Sunhee ignored the whispers surrounding her upon entering Hanyang University Medical Center.  Walking up to the receptionist desk, she awaited for the woman to get off the phone.  Pushing back her discomfort, a need to exit the same way she came, Sunhee clenched her hands in front of her to steel her nerves.  This could go two ways, she hoped for the most part that her eyes could be opened in someway in respects to her sister’s state of mind.

“Ahn Sunhee,” the receptionist nodded getting off the phone.

“I was wondering Jin Suk-seonsaengnim available?” Sunhee questioned.

“I believe he is with a patient at the moment,” the receptionist blinked.

“I see.  Do you think it’s possible if I wait until he has a break?”

“He has patients all afternoon I’m afraid.  I’m sorry,” the receptionist apologized.

“Can you give him a message to give me a call then?” Rummaging in her bag, Sunhee pulled out a small pen and pad, scribbling her number down on a sheet before handing it to the receptionist.  “Tell him it is important that I speak with him when he has a moment.  I wish to ask him a question.”

“I will make sure he receives this,” the receptionist nodded, taking the item from Sunhee.

“Thank you,” Sunhee bowed, turning to leave Hanyang when she found the man she sought entering the door with several files under his arm.  Her eyes lit up heading in his direction.  “Seonsaengnim.  Jin Suk-seonsaengnim.”

“Sunhee?” The man tilted his head to the side at the girl who came to stand in front of him.  Looking past her at the receptionist who shook her head, he focused back on the girl giving him a serious stare.  Skittish in front of the young woman whose sister once brought the center under heavy scrutiny,  Jin Suk put on a weary smile.  “How are you doing?  Look how much you have grown since I last saw you.  How might I help you?”

“Do you have a minute to speak to me about unnie?” Sunhee asked.

“Soonim?  I don’t know where she is still.  She didn’t tell me her plans when she - ” Jin Suk trailed off swallowing nervously at the subject.

“It’s fine seonsaengnim,” Sunhee smiled sadly.  “The police finally have her in custody.”

“They do?  Thank god,” Jin Suk sighed in relief before he could catch himself.  “I’m sorry Sunhee-sshi.”

“I know unnie brought the hospital into a bad light,” Sunhee bowed.  “I apologize on her behalf for that.  It is something different I wish to ask you.  Working here at the center, you were her closest friend.   It’s still hard for me to believe that she would do something like this.”

“Everyone was shocked.  Your sister was a very caring dedicated member of this facility.  The concept she would kidnap or murder anyone is hard to digest even now.  I spoke on the phone to them both the day before they disappeared.  I ask myself every day how I did not know,” Jin Suk mumbled.

“You did?  Did Youngjae-ssi sound scared?  What did you talk about?” Sunhee gasped.

“He did not sound like someone who was being held hostage.  He seemed to be considerate and thoughtful of Soonim, but I wonder now if it was because she was threatening him.  We will never know the truth unless they speak on it.”  Jin Suk shook his head.  “I should get going, I have patients I need to see.”

“She’s pregnant seonsaengnim,” Sunhee blurted out.  “I have no idea if they are going to allow us to keep the baby when its born.  Do you know what they will do in this situation?  I’m not able to attend school here anymore because of everything that has happened.  Appa quit his job as well.  We’re going to move to the country to start over, but do you think the judge will take that into account and give us custody of the child?”

“She’s…” Jin Suk paled, looking at the woman who sought him out for answers.  “I don’t know what to tell you Sunhee-sshi.  That is not my area of expertise.  There’s a chance that the courts will grant custody in your favor because you are biological family, but the prosecutor may say that your family is unfit to raise the child because you are Soonim’s family.  That young man’s family may be given custody.”

“What if he will not wish to raise the child?  If he does not in fact love unnie, what do you think will happen to the baby?” Sunhee expressed the fear that laid in her heart since meeting Soonim again for the first time.  If Youngjae resented her sister, what would happen to the child that her sister loved unconditionally?  It would break Soonim’s heart if the child was taken away from family, never knowing who its real parents were.

“It will be placed in foster care I’m assuming,” Jin Suk contemplated.  “When neither member of the family can raise a child, there are child services that will look into finding the child a home.”

“I want to make an appeal to raise the child if that happens,” Sunhee voiced.  “I don’t believe the child should suffer from circumstances that separates it from its real family.  I don’t care what I have to do, I will not allow that child to grow up without knowing it is loved by its real family.”

“That is very noble of you,” Jin Suk smiled.  “I should get going.  I wish you the best of luck Sunhee-sshi.”

“Thank you seonsaengnim,” Sunhee bowed.  Leaving Hanyang Sunhee thought about what she just said to Jin Suk.  It was true that the child should not suffer from this experience, yet she still had no idea what Youngjae’s feelings were for her sister.  Had he come to love her in the time spent together on the run?  In the months following Soonim’s disappearance, Sunhee veered clear of B.A.P. as much as possible.  

Members from the fan cafe had spread horrible rumors about both her and Soonim.  No amount of protesting convinced them otherwise that Soonim selfishly wanted attention any way possible.  Refraining from spilling the entire story to the community, Sunhee peacefully retired from being a BABY.  Even now she still received threatening letters in the mail pointing fingers at Youngjae disappearing from the spotlight.  Threats that if he did not return, they would make her and Soonim disappear as well.

“If any of the fans found out the truth,” Sunhee mumbled to herself.  “They would hate unnie and the baby so much.  I have to do what I can to protect them.”  What she needed to do was speak to Youngjae about his feelings for her sister.  She only knew half the story.  If she heard his side of things, she could better understand what she needed to do.  It might help her better understand why Soonim would throw away everything just for him.  She only hoped that he would see her and not turn her away.

—-

Youngjae stared around the room that Daehyun was showing to him: B.A.P.’s practice room.  He was beginning to understand slowly about this comeback issue and his role in it.  He had no idea the life he lived here in Korea revolved around him being an entertainer.  Compared to his life in America, his existence as part of B.A.P. felt like some ludicrous dream world he would wake up from at any moment.

“So what is my role?” Looking over at where Daehyun stood, Youngjae found the older bring out a small radio.

“Vocals,” Daehyun answered.

“Vocals?  You mean I’m the singer of the group?” The thought that he sang both intrigued and baffled him.  He never considered he had that kind of talent nor did Soonim ever mention that particular talent.

“Correct, don’t worry, I share the responsibility of vocals with you,” Daehyun grinned.

“What do the others do?”

“I rap,” Zelo said pushing away from the wall to fast rap for Youngjae whose eyes widen in surprise.

“That’s amazing,” Youngjae gaped.

“Yongguk-hyung also raps as well as composes songs for us,” Zelo smiled.  “He’s a good leader.”

“Himchan is our visuals,” Daehyun said.

“Visuals?” Youngjae turned his attention onto Himchan.

“I make the group look good,” Himchan teased.  

“Do the fans think the rest of us are ugly?” Youngjae asked bewildered.  “I think everyone here looks real handsome.  Are fans that picky about who they deem looks good?”

“Sometimes,” Daehyun laughed.  “We’ll explain the whole thing to you later when we get back to the dorms.”

“All right,” Youngjae said, turning his eyes on Jongup, for a brief second the image of the young man dancing flashed through his mind.  “You dance Jongup?”

“Are you remembering things hyung?” Zelo asked excitedly.

“Maybe,” Youngjae said.  “I just saw an image in my head of Jongup dancing.  Is that correct that you are the dancer of the group then?”

“He is.  Uppie is really good too,” Zelo smiled.  “I dance too.”

“Do you mind if I see?” Youngjae said.

“I have some music right here.  We are going to see how up to speed we can get you for the comeback.”  Daehyun turned up the volume on the radio, Zelo and Jongup getting into place.  Hitting the play button, the room filled with a powerful melody.  “This was our debut song, Warrior.  Maybe if you listen, it will bring some memories back.”

Sitting cross legged against the wall watching Zelo and Jongup go through a routine that they seemed to have practiced tirelessly on, Youngjae stewed over whether fulfilling his duties in B.A.P were possible.  Holding no confidence in if he could produce the same sound portrayed in the song, the matter of standing in front of strangers to perform also plagued him.  Daehyun told him not to worry, they would be right beside him all the way, nonetheless the learning curve to work as a unit with the other members was steep.  Would they get upset with him for not remember parts or singing at the wrong time?  What if he missed a step in routine?  Could they be patient with him to catch up to the level they were at?

**

Daehyun looked over to find Youngjae mulling over their debut song.  His friend’s brows furled together as he set about memorizing the lines.  Scooting closer to Youngjae, Daehyun nudged his friend.  Not looking up, Youngjae continued his study of the song.  Daehyun not giving up, nudged his friend once more, continuing until finally the blonde beside him playfully shoved him.

“What?  Don’t you see I’m looking over the song?” Youngjae complained.

“I know,” Daehyun beamed.

“And you still want to bother me?”  The frown between Youngjae's brows deepened studying the idiotic grinning face of one Jung Daehyun, his pain in the best friend.

“You keep frowning like that, you’re going to get wrinkles, then none of our fans will like you.  They will call you a grumpy looking ahjusshi,” Daehyun teased.

“Pabo,” Youngjae shook his head.

“Don’t call me a pabo, pabo.”  Sticking his tongue out, Daehyun wrapped an arm around Youngjae’s shoulders.  “Don’t worry so much, we’re in this together.  You don’t have to carry this all alone.  I’m here for you.  I will always be here to save your .”

“I will call you a pabo when I feel like it pabo,” Youngjae taunted, grateful to have Daehyun as a friend along this journey.

**

“Youngjae?” Noticing that his friend’s eyes were glazed over.  Daehyun rushed over to the brunette.  “Jae? What’s wrong?”

“Dae?” Himchan moved to kneel in front of Youngjae as well.  Zelo and Jongup stopped dancing, fear lining their faces at the commotion.  “Jae, can you hear us?  Are you okay?”

“Pabo…” Youngjae murmured.

“What?” Daehyun gripped his friend’s shoulders, his brow furling together in confusion.

“You are such a pabo sometimes…” Youngjae continued.

****

“I can't believe you finished that entire thing by yourself,” Youngjae emphasized as they walked away from having dinner together.  Glancing over at the male rubbing his belly with satisfaction, Youngjae turned his nose up at the gluttony of his friend.  “One of these days Jung Daehyun is going to pop like a balloon from stuffing himself.”

“I hope I get all over you then,” Daehyun grinned swinging an arm around Youngjae’s shoulders.  Doing his best to shake free of Daehyun’s grip, Youngjae listened to Daehyun cackle.  “What’s the matter?  Can’t get me off you?”

“You’re like an octopus,” Youngjae complained.  “Move pabo.”

“I’m definitely not moving now.”  Leaning over to kiss Youngjae’s cheek, Daehyun took pleasure in the complaints voiced against him.  “We’re stuck together for the rest of our lives.  When you go to sleep, I’ll be right there hanging on to you.”

“Answer your phone pabo,” Youngjae ordered as Daehyun’s phone went off.

“Lucky little duck.”  Removing his arm from around Youngjae, Daehyun pulled out his phone to answer it.  On the other end was their manager who had some change of plans to discuss with him.  Promising their manager to be there in fifteen minutes, Daehyun hung up his phone, waving his hand out for a taxi by passing.

“Good you’re leaving, now I can have some peace of mind,” Youngjae taunted, shoving Daehyun towards the taxi that was slowing to a stop.

“You’re going to go press your face against the shop of that electronics store aren’t you?” Rolling his eyes, Daehyun had no idea what the fascination Youngjae had with all his little trinkets and games.  “Don’t stay out too late or I’m going to come drag you home.”

“I’ll be home before eleven mom,” Youngjae swore.

“You better or I will send the hounds out after you,” Daehyun grinned climbing into the taxi.  Youngjae waved his friend off, crossing the street headed found a local electronics shop on the way back to the dorms.  When Youngae had a little extra pocket money, he went to scope out the latest pieces featured in the shop.  Recently the challenge of building his own computer for gaming came to mind and the store became a great reference for parts.  There was a motherboard he kept eyeing, waiting for the price to go down enough that splurging on it would not make him feel guilty.

Allowing his feet to carry him the way, Youngjae greeted the owner of the store who by now recognized him through his repeated trips there.  Moving over to the section with computer parts, Youngjae found to his delight that the price was finally dropping, a new item feature with a more expensive price tag.

“I would say in a few more weeks, the one you’re looking at will be in the price range we discussed a while ago,” the older gentleman grinned, making his way over to lean against the counter.  “Personally I still don’t know what the fascination is with computer parts.  Just buy a new computer.”

“It’s a personal goal,” Youngjae smiled.  “If I can build it myself, it’s something I can proudly say I accomplished through determination and will power.  I guess it’s more about the process than the end result.”

“You kids now and days are amazing,” the old man admitted.  “All this knowledge with technology at your fingertips confuses me.  Back in my day, we had no idea what computers could do.  We never heard of computers until we were well out of college.  Phones were still on landline, none of these handheld mobile ones.”

“The world changes a lot, but it’s not a bad thing knowing something about technology.  It helps people who we would never meet to connect,” Youngjae said thinking about all the messages he received from International fans all the time.  The world outside of Korea was so vast, he couldn’t wait to meet everyone that supported him and the rest of B.A.P.

“The minds of you kids today,” the old man laughed.  “I hope you get to meet whoever it is you’re trying to connect to.”

“So do I,” Youngjae nodded. Staying for just a while longer to browse over a new selection of tablets, he checked his watch, knowing that he should begin to head back home.  He wouldn’t put it past Daehyun to call to warn him about imaginary hounds stalking him.  Wishing the shop owner a good night, Youngjae exited the store just as a woman approached him, her tearful eyes catching his attention immediately.

“Excuse me, I don’t mean to seem forward, but do you think you can help me?  I was switching out my dying cellphone battery, but I dropped it.  Do you think you can shine your phone light under my car so I can find it?” the woman asked.  “It would really help me out a lot.”

“Where’s your car?” Youngjae asked.

“Right over there, I really appreciate your help,” the woman smiled, wiping away her tears.

“It’s no problem,” Youngjae smiled, following the woman who placed something inside the bag she was carrying on her shoulder.  “Just point to me where you dropped it, and I will look for you.”

“Of course Youngjae,” the woman smiled, spinning around suddenly.  Youngjae had little time to react as she launched herself at him with a cloth.  Stunned at the action, his head swam from the powerful scent of fumes saturated in the cloth.  His vision blurred as he heard the woman say something, pressing the cloth firmly over his mouth and nose; his eyes watered, vision fading quickly while his lungs burned from the chemicals.  Choking on the fumes, he succumbed to a disorienting darkness.

****

“Jae, answer me what’s the matter?” Daehyun demanded.

“I couldn’t breath,” Youngjae whispered.  “I thought I was going to suffocate.”

“What?” Daehyun frowned.

“It messed with my head.  I didn’t know what was happening when I woke up.”  Tears blurred his eyes, remembering waking up tied to that chair in Soonim’s apartment.  His throat closed, choking on the tears trickling down his cheeks.  “I was so confused.”

“Jae…are you…do you remember?” Daehyun asked desperately.

“I need to go.”  Pushing away from Daehyun, Youngjae stumbled up from where he was sitting.  Rushing from the practice room, he ran for the exit as flashes of fragmented memories bombarded him.  Images of eating food with Daehyun, Soonim injecting drugs into his arm, singing in front of fans, joking with Daehyun, the sight of blood sloshed over a wooden floor, and being intimate with Soonim assaulted his mind.  Clenching his head, he tried to force them away, ignoring the sounds of Daehyun chasing after him.  Entering an elevator, he rapidly pressed the button for the doors to close.

Shutting himself in the elevator, Youngjae slid down into fetal position, sobbing hysterically not caring where he was going.  He did not want Daehyun or the others to see him like this.  Fighting the images continuously slam the walls of his cranium, the dinging of the elevator reaching a floor sounded.

“Please go away,” he whimpered.  “Please I don’t want to remember.  I don’t.”  Blindly crawling out of the elevator, he stumbled to his feet seeking the exit.  Pushing open the door, he staggered outside.  Making his way from the building, hearing his name called by a woman gave paused.  Blinking back his tears, he found an unknown girl gazing at him with unconcern.

“Youngjae-ssi…I…are you okay?  Can I speak to you?  I’m Ahn Sunhee…Soonim’s sister.”

A/N : And here is where I decide to stop.  Don't kill me for wrecking your Youngjae feels today.  Blame Soonim!  As I mentioned last chapter the catalyst to all things has begun and the next few chapters are going to be a challenge not just for Youngjae, Daehyun and the rest of B.A.P.