It doesn’t take long for Baekhyun to understand the whole picture, literally. With the notebook paper and drawing between his fingers, Kai traces the curve of the spine and the hip with one shaky index finger. 

“This dip here in the hip, it’s like a hole in the sacrum. It was malformed when I was born and over time the spine sort of fell into it.”

“So, you’ve had this for a long time?” says Baekhyun softly, his eyes never leaving the paper.

“Yes. They knew I had scoliosis from when I was little and it wasn’t a big problem then. Except, it didn’t stay that way. This bottom curve in the spine… it used to measure 22°, and then one day it was 35° and by the time I was 15 it was in the high 40s.  It started to effect how I danced, how I moved, how I functioned as a whole. I could be fine one moment, but one accidental and random twist later, I’d be on the ground and unable to walk for a few days, the pain was so blinding. I ignored it as long as I could, because the bad spells were far and few between. But it started to happen more and more…”

“And so you stopped dancing?”

“Yes.” 

How final that sounds, even to Kai’s ears. A quick yes doesn’t take into account the entire year before that not-too-hasty decision. All the worrying he did, and all the hours lost thinking about his career, or what was left of it. By the time he made that decision, he really had no other choice. “I had to.”

“I see. So, what did you do for it then?”

“I took a vacation! I travelled the world.” Kai smirks.

“No you didn’t,” Baekhyun pleasantly calls his bluff.

“You’re right, I didn’t. But I did go all over the country looking for treatment options. Finally ended up moving to Houston to live with my dad and attended various research clinics. We tried everything. Chiropractics, injections to deal with the pain, general rehabilitation stuff…”

“Are there any permanent fixes? You look like you move just fine nowadays.”

Kai smiles shyly. “Yeah, I’m alright these days. All those treatments helped with a lot of things as far as practical mobility. But permanently? No, there isn’t. I mean… I don’t want to - I can’t do that…”

“What would a permanent fix look like?”

Kai sighs and leans back on the couch, dropping the paper to his lap. Baekhyun picks it up and stares once more at the stick figure drawing. 

“Seven hours under the knife? Basic reconstruction of the whole sacrum and lower vertebrae? Rods and nails and permanent fusion? A high risk procedure that doesn’t even guarantee full pain relief let alone a full range of mobility? The odds weren’t worth it and… if I did that… I could never dance again…”

Baekhyun looks up at him, and Kai tries desperately not to see the hope in his eyes.

“…never again, not even a little bit.”

There, he drops the tiniest fragment of hope. Maybe Baekhyun will be content with that. He hasn’t said much since Kai’s big reveal except to examine the drawing and ask him questions about the bones in general. The interrogation is going surprisingly smooth, and Kai considers that a huge relief, and even though he’s obviously tired, Baekhyun still listens to him with concerned interest. 

Baekhyun purses his lips together, eyes focused on the drawing. He holds it up theatrically to the light and rocks the paper back and forth as if to examine it from all angles. Finally he smirks and Kai crinkles his forehead in a questioning grimace.

“Well, there is one thing good to be said about this,” Baekhyun says finally.

“What’s that?”

“You’re not straight.”

They stare at each other in silence for a moment, and then Baekhyun sniggers at Kai’s deadpan expression.

“You did not just make a joke about that.”

“I might have…”

“You did not though…” Kai leans closer to him threateningly.

Baekhyun stares, the beginnings of a shamefully guiltless smile appearing across his face. “I… did n— Oh, hey it’s not like I’m complaining!” He gives up the defense, laughing all the more from Kai’s response. 

Kai would look murderous, except that Baekhyun knows he would never harm a single hair on his head. He squeals, not from glee but because of Kai’s attack. He arm wrestles Baekhyun behind the neck, shouting furiously, “YOU. You come here!” and pounds his other hand several times against Baekhyun’s shoulder. Between breathless laughs Baekhyun warns him to keep it down. “Youuuu, how dare you!” Kai whispers harshly, laughing all the same.  At some point Kai leaves off the beating, transitioning into a forceful snuggle that still feels halfway like punishment. His left arm practically strangles Baekhyun, right coming up to join it and Baekhyun’s own arms are locked under the struggle.

“I can’t - Kai, I can’t breathe, Kai!” Baekhyun gasps. 

“Serves you right!” Belatedly he realizes he probably was choking his boyfriend and he loosens his arms around the neck only, still pulling and pushing at him furiously as Baekhyun wheezes from the exertion of being manhandled so forcefully. He begins to tip forward off the couch, his legs sliding down the cushions from having Kai practically on top of his back, and he shrieks in fright.

“Now who’s being loud!” Kai hisses. Just as Baekhyun starts to fall, he catches him around the chest and heaves him back up on the couch. Baekhyun pants. Kai untangles himself as suavely as he can, and sits back pointedly a foot away from him, a pillow between them. He shakes his head of the bangs that fell across his forehead and grins like a fool while Baekhyun performs an act of dignity affronted. He huffs for a few more seconds until all goes still between them and they settle back into a comfortable silence. 

Kai smiles, knowing Baekhyun is trying hard not to, but neither of them can help it. Baekhyun looks a mess with his fuzzy hair and shirt oddly twisted. The corners of his lips pull, he presses them down into a thin line, and Kai giggles outright when their eyes meet. He coughs hurriedly to cover up the sound, and Baekhyun loses the battle, grinning widely.

“So, what were we talking about again?” Kai says, his tone completely serious.

Baekhyun laughs and looks at Kai with an expression of newfound appreciation. “Your spine,” he says, without a hint of awkwardness. “How come I didn’t even notice it wasn’t straight? It doesn’t look like you have so much of a curve inside you.”

For the first time this night, Kai’s rather glad the conversation is back on his spine. He clears his throat again. “That’s because it compensates for itself inside. It’s not as noticeable if you just look at me, unless you’re really looking for it. And then you’ll notice that my hips aren’t exactly level, and the lazier I get with my posture, the more I tend to lean or shift in one direction.”

“Ohh, I see.”  Baekhyun nods his head, except he doesn’t see, not yet anyways. He gets a sudden idea. “Hey, sit up for a second.”

“What?”

“Sit up.” 

Baekhyun scoots towards him as Kai nervously sits forward on the couch. Using two hands he attempts to reposition Kai so that his back is facing him, and Kai leans forward a little over the arm of the couch, knees knocking together on the corner. Kai feels cold fingers at the base of his shirt.

“What are you doing?”

“I want to see something,” says Baekhyun definitely. 

“Huh?” 

Baekhyun starts to roll up the back of his shirt. “I heard you can sometimes see or feel the spine when it’s like this. I want to see if I can trace it.”  

Cold air hits Kai’s exposed back. Baekhyun pushes the shirt up past his shoulder blades and presses an index finger to the spine where it connects at the neck. It feels odd, to have Baekhyun touching him this way. It’s not exactly how he figured his boyfriend would react after hearing his story. The rush of strange questions he had expected, never came. Baekhyun didn’t look at him any differently than before, nor did he spill even a hint of pity. Better yet, he hasn’t asked him directly if this is the reason he’s so skittish when the conversation of dance keeps coming up. Time for that another day, when Kai has had a chance to unravel his own feelings about it. 

Kai’s heartbeat pulses a bit more rapidly, and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the relief he now has, now that he’s gotten this off his chest, or if it’s because Baekhyun’s fingers along his back feel so strangely intimate. Somewhere along the first curve Baekhyun substitutes his index finger for his middle finger which presses down lightly at first, then harder as Baekhyun struggles to keep up with the spine beneath all the muscles in his back. 

“I lost it,” he whispers.

“Huh?”

“Your spine. I can’t find it.” He chuckles.

“Baek, it’s not that crooked.”

“Yeah, but it’s weird how it twists and comes back again… And you’ve got these large muscles on one side of your back, but not on the other side.” He tries again, starting at the neck and traces his fingers back down for a second time. “Ah, I got it now. Found it,” he sings cheerfully, fingers sinking lower and lower. 

Kai shivers at the light touch the rest of Baekhyun’s fingers make against the sides of his back. Baekhyun must not realize how his thumb and pinky graze light enough to tickle, or something related. 

“Oh. I lost it again. I guess it’s pretty curvy the lower it gets, huh?”

“Something like that.” 

“Oh well.” Baekhyun halts the descent with his hands brushing the top of Kai’s pants, pushing at the muscles fruitlessly for a sign of the spine, his second hand holding onto Kai’s hip for support. Kai shifts to regain his balance which causes the tips of Baekhyuns nails to sink into the skin. He hisses and Baekhyun freezes apologetically. 

“Uhm…” Kai hums. The position he’s in, slightly bent over the arm of the couch, is no longer comfortable, but the position of Baekhyun’s hands is more than a little awkward, now that he’s no longer tracing the spine.

“What?” Baekhyun asks. He notices none of Kai’s discomfort. “I guess I should give up. I can’t feel it anymore.”

“Yeah, I guess you can do that.” 

The door to Tao’s bedroom opens before they can move, and Kai winces involuntarily, already knowing what’s coming next: Tao’s shriek and Baekhyun’s sudden realization of what this position must look like from Tao’s angle. 

“What are you—? Ugh! Disgusting! You have your OWN room. Why do you have to do it on the couch! I sit on that couch! Ahhhhhh!” 

Baekhyun sits back quickly, and Kai hastens to pull down his shirt. Tao issues one last distressed moan at the scene and slams his door closed, discouraged from whatever aim he originally had for coming out.

Both Kai and Baekhyun sit apart flustered, once more a foot apart and the pillow between them. For lack of anything better to do, Kai stares at the broken wall clock, still signifying its incorrect time of 6:07.  The memory of Baekhyun’s fingers still lingers and causes his mouth to dry up. He braves a glance at his boyfriend, and Baekhyun laughs hesitantly, bringing one hand up to cover his mouth. 

“I— ugh.” Kai tries to look offended but he fails miserably and gives in to the laughter as well. Finally they run dry.

“Sorry about that…” Baekhyun sighs and apologizes. “Guess I was too tired to… realize… you know…”

“You should get some sleep then.” 

“Yeah. You too probably.”

“Yep.” Kai wonders if this could get any more awkward. “Got an extra pillow?” He doesn’t much like the looks of the miniature blue couch pillow, though he stretches out on it for a trial run anyways.

“Sure. Uhm…” Baekhyun gets up to enter his room and returns with a fluffier offering. “Here. Do you need anything else? Another blanket, or…?”

“Nope. I’m good.”

“Good.” Baekhyun hovers over him half-expectantly. 

Kai looks up and smirks. “You waiting for a goodnight kiss or something?”

“Well, obviously I am.”

“Good. Otherwise, I’d have to follow you into your bedroom.”

Baekhyun titters on his feet but ignores the proposition, and when Kai looks at him he can tell how tired the man has truly been all this night. His eyes are sunken and he moves slower than usual, as if waiting for that one moment when he can pass out and not have to worry about a thing. Kai feels guilty for keeping him up so late, but he’s still relieved all the same. He sits up and Baekhyun sinks onto the sofa. Their lips pass each other though, and Kai gulps from the unexpected miss until he realizes Baekhyun went in for the hug first. Chest to chest he feels Baekhyun’s arms latch around him, and a nose presses against the curve of his neck. 

Kai relaxes into the hug and Baekhyun whispers an exhausted, “Thank you.”

“For what?” Kai asks.

“For trusting me enough to talk about yourself.” He pulls back just far enough to press a kiss to Kai’s neck. 

Kai smiles at the touch and gently lifts Baekhyun away so he can see his face. All the things he wants to say linger on the tip of his tongue: No, thank you. Thank you for seeing me and not seeing Kai the dancer. Thank you for staying by my side right now. Thank you for letting me like you.Thank you for liking me back. 

I needed you. I need you. I want to love you…

He settles for kissing him instead, and Baekhyun goes to sleep without all those added complications. These kinds of things should be taken one day at a time, really. 

2,360 words

Short chapter today - but I thought it was important to keep this chapter to just sweet Kaibaek and not mix all their feels with the rest of the comparatively mundane plot line. Not that I think the rest of this is boring! I just had a nice feeling when I finished the scene here and instead of going on to the next day and the second performance (where Yixing will jump in to save the day!) well, this is a Kaibaek, and Kai and Baekhyun need time to just be themselves and learn how to be… Kaibaek. :))

I’ll be back soon with more!

<3 Rosie