Baekhyun thinks he can get used to these kinds of days: Saturdays with no place to go and nothing to do except sleep in and wait for his boyfriend to wake up. Nothing to do except enjoy the warm body beside his, even if they're awkwardly placed on a bed too small for two grown men. The difficulties in life... but that's alright. Kai when he's awake is a glorious thing, but Kai asleep is even more amazing, as is the way his shirtless torso twists into the mattress and how one arm curls itself up to keep him on his side while the other one dives underneath the pillow. How one leg overlaps with Baekhyun's as if Kai's unconscious self worried that somehow Baekhyun might try to get away without some sort of an anchor tying him down. 

Yep, Baekhyun can definitely get used to this kind of morning. 

He can also get used to the embarrassed sort of face Kai makes when he asks to borrow some clothes, or when he comes out of the shower with his hair wet and yesterday's jeans and under them a clean pair of boxers from Baekhyun's wardrobe. Baekhyun takes pride in this unseen sign of intimacy as they go about the rest of their morning.

Tao comes home before noon, his eyes long and drawn down with exhaustion: from one two many late-night movies, he complains. 

“Where'd you even sleep?” Kai asks him with grin.

“In an armchair recliner.” Tao shudders.

“Was Sehun's bed already occupied?” Baekhyun teases. 

Tao rolls his eyes. “Very funny,” he declares. Kyungsoo it seemed slept on the couch and none of them went to sleep before 4:00 am.

Several hours later Kai is still wearing Baekhyun's clothes and since they're too lazy to go back to Kai's apartment, they find themselves standing at Kai's mother's door stifling their giggles and trying to look serious. 

It's a ridiculously weird thing for Baekhyun to meet his boss/director/owner of the company when he's in nothing resembling dance clothes, either costumes or sweat pants. The last time he met her in something finer than a T-shirt was the week before his audition and that was a courtesy call at the studio to put his name and face out there in hopes they'd pay attention to him later on. She'd been a scary woman with her reputation and career standings, and even if Baekhyun had developed a somewhat more personal (though still professional) relationship with the woman over the past year, Tae Hee Kim had once again gone through a transition in Baekhyun's mind: from boss to boyfriend's mother. She was practically his mother-in-law and employer all rolled into one, and suddenly he has second thoughts about bringing her son home for their planned late afternoon meal when Kai is clearly wearing a print shirt that's never once seen the inside of his closet.

“Relax, Baek,” Kai tries to soothe him. He fishes for the right key on his key ring while Baekhyun fidgets nervously.

“I'm trying! But this is weird.”

“Your idea.”

“I know I know but... okay let's do this!”

Kai chuckles. “I wasn't waiting for you, you know.” He drops the key ring, however, and the sound jangling on the concrete step outside his mother's house makes Baekhyun jump. “Gosh, Baekhyun, why are you so nervous?”

“I don't know! Maybe because of that shirt? Oh God, what if she notices you're not wearing your own underwear either?!”

Kai pushes away a blush and laughs. “And how would she know that?”

“I don't know. Don't mothers know this sort of thing? I just have a feeling. It's like she'll know we had or something!” he whispers frantically.

“But... we didn't... I mean. Not really. So, see? There's nothing to tell.” He smiles, and he's being so passive about the whole ordeal in a retrospect way Baekyun thinks is entirely not right. Not right at all, and it's totally unfair that he can act so calm when Baekhyun apparently... can't. And he's the one with more experience! Life must be out to get him, Baekhyun thinks. That or Kai is, or will, shortly, sooner or later.

Kai pushes the door open and listens instinctively to see if his mom is in, or if she's anywhere near the forward part of the house. The townhouse itself is a 4-story complex from almost a hundred years ago and has been well-renovated over the last few decades. She and Kai moved here when he was twelve because it was a closer walk to the studio. They occupied the first floor and leased the basement and above floors to other tenants. 

“Wow, so how come you didn't just live with her when you moved back?” Baekhyun asks, taking in the gently decorated rooms. It was a spectacular place, even if it's small, but then what place in the city isn't? 

“I wanted space?” Kai answers. “Kyungsoo needed a roommate, and his place was closer to the campus.”

“Shame... this place is nice.”

“Yeah...”

Kai has nothing against it really, other than the desire to live elsewhere where he could have at least the illusion of independence. 

“Kai? Baekhyun?” His mom's voice echoes down the hallway preceding her body. “Ah, there you are.” 

She is all smiles when she ushers the boys further inside, instructing Baekhyun where he can put his coat and shoes, and since she doesn't seem to notice anything strange about Kai's wardrobe, Baekhyun relaxes a little. She leads them to a small dinner table already layered with a large platter and a half dozen small accompanying dishes that Baekhyun hasn't had since the last time he went home.

“Korean food!” 

She laughs, and Kai does his best to keep his boyfriend from jumping around off every surface of the dining room. 

“Japchae, and I'm sorry that's all I could manage for today. I spent most of the morning running around meeting important people.” She emphasizes the important people with a knowing look and a humorous roll of the eyes. 

Profuse thanks and small talk abound for the next half an hour as they settle into a rhythm. Baekhyun tries his best to be comfortable around his boss, and he mostly succeeds except that Kai is a little antsy, and given the history of the last time the three of them were in the same room (or rather, hallway), Baekhyun doesn't blame him since it ended in Kai running away: that proposed “special dance ensemble” his mother had the brilliant idea of springing upon them in front of rich benefactors. 

Otherwise the meal is nice and Baekhyun feels a nice stability building between them all. Maybe because this is the first time it's ever been him going to meet the other person's parents. His first relationship was a mostly secret affair, at least on the other boy's side, and the second wasn't much of a relationship at all and nobody got introduced to family. But this is different. This is the prelude for Baekhyun being able to invite Kai back home some holiday weekend. Also, since he's already got his sister on his side, and no doubt Minzy's been spreading the delicious news about how awesome he is to his parents, Baekhyun's not really worried. Well, he hopes she's only telling good stories. 

Baekhyun's hand finds Kai's underneath the table cloth during dessert and he gives him a comforting squeeze. Kai looks over curiously, but because Baekhyun can't yet explain how happy he is, he only smiles back. 

“Well I hope no one at the studio is giving you too much grief for dating the boss' son,” Mrs. Kim teases him. She apparently didn't miss much, between Kai and Baekhyun's obvious glances at each other and curiously touching shoulders. 

Baekhyun laughs. “Only some.”

“Yeah, like Luhan,” Kai explains, shaking his head.

“Or Suho,” Baekhyun adds.

She laughs as well. “Ahh, well but you have known them the longest. That's to be expected. At least I haven't heard any disturbing stories about misuse of the dance rooms yet.” Her eyes twinkle mischievously, so now Baekhyun knows where her son got it from. 

Baekhyun turns blood red, probably. He can't really tell except that his face is hot and he doesn't have access to a mirror to check, and he'd be a little too scared to check if he had the opportunity anyways. Kai stays cool. Of course he would.

“Your mom is totally awful!” Baekhyun whispers when she leaves the room. They shuffle back into the living room while Mrs. Kim makes coffee. Kai's face crinkles into a glorious smile and he backhugs and back-walks them into the room. Baekhyun takes a seat very properly on the couch and Kai sits down with half a foot between them. Mrs. Kim brings in instant sweet coffee with a quick apology, but neither of them mind.

“I heard your sister was a good dancer, Baekhyun,” she says conversationally. “Any chance we can appropriate her talents next year?”

“Uhhhh,” he hesitates. “I don't know. She says she doesn't want to intrude in my sphere of dance, but then you can never tell with little sisters, right?”

“Oh, I know a lot about younger siblings,” she says with a little laugh. Then she turns to Kai. “Do you remember my brother Wan? Well never listen to his stories too closely. He claims I used to beat him as a child, but then again, siblings lie.” She winks at them both and then goes on to explain how she used to be quite the tom-girl when she was young. “Fortunately for me, Kai came out pretty perfect. Isn't that right, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun drops his jaw and clears his throat, and tries not to say anything stupid and at the next opportunity he elbows Kai hoping that one jab is enough to convey how disturbed he is at his mother's teasing. He practically forces Kai to him to the restroom while he tries to get his bearings.

“How come it's always me that gets this kind of treatment!” 

“I don't know what you're talking about?” Kai chuckles.

“This! All this! Why is everyone on either side of the line find it funny to pick on me! I mean, of course you're perfect, but that doesn't mean I should have to go around and verbally fluff up your ego all the time!”

“Fluff my ego? Baek, you're exaggerating. That or you really are just fun to tease, and do I need to go all the way into the toilet with you or can you handle it from here?”

They are stopped in front of a door near the back of the house and Baekhyun immediately blushes, again. “I'm good. Thanks.”

He takes his sweet time and sprinkles water against his face, and smiles and laughs and then gets mortified because he's laughing at himself in the mirror while thinking about Kai. He doesn't hear anyone when he comes out finally, so Baekhyun makes his way down the dark hall back into the living room and looks around. Mrs. Kim startles him, however, by coming up behind him in the doorway. 

“Looking for Kai? Sorry I sent him to his old room to look through some boxes he left behind.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun turns around. “Then... should I go find him... or...?”

“Oh you can finish your coffee here. He shouldn't be too long probably.”

“Okay...”

Baekhyun sits again, feeling distinctly at a loss without Kai in the room with him. It turns out his fears are well-founded when the next thing she asks is how Kai has been doing, and the insinuation Baekhyun detects in her voice is How is Kai doing, since you're a dancer and he spends all his time with you, not dancing?

“Uhm. He's okay?”

“Has he... did he talk to you about...”

“His back? Yes,” Baekhyun answers carefully. His ears are wide open and alert in case Kai comes back into the room.

“Well, that's good.” She sighs and leans back into the armchair she'd chosen, arms crossed and an even smile. “I'm just glad to see him back and looking so fit, after all that therapy he did.”

Baekhyun nods tautly, his throat closing up because he doesn't know if he's supposed to add anything to that statement. Should he mention that Kai's only fine because he doesn't seem to do anything? And that when he does he is physically exhausted, sore and hurting? It's not his place though because Baekhyun isn't Kai, and Mrs. Kim isn't his mother. This should be a mother-son conversation, and Baekhyun doesn't want to take the hit on this one.

“You know I really do want to apologize again for surprising you both that one time.”

Still Baekhyun remains silent, inquiring only with his eyes. 

“About proposing that duo,” she explains.

“Oh. Oh that's okay.” It's all he can say. In truth, there was a time when Baekhyun dreamed of sharing a stage with Kai, but all that was before he knew.

“And I know better than to bring that up again,” she sighs. Baekhyun doesn't even nod this time. “I just wish there was something we could do. I know he misses it so much, being in this world. The dance world. Does he still coach you sometimes when you're practicing?”

Dangerous. Dangerous territory and Baekhyun would rather steer very clear of this. “Uhm, sometimes. Just a little. He... watches.”

“That's good.” She smiles, and he can see the happiness in her features, the way her face softens and her eyes relax. “I wonder if he wouldn't mind coming back to... well, you see we're losing Mrs. Jung since she'll be going away on maternity leave soon. You won't notice her absence much at the company, but she also teaches one day at the other studio.” She pauses while Baekhyun tries to breathe as evenly as possible. “You must know Kai is a good teacher, or would make a good teacher. I thought, since this is only temporary, maybe just a year or even less, this might be a way to ease him into it? See if it's even possible for him? Did you know he is also a great choreographer? He won some high school level awards for it.”

“Uhhhh...”

“Of course I'll talk to him about it, but I was curious if maybe you could talk to him as well? You've been really good for him, I can tell. And not just because of the dancing, but–”

“I... don't know. I mean...”

She smiles thoughtfully. “That's okay. Just, if you get around to it and...”

And that's when Baekhyun notices the shadow blocking the doorway behind him. He's been so caught up in Mrs. Kim's disastrous monologue that he forgot to listen for the returning footsteps, and now Kai is standing there and Baekhyun has no idea how much he's overheard.

“I think we should go,” Kai says, coldly. “Mom, thanks for dinner. Baekhyun, let's go.”

Those words basically confirm Baekhyun's worst fears. He gets up automatically, but Kai's mother also stands up to intercept them. “Kai, wait for a moment, please.”

“No, I think I really need to go.” He reaches around her and pulls Baekhyun lightly by the elbow.

“Kai, you've misunderstood some things,” she goes on to explain, and her forehead crinkles in worry and her lips are turned down but Kai doesn't notice it. 

“I think I understand plenty, and I've already asked you to quit using Baekhyun to get to me. I'm not sure I have anything else to say except things I'll regret, so, if you'll excuse us please, we are leaving.”

Baekhyun lets himself be dragged out of the room and out of the house. Somewhere between the front door and the bottom of the steps Kai lets go of his arm, confident enough that Baekhyun's still following, but his steps grow larger and his pace increases and Baekhyun is reminded uncomfortably of the time Kai ran off on him before and Baekhyun had to follow then too. It's becoming a theme in their relationship, one he'll happily abide by if it makes things come out okay in the end, but something about this time makes him twice as uneasy.

“Kai, wait. Slow down, please.”

Kai complies, grudgingly. His face is set, and his jaw clenched. Baekhyun catches up to his pace, but Kai doesn't stop entirely. Not until they've reached the end of the block does Kai stop, and he makes dramatic halt right on the corner of the street when his fury suddenly ignites. 

“WHY” he cries out loud, and the anguish in his voice makes Baekhyun's heart want to quit beating. 

“Kai, it's okay. It's okay.” He pats him on the shoulder while Kai refuses to budge. He looks left and right as if trying to make up his mind which way to go. Baekhyun lets his hand rest there. “It's okay.”

To his horror Kai shrugs it off. “What?” he shrieks furiously. “Not it's not. It's not okay and it's never been that way. Since the day I was born it's always been about her and what she wants for me!”

Baekhyun gulps. “Kai, just... calm down. I know what she said isn't right, but I don't think she's being mean about it. Not on purpose anyways.”

“Oh of course it's not on purpose. But don't you see? This is getting old, and it's always been this way. Why do you think I became a dancer? Why do you think I danced at her studio for so long?? Because that's what she wanted me to do. Follow in her footsteps and keep the name alive!” Kai practically wails these words, and there's fury in his eyes, but also a sense of futile helplessness that has Baekhyun believing that even Kai doesn't believe his own words, or that he's just creating them out of thin air to fuel his pain.

He tries holding onto his shoulders this time, pulling Kai around to face him whether he likes it or not. “Do you seriously think that? Look I know it sounds harsh right now, but I'm positive she's not just thinking about herself, Kai. She's thinking about you, and are you really trying to tell me that you don't want to dance? That you didn't want to dance? Ever?”

Kai tries to look calm, even if he's failing. “Look, Baekhyun, I can't anymore, so it shouldn't even matter and–”

“Of course it matters.”

“Okay! Fine! But so what if it does?! I just want to be left alone about it all. I never wanted to do it, dancing, but then I did it anyways, and okay I grew to love it, but it doesn't matter anymore because I can't. I can't, Baekhyun, and I don't like being reminded about it all the time. I gave it up because I had to and it was hard. So hard I wanted to die, but you know what? I got over that.”

“You don't look like you're over it.”

Kai pretends like he doesn't even hear that. “I got over it and I moved on, and I'm happy now. Okay? Happy!” But he doesn't look happy at all, and even he realizes it. His words fumble in his mouth and his head drops, and he pulls away from Baekhyun's grip again. 

“Y-you...” Baekhyun tries in vain to come up with something to say, but just liked Kai pulled himself out of his embrace, he stole his words too. Neither of them moves, and Baekhyun's grateful that for once there haven't been any passers-by on the sidewalk, so there's no one to witness Kai's meltdown, even if the sounds of cars whizzing by lend to this desperately pitiful scene.

Kai glances across the street but he still doesn't make a move, or look any more decided about a destination. Softer, slower, he repeats himself. “I moved on because I had to... and I don't like being reminded of the things I can't do anymore. Not by her, not by my friends, and not by you.”

Baekhyun's throat goes dry again, but the worst part is that Kai's eyes start to water, and he won't meet the other in Baekhyun's equally weeping eyes. Baekhyun refuses to give up though.

“Kai, let's just go somewhere okay? We don't have to talk. Let's just get off the street, please?” He tries to sound rational, reasonable. He tries not to imagine the sound of Kai's last phrase, 'and not by you,' but the longer the moment grows the more emphasis he hears on the word you, and it repeats so much over and over that it doesn't matter anymore if Kai said it all evenly, or if he didn't mean it to sound as harsh as Baekhyun interprets.

“I don't want to go anywhere,” Kai says. 

“Okay we don't have to go anywhere.”

“Are you just going to follow me then?” He sounds like a petulant child, but Baekhyun tries his best to respond naturally, playfully even, if that's what it takes to snap Kai out of his mood.

“Well, you're not going anywhere yet, but... yes?”

“I kind of want to be by myself.”

Baekhyun's heart sinks, as he notes to himself that this is probably the first time he hasn't been able to reach through to Kai. He nearly chokes on his words. “O-okay...”

“I'll call you later.”

It's so final, so thoroughly heartbreaking and emotionless that Baekhyun can't stand it. Kai crosses the street so quickly that he's already on the other side before Baekhyun realizes it. He's still got the walk sign though and before he can think about anything else he dashes after him, nearly running until he catches up, and it doesn't matter to him suddenly that Kai doesn't want him here right now. He needs Kai to want him, he needs to be wanted right now and he refuses to take no for an answer.

Kai hears his footsteps and heavy breathing before he gets there, and he turns out, flushed and angry.

“Kai,” Baekhyun pleads one last time.

“What?! What is it, Baekhyun, that you can do right now? If you're trying to calm me down, then fine. I'm calm. I can be calm. But seriously, I don't think you're helping me right now because all I can think about right now is dance and my mom, and I really don't want to be reminded of either one right now!”

“I'm not... I'm not either of those things though.”

“No? But you're a part of it anyways. You always have been. You just didn't know it and right now that's all I can focus on. Look I'm sorry. I'm sorry she's using you, but damnit, it's working! And I really just...I really don't want to think about it, okay?” 

Baekhyun chokes up and feels the tears leaking out of his eyes, and something about his appearance makes Kai even more flustered and unhappy. He realizes what it is finally. It's himself, Baekhyun. Because why the hell is he the one crying on the street when it's Kai whose life and livelihood was taken from him, and for once Baekhyun can't do anything about it. He can only stand as a reminder that Kai isn't as fine as he always claims to be, and it's something Baekhyun's always known. It's something he's known too well, but he deluded himself into thinking it would always be alright. Kai is alright, or he usually is, but he's not right now and Baekhyun is suddenly not the person who can help. Not this time anyway. 

“I'll call you later, please?” Kai begs. There are tears is his eyes too, and Baekhyun knows it's because Kai doesn't like seeing him like this either. He needs his space, and it's the last thing Baekhyun wants to give him. Except, he has to.

“O-Okay.” 

He has to, for now. Even though he absolutely doesn't want to.

“I'll call you,” Kai says on auto-repeat, and then he turns and walks away leaving Baekhyun's world to crumple on the sidewalk and nobody to even witness it. He doesn't know what to do. Isn't he allowed to collapse on the street and weep? Can't he hole up in some alleyway and wail to himself? Can't he throw a tantrum and let someone else bear the brunt of it? Can he go back and yell at his employer for making them this way? For being so damn nice and considerate and ultimately so clueless and naively optimistic that it backfires so horribly time and time again? 

Baekhyun has no choice but to stand there and watch Kai get farther and farther away and eventually he disappears down another corner and is there no longer. He pulls out his phone and checks, double-checks and triple-checks that it's not on silent mode. Waiting for the call he prays he'll get, soon. Or later. Anytime really. He'll answer it whenever it comes. He places it back in his pocket with the vibrate setting on too in case he can't hear it on the street or in traffic or on a bus, and cool as he can he wipes his tears and starts in the direction of home. The place he spent all night and all morning hanging out with Kai, but this time when he returns there he'll be alone.

It's all he can do right now. Wait, and rely on his belief that Kai just needs time just like he claimed, and eventually he'll be alright again. Until the next time, but Baekhyun promises himself he won't let Kai have a next time. This is the one and only time he's going to let Kai walk away from him, because never again...

He just needs to survive it now, this last one time.

4,316 words

Well that was uplifting, wasn't it? Seriously, why are half my fics right now coming to all these dark places? It must be my mood. But this seriously had to happen right here in the plot! It just, doesn't seem very fun right now :(

This may be no consolation to Kaibaek shippers, but I did start a humorous Kaisoo called Write Me Into Your Fiction, Hyung. Don't worry. I'm not abandoning my adopted Kaibaek ship, but if you need something fun to read to take your mind off of this chapter's ending... well, there you go. I'll try not to take so long to update this and fix everything that's going wrong!

<3 Rosie

P.S. If you're reading this, I just want to congratulate you because you've seriously read almost 100,000 words. That... that's long. In Microsoft Word this fic is now taking up 260 pages. O_O