little by little, okay? I’ll go.. You should call me when you feel better, okay?”

Then he left me alone with Gyu.

Gyu asked me again softly, “Bi, what’s wrong?”

I looked up and saw him with teary eyes, I hit him on his chest many times. “Why’d you do this to me, Gyu? Why’d you do this to me?... “You’re a jerk, Kim Sunggyu.. You’re jerk!” I was sobbing so hard and kept hitting his chest. “Why, Gyuuu... Whyyy?”

I finally stopped my act and hugged my knees, I still cried in my position for around 10 minutes, Gyu didn’t do anything instead kneeling in front of me.

Then after seeing me got calmer, he pulled me into his embrace.

“Bi, what’s wrong?”

I didn’t know how to answer him, actually I was also confused what just happened with me. I just got angry and that was all. Maybe that was the of the accumulation of my anger that I kept these whole times. To make me calmer, Gyu made me a warm tea and tried to have talk with me.

I sat on the sofa with a warm tea in my hands while Gyu sat next to me and he fully looked at me.

“Bi, tell me why’d you broke down like that? Tell me so I can understand what happened to you..”

I sipped my warm tea and then started to tell him everything that I’ve been through. The loneliness that I felt when he’s not besides me when I lost Youngjun, the anger when my parents gave me the idea of engage me with Dong-nim, and the disappointed feeling when he wasn’t there when Seunghyun tried to flirt with me, every hurt feeling that was accumulated until I wanted to give up on him.

Gyu pulled me into his embrace while saying, “I didn’t know that you’re having hard times, Bi.. I’m sorry..”

He kissed my head gently and said, “But don’t leave.. Please don’t give up on me, Bi... I’ll try to become a better man for you.. Let’s make it work, Bi..”

The tears were coming down my cheeks when I heard he said that.

I don’t wanna leave you too, Gyu.. But why do I feel it’s getting harder?

-00-

After that night, Gyu became more affectionate and care. He was back to the old Gyu when he always sent me message asked me what I’m doing and call me goodnight. I was back to the happiness, but it didn’t last long, because they would release a new album that March and it meant he would be busy again.

For the many times, I tried to understand, that this was normal, my sacrifice was normal if I wanted to stay with him. Yeah, it’s okay. I said to myself.

Their new album, New Challenge with their title song Man In Love, reached the success with winning 7 music show awards in its promotion periods. Their success made me easily found their banner in many places in the city. When I went to the minimarket, they even played Infinite song. I could easily see his face through their poster, but I barely met him face to face. I could easily listen to his voice through his song, but I barely listened his voice through my phone. I felt really close with him, yet so far.

Not only working on his music, Gyu even had been cast as the younger version of Lee Hoon in a KBS drama, A Bit of Love, alongside KARA’s Seungyeon. So, of course he became busier and busier.

But that night he came in to my apartment.

It was at 11.45 p.m. when I heard the sound of the opening door. Who’s coming this late at night? Gyu? I closed my laptop, got up from the bed, and walked to him.

When I just wanted to ask the reason why he came, he already grabbed my waist and pressing his lips on mine. I was so surprised, he never did a sudden kiss like this.

His left hand then was traveling on my spine, while his right hand hold my nape to help him deepen the kiss. While still kissing, he led me to my room and then pushed me to the bed. That was when we pulled apart and I could see his eyes. The way he looked at me was filled with lust, and this was the first time I saw him like that. Not giving me time, he kissed me again while pressing his body on me. I felt really uncomfortable with this situation, I really wanted to stop him but my mouth was shut by his kiss and my hands froze on the linen.

Then he moved to kiss my