[CONTENTID1]Chapter 8[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "Best I Ever Had" - State of Shock

[/CONTENTID2][CONTENTID3]

"Now I know I messed up bad

You were the best I ever had"

Nam Soon held tight at the phone on his hands, the regret filling him up inside harder than before. It was his fault. All of this happened because he was a coward, because he didn't go back. His stupid decision made him lose Heung Soo twice. If he had went back, then, maybe, would everything be different now? If he had gone to that hospital room, then, would Heung Soon have forgiven him, and would they be together now? Would they still be friends? But he didn't go back - he left Heung Soo. After all, he was the one who left him. Because he was afraid that Heung Soo would let go of him, he let go first.

I'm sorry, he wanted to say. He wanted to say it a thousand times, and then, say it again. But now, all he could do was wipe away the tears that fell from his eyes because he didn't have the right to be crying. How much suffering should Heung Soo have gone through to say this sort of thing now? He must have gone through so much because of him.

But he wouldn't run away a second time. He would try his best, he would do whatever was on his way to get his forgiveness - or at least to be sure that Heung Soo really moved on... Had he really moved on? If Nam Soon left again, how would he feel? He didn't want to know, and he wouldn't know - because he wouldn't leave. Not now that fate gave him a second chance. He would not make the same mistake again

"I let you down in the worst way

It hurts me every single day

I'm dying to let you know"

Nam Soon didn't know what to expect on the next day. Would Heung Soo go back to the coffee shop? If he did, what would he say? Should he ask for forgiveness once more? He didn't know what to expect and he was also afraid - afraid that he wouldn't look at him again, afraid that he might cry if he saw him again.

But in the end, he just didn't go. Moo Yul was there in the morning, though. However, this time he didn't look as welcoming as last time. He looked apprehensive, like he was still deciding what to think about Nam Soon. But Nam Soon didn't care if he would think well or bad about him - it wouldn't make a difference. He just served him his usual coffee, hoping that he would just leave and stop staring so blatantly at him. But he kept watching, apparently curious about something, but Nam Soon refused to ask.

"I swear, since the first time I saw you, you've looked so familiar..." he wondered out loud, leaving Nam Soon surprised. This was the last comment he expected to hear, since he was sure that they had never met before

"I don't think we met before..." Nam Soon handed him the coffee with his change, but he didn't look away. "It's not so long since I moved here", he continued.

"Yes, but you really look like someone I know, but I can't remember who..." he mumbled, more to himself than to Nam Soon. This time though, he didn't talk about Heung Soo. Neither asked him something else nor invited him to any more parties. He just turned toward the exit, but Nam Soon called him back before he could move further.

He knew it wouldn't make a difference. He knew it, but it was better than nothing. He didn't want Heung Soo to see it like a pity gest, so he asked him not to tell. It wouldn't make him feel better about himself either - he just did it, because it was all he could do.

Because he couldn't give Heung Soo anything else.

"Cause when it all comes down to the end

I could sure use a friend"

Moo Yul had been giving Heung Soo free coffee every morning since that day. Heung Soo didn't really question him, yet he wondered if he had been pitying him ever since he told him about Nam Soon - even though he didn't say any details about it.

At the same time it would be stupid to be this, since he didn't really tell him anything about his past. So he decided it was better to just accept the coffee during the next two weeks, at least he wouldn't need to see that person's face again. Or at least it helped him to lie to himself, pretending he didn't look inside the cafe every morning to see if he at least could gaze his silhouette behind the counter.

But every time he did it, he had to remember himself of their situation. Of what was the reality now, and what stayed in the past, and why it couldn't be like it was before.

"I feel so bad, I feel so bad

You were, you were the best I ever had!

It was snowing outside that day. The weather was really cold, so Heung Soo was glad when he arrived at his office, warmed by the heat system. He could do a good use of a hot cup of coffee right now.

He didn't need to go down to buy it, though. Moo Yul was still bringing him one cup every morning, and, just like the other days, there he was with another one. He still wondered why he kept doing this every day. Heung Soo didn't even ask him, nor did he give him the money to buy it. So much that he was starting to feel a little awkward about it - it seemed like Heung Soo was taking advantage of his generosity.

So, when he accepted it this morning, he couldn't help but question him about it or It could start to raise eyebrows if this furthered continued.

"Today too? What's the reason for the free coffee every morning?" Heung Soo asked, taking a sip of it, thankful for the hot liquid that warmed his body even more.

Moo Yul looked around, like he was wondering if he should answer him or not, as Heung Soo stared at him with a questioning expression on his face. He sighed, as if he was really annoyed by it, but finally came to his conclusion. "I'm not supposed to tell," he confessed, his fists resting over his desk. He rolled his eyes, focusing on Heung Soo right after it, "but it's Nam Soon who has been sending them."

"Now I know you're the only one that I want

I want you back, I want you!"

He was waiting under the small light outside the coffee shop. The snow had stopped falling, but the weather was even colder - a bit of steam was leaving his mouth every time he breathed, his nose starting to turn red, as he warmed his hands in his pockets, holding a small amount of money in his left hand.

He could see the other boy inside the shop, serving the last clients. He was smiling to each of them.... but that was not the smile he knew. That was not the person he knew.

How dare he still try to be in his life? Did he actually think that would change anything? It would never change. It didn't matter what he tried to do... nothing would change. Because it couldn't change.

"You and I were living like a love song

I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone"

It took more than half an hour for Nam Soon to finally open the door to the outside. He gave a step forward, as he slowly looked at his side, right into Heung Soo's eyes. He couldn't read his expression. What was he was feeling? Why was he there now? However, before he could start to think about Heung Soo's real reasons and emotions, he took his right hand, smashing some paper that he soon found out to be money in it.

"Who told you to buy me coffee? You think this will change anything? I already told you to off," he hissed, turning around to leave. But Nam Soon was faster this time, and held his right arm. He couldn't let him leave again - not now. Not now that he knew the truth, that he knew so clearly about his own mistake. He had to do something about it, even if it was late, even if Heung Soo didn't want to see him. He wouldn't leave again - because he couldn't, and he also didn't want to.

"Heung Soo yah... I'm sorry," he murmured, his eyes staring intently at the other, who didn't return his stare. Heung Soo didn't move, neither look back. But his annoyed expression revealed how he was feeling about it - or how he pretended to be feeling about it.

"Now I'm here to say I'm sorry

And ask for a second chance

"I told you to shut up. It won't change anything," Heung Soo mumbled, finally staring back at him. He kept an angry expression on his face that Nam Soon didn't recognize. It was no longer that warm look that he was used to.

"I know... It was my mistake... I know it's probably too late, but that's why I have to do something," Nam Soon said, the words slowly coming from his lips. He was not even sure of what he should say. His red eyes were holding back the tears that wanted to leave - the regret was clear; the sadness. But Heung Soo didn't want to see it. He didn't want to see that that expression in Nam Soon's eyes... It only made him mad. Why was he looking like the victim when he clearly wasn't? He didn't have the right. Not now... Not ten years later. He didn't want to see that Nam Soon that he didn't know.

"You should have done something ten years ago. I don't even know you anymore. You don't know me anymore," he barked, pulling away his arm as soon as he realized that the boy hadn't yet released him.

"I don't blame you for hating me

I didn't mean to make you leave"

He knew that Heung Soo was right.... He didn't know him anymore. Who was Heung Soo now? Yet... Who was Nam Soon now? He didn't even know himself. He hadn't thought about it once in his last ten years. Because it didn't matter - his life didn't matter.

But that was until he met Heung Soo. Then, he could see a reason to live again. Because Heung Soo has always been his reason for being alive. Even if he hated him now, It didn't matter, because he was there.

"Just leave, you bastard," Heung Soo said at last, turning around and walking away from him one more time. And, once again, Nam Soon wanted to run after him, to plead for his forgiveness. But he didn't, because he was still a coward. Would Heung Soo forgive him one day? Or maybe that wasn't the right question. Maybe he had to ask himself if Heung Soo should forgive him one day?

"We fell in love for a reason, now you're leaving

And I just want you back"

Nam Soon might've been expecting anything on the following day, but he certainly wasn't expecting Heung Soo to reappear in the coffee shop that morning, let alone to sit in front of the counter with Moo Yul. He was the one who told him to get lost, didn't he? But it didn't matter, because Nam Soon was glad. He hadn't let go of him yet, and this was just another chance to do something - even if he didn't know what.

He approached the two of them. Moo Yul was smiling, even though this time he wasn't as excited as last time. Heung Soo was not looking at Nam Soon, and acted just as if he wasn't there. But this time he wouldn't leave, even if Heung Soo continuously asked him to.

"The usual? " Nam Soon asked, looking at the two men. Moo Yul nodded happily, as Heung Soo stared blankly at the street outside, where a few snowflakes fell on the sidewalk.

"I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams

I can't believe now that you don't know how much you mean to me"

He came back a few minutes later with the black coffees without sugar. Heung Soo purposely still didn't look at him, clearly bothered by his presence. And in that minute he would have walked away - that if Moo Yul hadn't started a new subject. One that much interested Nam Soon and obviously annoyed Heung Soo.

"We are having a meeting with our co-workers at the karaoke this Friday, wanna come?" he invited Nam Soon before he had a chance to leave. Though, this time, he didn't bother looking at Heung Soo - he would certainly be mad.

"I don't think it would be a good idea," Nam Soon mumbled, and heard a loud hiss at his side. Heung Soo was finally staring back at him.

"Why don't you just accept it? Than maybe he will stop bothering me so much," he complained, looking down the street again. Nam Soon, though, couldn't take his eyes away from him this time. Was Heung Soo telling him to go? So that Moo Yul would stop bothering him? How much of that was really true? Perhaps Heung Soo was hiding something in his facade?

But probably not even Heung Soo knew what he was really feeling. Probably, he wasn't willing to accept that truth - that, deep inside, he wanted wanted Nam Soon back in his life. However, was it still possible? To go back to how it used to be?

"I'll never let go of the heart I broke"