[CONTENTID1]Chapter 33[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "My Escape" - Ravenscode

[/CONTENTID2] [CONTENTID3]

"You taught me to live each day

To live each day like it's my last"

Nam Soon's heart skipped a beat when he felt those lips on him. Heung Soo's scent, the smooth skin of his fingers touching his face, his breath brushing against his cheeks, the feeling of his soft lips against his, and his heart beating almost at the same rhythm as his own. It was supposed to be a perfect scene, but all Nam Soo wished to do was curse himself for it. Only a few seconds were enough to erase everything he had just promised himself. When Nam Soon finally decided that he should get over him for good, Heung Soo kissed him like nothing ever happened. He pulled away slowly, their foreheads still touching, his heart still beating anxiously. Heung Soo looked at him, and Nam Soon waited... For anything. Another kiss, or some words finally explaining what was going on in his mind.

"...Why?" Nam Soon whispered. Why, after just telling him to be just his friend... Why?

Heung Soo bit his lips, his fingers delicately touching the other's cheeks. However, when he opened his mouth to talk, the loud sound of the interphone pierced through the air.

"So this is how we planned it, knowing that we won't be alone.

And this is how it's supposed to be, when I knew it all along."

Nam Soon sighed, slowly pulling away from the other man and biting his lips as Heung Soo took a deep breath. He watched Heung Soo move away quietly.

Heung Soo picked up the interphone and opened the building's gate for Moo Yul. For those short minutes while they waited for Moo Yul, Heung Soo didn't say a thing. He stayed quiet as they waited. He knew he should, but how could he have this conversation in just a merely three minutes?

Nam Soon headed back to the fridge, getting a bottle of beer. He knew Heung Soo wouldn't talk. He knew this would be one of the most awkward meetings they already had. And, after everything, he didn't even wish Heung Soo a happy birthday.

"Don't let me slip away

I need you here till the very end"

    It didn't even take five minutes for Moo Yul to go up to Heung Soo's apartment. He had a huge smile on his face, and was carrying a glass bowl of pasta - probably the same recipe he made for Heung Soo and Jin Ah some months ago. "Happy birthday!" He said happily, showing him the spaghetti he made "I was going to bring some soju, but forgot..." he apologized, as Heung Soo locked the apartment door behind the other.

    "We have soju." Nam Soon prompted to get some bottles and put them over the dining table as he helped him with the bowl, putting it down alongside the soju. He was smiling a bit, and Heung Soo knew he was probably forcing it. Only if Moo Yul had come just a few minutes later...

    "Yah, I hadn't seen these pictures before..." Moo Yul exclaimed, looking through the picture frames that they had over the central table in front of the television. "How old were you here?"

    Heung Soo stared rather quickly at which photo he was talking about, and noticed it was one from their first year in school when they were around seven years old¹.

    "It's from primary school."

    "Wow... Didn't know you knew each other from so long ago." Moo Yul commented, surprised. "There's a lot of new pictures here... It's feels like you are brothers or so..."

    "Nam Soon is living with me. Forgot to tell you," Heung Soo explained, while he set the table for them to eat.

    "Oh, really?" He mumbled, heading to the kitchen area.

    "Just temporarily..." Nam Soon whispered, as the three sat at the table. Nam Soon really didn't want to talk about it, and Heung Soo noticed it.

Heung Soo couldn't help to feel his heart aching because of Nam Soon's answer. He needed to talk to him properly and apologize. He couldn't do it here though, so he forced an awkward smile, and served himself with some pasta, desperately trying to find any other subject for the conversation.

    "So... how is Jin Ah going?" Heung Soo asked, looking at Moo Yul and hoping he wouldn't interpret this wrongly. Not that he really cared if he did so... Right now, he just needed to find any other thing to talk about that didn't involve him and Nam Soon. However, by the smile Moo Yul showed him, he probably didn't interpreted it wrongly.

"We're doing great..." He said, looking at his plate still with that proud smile on his face, and Heung Soo couldn't help but to feel happy for him. Yet, part of him did feel a little jealous - because he could proudly talk about the person he liked. Unlike Heung Soo, he could tell everyone about it, and no one would judge him for that.

    "Great." Heung Soo said, without the courage to look up at Nam Soon now. He felt sorry about Moo Yul, but he really wished that the other wasn't here at this moment. He really needed to be alone with Nam Soon... so badly.

    Moo Yul stared at both of them, a wide smile on his lips as he served them both with some soju. "Why don't we go to the karaoke today? Have some more fun, since it's Heung Soo's birthday, and it's been some time we don't go out together."

"In fact, we..." Heung Soo whispered but couldn't complete his sentence. Apparently, Nam Soon was quicker this time.

"Let's go." Nam Soon exclaimed, without looking at Heung Soo. But he didn't need to. Heung Soo already knew that he was mad - and because he was that mad, Heung Soo wanted to talk to him even more. But as its seems, he wouldn't be able to do it soon. And he couldn't even say that he didn't have enough time. Nam Soon was living with him since some time, so yes, Heung Soo had all the time in the world to talk about it.

"Through the good and bad and all in between

You're the one I want and the one I need

And I know"

They went to a karaoke close to Moo Yul's apartment in his car. It would be better if Nam Soon and Heung Soo got a cab home, since they would probably be drinking. Yet, Heung Soo didn't plan to drink. He couldn't this time. He would never drink and risk doing something he shouldn't do at all, never to Nam Soon again.

However, Nam Soon didn't seem to be having the same thoughts. He kept accepting soju from Moo Yul since they arrived. Heung Soo couldn't blame him. He seemed to be having fun as they sang - a lot out of tune, but no one seemed to mind.

Heung Soo remained sitting at the large couch watching them and forcing a laugh, wishing to take those bottles away from Nam Soo's hands. Was he doing it on purpose? Probably it did started on purpose, but now he was probably too drunk to remember it.

"Heung Soo-yah," Nam Soon said between truncated words. "We forgot the cake," he smiled, his cheeks already flushed from the alcohol. Heung Soo couldn't help but finding it a bit cute - only if the smell of the alcohol weren't that strong. "And I forgot to wish you a happy birthday," he said, as Heung Soo smiled widely but with some pity at him - Nam Soon already drank too much. Way too much.

"I think we should go," Heung Soo pondered, checking the time and noticing that it was already past eleven. "We have to work tomorrow," he said, already standing up with his credit card in hands.

"Right... You didn't sing anything though," Moo Yul commented, taking the last shot of soju in the remaining bottle.

"Next time," the other promised, watching as Nam Soon dropped his head over the table almost asleep.

"Will he be okay?" Moo Yul wondered a bit worried. "I think it was a bit too much..."

"It's fine," Heung Soo said, grabbing him by his arms and helping him to stand. Nam Soon just mumbled some incomprehensive words as he walked side by side with Heung Soo. Or at least tried to do so. "Just help me grab a cab and it's fine," Heung Soo said as they left the karaoke room.

"And I'm here to stay

You're my first and my last

Love, you're my escape"

"Heung Soo-yah... Happy birthday," Nam Soon said for what should be the eleventh time, as the older guy helped to get him inside a taxi.

"See you tomorrow," Heung Soo said to Moo Yul as he entered the car after Nam Soon. Moo Yul just waved at him as he closed the door, and when Heung Soo stared at his side, he found Nam Soon already asleep, his head falling backwards and his mouth wide open. He couldn't help but chuckle as he looked at the other's terrible state. Though, he should not be really laughing at it right now.

Heung Soo reached over to Nam Soon and properly lay his head over his shoulder, making sure he was as comfortable as possible - which shouldn't be too much considering he was dead drunk.

It wasn't much trouble carrying Nam Soon up to his apartment, since he was sober enough to manage to stay up. What was a good thing, since the first thing Nam Soon did when they reached the apartment was rush to the bathroom to puke all that alcohol away from his system.

"Aish.. Why did you have to drink so much?" Heung Soo asked by the door while Nam Soon washed his mouth at the sink.

Nam Soon didn't answer him, and remained with the same serious expression since he got out of the taxi. He didn't speak a word, and Heung Soo knew that meant that Nam Soon was mad.

Yet, as much as Heung Soo wanted to talk to Nam Soon about everything, he knew it wasn't the right time. Especially when the younger trembled on his own feet and Heung Soo had to hold him just in time to prevent him from falling. Even though Nam Soon wasn't as talkative as before, he was still having a hard time to walk. That's why Heung Soo only helped him lay down, and didn't say a thing. He didn't complain about him having drank that much anymore... Since, honestly, that was partially his fault too, if not entirely.

"After all that we've been through

You are still by my side and i'm grateful you're there

and I, I love you"

"You better rest," Heung Soo said as he covered him with some blankets, after helping him get his shoes off. But Nam Soon didn't answer him and his eyes were already closed, because he had probably fell asleep again.

Heung Soo watched the younger for some minutes and only bothered to take his own shoes and coat before laying at his side, still with his eyes on him. Slowly, he touched Nam Soon's hair, taking it away from his face. He hoped he would talk to him tomorrow. He knew they would need some time, and probably that it wouldn't be easy, but he couldn't back away anymore. Not after that kiss, not after having made up his mind. This step forward... He couldn't regret it. Because regretting probably meant to lose Nam Soon. And that was why it was that difficult.

He pulled his hand away and delicately touched the other's hand under the blanket, holding it tight. This hand... He wouldn't let go of it anymore. And this was a promise he intended to keep.

"You're my best friend and i want you to know i care

So tell me you'll be right here with me"

Nam Soon was the first to wake up on the next day. His head was aching terribly and the alarm ring was making it even worse. He turned over the bed, but then noticed that something warm had been holding his hand. Slowly, he opened his eyes trying to get used to the light, and soon realized that it was Heung Soo's hand, probably since some time now. He watched the older guy at his side for some seconds before he, too, opened his eyes facing Nam Soon.

It took a few more seconds for Heung Soo to realize he was still holding the younger man's hand since last night, and as soon as he did, he pulled his hand away quickly, his cheeks flushing from embarrassment. Then he sat over the bed, turning off the alarm and biting his lips nervously before looking at the boy at his side. "Are you feeling better?"

Nam Soon clutched his head, closing his eyes again since the clarity was making his headache even worse. "My head hurts..." He complained, drowning his face on his pillow, wishing he could sleep just a few more minutes.

"I'll take a bath and get you some medicine... Sleep a bit more..." Heung Soo said, reaching out to rub the back of the younger's head, but gave up just a few inches away. He closed his hands slowly, biting his lips again before standing up to reach the bathroom.

Heung Soo was finishing cooking some rice when Nam Soon came from the room, his face looking sick probably because of the heavy headache, and he sat in front of the table.

"Drink it, you'll feel a bit better..." Heung Soo said, handling him some pills and a glass of water that Nam Soon prompted to drink without thinking twice, while Heung Soo served him some rice and sat in front of him with his bowl.

Heung Soo ate in silence, the food almost getting stuck in his throat. It was hard to eat knowing he should be talking to Nam Soon right now. Yesterday, when he kissed him, everything seemed more easy. But now that hours had passed, the mood was a lot heavier and the words got lost inside his mind. He knew he was responsible for this situation, and if he could, he would even turn back time. Go back to the day he left Nam Soon alone in his room. If he could, he would never make Nam Soon go through all of that.

He looked up to Nam Soon’s eyes, feeling a chill running down his spine and the anxiety building inside him as he thought about what he was about to say. Would Nam Soon even want to hear him now? Because, in the other eyes, Nam Soon could firmly believe he was just playing with his feelings. Heung Soo was afraid that it was too late now, and that he had just lost his last chance. How he could make Nam Soon believe in his words after all he put him through? It was never Heung Soo's intention but it ended up like this, and now it was so hard to talk to him about it. But that was something he had to say. These words ... as hard as they were, no matter how much his hands were trembling as he tried to hold his spoon firmly... he knew it was something he could not run away from anymore. That was his final decision, and now it was him who would have to rely on Nam Soon.

"Nam Soon-ah..." Heung Soo whispered, putting his spoon inside his bowl as Nam Soo stopped eating, his eyes stuck on the rice in front of him, "the thing i said about being just friends..." He mumbled, biting his lips in the process and feeling his mouth go dry. He took a deep breathe and slowly closed his eyes, feeling his heart thumping in his chest, “...can you...perhaps...forget about it?"

"So tell me you'll be right here with me

Hearing your voice is like hearing an angel sing"

Nam Soon took his eyes away from his food and looked up at Heung Soo, his heart beats pounding nervously inside his chest. For a few seconds, he wondered if he heard him right. But Heung Soo was just staring intensely at him, waiting for his response that didn't come. Heung Soo... what was he even thinking?

"I..."

Nam Soon didn't let him continue. He couldn't and didn't want to hear it. He didn't know what was going through Heung Soo's mind, but he just couldn't take it anymore. This indecision, the lack of a proper answer, how Heung Soo would tell him he liked him, and changed his mind like it was nothing. Why was he doing this to him? Everything he put him through, for him just to change his mind in a few hours... was that even possible? "...No," Nam Soon hissed, his eyes stuck to the other.

Heung Soo could see that he was mad.

The disappointment clouded Nam Soon’s eyes. "No, I can't." He shook his head and his breath hitched as he blinked his tears away. "I can't understand you, Heung Soo-ya. Why you change your mind so quickly, how do you think I would feel? I know it's not simple but... You can't do this to me, Heung Soo-ya."

Heung Soo heard Nam Soon words, and he could understand him. Why he was feeling that way, and why he was mad. He wanted to hold him and apologize, but he couldn't do it now. Nam Soon had every right to be mad.

"Nam Soon-ah..." Heung Soo insisted, but Nam Soon didn't want to talk about it. Right now, his head was hurting too much and he didn't know anymore if it was only because of the alcohol he drank last night.

"You should go to work, Heung Soo," he whispered, standing up with his bowl of rice half empty - he couldn't swallow anymore. He gave his back to the other and headed to the sink, waiting for the sound of the door closing. Right now, he wasn't sure he could even hear his voice.

It took a few more minutes than he thought, but then he heard the door being closed, and stood in front of the sink, his hands starting to shake as he finally realised his heartbeats had increased heavily and he sighed, bringing his hands to his face, tired.

Was that too hasty on his part? Maybe he should have heard what Heung Soo had to say? But the truth... was that he wasn't ready for that. He didn't want to hear words that could change on the next day. Between just continue being his friend, or having to deal with Heung Soo's indecision... he wasn't really sure if the first wasn't really a better option. He couldn't have his hopes up again... He couldn't, but probably they already were. Even if he was mad... even so, the kiss Heung Soo gave him the day before wouldn't be forgotten that easily. The hopes he had faded away before just came back after that kiss and there was nothing Nam Soon could do to fade it away again.

He heard his cellphone ringing over the dining table, and slowly headed there to see it. However, when he saw it was a message from Heung Soo... he wasn't sure he really wanted to read it. Yet, fading his worries away, he opened it.

"I'm sorry, Nam Soon ah... Can we talk at night?"

He knew... even though he avoided this conversation today, it would have to happen somehow. Was it too risky to trust him this time? But deep inside he already knew that this was something he couldn't control. His trust in Heung Soo, and the fact that he couldn't really get mad at him. Maybe this was the reason why he was fearing it too much.

Because he trusted him, and couldn't get angry at him... then, if something happened again... he knew it would hurt even more because of it.

"I won't make you turn away

So come with me and never look back"

It was the end of the evening and Nam Soon's shift was almost ending when he felt his cellphone vibrating inside his pockets.

"Look up," Heung Soo had messaged him, and it took some seconds for him to finally look at the front of the store, where the older boy was waiting for him, an adorable smile in his face while he showed him some bags with soju in his hands. Heung Soo wanted him to have a week of hangover, right? But it didn't matter. When he saw that smile in his face... all his worries disappeared like they had never even been there.

Just his smile... that was enough to melt his heart. He didn't know how Heung Soo managed to be there at this hour - since his shift ended three hours earlier than Heung Soo's. But he was there... that was what mattered. Heung Soo was smiling at him, and all he wanted to do was run to him. Grab his hand, and trust him like he always did.

He quickly finished getting his things as the employer that entered after his shift took his place, and he finally could open the door and go to Heung Soo. He didn't run as he wanted, neither get mad like he knew he should. He just slowly walked to him... and smiled in return.

"So stay here with me

There's so much love in your smile when i look at your face"

    Nam Soon knew he shouldn't drink again today, but Heung Soo was already serving him a shot before he even had the chance to deny. But probably he would indeed need it. He didn't know how this conversation would go, or what Heung Soo was even thinking about telling him. All he knew was that he was not ready for it. Right now, when his hopes got so high - even more than before... he had never been as afraid as now. If Heung Soo disappointed him again... would he be able to handle it?

    Heung Soo sat at his side instead of in front and served himself some soju before staring at the younger boy. He squirmed in his seat, and bit his lips, his fingers bypassing the small glass of soju, but without drinking a drop. Feeling his heartbeat speeding up, he took a deep breath and looked into Nam Soon’s eyes.

    "Nam Soon-ah... are you mad?" He waited for Nam Soon to return his gaze without taking his eyes of him. To feel assured, he needed Nam Soon to return that look... But he didn't. Instead, Nam Soon took another shot of the soju before answering him, his eyes not once staring back at Heung Soo.

    "No," he whispered and closed his fists, trying to control his hands from shaking. He did not want his heart to be beating as fast as it was, he did not want to be this weak when it was about Heung Soo. But this was something that he knew that no matter how hard he tried, he could never avoid. "I know I should be, that I have every right to be mad. But..." He bit his lips, slowly looking up, the apprehension evident in this expression. But still, he continued talking. "Because it's you... Because I just can't get mad at you, it doesn't matter what you do," he said, sighing before staring back at his own hands and grabbing his cup, but without filling another shot. He knew it... that he should get mad at him, that he shouldn’t forgive him and accept what he had to say as easily as this. But ever since he met him again, ever since he had him back into his life... Everyday, all he did was feel thankful for having him in his life again. The old Nam Soon that would never forgive so easily... He didn’t even remember how it was to be like that anymore. The butterflies in his stomach, the hope that only got bigger after each second... he would not try to avoid it.

    "I'm sorry. For getting you so confused... I'm sorry for everything." Heung Soo whispered, still without touching any alcohol. He bought it... but in the end, this was not a conversation he want to have while he was drunk. He had to be sober to prove to Nam Soon that he really wanted him. Honestly, he would open his heart to him like this. "This... I really tried to fight it... this feelings in my heart. But..." Heung Soo said, still staring at Nam Soon, but the younger didn't have the courage to look up again. Heung Soo reached out to Nam Soon's hands, but stopped midway. "...It doesn't matter how much I try... I just can't. I can't fight this anymore. So, Nam Soon-ah..." He bit his lips, as Nam Soon finally stared back at him again.

    And the apprehension that Nam Soon felt before, slowly, it was being replaced by another felling. That hope, maybe, it wasn't there for nothing in the end.

    "... to live this life with me... not just as friends... are you willing to do it?" Heung Soo finally gathered enough courage to ask it. A path he was finally willing to follow - a path that there was no way back from.

"Would you help me to find a new way

Would you guide me through all of this again"

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