[CONTENTID1]Chapter 22[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] Soundtrack: "Lego House" - Ed Sheeran

[/CONTENTID2] [CONTENTID3]

"I'm gonna paint you by numbers

And colour you in

If things go right

We could frame it

And put you on a wall"

Heung Soo couldn't sleep. He rolled on the bed once again, but he didn't want to close his eyes. It had been long since Jin Ah feel asleep beside him, but he was still wide awake.

Because closing his eyes meant seeing Nam Soon. Sleeping meant dreaming about him and he didn't want to. He had to fade those thoughts away, but why couldn't he? He wanted to enjoy his night with Jin Ah, but why was it that, deep down, he wanted it to be Nam Soon by his side and not her?

He didn't know how long he slept that night, but it was probably only a few hours, since he was only ten minutes into the movie that Jin Ah had chosen for them to watch and his eyes were already heavy.

Probably the film did not help, but he was actually sleepy. Jin Ah wasn't talking much, and she didn't bother waking him. The situation had been more than awkward since the night before, so he couldn't contain a relieved sigh when he finally left her apartment to return home on that Saturday night.
 

"And it's so hard to say it

But I've been here before"

It had been a few hours since Heung Soo had sat on his bed with his notebook , even though he wasn't using it at all - he just wanted to keep his mind blank for some time and finally get some rest. In the meantime, his cell phone soon began to beep - it was a message from Nam Soon. He wanted to ignore it and do nothing again, but he couldn't. The urge to check the message was stronger than his self-control.

"Are you home?" Nam Soon texted him. He should have said that he was with Jin Ah because he was not sure if it would be a good idea to see Nam Soon right now. But that would be him trying to fool himself - he knew that he wanted to see Nam Soon.

"Yes," he answered, sighing as he stared at the screen of his cell phone. It was so stupid to be feeling this way. What was happening to him? Was all this mess in his head just because he'd found out about Nam Soon? Perhaps he was confused, and for that reason these thoughts began to come to his mind - Heung Soo really wanted to believe that it was just that. He had to believe, or he would have to admit the truth that he couldn't even make himself to pronounce. That's why he would erase it all from his mind.

Nam Soon was his friend. He couldn't start to have these strange thoughts. Heung Soo wasn't like that - he couldn't be.

"Can I come over? I bought something awesome, you won't believe it!!" Nam Soon sent him.

Heung Soo sighed with a small smile on the corner of his mouth. What was Nam Soon planning right now?
 

"I'm out of sight

I'm out of mind

I'll do it all for you anytime"

Of all the things that went through Heung Soo's head about what Nam Soon could have bought, surely a PlayStation 3 was not one of them.

"Oh my God, how old are you again?" he mocked him, but Nam Soon wouldn't listen to his complaints. He went behind the television and began to plug the cables.

"Shut up, bastard. It was cheap, how could I let it pass up?" He said, sitting on the sofa and holding his breath in anticipation. "What are you doing? Come here and let's play it," he said as the Street Fighter's splash screen started playing.

Heung Soo couldn't hold back the smirk as he sat down beside him, holding the other game controller.

It brought back some memories, this game. They spent so many times playing it back in high school, and he thought he would never want to remember it again. But now that he had Nam Soon back, those were definitely not bad memories anymore.
 

"And it's dark in the cold December

But I've got you to keep me warm"

"So, Nam Soon-ah... Have you been with many guys?" Heung Soo managed to ask after taking what should already be the seventh shot of soju after losing another match.

"Yah," Nam Soon hissed without taking his eyes away from the television. "That's none of your business!"

"Why?...!" He complained after losing another one. "I thought we were friends, and friends share those things," he said as he served himself another shot of soju and downed it in one go.

Nam Soon didn't answer this time - he was too concentrated on the game. He had chosen a bad character and now he knew he wouldn't win. And just as he expected, he had to take a shot. He had already lost count of how many he had taken up to this point.

"I didn't, why?" He finally answered the question that by this point Heung Soo thought he would no longer have an answer.

"Didn't what? You have never been with a guy?"

"Just one. And it was just a kiss," Nam Soon mumbled, starting another round, but Heung Soo was too entertained in the conversation to pay attention.

"So you never had with a guy?"

"Pay attention to the game, will you?" Nam Soon exclaimed as he gave a final kick on Heung Soo's character, who died without him even looking at the screen - but Heung Soo didn't seem to care anymore, not even when he took another shot.

"Why are you so surprised?" Nam Soon asked, starting another game. But Heung Soo didn't even have the game controller in his hands anymore.

"And who's he?" Heung Soo changed his question, suddenly more curious than he wanted to be - though he was already too drunk now to realize what he was really asking Nam Soon.

"Doesn't matter. Just someone," Nam Soon shrugged as he mercilessly beat Heung Soo's character, knocking him to the ground one more time.

"How's he like?"

"Why are you curious about him?! It doesn't matter," the younger complained, pouring another drink to Heung Soo.

"I can't," he pushed the glass away, looking sick. "If I drink one more, I'll pass out," he complained but ended up drinking it anyway.

"So pay attention to the game and stop asking questions," Nam Soon laughed, selecting his character for the next round.

"I can't even focus on the screen anymore!" Heung Soo raged, grabbing his controller and throwing it onto the central table, breathing heavily.

"Yah, I drank more than you did," Nam Soon complained but ended up also putting his controller on the table.

"No you didn't"

"Almost the same," he insisted as he served himself and Heung Soo another round of shots. "Let's finish this bottle."

"If you wanna drink, just drink. Are you trying to kill me?" Heung Soo pointed out, refusing the new glass that Nam Soon had served him. To that, Nam Soon started laughing non stop, shortly after taking another shot. His face was red and a few tears started to form in his eyes. Heung Soo didn't even find it funny, but started laughing with him anyway.

"What is it?" He questioned between their laughter, and Nam Soon just shook his head, trying to breathe.

"I don't know, you're angry and that's funny," he mumbled.

"Oh look at us, so stupid, I'm not a kid anymore," Heung Soo hissed as he proceeded to undress his blue T-shirt. "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" He said, using his shirt to wipe the sweat that formed on his forehead.

Nam Soon didn't answer him though - he caught himself staring at the older, and quickly turned his attention to the bottle of soju, from which he began to drink until he emptied it.

"Are you nuts?!" Heung Soo shouted, taking the bottle from the other's hands, but it was too late since Nam Soon had already drunk it all.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" Nam Soon whispered, his cheeks completely flushed. Heung Soo stared at him for a few seconds and smiled.

"Maybe," he muttered between his grin, and noticed Nam Soon's cheeks blushing even more. In fact his whole face was red at this point. "Are you being seduced by me?"

"No, not with your ugly face," Nam Soon hissed, opening the last bottle they had on the table and taking another shot. He served Heung Soo a new one and he drank without further thinking about it.

Heung Soo put the glass back on the table and stared at the man at his side who was fanning himself and staring at the paused screen in front of them.

Within a second, Heung Soo touched Nam Soon's shoulder and shoved him down onto the couch.
 

"And out of all these things I've done

I think I love you better now"

Heung Soo's heart skipped a beat as he stared at the younger man underneath him, their faces only inches away. He was so close, yet so far away. Nam Soon's delicate face; the face he had been dreaming so desperately about. However that should probably be the alcohol messing with his head.

"Heung Soo-ya..." Nam Soon whispered. For a moment, Heung Soo thought he saw his cheeks blushing, but that only lasted a second. "Get out," he manage to warn, covering his mouth with his hands and pushing Heung Soo from the top of him before running into the bathroom.

When Heung Soo reached the door, Nam Soon was already over the toilet, puking all of the alcohol out of his system.

"Oh God," Heung Soo laughed and attempted to help Nam Soon, but stopped when his own stomach started tossing and turning by the sound of the vomit. It also didn't help that the walls were spinning around him, definitely making it harder for him.

"I'll get you some water," Heung Soo said, heading out of the bathroom and back into the kitchen.

Nam Soon stood up as soon as he could, rinsing and cleaning his mouth in the sink. He needed to sleep. He definitely needed to sleep.

"Heung Soo, you..." he whispered as soon as he reached the kitchen and found the boy in front of the freezer searching for something. "What are you doing?"

"Don't know," he whispered holding the freezer door open. "I can't find where I put the water," he said and was followed by a loud laugh that came from Nam Soon. "What?" He complained.

Nam Soon didn't answer, instead he took some cups that were drying over the sink and filled both of them up with water. Heung Soo just frowned but accepted the water from him anyway - before he got sick just like Nam Soon.

"Did you see the candy I had around here? I need some sugar," he asked Nam Soon, barely able to look for them inside the cupboards.

"I think I saw them somewhere, we should have bought some chocolate," Nam Soon said as he turned around, heading back to the couch.

"Where?"

"Oh, I don't know, I'm spinning," Nam Soon chuckled as he threw himself over the couch.

"Yah, can't you help? I'm dizzy," Heung Soo repeated and searched inside the drawer beside the sink. He finally found the old candy he was sure he had - it was not chocolate, but it was better than nothing. He opened it as he sat on the couch beside Nam Soon, who was just staring straight ahead by now. He grabbed some candy from Heung Soo but didn't look at him - he felt he could puke again if he moved too much.

"Are you feeling any better?" Heung Soo asked as he put a few pieces of candy inside his mouth at once.

"No. You?" The other answered, doing the same as him.

"No," Heung Soo said, glancing at Nam Soon who finally returned his gaze. They stared at each other for less than a second before their laughter came out involuntarily.
 

"And three words have

Two meanings

"There's one thing on my mind

It's all for you"

Heung Soo woke up from a good dream by an annoying noise in his ear. He tried to adjust himself over the bed but all of a sudden he felt as if he had no room for it - and then he realised that he was not on the bed, but on the couch, sleeping with Nam Soon under him, disputing some blank space over it.

Heung Soo was too slow to react to the proximity they were in and to pull away in time for Nam Soon not to notice. Then, before he could actually make a move, Nam Soon opened his eyes, facing Heung Soo over him, who shamelessly had a morning that pressed against the younger.

Heung Soo was glad he remembered just then that his cell phone was ringing - which was the cause of the annoying sound in his ear.

He promptly rushed to answer it and pretended that nothing had happened.

"Hi," Heung Soo answered just in time to hear Moo Yul talking to him on the other end of the line.
 

"I'm out of touch

I'm out of love

I'll pick you up

When you're getting down"

"It's hot, why is it so hot?" Nam Soon mumbled to himself as he locked himself inside Heung Soo's bathroom. He wondered how the hell did they get themselves in that situation? He just hoped Heung Soo hadn't noticed anything. But he was sure that Heung Soo too should be embarrassed, since he realized the situation in which Heung Soo was earlier. But it was just an unlucky inconvenience right? Nam Soon couldn't be more relieved that it wasn't him in that kind of situation, but Heung Soo.

Oh God. He really needed a bath, he thought as he entered the cold shower. An ice-cold shower would do him good - it definitely had to do him good. Yet, Heung Soo's body over his... Nam Soon couldn't take that feeling out of his head. And he was sure that a cold shower wouldn't be enough to fade it away.

Heung Soo threw himself against the couch, breathing heavily. He was glad that Moo Yul had called just in time, but he was still embarrassed - he was still so damn embarrassed. There couldn't have been a worst time for him to have those kind of dreams. He sighed heavily and heard Nam Soon coming back from the bathroom, already dressed. He stood up, pretending nothing had happened - and indeed nothing should have happened.

"Jin Ah is coming too," he said. He didn't know why he said it. Was he trying to prove anything? He probably was. Whether it was for him or for Nam Soon, he wasn't sure. The thing he was sure about was that he hadn't proved anything to himself. Because even if Heung Soo tried to deny it, he knew - he knew deep down that he could no longer try to deny what he was feeling. But as much as he knew, he would continue to deny it.

As for Nam Soon, he definitely saw that expression he was trying to hide - the expression that made Heung Soo wonder if he was still hiding something from him. The expression that made him think about what he was really hiding. When he mentioned Jin Ah, for half a second, that expression was there - before being replaced by a stupid smile.

"Yeah, so what's wrong?" Nam Soon just said, sitting down on the couch. "Go get ready, I'm ready to leave," he murmured. But he was no longer looking at Heung Soo as he said it.
 

"If you're broke then I will mend ya

And keep you sheltered from the storm

That's raging on now"

Nam Soon tried his best to pretend things were great. He tried to ignore Heung Soo with Jin Ah, ignore both of them walking in front of him holding hands.

They were strolling in an outdoor mall, and had bought some snacks to eat while they talked and laughed with Moo Yul at their side. Nam Soon purposely stayed a step behind, but after a while Moo Yul was by his side while Heung Soo and Jin Ah walked in front of them. Nam Soon tried to pretend he was okay, when he really wasn't. When he heard that she would be there too, he didn't really wanna go. But how could he say he wouldn't without sounding suspicious? So, he had to go. He had to leave his feelings in the past. This couldn't go on. He wanted to go out and have fun with them without feeling jealous - without feeling that hurt because of Heung Soo. He couldn't leave him, but it was also too hard to stay. Nam Soon still didn't know what to do.

He didn't know for how long they walked, but suddenly Heung Soo followed Jin Ah into a store to buy some souvenirs and Nam Soon was about to follow them, but Moo Yul called out his name and stopped him from going after the couple. At first Nam Soon thought that he wanted to go somewhere else, but soon he realized that Moo Yul had something he wanted to talk about with Nam Soon.

"I need to ask you something," he said, staring at both of them inside the store. "Has Heung Soo mentioned anything about Jin Ah or is he having problems?" He asked, but Nam Soon seemed confused. He had not heard anything about it before.

"Problems?" Nam Soon repeated.

"Jin Ah is sad lately. I know it's about them, and I wish I could help her..." He whispered. He seemed a bit sad, but Nam Soon didn't think much about it. Rather, he was surprised by the sudden news. "You are closer to him. Would you mind talking to him about it? If you could, it might help them," he suggested.

Nam Soon didn't answer for a moment. He didn't know that Heung Soo was having problems with Jin Ah - he actually had no idea. But what could he do to help?

With his secret feelings killing him deep down inside, how was he supposed to help Heung Soo with his relationship? He knew he should be a good friend. A good friend would help. But could Nam Soon really do something to help Heung Soo in this kind of situation? Was that really possible?

"Sure," he said. Even though he wasn't sure. Even though he knew he couldn't do anything. Even if he was lying. He lied because he could never tell the truth. Nam Soon would have to get used to lying, because the truth had to remain hidden deep inside him, until those feelings he had for Heung Soo finally faded away. If they didn't - if they really didn't go away, it would be a secret that Nam Soon would have to keep with him forever.
 

"I'm gonna pick up the pieces

And build a lego house

If things go wrong we can knock it down"

It was already night when they arrived at Nam Soon's house. They were supposed to stop at Heung Soo's apartment first to drop him off since they came with Nam Soon's car, but it was already becoming a habit to sleep at Nam Soon's.

And in a way, Nam Soon was glad to have left soon after shopping without even stopping at a bar or restaurant to eat. But that was probably a sign that Heung Soo and Jin Ah were indeed a bit awkward with each other for some reason. So, as Heung Soo's friend, Nam Soon wanted to do something to help them. Or at least he had the conscience that he had to do something - even if he didn't really wanna do it.

"Wanna eat something?" Nam Soon offered, but already got some crackers from the kitchen counter. They weren't that hungry since they ate snacks from the street the whole afternoon.

"And water," Heung Soo asked, but Nam Soon had already filled a glass and the television, sitting beside him and offering him the crackers.

Nam Soon wasn't sure he should bring it up - this subject that had been running in his head. Should he do something? Should he help him? He couldn't avoid the feeling that he was being selfish, always ruminating on his own problems and completely forgetting about Heung Soo. It shouldn't be only about him. If Heung Soo was feeling bad, shouldn't Nam Soon help him? After all, he was his friend. To put his feelings for Heung Soo above everything else, he knew he shouldn't be like that.

"So..." Nam Soon said, but without looking at Heung Soo. Because he didn't think he could. "How is it going with Jin Ah?"

But Heung Soo didn't answer. Instead he stared at Nam Soon in silence for some time.

"Are you suddenly curious?"

But Nam Soon couldn't answer that. He didn't wanna pretend. Instead, he decided to be honest with Heung Soo.

"Moo Yul... He said you were having problems... I mean," Nam Soon swallowed hard and gathered enough courage to face Heung Soo. It wasn't like Heung Soo could read his mind, so it would be alright. "If I can help with anything," he whispered. But the words barely came out of his mouth, because Nam Soon knew he was not being honest. So, he diverted his stare for the meantime.

"No problem at all," Heung Soo said, looking back at the TV. Because there was nothing Nam Soon could do - there was nothing anyone could do. Heung Soo was having problems, but it had nothing to do with Jin Ah. His problem was sitting right next to him, asking if he could help - it was looking at the floor with that look in his eyes.

"You like her, right? Are you feeling bad recently?" Nam Soon asked. And Heung Soo stared back at him again. Nam Soon's words sounded regretful and hurt. The thing he was hiding, was he repressing it now? Nam Soon had been hiding it for his sake? But if Heung Soo were honest with himself, if he were true to his feelings and blocked his mind from everything else, what would be the truth then? "You can talk to me if you need. I'm here for you now, okay?" Nam Soon said. And Heung Soo could feel that scent of baby shampoo again - the one he'd been dreaming about, the only one he'd been thinking about. If Heung Soo could be honest with Nam Soon, what did he really want to do?

"Nam Soon... I..." Heung Soo whispered and Nam Soon stared back at him again. There, deep inside his eyes, Heung Soo could see it - he could see the painful expression, he could see Nam Soon's true feelings. And, if he forgot about everything else, Heung Soo's feelings were...

He held his breath before he could even think deeper about it and desperately pressed his lips against Nam Soon's. Those lips he couldn't stop thinking about. He placed his hands along his neck, feeling the soft skin he had secretly longed for - perhaps for much longer than he thought.
 

"Now I'll surrender up my heart

And swap it for yours"

Nam Soon felt like his heart would pull out of his chest. Of all the things in his mind until this very moment, for Heung Soo to make the move first - that had never crossed his mind. But Heung Soo did it and Nam Soon didn't want to think about anything else. He wouldn't think about what was right or not. He wouldn't think about the promise he made just a few hours ago. Right now, he couldn't even think properly.

He closed his eyes and all that mattered now were his feelings, the beating of his heart, the scent of Heung Soo's cologne, and his lips brushing against his. He didn't want to go too deep or be too eager - he was afraid that Heung Soo would back away. Then, slowly, he brushed his tongue against Heung Soo's lips. He wondered if it was too much, but Heung Soo easily responded, asking for some space of his own. Nam Soon was drowning on his scent, the hands on his neck, and the heat that was beginning to take over his body to the point where he could not even breathe. Was this real? Was Heung Soo really kissing him? Wasn't this just a dream? But this feeling inside him, the response his body was giving to Heung Soo's kisses - it wasn't just a dream at all.

Nam Soon shifted in his place and when he was about to touch Heung Soo's arms, Heung Soo backed away. It wasn't slowly and delicately, but more like scared and startled. Heung Soo had his eyes opened wide and his cheeks blushing. His lips were still open and wet and Nam Soon found it hard to keep breathing. He wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come out. He had so many things to say and ask, but nothing ever came. And before he could release his breath, Heung Soo was already on his feet. Without looking back, without saying a word, Heung Soo left his apartment.
 

"Don't hold me down

I think the braces are breaking

And it's more than I can take"