[CONTENTID1]Chapter 14[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "If I" -  Ross Copperman

[/CONTENTID2] [CONTENTID3]

"Well you came to me, like a ray of light

So suddenly, a beautiful surprise

My universe alight, and it all seemed right"

"Yah, you idiot, what are you talking about?" Heung Soo exclaimed, pointing the soju bottle at Moo Yul and purposely avoiding Nam Soon's gaze. "How would she look like Nam Soon? You're already drunk, aren't you?" He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, as Moo Yul sustained that I'm being serious expression on his face that was really pissing him off.

"They both even have the same speckle under their eyes. Yes, they do look alike!" Moo Yul insisted on his argument, and Heung Soo merely rolled his eyes, wishing they would really change the subject - why the hell had he mentioned her now anyway?

"Everyone has speckles, so what? I have dark hair too, does that make me look like you?" He mocked, but Moo Yul didn't look like he was about to change his mind.

"It's not only that. Their faces even look alike! If she were a woman she would be Nam Soonie ... and if Nam Soonie was a woman, he would be her!" He insisted, and Heung Soo gave up looking for new arguments. He downed his shot of soju in one gulp, still without looking at his side, where Nam Soon sat without a word since Moo Yul's comment.

Why hadn't Nam Soon heard of this girlfriend before? Since when was he dating? He knew that they had not spoken for a long time, but he could not help wondering why she had never been mentioned. Maybe that was the reason why Heung Soo always picked up his calls in secret? Was that the thing he thought Heung Soo was hiding from him?

However, that was not what bothered him the most - what bothered him the most was that unpleasant feeling of having something stiff down his throat. The unwanted feeling that someone had just thrown a bucket full of ice over him.

The feeling of his heart being shattered.

"But I was unwise, and fooled myself

Pretending you or I were somebody else"

Heung Soo drove them back over to Nam Soon's home at the end of the night. After that unexpected talk with Moo Yul, the situation got quite awkward and Heung Soo didn't take long to find the first excuse to leave.

Heung Soo went with Nam Soon to his apartment without waiting for invitation, but he couldn't avoid the awkwardness that preceded it. Nam Soon hadn't talked in a long time and this was really getting on Heung Soo's nerves.

"What is it?" He asked, following the other boy to the kitchen. Nam Soon did not turn around, and got a ramen package from inside the cupboard - since they didn't eat out, he was feeling quite hungry and a little dizzy from drinking too much on an empty stomach.

He didn't answer right away and also didn't look back at him as he added some fresh water to a pot and put it over the stove.

"Why didn't you tell me you have a girlfriend?" Nam Soon asked, trying his best to sound as casual as possible - even though he was feeling far from casual.

"You never asked me," Heung Soo shrugged, sounding uninterested. However, when he thought about it, the truth was that he didn't know how to tell that to Nam Soon. Back then, as he tried to remember it, nothing came to mind about him and Nam Soon talking about girls. They didn't - back then, this subject didn't even cross his mind.

And right now, he didn't know how to tell Nam Soon that he had a girlfriend. It should be normal to tell that to your best friend, but it didn't seem normal. For some reason, it felt wrong to tell Nam Soon.

He shook his head slightly, trying to push away those strange thoughts. He couldn't understand them, so he wouldn't think about them.

"What about you?," asked Heung Soo. He never thought about asking these kind of things to Nam Soon, so now he might as well start to. "Don't you have a girl?"

Nam Soon added the ramen to the pot and answered without even looking at it.

"No," he murmured, in a lower tone than usual.

"Why?" Heung Soo asked. Thinking about it now, Nam Soon was a good-looking man. There was no reason why he wouldn't have someone if he wanted to.

"I didn't find anyone that caught my attention," he answered honestly, finally turning around to face Heung Soo. He didn't want to keep going with this subject right now. However, there was no right reason not to.

They were both friends - friends talked about this, and that was how it was supposed to be.

"Cos I can't speak the language that you need

And it's killing me"

"What? You never went out with a girl?" Heung Soo asked, watching as Nam Soon went back to cook the ramen, turning off the stove and getting two bowls to pour it in.

He stopped what he was doing though and stared at the older boy with an annoyed expression on his face.

"Of course I did, you bastard. What do you mean?" Nam Soon hissed, angrily handing him his full bowl and sitting in front of his table, not very happy with the way the conversation was flowing.

"Because I thought I would need to help you find yourself a girlfriend," Heung Soo mocked, putting a heavy amount of ramen in his mouth.

"Shut up," Nam Soon mumbled - as if he would. He didn't want a girlfriend. What he really wanted, he didn't want to think about nor admit it. What he wanted, he couldn't want.

"Do you like her?" Nam Soon asked as a friend, just as a friend. He should be interested about it, shouldn't he?

"What can I do, what can I do

To reach out to you

Tell me what can I do, what can I do

Or is it no use..."

"Yes," Heung Soo answered, but didn't give much thought about it.

"Does she really look like me?" Nam Soon whispered, a little bit curious. He wasn't quite sure about what to think of it, not to mention it could just be something from Moo Yul's mind. Heung Soo wouldn't look for a girlfriend who looked like him. It didn't make sense.

"Of course not," Heung Soo stopped eating right away, his cheeks flushing at the mention of it. "Moo Yul is out of his mind, why would she look like you?" He shouted, putting his bowl back on the table with more strength than he had planned - eventually spilling the ramen soup over his clothes. He stood up at once in surprise; luckily the temperature was no longer boiling. Heung Soo looked at his clothes, now drenched with that orange liquid.

"Oh, ," he mumbled, wiping his dirty hands on his pants.

"Are you okay?" Nam Soon asked as he stood up, afraid that he had burned himself.

"Yeah it was not that hot, but now my clothes are dirty," he mumbled, proceeding to take off his shirt.

"I'll lend you some clean ones," Nam Soon whispered, turning around right away and going into his room to get some of his clothes. He chose the largest article of clothing he had, but he was pretty sure they would still be too tight on Heung Soo's body.

He was turning toward the kitchen, already with them and a clean towel in hands when Heung Soo came inside the room, already shirtless. Nam Soon swallowed hard, trying to divert his look at the same time that he pretended to be okay about it.

It didn't help at all that Heung Soo proceeded to take off his pants like it was truly nothing. Indeed it was supposed to be nothing since they were both guys, friends and that should be something completely normal. There should be nothing wrong with changing your clothes in front of your same- friend.

But seeing Heung Soo's body wasn't nothing close to normal. Yes, he was still wearing his boxers, but even so. Making his best to keep his eyes on Heung Soo's face - because really, he couldn't look down - he handed him the clean towel and the clothes and left the room as fast as he could.

Nam Soon even tried to continue eating his ramen when he was back in the kitchen, but his throat insisted on getting too dry on the worst occasions. He took a deep breath, staring at his noodles. Heung Soo is just my friend, he reminded himself over and over again.

He couldn't feel that way. He knew why he was feeling it, but didn't want to admit it. It's been years, but he still couldn't accept it. Nam Soon would never accept the fact that he was feeling attracted to a guy - he couldn't. Worse than that, he couldn't accept the fact that he could like a guy.

It didn't take long before Heung Soo was back in the kitchen, already wearing Nam Soon's clothes that, just as he expected, were too tight on him - and he didn't seem very happy about it.

For a brief second, Nam Soon felt lucky to find something to laugh about - that would take his mind away from those thoughts, at least for now.

"Would it be so hard, for you to let me in

Would it hurt too much, to shed your skin"

It was a warmer Saturday night compared to the last few weeks of extreme cold. Nam Soon bought some beers and waited outside Heung Soo's door. He woke up late this day and didn't have any plans ahead, so he ended up calling the older boy. Since Heung Soo said that he didn't have any plans too, they decided to spend the afternoon together.

"What did you bring?" Heung Soo tried to look inside the bags as he entered the apartment.

"Beer," Nam Soon answered, putting them on the table in the living room.

"I got some movies," Heung Soo said, serving himself with one of the already frozen bottles.

"Not your boring movies, please," Nam Soon mumbled as he threw himself over the couch.

"Wow talk about manners, it's my house," Heung Soo joked, sitting next to Nam Soon and grabbing another beer as if he had bought it himself.

"When we are at home you also choose the movies, what the hell," Nam Soon complained, opening one of the bottles and supporting his arms over his legs.

"I'm older, so it's fair," he shrugged and Nam Soon merely rolled his eyes, pretending he was indeed annoyed by it.

"If I cry for you, would you turn me away

If I die for you, would you beg me to stay

If I try to, read your mystery mind

One thought at a time

If I..."

The movie was not that bad this time, Nam Soon thought as the credits ran down the screen. Luckily, Heung Soo's taste was slowly coming back to what it used to be and Nam Soon would make sure of that.

"Yah, did you drink the last one?" Heung Soo exclaimed, checking in the empty bags over the table.

"I drank... four?" Nam Soon tried to count down the empty bottles at his side.

"You bought six and drank four?" Heung Soo grunted, but Nam Soon just laughed in response. "You sure know how to share," he complained sarcastically.

"Not my fault you take so long to drink," Nam Soon said, yawning loudly.

Heung Soo was on his way back to the couch, pretending to give a proper hit at that boy's head when the bell rang. He gave a brief glance at Nam Soon before heading to the door - he didn't remember inviting anyone else today.

Back on the couch, Nam Soon only managed to see the long and light brown hair of the person standing in front of Heung Soo.

When Heung Soo stepped back and she was able to get in, Nam Soon knew exactly who she was.

"Nam Soon-ah," Heung Soo called him, and the girl looked surprised at Nam Soon, who had just stood up, apparently only noticing his presence now. "This is my girlfriend, Im Jin Ah¹."

Nam Soon wasn't paying much attention, but after their brief greeting, he heard her complaining something about Heung Soon not answering her calls today.

He could see why Moo Yul had told him she looked like him. Something about her resembled him - but she wasn't him, he wasn't her, and never would be.

And in just a few seconds, all the thoughts he tried his best to forget were back in his mind.

The thought that sooner or later he wouldn't be able to deny - that he was in love with Park Heung Soo.

"Your rules, your games, but it's my heart at stake

Watch it as it breaks"