One week later

For the past week, you have been busy with the funeral preparations. You didn't have time to think too much. Now that everything was done, you finally felt reality crashing in. It was so damn painful. You didn't even know how you survived the past week much less all the times when Daehyun was at work. Even saying his name hurts. You felt weak and lost, not knowing how to carry on living with your life without him around. You couldn't find the courage.

Darling, why are you not with me when I need you the most? Your thumb brushed his cheek in that family photo taken in Japan. It was too sudden. The entire house are filled with his things and memories the three of you shared just weeks ago. A home full of his stuff yet no him. Reality was breaking you apart. You laid in bed with that photo in your hands then you hugged it towards your chest, tears never once stop flowing down from your face whenever you thought about him. 

Only when you experienced it yourself, you realised how fragile life could be. But why him? Why Daehyun? Darling, I miss you so much... 

When he's gone,

You hated the fact that the bed felt cold and empty without him by your side, without him hugging you to feel his warmth.

You hated the fact that when you made coffee, one cup would be left empty.

You hated the fact that when you ate, his seat was not occupied by him.

You hated the fact that when you held hands with Hana, your other hand would be free.

You hated the fact that when you are down, you could no longer feel his plump lips on yours, telling you everything would be alright.

You hated the fact that when you called his name, there was no reply.

You hate the fact that he was no longer around.

"Umma... wake up..." Hana tapped you lightly. You fell asleep after tiring yourself after crying too much. You woke up and saw Hana hugging the Anna doll Daehyun bought during your trip. 

"Hmmm?" You cupped her cheek, voice sounding raspy. 

"I'm hungry.. there's no more biscuits." Hana pouted. Hana looked so sad. You were busy wallowing in self pity that you neglected Hana. It wasn't appropriate to eat junk food almost for an entire week and she was a growing child. Hana knew you were not feeling good therefore she didn't want to bother you but there wasn't any food left. You didn't know how you managed for the past few days.

"Sorry sweetheart. Let me whip up something for you." You said as you got out of bed and walked towards the door. Hana brisk walked towards you and hugged your legs. You looked down at her, ruffled her hair and then held onto her hand as the both of you made your way to the kitchen. The hug was the kind of comfort you needed. Hana too, needed to know that she could rely on you.

You realised that you were really running out of food and guilt consumed you. You couldn't even make a decent meal for the both of you with whatever that was in the fridge.

"Shall we go shopping for groceries? There's not much left." You asked Hana. She nodded eagerly. You thought that maybe it would be good if the both of you headed out for some fresh air. Apart from dropping Hana to school and fetching her back, you never left home.

After washing up and getting dressed, the both of you were ready to go. You decided to drive to a nearby mart so that you didn't need to carry the shopping bags for long. The car ride was quiet. Hana hugged her doll while you focused on the roads. 

When you finally parked the car, Hana reluctantly left the doll in the car as she held your hand and entered the mart.

You even thought of Daehyun while grocery shopping, how he would look like a child when you took his favourite foods, how he didn't deny Hana of her junk food choices how he would lift Hana up when she wanted stuff from the higher shelves.

When you took a glance at the trolley, you realised how many boxes of biscuits there were. It was like Hana was stocking up food at home, like how she would have to eat them for every meal. How could you have even allowed her to live like that without doing anything? What happened to taking care of Hana's needs before yours? 

"I'll get more food. Put some of these back, baby. Let me know when you're hungry and I'll cook for you, regardless of time alright? I don't want you to live on all these." You looked down at Hana. As much as you were suffering, you still had to fufill your mother responsibilities. Hana obediently shelved some of them back.

Both of you then headed to the frozen food section and bought the usual meat and fish. After getting everything, you rolled the trolley to the car and loaded the groceries into the trunk. When Daehyun was around, things would have been done much faster. You realised that you took all his little actions for granted. You didn't even thank him because it seemed like it was a 'guy's job'. His absence was eating you. After that, you drove home.

You cooked something light and simple but was nutritional for the both of you. The house was rather quiet because you both weren't in the mood. 

"Baby, come and eat." You called Hana to the dining table once you were done. She ran towards you still with the doll in her arms. The both of you sat side by side before you started filling her bowl with dishes. You realised after awhile, Hana's food were still untouched. 

"Baby, why aren't you eating? I thought you were hungry?" You stopped eating and asked her. She didn't reply and you grew worried. You put down your utensils and faced her, hand running through her hair.

"I miss Appa..." Hana muttered weakly, tears dripping down her face to her doll's head. Hearing how broken she sounded, you couldn't hold back your tears too. The dining table was one of the places in the house that was the liveliest because Hana and Daehyun were always so looking forward to eating the food you cook. They always commented how yummy your food was or how they would bicker for the last piece of meat (Daehyun always gave them to Hana) or how they would steal the food on the table before meal times when you weren't looking. You figured that Hana must have thought about those times.

"I know sweetheart. I miss Appa too. How about this? After we eat, we'll go to the backyard and look at the stars? Remember what Appa told you?" You said, trying to feed her. 

"Look at the brightest star when I miss him."Hana sniffled. 

"That's right. So we'll do that after we eat okay?" You replied, wiping her tears away.

"Promise?" She stuck out her pinkie. You nodded and hooked pinkies with her. She tried getting you out of the house with her before but you didn't want to because you found it difficult to accept that he was no longer around but you needed to get Hana to eat. You were slightly relieved when Hana voiced out easily. You wouldn't want her to bottle up her feelings. It would eventually hurt her. You kind of forgot that when you lost your husband, Hana loses her