Sitting in the cool room, off white hospital room Himchan allowed his thoughts to wander as he waited with Youngjae for the doctor who would oversee his recovery and rehabilitation.  Youngjae fidgeted on the edge of the bed he was instructed to sit on by the nurse.  Himchan wandered if it was more the anxiety of what the doctors were going to say or if by chance the meds Youngjae had taken a few hours ago were finally wearing off.  Himchan hoped that the doctors would not confirm what he theorized in regards to Youngjae’s situation.  It would cause Daehyun to freak worse than he already was doing, not to mention he had no idea how Zelo and Jongup would take the news.

“I really wish they would hurry this up,” Youngjae complained rubbing his arms, breaking through Himchan’s thoughts.  “What the hell is taking them so long?  They know I was scheduled to come in.”

“Perhaps there was another patient before you that needed attending to,” Himchan offered to the irritable young man tapping his foot impatiently against the floor.  Youngjae’s face pulled into a scowl, the noise of his foot increasing at least by a fraction.

“Do they think we don’t have things to do?  Nobody has time to stay at this hospital forever,” Youngjae muttered running a hand through his hair. 

“Yongguke is speaking with our manager about your comeback, you shouldn’t rush things,” Himchan advised.  “Think about your health more.”

“I am, that’s why I want them to hurry the hell up,” Youngjae retorted back harsher than he expected to.  Realizing his tone, Youngjae shook his head.  “Sorry Channie.”

“It’s fine, I understand you’re anxious.”  Providing Youngjae with a comfortable smile.  Finding Youngjae relief in the face of the gesture, Himchan turned his thoughts back inwards adding Youngjae’s behavior to his mental checklist.  Perhaps he was overreacting in this whole situation, but the nagging feeling in his gut told him that he needed to pay attention to each and every one of Youngjae’s moods for any telltale signs.

“Excuse me.”  An older man with peppered hair evident of the marks of a man soon to be exiting his middle age years wandered into the room, his dark eyes flickering between the two men in the room.  “Yoo Youngjae-ssi?”

“Me,” Youngjae raised his hand.  “Are you my doctor?”

“That is correct.”  The man closed the door to the room, shuffling over to examine Youngjae more closely before turning his attention to Himchan.  “And you are young man?”

“I am his group mate,” Himchan inclined his head respectfully.  “I came in place of our manager who is speaking with our management at the moment.”  Daehyun raised a fit when Himchan blocked him from coming, yet the oldest in the group knew that the Busan male’s temper would boil over in concern for his best friend.  Right now they all needed to take this as level headed as possible to ensure Youngjae’s recovery went smoothly.

“Group?”  Flipping through his notes, the man’s eyes scanned what was written in the case file.  “I see, you’re part of a group called B.A.P.  All right, we’ll get down to the first order of business.  How are you feeling at the moment?  Any pains you have concerns about?”

“No,” Youngjae shook his head.  “I feel fine.”

“Considering you’ve lost nearly forty pounds since a few months ago, if we set you on a schedule of possibly five or six months, we can safely get you back to where you were,” the doctor nodded his head.  “Are you currently taking any medications I should know about?”

“Channie?” Youngjae turned his eyes over to Himchan expecting the older male to produce his bottles.  Himchan reached into his bag for a second before remembering he had not brought the bottles that he left on the counter.  Searching his memory, he realized that he had not seen them when they were leaving the dorm.  “Himchan?”

“You didn’t pick up the bottles?” Himchan inquired.

“No, I thought you had them,” Youngjae said, a moment’s panic creeping up.  That panic shifted to irritation that Himchan was so careless to allow his medication out of sight so easily.  “Where the hell are my bottles then?”

“I’m sure one of the others moved them out of the way.  We can ask when we get back,” Himchan stated.  Youngjae muttered something Himchan could not understand, the younger turning his eyes back on the doctor with them.

“It’s fine, I have a record on hand,” the doctor commented flipping through his paperwork again to find what he was looking for.  Scanning through the paperwork, the man’s brows furled with concentration, occasionally his glance flickered up to give Youngjae a brief study.  The subject in question fidgeted again self-conscious of the emotion clouding the man’s eyes with every glance up he took.  “I see.”

“What?” Youngjae questioned.  “Is there something I need to know?”

“How long have you been taking these medications?” the doctor questioned pulling a pen from his pocket to scribble down a note.  “I’m not able to prescribe you anything until we do more test and reevaluate you.”

“I was just evaluated upon my return to Korea,” Youngjae voiced.

“That is true, but we will need to do another evaluation.  I cannot sign off on these medications without doing my own evaluation first,” the man stated.

“That’s ridiculous,” Youngjae protested.  “I just had an evaluation a few days ago.  Why can you not write me more prescriptions?  I’m sick, if I don’t have them, my condition will be worse.”

“Jae, you have to look at it from his stand point,” Himchan tried to say finding chagrin cross Youngjae’s expression at the words.

“He wants me to be worse off than I am now?” Youngjae snorted.  “I don’t understand why he can not just give me more medications.  It’s apparent I’m sick.”

“Young man, you are not sick, I have the results of the blood work they conducted a few days ago.  I don’t know how they do things in America, but you are not sick.  You do not have cancer and you certainly are not going to relapse into something you do not have,” the doctor spoke.

Youngjae blinked a few times, the news hitting him square in the chest.  A part of him inwardly knew that he could not have been as sick as he had been told.  A part of him knew that Soonim had lied to him.  That if he really had cancer he would have known before her.  Internally Youngjae was absolutely certain that if he stopped the drugs, there would be no relapse of a condition that was nonexistent.  Yet even when he knew this, saying it out loud rocked through him.  The news stole his breath from his lungs, squeezing his chest so hard that he gasped at the burning sensation from lack of breathing.  Despite knowing that it was true, a fragment of his mind doubted the man.

“Would you like to see the results yourself?” The doctor held out the result papers to Youngjae understanding the balking expression on display in the young man’s eyes.  “That is why I can not give you drugs for your addiction.”

“Addiction…” The blow of what the doctor said further struck Youngjae.  “What addiction?”

“Young man, I have been a doctor for nearly forty years, I know the signs of addiction when I see them.  It’s unfortunate that someone as young as you are happen to fall into this hole, but if you are willing to admit now that you have a problem, we can get you back on track before its too late.  Your body has done well not to further decline from the substance abuse, but I do not know if you continue on this path,” the doctor started to lecture.

“That’s not possible,” Youngjae said adamantly.  “There’s no way I am addicted to my medication.  I use it when I feel ill only.  I don’t take it because I want to get high off it.”

“You think you are taking it because you are ill, but the fact of the matter remains is that your body is dependent on it to keep you going.  When you don’t have it, you feel ill, is that correct?  I have just established that you are not sick,” his matter of fact tone judgmental in nature.  “I have paperwork right here backing up what I am telling you.  Are you going to still deny that you do not have a problem?”

“Did you read the police report?” Himchan spoke up, going over to stand by Youngjae battling with the news the man was handing him.

“I read the report.  That’s why it is unfortunate, but we need to also address the current situation without tiptoeing around it.  He will not get better if I give him prescription drugs.  It will be much harder to have him accept if we do not tackle the subject now,” the doctor said, his expression softening.  “I do not wish to come off as cold, but this is a serious matter.”

“Bull,” Youngjae snapped, raising his eyes to glare at the doctor.  “You expect me to believe that you are not judging me right now.  I saw the look you had in your eyes reading my case file.”

“Youngjae,” Himchan said.

“I want a new doctor,” Youngjae demanded ignoring Himchan.  “I want someone who is capable of giving me new and doing what is best for me.  I don’t need this hypocritical treating me.  Let’s go Himchan.  It’s a waste of time to stay here and listen to him call me a drug addict.”

“Wait Jae.”  Himchan placed a hand on Youngjae’s shoulder, stopping the younger from leaving the room when he stood up.

“There’s no reason to wait.  I want to go back to the dorms.  I’m not going to sit here and let him say I’m a drug addict.  I’ve been through enough already.  I don’t need this added to everything else,” Youngjae yelled, blinking back hurtful tears.  “I’m the ing victim of a crazy woman, and he wants to judge me.  him and this ing hospital.”

“Jae, calm down,” Himchan said.

“What for Channie?  So he can go on saying that I’m a ing addict?” Youngjae snapped.  “I don’t have to sit here and take this.”

“Young man,” the doctor began.

“No, you.  I’m leaving.”  Brushing past Himchan, Youngjae headed out the door, pulling out his phone to call for their manager to come get him.  Wiping the tears streaking down his face, Youngjae’s shaky hand scrolled through his phone to find B.A.P’s manager’s number.  He would be damned if he remained in that room to be slandered.

“Youngjae,” Himchan called behind him.  Refusing to turn around, Youngjae kept walking for the elevator.  If Himchan was going to stand by and allow it, he did not need the older to come with him on his trips to the hospital.  He would ask Daehyun next time for certain.  “Youngjae hold up.”

A hand halted his movement, spinning him around to face Himchan.  Himchan’s brows dipped in concern roaming over Youngjae’s face.  “Leave me alone Channie.  I don’t need this from anyone.”

“I’m sorry,” Himchan apologized.

“Are you really?” Youngjae wondered, his anger melting, giving way to hurt.  “I am the victim in all this.  I don’t deserve to be treated with contempt.  I want to get better and be a part of B.A.P. once again.”

“I really am sorry that you think I allowed you to be slandered,” Himchan apologized sincerely wrapping an arm around Youngjae’s shoulder.  “Shall we head back to the dorms?  We can work on getting your files transferred to a different hospital with more expertise into your situation.”

“Thank you hyung,” Youngjae cried softly. 

Himchan rubbed Youngjae’s shoulders to calm him down.  In his mind, he had no doubt that the underlined problem the doctor had addressed laid at the heart of the younger male’s mood swing.  It brought all the fears Himchan was harboring since reading up on the prescription bottles to light.  Before exposing outsiders, he and Yongguk should hold a meeting with the others to guide Youngjae into acceptance.  Once Youngjae was willing to admit this harsh truth, they could look into outside support.

“Hyung?” Youngjae wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, glancing at Himchan whose eyes once again were turned inwardly with thoughts.  “Hyung?”

“There’s a hospital on the opposite end of where TS is.  We can stop by there on the way to practice for your checkups.  I think there’s a physical center located inside as well,” Himchan announced putting his thoughts on hold until he could discuss it with Yongguk.  The only issue Himchan could contemplate in the outcome of this was Daehyun who obstinately sought everyone’s collective agreement to pretend Youngjae was normal.  “Come on let’s go.”

“All right.”  The two men walked down the hall to the elevator.

“Hyung when we get back is it okay that I take my anxiety medication.  I’m shaking really bad,” Youngjae announced holding up his hands to show Himchan the tremors running through him.  The elevator stopped two floors down, the doors opening to admit a young nurse onto the elevator.  Her eyes smiled at the two men, Youngjae pressing closer to Himchan subconsciously.

“Are you okay?” Himchan glanced over at the woman who kept peeking at them, quickly looking away each time with a short smile.

“I don’t feel good,” Youngjae whispered.

“We can stop by a convenient store on the way back and get you something,” Himchan replied rubbing Youngjae’s back feeling the tremors traveling through him.

“Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude,” the young nurse said on the fifth glance in their direction.  “But, can I have your autographs?  I’m a big fans of B.A.P.”

“I don’t have a pen on me,” Himchan apologized.

“It’s fine, I have one right here,” the nurse exclaimed excitedly digging into her pocket to produce a pen.  “I can’t believe that I’m running into you both here.  Are Yongguk-ssi and the others here as well?  Did you come for a checkup?”

“Can we get off on the next floor so I can use the bathroom hyung?” Youngjae whimpered as the nurse moved closer to them.

“Are you still feeling ill Youngjae-ssi?” the nurse asked.  “You’ve been out for a while.  I’m glad you’re okay now.  Are you going to be in the next comeback?  I can’t wait to hear your voice again.”

“Leave me alone,” Youngjae blurted out, putting space between the nurse and his self by moving to against the wall, shielding his view of the woman with Himchan’s body.  “I don’t want to talk to you about this.  Not right now, please just leave me alone.”  Hitting the button for the next floor, Youngjae trembled the wave of nausea sweeping over him.  When the elevator doors opened, Youngjae bolted, Himchan closely behind him apologizing to the baffled girl.  Following Youngjae around a corner, Himchan found the young man doubled over dry heaving in panic.

“Jae,” Himchan said.

“I’m sorry hyung, I couldn’t stand to be so close to her,” Youngjae professed weakly.  “I felt sick, I thought I was going to lose it in the elevator.”

“We can take the stairs the rest of the way down,” Himchan smiled, supporting Youngjae who leaned against him.  “You can have half a tablet.  We’ll see if we can measure out how much you take when you go into these attacks.  I’m sure when your new doctor sees your report, they will understand and write you prescriptions.”

“You don’t think I’m a drug addict do you?” Youngjae bit his lip, glancing up at Himchan in desperate need for reassurance.  Walking down the flights of stairs leading to the entrance of the hospital, the older male shook his head no with a smile.

“You are a victim.  Nothing that is happening is not something you wish for.  We will explain everything to the new doctor,” Himchan voiced.

“Thank you hyung.” Youngjae returned the smile, the two leaving the back way of the hospital to keep from meeting any fans that may be waiting for them.  Taking a taxi back to the dorm to keep their manager from panicking over the situation just yet, the young men fell into their own inner thoughts the ride back.

“You two are back early?” Zelo blinked seeing the two enter into the dorm from where he sat on the couch with Jongup.  “That was a quick visit.  What did the doctor say?”

“I don’t want to talk about that right now?” Youngjae shook his head going into the kitchen to search for his prescription bottles.  “Have you seen my bottles?”

“For your medicine?” Zelo asked.  “No, not when I came in earlier.  Are they not in your room?”

“No,” Youngjae said opening a cabinet to peer through it.

“Dae-hyung was in here before I got back,” Zelo thought.  “Maybe he put them up for you knowing how important they were.”

“Daehyun,” Youngjae shouted.  “Daehyun come here for a moment.”

“Did something happen?” Yongguk came out of his bedroom, a countenance of alarm displayed on his face.  Yongguk’s eyes immediately went to Himchan who motioned the leader over.  Doing as advised, his eyes flickered to Youngjae who impatiently waited for his friend to enter the room.  “What happened Channie?”

“We’re going to need to have a discussion, all of us,” Himchan sighed.

“Why?” Yongguk frowned.

“Jae, what’s wrong?  Why are you and Himchan back from the hospital so soon?” Daehyun walked into the room, cocking his head to the side to stare at his agitated friend.

“Where are my bottles?” Youngjae demanded coming from around the kitchen to confront Daehyun.  “Zelo said you were in here when they were last seen.  Did you put up my bottles?”

“I took care of that whole problem,” Daehyun announced.

“What the hell do you mean you took care of the problem?”  Youngjae stopped short of his friend, blinking in confusion.

“I took care of them,” Daehyun repeated.

“Dae, I don’t have time for cryptic messages, tell me where my bottles are,” Youngjae shook his head.

“I threw them away,” Daehyun declared.

“You what?” Stepping back in shock, Youngjae could only stare at the man who he called a friend.  “You better be joking right now.  Please say you’re joking Dae.”

“I’m not,” Daehyun shook his head.  “I threw them away and then took the trash out.  We agreed that we were going to pretend everything did not occur.  You have no reason to need them if you are okay.  So I threw them away.  She doesn’t have any control over you.  Keeping them around was letting her win.”

“Daehyun,” Himchan chided.

“No Channie, it’s not good for him.  We both know it.  Instead of allowing him to keep depending on that stuff, we need to get it out of his system as quickly as possible,” Daehyun folded his arms.  “It was making him sicker.  I was not about to sit back to watch as he slipped further away from us.”

“It’s not your place to decide that,” Himchan reprimanded.  “We have to let professionals decide the best course of action in this case.  We can not take such matters into our own hands.”

“I can’t ing believe you,” Youngjae snapped, his eyes seething with rage as he glared at Daehyun.  Not expecting that response, the Busan male looked just in time to find Youngjae’s fist connect with his jaw.  Stumbling back onto his , his mouth gaped up at where he had fallen.  Youngjae’s entire form shook his anger as he lunged for Daehyun.  “Who the do you think you are?”

“Jae,” Himchan exclaimed.

“I’m going to ing kill you, you ,” Youngjae yelled raising his fist again.  Daehyun shoved Youngjae off him, crawling to safety.  The vehement male grabbed his ankle, dragging Daehyun back into proximity of him.  Clamoring over the downed male, Youngjae attempted to wrap his hands around Daehyun’s throat when Yongguk swooped in pulling Youngjae off Daehyun.

“What the hell?” Daehyun shouted.

“You son of a , I can’t believe you.  I’m going to kill you,” Youngjae spat, all rationality in his eyes gone as he shook violently.

“Jae calm down,” Himchan ordered.

“ you.  all of you.  You were in on this weren’t you?” Youngjae accused.  “I can’t trust any of you.  You are all the ing same.”  Yanking away from Yongguk, Youngjae stormed out the room.  The group jumped hearing the door to Youngjae’s bedroom slam followed by something crashing over.  Zelo’s face paled listening to the ruckus.

“Hyung,” Jongup trembled completely flustered by the encounter.

“You shouldn’t have thrown his medication away Dae,” Himchan voiced softly getting a clothe so Dae could clean the blood from his split lip.  “The doctor said that he has a dependency on them.”

“That’s why we need to get rid of them,” Daehyun argued.

“It’s not that easy.  He has to be weaned off them gradually.  Or he will suffer from mood swings like what is happening now.  Or worse.  I read up on those prescriptions.  The side effects are worse than him being on the drugs themselves,” Himchan sighed.

“Then we can get the doctor to write him more,” Jongup suggested.

“It doesn’t work like that either.  No doctor is going to just write him those prescriptions without first evaluating him.  Not to mention he’s not sick.  He has no reason to be on them.  The doctor today tried to confront Jae with his prescription problem, but he rejected the idea he was addicted to them.  That’s why we left the hospital so abrupt,” Himchan explained.

“What are we going to do?” Yongguk said.  “We need to tell our manager about this.”

“We first need Jae to acknowledge he has a problem,” Himchan devised.  “Once we do that, I think it’s going to be easier.”

“How are we going to do that when he’s like that?” Daehyun scowled nodding his head at the sounds of Youngjae tossing things around in his room in rage.  “He’s not exactly levelheaded right now.”

“We wait until he calms down, then we bring it up to him,” Himchan planned.  Daehyun silently nodded, the group settling in to wait out Youngjae’s mood.  The noise eventually ceased, though they were uncertain if it was due to Youngjae no longer having anything else in the room to destroy.  Time ticked away, tensions heavy amongst the group.

“What’s wrong with you five?”  Their manager came into the dorm, frowning at the grim atmosphere heavy in the air.  “Where’s Youngjae?  How did the visit to the hospital go Himchan?”

“About that,” Himchan sighed.

“What about it?” Looking over the group, his eye widened seeing Daehyun’s bruised mouth.  “What happened here?  Why is your mouth like that?”

“I fell and bit it,” Daehyun muttered lowering his eyes.

“You fell?  What were you doing?” their manager interrogated.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Daehyun waved off.

“There’s something up,” the man said.  “Why are all of you in here and Youngjae isn’t?  What’s really going on?  Did you two get into a fight?”

“It’s nothing, I fell,” Daehyun repeated.

“This is ridiculous, you two got into a fight of some kind.  That’s why you’re all sitting here like this.  This isn’t good for the comeback.  You two need to talk this out immediately,” their manager huffed going out the room to Youngjae’s door knocking on it.  “Youngjae, I want you to come out and talk to Dae about whatever you two fought over.”

“Hyung, let him be for the time being,” Himchan voiced wandering out the room after their manager.  Daehyun shifted on the couch, hearing Himchan trying to subtly explain the situation to the older man.  Hearing their manager exchange short responses with Himchan the sound of the bedroom door opening broke the conversation.  Yongguk, Jongup, Zelo, and Daehyun jumped hearing the surprised scream.

“Yongguk, call for an ambulance,” Himchan shouted urgently.

A/N : I can hear everyone scream at me 'why did you stop it there'.  Everyone is going to speculate until I update this week.  I can't lie and say I didn't have fun with this chapter.  Getting to the heart of the matter with Youngjae has been on my mind, and this chapter opens the doors.  Things are far from over yet I can't help but think to myself just how many more chapters is left before the end...there's still so much left to do.  I'm rambling now...right, on to outlining the next chapter.  Until my next update.