[CONTENTID1]Chapter 50[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack:  "Lost Boy” - Troye Sivan

[/CONTENTID2][CONTENTID3]

“As the smile fell from your face, I fell with it
Our faces blue
There's a heart stain on the carpet
I left it, I left it with you”

“Why didn't you tell me?” Nam Soon was sitting on the bed, staring at the floor between his feet, and didn't look up when Heung Soo entered the room. He barely even moved from where he was, and his words were harsher than when he talked to him on the phone. “Why didn't you tell me about your transfer to Toronto?”

Heung Soo felt as if something was stuck in his throat. What... How...

“How did you find out?” was his first surprised question. Perhaps it was not the best choice of words, but it was the one he first thought of.

He heard an annoyed sigh from Nam Soon as he stood up, facing him with blushed cheeks and - Heung Soo noticed - watering eyes.

“Why didn't you tell me?” Nam Soon repeated the same question with his eyes on him, and Heung Soo could see that he seemed rather disappointed than sad about it. But Heung Soo was shaking his head uninterruptedly in his direction as he looked into his eyes.

“Because I'm not going anywhere,” Heung Soo sighed, placing his backpack over the bed and sitting on the edge. He continued shaking his head in response to Nam Soon's incredulous expression, “I knew you would stay like this and I didn't want to worry you. I'm not going.”

“You can't just don't want to go, ” Nam Soon whispered, not seeming convinced by his words, though his tone was a bit softer than before.

“I can. I don't want to go. I've made up my mind,” he repeated, as Nam Soon looked at him and sat down beside him. He looked at his feet for a few seconds and lay back on the bed.

“It's a chance in a lifetime though.” he whispered while Heung Soo stood up, getting his clothes off his backpack. He made sure not to look back at the younger as he placed his clean clothes back in his wardrobe and threw the dirty ones into a corner of the room. He didn't want to be found out - because deep in his most hidden dreams, the photographs of Canada were still running in his mind - but he made sure not to let it show. He focused on his present, on his future with Nam Soon, and all the things they could do together. What was the point of going if the most important part of his life was staying here? He tried his best to keep this in his mind and not in the impossible possibilities of both of them together on the other side of the world.

“How did you find out?” Heung Soo asked again after he dropped his backpack still with a few clothes over the rack and sat next to him on the bed.

Nam Soon shrugged, avoiding his eyes. Perhaps from embarrassment for ignoring him the whole weekend just because of that, or maybe because he too was afraid to see that Heung Soo was not being completely honest, and really wanted to believe his words.

“Moo Yul went to my cafe on Saturday...,” he sent him a quick glance and stared at his hands again, “... and yeah... he thought I already knew about it.”

“Moo Yul did?” Heung Soo couldn't help from frowning, “why?”

“Dunno, you probably told him that I had opened it didn't you?” Nam Soon sighed, and discreetly stared into his eyes, “... Maybe he wanted to see my reaction about you moving?” this possibility suddenly popped into his mind, but at the time he did not think it sounded suspicious.

“... and how was that?”

“Well it took me a lot of strength to pretend I already knew about it,” Nam Soon’s eyes had an accusing expression, but Heung Soo knew he was no longer irritated.

“Sorry for not telling you about it, but really...” Heung Soo was staring down at him with a regretful expression, even though Nam Soon was no longer angry. “I didn't want you to worry about It.”

Nam Soon nodded slightly, and took hold of Heung Soo's hand in assurance, now feeling more confident to face him. “How was it with your noona?”

“A mess,” Heung Soo shrugged, not really wanting to remember all that had happened, let alone telling him all this - not because he had any problem with telling about it to Nam Soon, but because he didn't want to think about that anymore.

“Was it that bad?”

Heung Soo let out a low sigh as he nodded slightly. “Noona kept pretending that nothing had happened...” he explained and hesitated for a bit, wondering if he should tell him the details, but it was probably better to open his heart now. “She tried to set me up with her friend,” Heung Soo rolled his eyes in an failed pretense that he was just annoyed about it, but Nam Soon knew him better than that.

He frowned, shaking his head as he stared at the older who he kept telling him how he spoke the truth to his brother-in-law - and describing with an embarrassed expression how he insisted on taking him to the train station despite him telling he didn't need to. But he probably wanted to pretend the news had not affected their relationship, but that ended up being an awkward and silent ride.

“That part was not that bad, was it?” Nam Soon was laughing at his side as he told him about their awkward goodbyes.

“Not that part, but my sister... Yes it was bad.” He shook his head in another unsuccessful attempt to pretend he was not so upset.

“Sorry...” Nam Soon whispered, with no trace of laughter on his face, but Heung Soo kept shaking his head and forced a comforting smile.

“Nothing more than I was already expecting,” he shrugged, messing with Nam Soon's hair even more. “And forget about the Toronto thing. It's not gonna happen,” he believed those words while he said them, yet he couldn't erase the images of the yellow autumn leafs from his head, as much as he tried to pretend that he wasn't thinking about how would it be.

“Yeah, the truth is that I'm not sorry
Though I told you not to worry
I'm just some dumb kid
Trying to kid myself
That I got my together”

As he headed to work on the next day, he went with the promise to reject the offer and pass it on to another. He wondered how should he say it, and as he stared at his boss office a few minutes before lunch time he pictured himself opening that door to give him his answer. However, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

I'll do it after lunch, was his promise and motivation to leave his chair and go down to eat. He swallowed down the food, just nodding everytime Moo Yul would mention his transfer, not really paying attention. His mind was back to his sister's words on the last time they spoke - about how his future with Nam Soon would never happen - and back to all the photos he searched about Canada on his phone. How different would life be in that kind of place? Not that it was too hard right now. He knew that his situation with his sister would not change wherever he lived. Yet, when he was back to his office, he still couldn't bring himself to get inside his boss office and tell him what he was supposed to.

Tomorrow - that was his final promise. I'll tell him tomorrow.

However, that was a promise he couldn't keep. Soon it was Tuesday night at the end of his shift, and he still hadn't brought himself to talk to him. The wind was a bit fresh when he came down from the building next to Moo Yul, and he was surprised to see Nam Soon waiting for him at the entrance.

Moo Yul waved in his direction and showed a slight smile on his lips as he looked at Nam Soon.

“Are you enjoying yourself before leaving? You're going in two months right?”

Heung Soo stared startled at Nam Soon and back a him, an embarrassed smile appearing on his lips as he looked from one to the other - he hadn't told Nam Soon that he didn't talk to his boss. In fact, they hadn't talked about the transfer ever since Sunday - after all, he guaranteed he would decline the promotion back on Monday morning.

“Well I'm seeing Jin Ah today. Let's go out one night before you go,” he waved as he stepped out of the building. Nam Soon stared at him for a long time before facing Heung Soo, probably wondering what he should say or hoping that Heung Soo would explain himself first. Or perhaps Nam Soon was just pretending he didn’t care.

“Don't think too much about it,” Heung Soo forced his smile, “I didn't have the time to talk to my boss just yet. I'll do it tomorrow for sure,” he assured him, but Nam Soon avoided his gaze, pretending it didn't matter. Or, as Heung Soo hoped - truly believing it was nothing. Because it was nothing.

Definitely, Heung Soo would talk to his boss tomorrow. This time it was for real.

“I say I wanna settle down
Build your hopes up like a tower
I'm giving you the run around
I'm just a lost boy
Not ready to be found”

He took a few steps toward that door. It felt like someone else was moving in his place as he approached it at the end of his shift. He postponed it until the last minute, but he should finally get this over with.

It was just to tell him he was thankful for the offer, but he wasn't ready to accept it. Tell him he wouldn't accept it - that he couldn't accept it.

The door opened before he could do it himself, and it was as if his boss was waiting for him. It was now. Get this over with.

“So, did you think about our conversation?” he asked from his desk after closing the door behind Heung Soo.

You can't even tell people about your relationship. It will never happen - why were his sister's words coming to mind right now?

Why he had to search about Canada again on this morning? Why the hell this offer had to come right now, when he thought things were going so well.

“I'm.. Still thinking about it.” And as if someone else were speaking for him, those words came out of his mouth.

What would he say to Nam Soon when he went home? Should he not say anything and change the subject? Should he lie and say he refused it? But Nam Soon had already found out his lie before, so he might as well find out again.

Those doubts crossed his mind as he drove home, while several apologies came in an attempt to alleviate this problem. He was reproducing his excuses in his mind as he stepped into the elevator, and only woke up from his thoughts when the door opened on the ground floor and his neighbour came inside. Heung Soo hadn't seen him ever since that fight in the parking lot, and he wondered if he had been avoiding him all this time - and honestly he almost forgot about him after all those news in his life.

He was wearing what should be a work apron this time, and stared into Heung Soo's eyes for a brief second before diverting his eyes. He was wearing a badge with the name Kim Choong-ki¹ printed on it. Thinking about it, it was the first time he had seen his name ever since those times - which he had even forgotten.

The elevator stopped on the first floor and he stopped in front of the door. For a moment, Heung Soo thought he would turn around and tell him something, but he seemed to give up and just moved on without saying a word. Perhaps, Heung Soo thought as he stepped out of elevator on his floor, that would be the last time he would ever see his face.

“I don't care much for locks on the window
To keep me at bay
I'll leave you one last kiss on your pillow
Before I fly away”

He felt the scent of boiled beef as he stood outside his apartment door, and as soon as he entered he could see Nam Soon was with his back to the entrance, cooking something on the stove.

“Are you making dinner?” Heung Soo asked as he entered, leaving his backpack over the counter and walking toward him. “What's the occasion?” - since last time he remembered Nam Soon making something to eat was to tell him that he found a place for his coffee, so he might have some good news today as well.

But Nam Soon just shrugged as he returned to the table with a pot of soup. In fact, he was acting strange tonight, barely looking into his eyes and not talking much.

“Heung Soo...” Nam Soon muttered, placing his spoon over his plate, “... We need to talk,” He whispered, finally looking into his eyes.

“Something happened?” Heung Soo asked, swallowing his last spoonful of soup and putting the pot back on the table.

Nam Soon sighed and breathed out loud, seeming to muster up the courage to tell him what he'd been trying to say, “You have to go,”

Heung Soo looked rather lost at first, “go where?” yet he got what Nam Soon was trying to say even before he even finished his sentence.

“Toronto. Your work offer... You must take it.”

“What are you talking about!?” Heung Soo exclaimed, with a smile on his lips - even though it was a forced one. What kind of joke was that? But the silence from Nam Soon’s side vanished with his smile. In fact, Heung Soo seemed worried, and his face suddenly became extremely pale. “I'm not going anywhere,” he shook his head, pretending to go back to eat but remembered that he had already finished his plate. “I don't want to have this kind of conversation,”

“We’re having this conversation, because I know you wanna go - “

“I said I don't wanna go anywhere” Heung Soo's tone was increasing, but Nam Soon did not seem at all convinced by his answer.

“You know that you can't let go of this opportunity just because of me - no, you won't - not again.”

“Nam Soon.” Heung Soo was no longer speaking loudly, and Nam Soon could see the tears in his eyes. He knew it. Nam Soon was aware ever since he saw the history on his computer of Heung Soo's researches about Canada. In fact, he had known this ever since Moo Yul told him about the proposal, and only pretended to believe when Heung Soo insisted that he did not want to go anywhere.

This was the real reason why Heung Soo didn’t tell him about it other than not wanting to worry him - Nam Soon knew him. He knew he didn't wanna go, but at the same time he knew he did.

And Nam Soon wouldn't be responsible for him to lose that opportunity again.

“Heung Soo...” Nam Soon reached out his hands and held them tightly. He wanted to say it with his eyes - that he loved him, that this was what mattered. That he would be fine. Heung Soo would be all right, and that Nam Soon knew this wasn't the end. “We’ll be fine. I know that.”

“Yeah we knew from the beginning

That this wasn't never ending

Shouldn't stay too long

Cause we both too young” 

OMG I took longer than I intended !! But it's going to be all right, I still hope that I can finish these two chapters in time! Anyway, this ended up being very short, but despite all this I hope you liked it and understand it! Until the next one, for those who are still following me :)

¹Whoever has read My Mistake may remember him ... rs [/CONTENTID4]