[CONTENTID1]Chapter 27[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "What About Now" - Daughtry

[/CONTENTID2] [CONTENTID3]

"I am by your side,

Where love will find you.

What about now?

What about today?"

"Hi," Heung Soo answered with a hoarse voice as he managed to pick up his phone on his messy headboard after waking up to the shrill sound of his cell phone.

He recognized Nam Soo's voice on the other end of the line immediately.

"Are you home?" He heard him whispering as he slowly tried to open his eyes, his mind still blank and dizzy from sleepiness.

"Yes," he answered, rubbing his eyes - the light that was coming from the window hurting his vision. He didn't have the proper time to say anything else as he heard Nam Soon saying that he was reaching his apartment soon, and the call was abruptly cut short. He put his phone back over the desk and sat down on the bed, slowly remembering the night before.

When he was finally able to open his eyes, everything that happened last night became clear. The sight of a woman on his bed made his heart stop beating for a brief second - Nam Soon was coming over, but he couldn't come now.

Heung Soo stood from his bed quickly, waking up the girl at his side. She had to leave before Nam Soon arrived, before he found out everything he's been trying to hide.

But it was too late for that now, because he barely managed to get dressed when he heard his doorbell ringing.

"What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?"

Nam Soon's hands were cold and sweaty when he rang the doorbell of Heung Soo's apartment. He saw the messages that Heung Soo had sent him as soon as he woke up, and came running as quickly as possible. He didn't know what to think or what to do because he never expected anything like that. He was nervous and needed to talk to him.

If he were a decent person, he should feel bad for Jin Ah after everything that happened, but how could he? If Heung Soo really loved him, he knew he was selfish enough not to feel bad about anyone because of it. And there was nothing he could do to change those feelings.

The door opened slowly and Heung Soo stared at the man in front of him. Nam Soon wanted to say something, but his mind was suddenly blank.

"Nam Soon..." Heung Soo said, staring at him for a brief second before looking down. And that was when that girl came out of his bedroom, wearing a short red top. She had blonde hair and looked anything like Jin Ah - she definitely wasn't Jin Ah.

She looked at both of them and sighed, her expression showing that she was annoyed at something.

"So Nam Soon really is a man?" She commented, letting a smirk appear on her face. She grabbed her black purse from the coffee table and headed for the front door, where they were still standing. "I'm tired of hearing that name," she said, looking at Nam Soon and back at Heung Soo. "Don't even bother calling me," she mumbled before walking out the door.

"Now that we're here,

Now that we've come this far,

Just hold on."

They heard the door closing behind them, and Heung Soo realized that he could not look up. He did not have the courage to face Nam Soon, and he did not know what to say. Was there anything he could say after that?

He didn't want to look into Nam Soon's eyes and have to deal with all of this. He was not ready ... Things should not have happened that way.

Nam Soon stared at the walls around them and bit his bottom lip, feeling his eyes start to get wet. How not to feel disappointed with all of this? It was like a bucket of ice had been thrown over him. But he should have known. What was he thinking? Things were not so simple - they never would be.

"...What about Jin Ah?" Nam Soon whispered, looking back at Heung Soo who didn't return his gaze. Nam Soon could expect her to be there, but not someone else - not a random girl he had never seen before.

Heung Soo kept quiet for some time, still without looking up to face the other. He didn't want Nam Soon to know... But now it was already too late for that.

"... We broke up," he whispered, so low that he wasn't sure that Nam Soon heard it. But the boy who was still looking at him heard him clearly. And he could not believe what he had heard.

"When?" Nam Soon murmured, the words leaving his mouth in a sad tone, like he were about to cry. Because he knew what Heung Soo's answer would be, but at the same time he didn't want to know.

"Four days ago..." Heung Soo answered, biting his lips and still staring at the ground, because he didn't have the guts to look at Nam Soon right now.

To admit that he broke up after that day was to admit that everything was a lie - Nam Soon was not a hundred percent sure if Heung Soo remembered what happened that night, but to be sure of it now ... That changed everything, because now he couldn't even pretend to believe in him.

"...Why?" Nam Soon made the final question. Now that it all came to this, there was no way out of it anymore. So the least he could do now was make it all clear between them.

Heung Soo swallowed dry and finally mustered enough strength to look up. Nam Soon's eyes were red and he knew that the other was about to cry. He was the wrong one, but he was probably hurting himself more than Nam Soon - It was never his intention to hurt Nam Soon like this... and to cause him this much harm hurt him deeply.

"You know why," he whispered and Nam Soon bit his lip, looking down because he knew that if he kept facing Heung Soo right now he would start to sob - and he couldn't, not before they talked about everything, and not before everything got cleared up, because he could no longer control his feelings. If he wasn't honest this time, how would he ever be able to continue his friendship with Heung Soo?

"Shadows fill an empty heart

As love is fading"

"I..." Nam Soon whispered, wondering how he should say it, what words to use. He didn't even know if this was the right decision. But he had to do it, because things could not continue the way they were. "I'll ask this... Just this once."

Heung Soo bit his lip, and just by looking at Nam Soon right now he felt that he was about to cry, because he really never wanted to cause him any harm... Yet, he did.

"Do you..." Nam Soon whispered, and those annoying tears came into his eyes again. "Do you love me?" He asked, clenching his fists and doing his best not to let those tears run down his face.

But Heung Soo couldn't do anything about this anymore. He looked at the other, his vision completely clouded by tears. But he just couldn't do this. It hurt him, but he just couldn't do it. "I..." He mumbled, wanting to apologize, to get down on his knees and beg for his forgiveness. But he couldn't say it because he had no right to. All of this was his choice. He could do everything different, but he was a coward, and because of that he was only hurting Nam Soon. "I can't..." He whispered, as the tears came streaming down his face.

Nam Soon bit his lips with more strength, feeling his hands start to shake, and slipped them inside the pockets of his jacket. He nodded his head slowly, averting his eyes from Heung Soo, and took his cell phone out of his pocket. "Those messages you sent me..." He said, without looking up. "I'll erase them," he murmured, proceeding to do it without looking up. He wouldn't be able to say anything else if he looked at Heung Soo right now. "And this conversation... Let's pretend it never happened. All of this... Let's just forget it," he mumbled, putting his phone back into his pockets and looking one last time at Heung Soo, who could see the tears in his eyes before he left through the door and closed it between them.

"From all the things that we are

But are not saying."

Empty. That was how Heung Soo felt when that door closed in front of him. He couldn't stop Nam Soon from leaving, and everything was over before it even started. He touched the door in front of him as he slid to the floor. He couldn't open it and he couldn't tell him the truth.

It was for the best. As much as it hurt now, these feelings would go away. They had to go away. But why did it have to hurt so much?

"I'm..." He whispered, trying to control the sobs, but realized that it would be just as impossible as preventing the tears from falling and his whole body from shaking. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

He was sorry for making Nam Soon suffer, he was sorry for disappointing him and sorry for being a coward.

Heung Soo was sorry, because he couldn't accept his own feelings.

"Change the colors of the sky.

And open up to

The ways you made me feel alive,

The ways I loved you."

He wouldn't cry. That was what Nam Soon had promised himself when he closed that door behind him and before he got into that elevator - that was what he promised before the tears began to stream down his face as soon as he was inside the elevator. But he couldn't keep his promise because it hurt too much.

He had just ended something that never existed, and it shouldn't be this painful, but the tears were just falling, because he put his hopes too high. But he should have known. Heung Soo and him... They could never be together. Even though he knew, he couldn't change that. He loved him and he couldn't stop loving him.

If he knew how to, he would definitely stop loving him. If he didn't love every single thing about him, he would certainly forget him. But Nam Soon loved Heung Soo more than his mind would tell him he shouldn't. He loved him before he even knew what it was like to love someone. And, because he had loved him all his life, it hurt this much.

"Can we see beyond the scars

And make it to the dawn?"

The day passed slowly, but Nam Soon made sure to meet with his friends as soon as possible. He couldn't be alone, that's why he went out to meet Yoon Jae and Joon Hee. If he stayed at home alone, he was sure that he would sink into a depression that he did not want to face right now.

"What happened that made you want to go out after so many days?" Yoon Jae asked him as they sat at a table on the second floor of the same club they used to go to before.

Nam Soon shrugged, biting his lips, and gave a quick glance at Joon Hee before looking at Yoon Jae again. " I...needed to clear my mind..." he said and Joon Hee kept staring at him a bit worried.

"Something happened?" He asked, and Nam Soon sighed, taking a sip of his soda.

"I just... I think I just ended something that never even happened," he explained. Joon Hee seemed to have understood, while Yoon Jae stared at him and Joon Hee. But Nam Soon didn't come here to talk about Heung Soo. "I just want to have some fun now," he said, forcing a smile to try to change the subject - he came here to forget, at least for today. So the last thing he needed right now was to keep talking about his problems.

"For all the things that never died,

To make it through the night,"

"Hey, isn't that... what was his name again?" Yoon Jae pointed to someone behind Nam Soon, after drinking what would be his third bottle of beer.

"Harry?" Joon Hee asked and Nam Soon looked behind him, recognizing the same blond guy from before. He quickly looked back at them, feeling his cheeks blush.

"It's not Harry," he said embarrassed before he could come any closer and hear him. "I didn't ask his name that day," Nam Soon confessed and Yoon Jae laughed.

"Well, why don't you ask him know?" He suggested, averting his eyes to his side, noticing that the blond had noticed Nam Soon's presence. Nam Soon pretended not to see, but he could feel that he was being watched. Then, when she looked at him again, it was more of an involuntary reaction than anything else. And he was also sure that Yoon Jae and Joon Hee were only trying to help when they stood up and went together to the dance floor, leaving his table empty and free for the blond to sit in front of him, with that broad smile on his face and his clear blue eyes.

Yet, he was not the one Nam Soon wished was there.

"Baby, before it's too late,

What about now?"

"It's been a while since I've seen you around..." He said, offering him a drink that Nam Soon denied. He didn't want to get drunk today.

"I haven't come here in a while," Nam Soon confessed, taking a sip of his soda.

"Stopped drinking?" He asked, noticing that Nam Soon didn't have any alcohol in his hands.

But he just shrugged, and gave him a brief smile. "I think I won't be drinking for a while," Nam Soon replied, and he smiled back.

"I didn't get the chance to introduce myself before, I'm Pierre¹. And you?"

Nam Soon bit his lips, searching for Yoon Jae or Joon Hee on the dance floor but both had already disappeared from view.

"I'm Go Nam Soon," he said and Pierre maintained that smile on his face, his eyes not once leaving Nam Soon's. And he knew perfectly well what that meant - what he was waiting for a chance to do. But Nam Soon did not feel like kissing him. Not now. Not with his mind so confused and lost in Park Heung Soo. This was not how he wanted to pretend to forget him.

"Let's go to the dance floor? I have to look for my friends," Nam Soon prompted to say, standing up before Pierre had the time to respond.

"This broken heart can still survive

With a touch of your grace.

Shadows fade into the light."

Heung Soo was sitting alone in front of the table, with a bowl of ramen in front of him. He shouldn't have made ramen. He should have just made some rice. Because ramen reminded him of Nam Soon and that made him realize just how lonely he felt, and how much he wished the other was there with him.

He put some of the ramen in his mouth and just the taste of it made him want to cry. He needed to see Nam Soon, or at least talk to him. But would Nam Soon want to talk to him? Would he want to see him?

He wouldn't know because he didn't even have the guts to call him. He brought this upon himself, so he should deal with it.

But as he looked at the place where Nam Soon used to sit down to eat with him, it just brought him back to all the memories with the other man. He needed him, he missed him.

"Nam Soon-ah..." He whispered, putting his hands in front of his face and sighing. Where was he now? Because he needed to see him.

Because he would always need to see him.

"There is nothing to fear,

For I am right beside you.

For all my life,

I am yours."

[/CONTENTID3][CONTENTID4]