[CONTENTID1]Chapter 42[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "There for you" - Martin Garrix & Troye Sivan

 [/CONTENTID2][CONTENTID3]

“I got you, I promise

Let me be honest”

“Noona... I have to tell you something.” Heung Soo said, while thousands of things passed through his head. Something in his mind told him repeatedly to stop what he was doing, that it was a terrible idea - but Heung Soo wouldn't listen. He couldn't live hiding any longer. He and Nam Soon had been through so much hardships until now that he couldn't handle it anymore.

His sister stared at him with a startled and maybe curious expression, and Heung Soo didn't believe that she would really scold him about it - he knew her. Even if the news came as a surprise, eventually, she would come to accept it. What could be worse than sending a younger boy into a three months coma? If she forgave him for that, she definitely would forgive him again - because this time he wasn't doing anything wrong. How bad could it be to just love someone?

“What? Please just say it already, you're killing me!” She explained, impatiently waiting for him to finally say whatever he had to say.

“Noona...” He mumbled, taking her by the hand and leading her to the couch. “Please sit down first.”

She did as he told her and he sat at her side, staring at his hands. He couldn't just say it straight away, but how should he start it?

“Heung Soo, you're scaring me, what is it??” She insisted, her eyes searching for anything on his face that could give her an idea of what it was.

“I'm fine noona, I'm not sick or anything,” he calmed her down. “It's just...” He stared away again, looking at the frame of that photograph over the counter and thinking about everything that picture meant, and about those last months that had changed his life forever. “It's something that I've been hiding from you, and I just can't hide it anymore.”

“Did you do anything wrong again??” She sounded worried, probably thinking about the things he had done during his teenage years.

“No, it's not that,” he calmed her down again, unconsciously holding her hand. But that was probably more to tranquilize himself than her. “It's about Nam Soon...”

“What have he done?” Her tone was colder this time.

“Nothing! Noona can you listen??” his voice came louder this time. If she kept making questions he would end up spilling it out in the blank and he definitely didn't want this conversation to end like that.

But she didn't spoke this time, and stared at him, waiting. Her lips were still trembling and he knew she should probably be creating all kinds of scenarios in her head.

“I met him again five months ago... Nam Soon,” his voice was softer now, like he was talking to an elder that needed time to assimilate everything he said. Joo Mi still seemed impatient, but this time she waited and remained in silence, just listening. “And it took some time for me to admit it... but that day... I felt like I had finally found the missing piece of my life again.” Joo Mi lips opened as she was about to say something, but she didn't, and closed them again - and Heung Soo kept going. “Before that, my life felt... empty.” He stopped talking for a few seconds. It was probably the first time he said all those things out loud for someone, and to say it to his sister... it felt like he was taking a heavy load out of his back.

But she couldn't stand it anymore without talking. It was probably to much for her mind to assimilate. “What are you trying to say?” She asked, searching for traces of an answer on his face again.

“I need you to understand how I feel. Nam Soon probably took years of my life, yes, and my life would probably be different if he hadn't done what he did. But... in the end, we're fine, aren't we?” Her eyes went upwards and back again.

“Sure, ok, all this is because you need me to accept that you are friends again?”

“It's not that...” his voice came out as a whisper that she almost didn't hear. It reached the point where there was no way back - he had to tell her or he might not have another chance. Sure, he could keep it that way, pretend that was everything, and she wouldn't say a thing when he left to see him. Nam Soon probably could even come home to see him, but then they would have to pretend to be just friends, and Heung Soo wouldn't be himself - he would keep hiding. They would have to fake a friendship relationship that didn't exist anymore. And he couldn't do that. “Noona... This might come as a surprise...” He breathed deeply, and stared into her eyes. And, just before he told her, he was sure something there... Something in her eyes knew what he was about to say. Maybe she saw it on his expression? He would never know. But either way... He never felt so relieved in his life before. “But Nam Soon and I... we love each other.”

The next seconds followed in silence. He didn't say anything, and she stared blank at him. However, in the next one, she was laughing. Heung Soo wasn't expecting this reaction - so much that he didn't even notice how fake her laughs sounded.

“What kind of a joke is this?” She was not looking at him anymore, and shook her head a few times, like she was trying to throw those words far away.

“Noona...”

But Heung Soo didn't laugh - not even a bit. She could beg for him to laugh with her and say it was a big joke... but part of her already knew that he wouldn't. So, slowly, her laughs vanished as she stared at her foot, without saying anything else.

“Noona, I...”

“I have to go to bed,” she whispered without looking at him, and stood up. Heung Soo watched her back leaving to the bedroom, but followed her when she was just about to reach it.

“Noona...”

“Heung Soo, please let me think,” she didn't look back as she said it, her hands at the door handle. “I need some time,” and she closed the door after some seconds of silence between them.

“But I can't do this alone

Sometimes I just need a light

If I call you on the phone

Need you on the other side”

Heung Soo was back at the couch, holding his cellphone. The lights were all off, and he could hear the sirens of an ambulance running down the streets below. The street was too louder this night... but his apartment was in complete silence.

“Are you wake?” He wrote to Nam Soon. It took some minutes, and he almost gave up waiting when the answer finally came.

“Was taking a bath. Everything ok?”

“I told her.” He went straight to the point. And It took even longer for Nam Soon to give him a reply.

“What?”

Heung Soo typed a long explanation but erased everything. Nam Soon would understand. He didn't need to say all the details, did he?

“About us.”

This time, it took even longer. There was no sign that Nam Soon was actually going to reply, but Heung Soo wouldn't be able to sleep if Nam Soon didn't answer him now.

“Nam Soon?” He asked for him, and he replied straight away this time.

“I told you not to tell her anything.”

“I know. But she's my sister. I get to decide to tell her or not...”

Maybe he was a bit too harsh on his words? But Nam Soon was making everything difficult for no reason. What was it for him if his sister accepted them or not?

But Nam Soon didn't reply him anymore, and this time Heung Soo got too annoyed to insist. Nam Soon was being stupid - he didn't even ask what was her reaction. What if he needed some comfort? This was the way that bastard would talk to him?

Heung Soo was just about to go to sleep when his phone ringed again. For a few seconds he thought it would be Nam Soon, but it was just Moo Yul asking if he was already asleep. He wasn't in the mood to idle chatter but since it wasn't usual for him to message him this time in the night he thought it was better to see what he was up to.

“I'm awake. What is it?”

“I woke up pissed off today

And lately everyone feels fake

Somewhere I lost a piece of me

Smoking cigarettes on balconies”

Turned out that Moo Yul had forgot to finish some documents with deadlines and begged him for help. He had planned a trip with Jin Ah this weekend and she would be too disappointed with him if he had to cancel it at the last moment. Heung Soo had no plans, and the weekends were usually quite boring. But the reason that he accepted was because he still felt like he had a debt with Jin Ah after everything he did to her - even if she had no idea until now.

It was past eight when Heung Soo got ready to work the next day, and he didn't hear a single sound from his sister until he was ready to leave. He was still questioning himself it that had been a good decision - to tell her everything. But there was nothing he could do now. He told her, and all that was left for him was to hope that she would accept it.

He slowly opened the door to her room and found her laying down on his bed, deep asleep. He hoped that she would be up and they would talk through It before he left, but apparently they would have to talk later. It was not a talk he was looking forward to, but he didn't want to prolong it this much.

He grabbed his coat and backpack and went out of the apartment, leaving just a note explaining to her that he left for work. Nam Soon still hadn't answered him, and probably wouldn't too. Heung Soo even thought about sending him another message, but decided it was better to just turn up at his hostel after work.

It was past eight when he arrived there after his shift. He ended up staying late to finish his errands - since he was there already he might as well finish everything he had left for Monday. Or perhaps he didn't want to go home anymore and seized this opportunity. Maybe this was also the reason why he went to Nam Soon's just after work instead of going home.

There was a loudly talk outside Nam Soon's hostel - it sounded like a party was happening. A tinny younger man opened the door for Heung Soo as soon as he rang the bell - since he came there every day they probably felt like he was already part of the residents, so they didn't even ask anything anymore before letting him in.

Nam Soon was playing his video game with Yoon Jae, and Joon Hee was sitting in front of the couch apparently taking turns at the game. They had six empty bottles of soju over the central table and were talking loudly, probably drunk. Joon Hee was the only one that noticed him arriving and nodded at him, but Yoon Jae and Nam Soon were apparently too drunk to notice him. For a moment Heung Soo had forgotten that they had invited them to go out to drink - in fact, the night he spend there with Nam Soon the day before seemed like long ago.

“Nam Soon ah” he called for what should be the third time when the younger finally noticed his presence. He could see him biting his lips, and that was enough for Heung Soo to realize that he was not as drunk as it seemed. “Nam Soon, can we talk?”

He gave a fake laugh and looked briefly at Heung Soo before pouring another soju shot for himself. “We’re talking,” he mumbled, starting a new round with Joon Hee this time. Heung Soo stared at them for some seconds, but Joon Hee was quicker to notice it than Yoon Jae and paused the game this time.

“Can we have a talk in the room?” he asked, sounding a bit irritated with Nam Soon's behavior. He didn't answer him, but lend his controller to Yoon Jae and took a last shot of his soju before standing up and heading in front of Heung Soo to his room.

Nam Soon sat over his bed while Heung Soo locked the door behind him. He waited for any word from Nam Soon, but he didn't look like he was about to talk any second from now.

“What happened?” Heung Soo asked, still standing in front of the door, watching as the younger stared blank at his own feet. He remained in silence and for a minute Heung Soo really thought about turning his back and leaving Nam Soon behind with his stupid attitude. But he thought twice and asked him again. “Why are you angry? Joo Mi is my sister... It’s my business whatever I tell her or not,” his tone was a bit harsh then he planned to, but he didn't take his word off. He meant it anyway - She really was his sister after all; his family, his decision.

“What did she say?” Nam Soon whispered, sounding apprehensive for the first time. He took his eyes off his feet and finally stared into Heung Soo's. And his first thought was right after all... Nam Soon wasn't really that drunk as he pretended to be. He could tell by the worry into them and his trembling words.

Heung Soo sighed - he didn't want to fight over this. He would ignore Nam Soon’s stupid attitudes for now, and finally moved from the door, sitting at Nam Soon's side. It was his turn to stare at his feet.

“She asked for some time.”

Nam Soon let out a sigh, pressing his hands together incessantly. “In case... in case she doesn't accept... what will you do then?” his eyes were back in Heung Soo's, and he returned his stare. It was finally so obvious why Nam Soon had been so nervous about it that he even felt idiot for not realizing it before.

“I'll just have to live with it,”

But Nam Soon wasn't convinced. It was easy to say, but what if Heung Soo had never stopped to really think about it?

“Will you? Or when time goes by and you really miss her, you'll realise that you can't live like this?” This worries had been tearing him apart - again, it was that fear or being let go... the fear of rejection.

But Nam Soon didn't understand - there was nothing to choose. Heung Soo had made his choice when he asked Nam Soon to stay with him. He had thought about this during many days and nights, and those doubts had took away his sleep for weeks until he finally made his choice.

“Nam Soon...” his words were softer now and reconfortating. “I promise you... And you can believe my words... I will not leave you. No matter what.” And he stared deeply into his eyes, trying to speak to him not only by words. Nam Soon eyes traced both of his - he really wanted to believe those words... and he would make his best to.

“I'm sorry for being so stupid,” he mumbled, trying to keep looking at him. Heung Soo also didn't look away and hardly even blink. “You can curse me if you want... I'm being so childish, really...”

“Indeed you are,” Heung Soo tried to keep a serious expression but his smile was wide on his face just a few seconds after those words. But that was just for a brief moment, before Nam Soon grabbed his collar to bring him close - close enough that Heung Soo could smell the alcohol on his lips. Nam Soon wasn't drunk, but maybe not that sober as Heung Soo had thought.

“How much did you drink?” Heung Soo asked him, feeling his lips brushing on his.

“Just a bit...” Nam Soon words were a bit hoarse and his eyes were glued to his lips - Not just his eyes, but also his mouth and even his fingers that went up from his collar to his cheeks when he pulled him in a deep and wet kiss. Heung Soo tongue was tasting like coffee and mint candies this night. His skin was smelling like soap and his baby shampoo that he had forgotten at their bathroom before he had to leave.

He didn't even feel his clothes being quickly thrown at the ground. Heung Soo was soon over him, his muscle arms tracing his skin and making every part of him shiver like it was still their first time. His breath, his scent and sweat.. It all made him feel like this moment lasted like a lifetime. Every touch and kiss they shared felt like they could live this moment for the rest of their life.

Nam Soon pulled his hair from his neck, bringing him closer in another desperate kiss. And now Nam Soon was on top of him, kissing every inch of his back, feeling his skin and his warmth, moving slowly and harsher at the same time. Nam Soon just wanted this moment to last more than it did. He just wanted to be at his side again... to be back at his side on the bed and feel him like this every day.

As much as he didn't want him to tell his sister about it... now, at this moment, Nam Soon wanted to tell everyone the truth. Just like any other couple, Nam Soon also didn't want to hide anymore.

“Boy, I'm holding on to something

Won't let go of you for nothing

I'm running, running, just to keep my hands on you”

But Heung Soo still couldn't stay. Nam Soon wanted him to stay a few more minutes at his side, but he knew they couldn't yet. So he just watched as Heung Soo stood up, taking his clothes from the floor and dressing quicker then Nam Soon would like.

He noticed that Nam Soon stared disappointedly at him. “I'm sorry Nam Soon-ah,” Heung Soo sighed after he grabbed his backpack and buttoned his white shirt. “I have to talk to my sister...” he explained.

Nam Soon was laying at the bed, his body fully and his hair still messier. Heung Soo would give everything to lay at his side and stay there all night long. But he had to go home. So that he could stay by his side next time, he knew he had to get over this problem with his sister. They had to talk again, and he needed her to understand his side.

“I'll call you,” Heung Soo send him a reassuring smile. Joon Hee and Yoon Jae were still having fun with the video game, and he gave a quick good-bye to them before heading home.

“There was a time that I was so blue

What I got to do to show you”

Heung Soo should have noticed something was off before arriving. She didn't message him all day, but he thought she was still thinking about their conversation. Heung Soo was too naive, and really believed that they would talk through it again and that she would understand him.

But apparently, this was way worse than he thought it would be. And, when he arrived home that night, Joo Mi had already left. She took all her things, and didn't even left a message.

It took some minutes for him to finally understand. He called her more than ten times but it kept ringing with no answer, and the last time her cellphone was turned off. It was only half an hour latter that his brother-in-law answered the phone at his home.

“Joo Mi just got home. Did she forget something?”

Heung Soo didn't know anymore if he had answered him or if he just turned it off without replying. Something was buzzing in his ears and he stared blank at the wall for quite some time.

After that, he was messaging Nam Soon and didn't even remember what he wrote him and neither saw the time passing until the door opened and Nam Soon entered his apartment.

“When you're screaming, but they only hear you whisper

I'll be loud for you

But you gotta be there for me too”

Heung Soo was at the couch still holding his cellphone on his hands and staring quietly at the floor when Nam Soon arrived. He came running and didn't even ask what it was. All the way he wondered if Heung Soo's sister would be there and thought about thousands things he could say to her. But Joo Mi was not there like he thought. This was not even close the kind of conversation he thought he would be having.

“She's gone Nam Soon. My sister left without even talking to me.” Heung Soo's words were devastating, but it was nothing compared to the way he stared at him. Nam Soon didn't remember how it was to have a parent that cared for him, so he had no way to imagine how Heung Soo was feeling.

That’s why Nam Soon would never know what to say. So, instead of saying anything, he pulled him close, holding him tight. And that night, Heung Soo's tears definitely broke his heart more than ever before.

“Love is a road that goes both ways

When your tears roll down your pillow like a river

I'll be there for you

But you gotta be there for me too”