Youngjae slowly opened his eyes, the dull ache of his skull indication to his actions some time ago.  Looking around the room, he noticed the IV drip stationed by the bedside.  The starch white walls glared bright in his vision even with the blinds drawn close, the smell of disinfectant filling his nose.  Here he was again, at another hospital.  Staring up at the unfamiliar ceiling Youngjae listened to the voices just outside the door speaking about him.  The words psychotic break, drug rage, and dependency withdrawal were amongst just a few unfamiliar words attached to his name.

Psychotic break?

Was that what it had happened?  No, he didn’t believe he had lost his mind to end up where he was.  He remembered exactly why he knocked himself into a state of unconsciousness.  He did not want to hear it.  The things that woman did to him disgusted him, made him feel cheap and less than human.  He knew it was due to the drugs she forced him to take that his body reacted the way it did, but he blamed himself for not being strong enough to fight the effects of the drugs.  He blamed a weak willingness on succumbing.  He could not forgive what he allowed his body to do.  He doubted he ever would.

Exhaling gently, momentarily closing his eyes, Youngjae reopened his eyes to study the ceiling.  Raising his hand to his head – or at least trying, to Youngjae realized for the first time the restraints keeping his hands in place.  Panicking, he screamed finding the leather bindings holding his arms in place.  Struggling against the bindings, he screamed again his mind flooding with thoughts of Soonim holding him captive.

The door to the hospital room opened, a young nurse and doctor rushing into the room.  Outside the door, his mother peeked in, her eyes red from crying.  She seemed to sob more seeing him in a fit of panic.

“Nurse get me a sedative,” the doctor ordered.

“Get this off me,” Youngjae cried.

“Calm down young man,” the doctor said holding him down.  “It’s all right nobody is going to hurt you.”

“Please untie me, I can’t be tied down,” Youngjae shouted yanking harder on the restraints.  “I can’t be tied down, please untie my hands.”

“It’s for your own good,” the doctor said glancing over at the nurse pulling out a small needle from a locked cabinet drawer.  “It’s okay just calm down.  You will be fine.”

“Please, I can’t be tied down,” Youngjae cried.  “Mom, please get them to release me.  I’m not a danger to anyone.  I’m not crazy.”

“Nobody said you were,” the doctor said softly, the nurse coming back over to the bed, prepping the needle to insert the sedative into the IV drip.  Youngjae’s eyes darted to the woman who moved closer.  Shrinking away from the nurse, the young man sobbed hysterically, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Please, I’m not crazy.  I can’t be tied down.  She tied me down.  I don’t want to be tied down.  Please release me,” Youngjae babbled.  “Please don’t do this.  I’m not crazy.”

“Doctor please,” Youngjae’s mother sobbed rushing into the room to grab the nurse’s arm before she could insert the sedative into the IV drip.  “Please he’s scared don’t do this.  He’s already suffered enough.”

“Ma’am it’s for his own good,” the doctor frowned.  “You saw what he was just like.”

“Mom please don’t let them do this to me,” Youngjae beseeched.  “I just want to have my hands freed.  I’m not a danger to anyone.  Please don’t let them do this.”

“Please untie him,” his mother said, knowing in her heart that the frightened child before her was telling her the truth.  The panic and distress in his eyes was all too real.  “I know this child, he’s not a danger to anyone.  Please release him.”

Exhaling at the determination in the woman’s eyes, the doctor hesitantly released Youngjae from his restraints.  Motioning for the nurse to replace the sedative, the man stood up once he was done, quickly moving away from Youngjae as if the younger would fly into a fit of rage and attack him.  Turning from the woman who sat on the bed hugging the sobbing young man, the doctor exited the room with the nurse soon following hastily.

“Thank you,” Youngjae cried burying his face into her chest a sense of security falling over him.  “Thank you for making the doctor release me.”

“You know who I am,” the woman smiled, her child’s hair while he cried.  “Do you have your memories back now?  The doctors said it might take you months to remember anything.”

“I remember,” Youngjae nodded laying his head on the woman’s lap.

“Even…” the woman trailed off, biting her bottom lip unsure if saying it would send him into another fit.  The bitter taste of bile coated his tongue, Youngjae closing his eyes.

“I even remember what that woman did to me,” Youngjae verified.  “I remember her tying me down, hitting me, trying to get on my good side.  I remember being helpless while she murdered her own family.  I wish I didn’t remember those things.  I wish I could forget them and pretend they never happened.  But I can’t, they will not go away like I want them to.”

“It’s okay Youngjae I’m here now,” his mother cooed.  “I won’t let anything else happen to you.”

“Momma.”  Closing his eyes, he allowed the woman to his hair, the tension in his body easing.

“Jae, what happened today?  The doctors said you went through withdrawal from drugs.  It’s not true right?  You just slipped and fell by chance.  That’s how you hurt your head.”  Gazing down at the frail child in her arms, her heart melted with the need to shelter him from everything.

Withdrawal from drugs, those words caused his chest to tighten with hatred.  For some reason he could not escape those words: drug withdrawal, drug dependency, drug addiction.  Words he did not want to be connected to him.

“Young man, I have been a doctor for nearly forty years, I know the signs of addiction when I see them.  It’s unfortunate that someone as young as you are happen to fall into this hole, but if you are willing to admit now that you have a problem, we can get you back on track before its too late.  Your body has done well not to further decline from the substance abuse, but I do not know if you continue on this path,” the doctor started to lecture.

“That’s not possible,” Youngjae said adamantly.  “There’s no way I am addicted to my medication.  I use it when I feel ill only.  I don’t take it because I want to get high off it.”

“You think you are taking it because you are ill, but the fact of the matter remains is that your body is dependent on it to keep you going.  When you don’t have it, you feel ill, is that correct?  I have just established that you are not sick,” his matter of fact tone judgmental in nature.  “I have paperwork right here backing up what I am telling you.  Are you going to still deny that you do not have a problem?”

“Did you read the police report?” Himchan spoke up, going over to stand by Youngjae battling with the news the man was handing him.

“I read the report.  That’s why it is unfortunate, but we need to also address the current situation without tiptoeing around it.  He will not get better if I give him prescription drugs.  It will be much harder to have him accept if we do not tackle the subject now,” the doctor said, his expression softening.  “I do not wish to come off as cold, but this is a serious matter.”

Was that the real reason they tied him down?  They were afraid he would go into some drug withdrawal frenzy and hurt everyone around him?  He was not a drug addict.  He was a victim in this situation.  That woman forced him to take drugs against his will.  The medication currently helped him to stop the pain.

“What if that pain is because you aren’t taking the drugs?” his brain whispered.  “What if it really is true?  What if you are a drug addict?”

It wasn’t his fault.  He wasn’t on medication by choice.  They should not treat him like a criminal when it was not his choice to be on those prescriptions.  Even now he was certain that the doctor and nurse were conversing amongst themselves over his behavior.  Were there enough reasons to suspect him?

He had destroyed his room back at B.A.P’s dorm due to Daehyun throwing away his drugs.  He also tried to harm his friend.  Were they still friends after this?  Youngjae hadn’t meant it, something inside him snapped during that second.  Was it due to not having his medication?  Was it due to the drug withdrawal?  If he accepted it and told his mother would she look at him differently as well?

“Youngjae?” his mother said, pausing for a moment to see the confliction on his face.  “It’s not true right?”

“No, it’s not true,” Youngjae lied, putting on a smile for the woman who sighed with relief.

“I knew I shouldn’t have listened to the doctors.  After they terrified you like this.” His mother smoothed out his bangs with a relieved smile.  “Your father and I feared the worse when they told us you were taken to the hospital.  Then with everything the doctors were saying.”

“I had a dizzy spell and was sick from the medication.  I went to go lay down but I out.  I think I just hit my head on something,” Youngjae explained.  “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Thank goodness.  Your friends were not able to say a word when I arrived.”

“They didn’t say anything?”

“Not one word,” his mother shook her head.

“Are they still here?” Youngjae slowly sat up.

“I believe they left to go back to the dorms.”

“I see.” Lowering his eyes to the bed, Youngjae wondered if it was due to his behavior that they left.  It would not surprise him in the least.  What happened was out of character for the Youngjae they knew.  The person he was now…

What type of person was he now?  If he accepted he had a problem with medication and drugs what would that say about him?  Could his family still accept him?  Would B.A.P. dismiss him from his position in the group?  Who’s to say it was not already in progress right now?

‘What should I do?’ Youngjae wondered just as there was a knock on the hospital room door.  Glancing up when the door opened, he found the federal agents who first saved him from Soonim entering into the room.  The pit of his stomach churned with anxiety.  Were they there to tell him that Soonim had escaped?

“We heard from your group that you were here at the hospital.  How are you doing?” Eliza inclined her head to the young man staring at her fearfully.  Realizing the presence of her and Drake unsettled him, she gave him a soft smile to reassure him that everything was fine.

“What are you doing here?” Youngjae’s mother inquired.

“We just came to give him an update,” Eliza said.

“Has something happened to that woman?”

“Yes actually something has happened,” Eliza remarked.

“What?” Youngjae urged.

“Earlier this afternoon she attempted to escape.  She murdered a nurse in the process before we had no choice but to fire a killing blow.  We came to inform you that you have nothing to worry about from now on.  You can live your life without looking over your shoulder,” Eliza reported seeing the look of relief on the young man’s face.  “We have just a bit of paperwork left, and we will be returning to America.  Good luck on your recovery.”

“Thank you,” Youngjae blinked, processing the information that was just delivered to him.  For some reason, a weight crushing his shoulders melted away.  His heart lifted from a darkness that cocooned him in a shroud of guilt and shame.  “Do the others know?”

“No, we wanted to let you hear it first.  I’m sure you can discuss it with them later when everything settles.  We still have to deliver the news to her family,” Drake stated.  “This is an important part of healing.  To know that justice was served for you.”

“Is it wrong…” Youngjae begun as tears trickled down his cheeks.

“Is what wrong?” Drake raised a brow.

“Is it wrong to enjoy the thought of another person dying who caused you irreparable harm?  Is it wrong of me to be glad that she’s dead?” Youngjae shook at the smile that bubbled up.  “I shouldn’t be so happy right now that she’s dead…right?”

“It’s not our place to tell you that it’s wrong,” Eliza shook her head.  “We have no idea what you went through.  We do not judge you for whatever is in your heart.  If it helps you resolve and close this chapter completely, then who are we to be hypocritical?”

“Thank you,” Youngjae expressed with a smile he truly felt from the bottom of his heart.

A/N: An inbetween chapter that's going to bridge chapters together.  There's not much to really say as the story slowly draws to the final few chapters.  After all the craziness of last chapter, this one is a little more mellow though the question remains of what will B.A.P. due with their wayward member.  It gives me something to consider.