[CONTENTID1]Chapter 10[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "Jar of Hearts" -  Christina Perri (Sam Tsui Cover)

[/CONTENTID2][CONTENTID3]

"I know I can't take one more step towards you

Cause all that's waiting is regret"

The room was still dark when he opened his eyes. He couldn't tell if that was still part of his dream or not - in fact, he couldn't tell anything at all. His lips parted into a smile as he saw the youngest boy beside his bed, looking very uncomfortable since he was sitting with his face falling on his blanket.

So, he did come back. After seeing him leave, after seeing his back disappear through the hospital room, he was afraid he would not see him again. Part of him feared he wouldn't come back to him. But he did - he was there. He knew that Nam Soon wouldn't leave him like that.

With his eyes half open, he held the hand that was lying on his belly. He held it tightly - as he should have done the day before that incident. He held it tight so Nam Soon wouldn't leave.

"Dear, it took so long just to feel alright

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes"

He woke up with the dizzy sound of his alarm, which he forgot to turn off for the weekend. He sat on his quilt, his hands brushing his face in an attempt to wake up. His head was throbbing and his stomach groaned, reminding himself that he hadn't eaten last night. In fact, he couldn't clearly remember what happened last night... he couldn't remember when he left the karaoke, but his head told him that he drank too much - since it was hurting like hell.

He looked discreetly at his side as he tried to pretend he didn't remember his dream. But he couldn't lie to himself. He could lie to everyone, but he would always know the truth - that on some nights he still had those dreams. Those dreams where he'd be lying on his hospital bed, and Nam Soon would walk through that door. Others where he would wake up, and just like this day... Nam Soon would be there. He hated it. He was mad because he couldn't do anything about these dreams, but he would never admit what he was feeling - and he hated it too.

He stood up, turned off his alarm, and headed for the kitchen to get something to eat. The smell of boiled rice filled his nose when he opened the door, and suddenly he realized he couldn't remember coming home last night. And, since he didn't remember, he was sure that he couldn't have returned by himself. Probably Moo Yul helped him with this, but if he was there to bring him home, and even make food, where was he now? He was not the kind of person who would cook for him and just walk away like that.

He found his cell phone on the kitchen counter. He also didn't remember putting it there, but as everything seemed to be in place he was not too worried.

Moo Yul answered his call after three beeps. His voice sounded sleepy, which meant he had just woken him up. But how was that possible? If it wasn't him, who could it be? He desperately tried not to guess who it was because he would probably know the answer - and he really didn't want to know.

"Heung Soo? " he murmured in a hoarse voice.

"What happened last night? I kind of forgot..." Heung Soo whispered, now be the fact that he had called. He tried his best to sound as casual as possible, though he noticed that he failed miserably at it.

"Nam Soon... He took you home," Moo Yul answered like it was nothing. As if it wouldn't affect Heung Soo like it really did. Like it wasn't important.

"I learned to live, half alive

And now you want me one more time"

He hung up his phone, his heart pounding with anxiety and despair as what happened this morning was surfacing. When he thought he was dreaming... did that really happen? Wasn't it just a very realistic dream?

He took the plate with the cooked rice - he didn't want it. He couldn't want it and he shouldn't want it. Without allowing himself to think twice about it, he threw half of the cooked rice in the trash when he heard the door of his apartment opening.

Heung Soo stood up, looking back. And Nam Soon was there, holding two cups of coffee. It was probably snowing a lot, since his hair was all wet and his jacket was damp on his shoulders.

And for a half a second, Heung Soo felt like smiling. Probably that was what made him angrier - the fact that his body was reacting to this bastard quicker than his mind. Perhaps the realization of the truth that was there all along - that he wanted him back - was what really pissed him off. This realization that he was not ready to accept.

"I brought coffee," Nam Soon whispered. There was uncertainty on his tone of voice - worry, hope. But still, Heung Soo was not ready for that.

"And who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting a jar of hearts

Tearing love apart"

"Get out," Heung Soo hissed, the coolness in his eyes. He was mad, the truth getting him off guard. Thinking that he felt happy, that he was relieved to see him ... He couldn't accept it. He didn't want to see him, he couldn't want to. He just couldn't allow himself to forgive him like this. As if it were nothing, as if everything that happened could easily be forgotten.

"Heung Soo-ya ..." Nam Soon whispered. He dared not say anything now. Heung Soo would not allow it, anyway.

"Who do you think you are?" he yelled, approaching him and taking that damn coffee cup from his hand and throwing it to the floor with a lid. However, Nam Soon stood still - just listening, not saying a word.

"You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul"

"Do you think I would forgive you like that? That you were going to show up after all these years, apologize, and I was going to say that 'it's okay?'" He exclaimed with a sarcastic smile on his face, which soon turned into a cold, dead expression. "What right do you think you have to get into my life again, after everything you've ruined?"

Nam Soon looked down, thinking about Heung Soo's words. However ... Was that really how he felt? If so, then why?

"Then hit me. If you hate me so much, get revenge, break my leg, my arms," ​​Nam Soon replied, holding Heung Soo's right arm, placing it against his own chest and facing those cold eyes ... those cold eyes that pretended they did not care. "Or are you just pretending? If you forgot, why did you call my name when you were asleep? Why did your hands look for mine?"

He didn't see the punch hit his face seconds later, and the taste of blood spread through his mouth. Heung Soo's hands were now gripping the collar of his coat, his furious eyes penetrating inside.

"Shut up," Heung Soo hissed, gripping his jacket tightly, and controlling the urge to punch that clean face one more time. "Do you dare to talk like that. Do you dare? Is it not enough to have to see you every morning? Have to see you down from the window every day, see your fake smile every afternoon? When my life was finally taking a path without you, then you appear as if I owe you something. As if you had not already ruined enough," He let go of Nam Soon's jacket, finally releasing the tears that formed in his eyes, and now dripped down his face. His hands were shaking, and his heart was still pounding in that annoying rhythm.

If he could just get over him ... If he hadn't returned that way, if he had already forgotten ... then maybe he would be able to just ignore him. Or even greet him as if he were just that - just someone from the past that made no difference to him, just like any other person who had appeared in his life.

But Nam Soon ... Nam Soon never left. He was not like other people - he never was. And that was why he was so mad at himself. Because, even after those ten years, he couldn't forget the person that ruined his life.

"I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms"

"Just get out, you bastard," Heung Soo hissed. "Just disappear from my life... for good," he said at last.

That was it. Nam Soon understood now. Heung Soo was trying his best - trying his best to live on his on. And now, there was Nam Soon, ruining everything again. Because ruining his dreams wasn't enough. Because, now that Heung Soo has finally found a way into his life, Nam Soon was butting in again... ruining everything again.

Taking one last look at his tear-filled eyes, and trying to hold on to his urge to wipe them away - to hug him and say everything would be all right, he left. Because it wouldn't be all right - not with him there. Not while Nam Soon tried to rebuild what was already broken.

He couldn't rebuild what was long broken ... because the scars would always be there. It was too late to wipe them away. And now, he finally understood - that he had to let Heung Soo go.

"You broke all your promises

And now you're back

You won't get to get me back"

Nam Soon came home after a long walk. He did not care about the cold - matched the moment, anyway. He fell on his bed, not bothering to take off his coat. He felt helpless. There was nothing else he could do.

He sighed, sitting down and leaning his back against the wall behind him as he stared up at the ceiling. Suddenly everything was empty again. He was alone, more than ever - because before, he had become used to it. But since Heung Soo reappeared in his life a bright light could be seen at the end of the tunnel ... and now that light has disappeared.

But he made up his mind. He would give up ... not for his sake, but for Heung Soo's sake. He would no longer ruin his life, and would let him follow his own without him. That was the best for Heung Soo. If that would make him move on, he wouldn't mind about his own difficulties. The fact that he missed him so much ... It didn't matter anymore. He was giving Heung Soo a hard time, and he couldn't allow himself to do it anymore. That was enough.

"Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore

You lost the love I loved the most"

After Nam Soon left, Heung Soo returned to the counter, wiping away the unwanted tears. He was too harsh ... or not? He didn't know ... He didn't understand himself. Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn't he forget? What was it about Nam Soon that, after everything, he still had that special place in his heart?

He held the plate still with half of the rice that he had no time to throw away, and used the chopsticks that Nam Soon had left next to it, to bring them to his mouth. It didn't taste so bad. The rice was good, but his heart felt the opposite of it. He felt sour and tasteless. And, perhaps, it would always be so.

"So don't come back for me

Don't come back at all"

Nam Soon didn't do anything about his day. His Sunday was just another one like the ones before Heung Soo ... with nothing to think about ... without that hope that came so fast and disappeared even faster.

And then, it was Monday already. What he would do after this day, he still didn't know. Should he go back to his old town? Or would just moving to a distant street be enough? It probably wouldn't be. He hoped he would be able to cope with the urge to come back just to see him again ... but he already knew he could not. So ... Nam Soon couldn't stay.

He used vague excuses for his boss, who didn't seem very happy about it. But it didn't matter. It was something he had to do, and he wouldn't change his mind - nothing would change his mind.

That was what he told himself when he handed his resignation letter.

"Who do you think you are?"