[CONTENTID1]Chapter 20[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "Unconditionally" - Alex Goot (cover)

[/CONTENTID2] [CONTENTID3]

"Oh no, did I get too close?"

Nam Soon took a step back and turned to the other side of the street where he had parked his car - as far away from Heung Soo as possible. He hurried his steps and didn't look back, completely forgetting about Yoon Jae and Joon Hee that called him behind his back, caught by surprise, and trying to ignore Heung Soo’s calls behind him; but mostly trying to ignore his footsteps chasing after him before he could reach his car.

"Nam Soon-ah," he called, but Nam Soon pulled away before he could touch his shoulder. He didn't want to look at Heung Soo - he was afraid to see him, afraid to talk to him and afraid to hear his words.

"I'm tired. I don't want to talk right now," Nam Soon exclaimed, getting inside his car before Heung Soo could try to stop him again.

"Nam Soon!" Heung Soo shouted and knocked on his window when Nam Soon closed the door on him - but Nam Soon didn't stop. Nam Soon didn't even look back at him one last time before leaving. He left him there, alone, without speaking a word. Why? What would he do now?

Heung Soo watched as Nam Soon's car vanished from sight and slowly returned to his car, now more than ever wondering if he had made the right decision when he came here.

He looked around the street, especially to the gay couples standing in front of the bars. So, that was it? Was that really what Nam Soon had been hiding from him? But how come he never noticed it before? He felt stupid. He thought Nam Soon was finally close to him again, but apparently he was mistaken - now, Nam Soon seemed more distant than ever.

Heung Soo sighed, running his hands anxiously through his hair and closed his eyes, leaning his elbows on the wheel. Slowly he opened his eyes again and stared once more at those guys in the street. And right now he could see Nam Soon everywhere - he could see him laughing with a group of guys on the corner, he could see him smoking alone in front of the wooden door of an old bar down the street. Now, he could even see him holding hands with another guy at the tables on the bar right in front of him - and that caused a strange and unwanted feeling inside his stomach.

He sighed one more time, before starting the car and driving away from there.

"Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?

All your insecurities"

Heung Soo wasn't paying attention on his way back home. Fortunately he arrived safely, but his mind remained there - on Nam Soon's scared expression staring at him across the street, his eyes filled with tears as he closed the door of his car and left him there.

Already with no will to sleep, he took the first instant food he'd found in the cabinet and put it inside the microwave. He didn't know very well what to think about all this - about what Nam Soon had been hiding from him. He tried to keep his mind distant as he sat in front of the television with his instant food in his hands, but he knew that was already a lost cause. He couldn't think about anything else.

And now that he knew the truth, it all began to make sense - Nam Soon's sudden disappearances, his mysterious friend and all those secrets. He wished Nam Soon had trusted in him enough to tell him, but Nam Soon couldn't even look at him when he saw him there. Why was he so afraid? He tried recalling something he might had said in the past but he didn't think he had made any homophobic jokes at any time - he definitely didn't. This was never something they'd talked about, as far as he could remember.

But perhaps this was an expected reaction - after all, it was only recently that they became friends again. So it was only natural for Nam Soon to be afraid. Heung Soo should understand him - understand what Nam Soon might be feeling right now. Was he still that scared? He wished that Nam Soon wouldn't be making stuff up in his mind at this moment.

However, without a second thought, Heung Soo picked up his cell phone.

"Nam Soon-ah... Can we talk?" He wrote him, even though Nam Soon wouldn't answer him. Of course he wouldn't.

Then, before he could change his mind, Heung Soo promptly stood up, without bothering to finish his food, and took his car keys that had been thrown on the kitchen table.

"All the dirty laundry

Never made me blink one time"

It was over. Nam Soon knew it, but he couldn't face that truth. That's why he ran away from Heung Soo and from that place. It was his own fault for being so careless. He was stupid - he should have realized that Heung Soo had read that message. He ignored it, and now it was too late.

Nam Soon got under the warm water that fell from the shower, wishing it would wash away his fears, wash away his feelings of hopelessness - but it wasn't that simple.

The image of Heung Soo staring at him across the street wouldn't go away. It kept repeating itself in his mind like a broken record.

He returned to his bed after his short bath, feeling lifeless, and fell over it. Resting his head on his pillow, trying to find any sign of tiredness, but he was just too anxious for that. His hands were still slightly shaking since that moment and his increased heartbeat hadn't came back to normal just yet.

He closed his eyes, but Heung Soo's face kept staring at him. It wouldn't go away - it was like it would never go away.

And it was then that he heard someone knocking at his door.

"Walk through this storm I would

I'd do it all because I love you

I love you"

He couldn't believe it - he just couldn't believe that Heung Soo was standing outside his door. Why was he there? Why did he come here?

He stared into his eyes, but for a few seconds none of them said a word. In those seconds, Heung Soo remained there without trying to enter his apartment.

Nam Soon gripped the doorknob, trying to control his shaking while he stared deeply into the other's eyes.

"Why did you come here?" he mumbled in a tense whisper. "I was asleep," Nam Soon lied, averting his gaze and returning to his room, purposely trying to avoid him and pretending that nothing had happened.

"Nam Soon-ah..." he called him in a short hiss, but Nam Soon couldn't turn around. He ran away for a reason,  and for that very reason he didn't want to talk to him about anything that had just happened.

However, Heung Soo wouldn't walk away like that. He wanted to talk - he needed to. Then, before Nam Soon could move further, Heung Soo held his right hand, trying to make him look at him. His hand was cold, and he held it tightly, trying to comfort him without the need to say anything else.

"Nam Soon-ah, talk to me ..." He pleaded in low, gentle tone. But that was why Nam Soon didn't want to face him; that's why he didn't want to see and talk to him now - because Nam Soon wouldn't be able to keep it inside him for much longer. Because he couldn't lie to Heung Soo any longer.

"What?" Nam Soon finally muttered. "What?!" He exclaimed once again, finally turning around to face the older. "You wanna ask if I'm gay? Is that it?" his tone was loud and he did not look away from Heung Soo, releasing the tears that he could no longer hold. Heung Soo let out a low sigh, and closed his eyes, staring at his feet. There was no way out of this. "Now that you know, what are you going to do about it?" he whispered softly, slowly, one word at a time, without taking his eyes off Heung Soo.

"So come just as you are to me

Don't need apologies"

Heung Soo still hadn't let go of Nam Soon's hand, and held it more firmly when he finally opened his eyes, watching the younger boy with a soft expression.

"It doesn't matter," Heung Soo whispered, softly placing his other hand on Nam Soon's right shoulder as he stared deeply into his eyes. "I don't care," he mumbled, a smile of assurance on the corner of his lips. Nam Soon had had his eyes on Heung Soo all this time, and he felt another tear drip down his cheeks. He quickly wiped it with his left hand that was not being held by Heung Soo and looked down. "You thought that I wouldn't accept it?" Heung Soo asked, pressing his shoulder comfortably, without looking away. "I don't care, Nam Soon. It doesn't matter to me. You'll always be Nam Soon. You're my friend, and the same Nam Soon you always have been. You know there's no one like you for me, right? It won't change because of this."

Nam Soon didn't know what to say. He knew it wasn't just that. He was not sure if Heung Soo would say the same if he had confessed to him. He probably would. He probably would still be his friend. But still, he would never tell him this. Now, only those words were enough for him. Heung Soo was there for him, and that was what mattered. When he took so long to accept himself, Heung Soo accepted him without thinking twice.

"I'm sorry..." Nam Soon mumbled, biting his lips to stop himself from crying again.

"Is that what you were hiding from me?" he asked, now placing his hands next to Nam Soon's face, running his fingers through his damp hair. Nam Soon looked up at him, wanting to say so many things - so many things he couldn't say, and that he wouldn't say. So instead, he just stared at him, keeping those thoughts inside him.

Heung Soo smiled again and pulled him against his chest, holding him tightly, as the younger boy laid his head on his shoulders, releasing the tears once more. But this time, it wasn't sad or resentful tears.

Nam Soon was glad to have Heung Soo there for him. Even if he couldn't have his love. Even if he couldn't have his heart, even so, just knowing that Heung Soo would be there for him, that was enough.

"You can count on me for anything. You know that, right?" Heung Soo whispered, running his fingers gently through his hair.

"There is no fear now

Let go and just be free

I will love you unconditionally"

Nam Soon backed away, wiping the tears from his eyes and stared again at Heung Soo. He wasn't shaking anymore. He wasn't afraid. It wasn't over - everything would be all right.

"I feel so stupid..." he whispered, and Heung Soo laughed.

"Well, that's you," he teased, and Nam Soon couldn't hold back the laugh.

"Shut up, you bastard," he mumbled, using his shirt to wipe away his watery eyes.

"Are you better now?" Heung Soo asked, Nam Soon's hair one last time and resting his hands on his shoulder. Nam Soon stared at him, nodding.

"Then I'll get going," he said, taking his hands off his shoulders and pulling away to leave.

"It's late, why don't you stay?" Nam Soon asked and Heung Soo turned back to him, staring deeply into his eyes. And for some reason Heung Soo felt that Nam Soon wanted to tell him something. There was something in his eyes that made it seem like he was still hiding something from him. He shook his head, trying to fade those thoughts away and smiled.

"Yeah, okay," he said, hanging his coat back on the rack on the front door.

"Did you eat?" Nam Soon asked, and Heung Soo nodded.

"Yes. Just need to shower," he said as they headed for the bedroom.

Heung Soo stood under the water, staring at the tile walls in front of him as he turned it off and took a clean towel from under the sink to dry himself. He hoped things would get better between them now - he wondered how hard this had been for Nam Soon and he wanted to be there for him, from now on.

He wrapped the towel around his waist and gripped the door handle, but then he suddenly stopped.

Would this be the first change since he discovered it? He wanted to keep it like before, but something made him stop and put on his previous clothes. Was this bad? He wasn't doing this because he had any kind of disgust - it never even crossed his mind. However, he could no longer enter that room with only a towel - no matter how stupid that was, but he couldn't.

However, as soon as he left the bathroom and returned to Nam Soon's room, he found the boy sleeping on his bed. He was breathing slowly and looked very tired. Maybe he hadn't been getting enough sleep in the last few days?

Heung Soo sat down beside him, watching the boy who was resting silently. He smiled with the corner of his lips, and ran his hands through Nam Soon's hair, gently. Trying to give him some comfort, to express how much he cared for him - how much he worried about him and wanted Nam Soon to know that.

"Unconditional, unconditionally

I will love you unconditionally"

Nam Soon woke up late the next day and Heung Soo was no longer lying by his side. He slept until very late, as it was the first quiet night of sleep he had in a long time.

After washing his face Nam Soon returned to the kitchen, where he found Heung Soo watching something on the television.

"I thought you left," Nam Soon grunted and Heung Soo looked up at him, standing up.

"You're finally awake, I'm starving here and there's nothing to eat," he complained.

"Oh," Nam Soon mumbled, "I have to go to the market... And don't say nothing, there's instant food," he shrugged, but Heung Soo wasn't listening to his ramblings.

"Go get ready, we are going out today," Heung Soo said, pushing him back into the bedroom and ignoring his complains.

"Where are we going?" Nam Soon asked, getting out of the bedroom twenty minutes later, with a damp hair and wearing warm clothes since it looked like it was cold outside.

"Still don't know. But don't take your phone," he said as he turned off his and dropped it over the central table.

"Why? Are you intending to run away with me?" Nam Soon joked and Heung Soo gave a slap behind his head.

"I don't want them to keep calling us. It's been a long time since the two of us have gone out to have some fun alone," Heung Soo explained, and Nam Soon smiled at him, taking his cell phone out of his pocket and dropping it on the counter.

They went out in Heung Soo's car, but Heung Soo hadn't really made a plan for where they should go, so he just looked at Nam Soon, who was putting on his seat belt.

"Should we go to Itaewon?" He asked the younger, who blushed heavily at his side.

"No!" He exclaimed. He was happy that things were fine between them, but that would be too much. He didn't think it would be a good idea - in fact, it sounded like a terrible idea.

"Oh, okay, no need to react like this," he grumbled and Nam Soon rolled his eyes.

"Did you watch Friend 3 with Jin Ah already?" Nam Soon asked. He had wanted to watch this movie for a while now and soon it would be out of theaters.

"Of course not. She doesn't watch those kind of movies," he chuckled and Nam Soon smiled relieved.

"Should we watch it?" Nam Soon asked and Heung Soo nodded.

"Sure, after we eat. I think I could eat an elephant right now," Heung Soo complained. "Let's have ramen?" he smiled and Nam Soon didn't need to be asked twice.

It had been a long time since they went to a ramen shop. Nam Soon missed the scent of hot pepper, the cozy place and the pepper taste that only lost to Heung Soo's ramen.

He even missed the stupid jokes they spoke out loud while they asked for a second round of ramen. Just like old times. As if they had no problems, and nothing had really changed.

They went to the nearest mall to watch the movie and got some tickets for the next session. They sat in the middle of the room, not too far away or too close to the screen, just like Nam Soon prefered.

Heung Soo really missed the old days with Nam Soon, like this one. He would never find someone like him - he would never find someone who would be as fun to hang out with like Nam Soon. With him, Heung Soo knew that he could totally be himself. He didn't need to think twice about what he could say. He could just say and do whatever came to his mind because he knew that Nam Soon wouldn't care, since Nam Soon did the same to him. It was natural, free, fun, and everything he never felt with anyone else. Something he would never have with any other friend, something he wouldn't even have with Jin Ah or any other girlfriend he might have.

Because these things, he only shared with Nam Soon.

"Know that you are a worthy

I take your bad days with your good"

It was close to eight o'clock in the evening when they left the mall. Heung Soo was driving them home but they decided to stop at an open bar to eat some crispy fried chicken and drink some soju.

The place was half empty, since it was small and it was still early, not to mention the fact that most people preferred enclosed places in this cold, windy weather. But this way was better, since they could talk without anyone paying much attention to their conversations.

"So, are you seeing someone?" Heung Soo asked as he drank his second glass of soju.

Nam Soon stared at him, putting his empty glass back on the table and feeling a slight flush on his cheeks.

"No," he whispered as he poured himself a new one.

"And what about Yoon Jae?" Heung Soo asked, curious. In fact he had been wondering about him ever since he found out about Nam Soon.

"No, he's just a friend I met recently," he mumbled. "He lives with his boyfriend," Nam Soon admitted, and was surprised to see that Heung Soo smiled at his response.

"Oh," Heung Soo muttered. For some reason, knowing that made him feel relieved. For some reason that he ignored and erased from his mind without realizing it. "And... since when did you know?" Heung Soo asked in low tone, staring into his eyes. He wondered how much he would tell him about this, but he hoped he didn't need to keep secrets anymore.

Nam Soon stared at the half empty bottle. He didn't want to get into this subject. He was afraid to talk about it because it could reach to a point he couldn't mention - a point about his feelings that should not be revealed.

"Not long," he mumbled, taking a last shot of the soju. He wanted to finish it soon and go home. "I'm kind of tired... Can we get going?" Nam Soon suggested, but already standing up.

"Okay," Heung Soo nodded, eating the last fried chicken and following Nam Soon back to his car.

It was already past ten o'clock when they arrived at Nam Soon's apartment. Heung Soo intended to get his phone and drive back home, but since it was already late he might as well just stay over.

"I think you have to bring some clothes and leave them here, since you've been sleeping here all the time," Nam Soon joked and Heung Soo smiled at him, shrugging.

"I'll just go home quickly tomorrow before work to get some clean ones. And you're going with me," he warned as Nam Soon went inside his bedroom, yawning loudly.

"So open up your heart and just let it begin

Open up your heart"

They were in his bedroom, in Heung Soo's apartment. Nam Soon was laughing widely and Heung Soo couldn't keep his eyes away from that smile, from those lips and bright eyes; the line at his neck, and what he imagined under his clothes. Nam Soon would touch him as he spoke - gentle touches on his arms and thighs.

And just like untemporary dreams that make no sense, they were now in Nam Soon's living room and the younger boy was under him on the couch. They were kissing and Nam Soon's hands were running over his body, desperately, hastily, and with an excitement that was burning him from the inside.

Heung Soo rolled over on the bed and opened his eyes. He felt warm and watched Nam Soon sleeping soundly at his side. Right now, he felt like he was dreaming something good - but he couldn't remember any of it. He let out a smile as Nam Soon opened his mouth in a funny way, his right leg nearly falling off the bed, and Heung Soo turned around again, closing his eyes and wishing he could go back to the dream that he had forgotten about.

"Acceptance is the key to be

To be truly free

Will you do the same for me?"