I found it funny how wild and fast his thoughts travels, but somehow I also found it hard to laugh when he lowers his head like a child who did something wrong.

“I wasn’t. I’m not going anywhere.”

He looked up, his eyes finding mine, shining with excitement yet seeking assurance.

And I know exactly how to answer him.

I never had to sort out my feelings because I barely had them.
But I’ve felt a whole lot of emotions after I met Chan Yeol.
All this time I’ve been embarrassed to admit their presence, because I’m not used to it.
But I want to. I want to get used to it.

Rather than living a mundane life and staying away from anything that hurts like I used to, I want to feel.
I want to speak whatever is on my mind like Chan Yeol does when he’s troubled,
I want to kick the trash bin like Chan Yeol does when he’s angry,
I want to throw my head back and laugh like Chan Yeol does when he’s happy.

And most importantly, I want to do all of these with Chan Yeol.

I know what I want now.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I said again, this time looking right into his eyes, just like I did when we first met.

“Chan Yeol…..” I continued, biting my lips. “DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME?” I quickly said it in one go before my courage fades away.

I swallowed hard and stared at him, not knowing how to react if he were to reject me.

“Ok…..”

My eyes lit up.

“… But where?” He asked innocently.

I let out a sound of disbelief. “Are you kidding me? After I con-, after I.. said those kind of things, as a girl….”

I don’t think I’ve felt this defeated in my life.
I just got rejected, by someone who didn’t even realize his rejection.
 

“Ah Mi ah, where are you going! Wait for me!” He called as I stomped off.

“Don’t follow me!” I stared at him.

“But you wanted me to go with you?”