Youngjae gazed out the window of the van, the buildings seemingly a blur as he leaned his head against the tinted window playing over the scenarios in his head that could happen when he reached his destination.  What did he have to look forward to when he arrived back at B.A.P’s dorms?  Would the other members welcome him back with open arms, or keep their distance remembering the manner in which he lashed out at Daehyun.  Chewing the inside of his cheek, Youngjae exhaled softly flickering his eyes to his manager who was saying something else.  Tilting his head to the side to make out what the words were, he responded to the long pause hearing the man continue to ramble on about how thankful he was to the doctors on Youngjae being released so soon.

‘All for a comeback that I’m not sure is possible right now,’ Youngjae contemplated. 

His was anxious inside of the outcome for his reunion with the other members of B.A.P.  No matter how much he wanted to make his comeback, to move forward and strive for his dream, if there were discourse between him and the other members, he would not make it alone.  He counted on them to be there for him when times were tough, when practices ran long and endless.  Having to do all that on top of overcoming the difficulties Soonim put him through alone would be too much for him.

“Youngjae.” His manager stopped at a red light, turning around to stare at the young man gazing out the backseat.  His brows pulled together in concentration having not heard the last bit of what the older man said.  “Youngjae.”

“Yes?” Blinking out of his thoughts, the young man in question gazed at the man who smiled at him.  “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“I wanted to know if you were going to tell the others about that woman.  You asked me not to tell them anything when I went back,” his manager commented.  “Do you plan to tell them immediately?”

“It’s something I want to take the time to consider,” Youngjae replied.  Of course he wanted to tell the others about the good news.  After so many times questioning if there was ever going to be proper justice for what happened to him, in the end things played out in his favor.  No longer did he have to look over his shoulder fearful Soonim would somehow escape from the authorities dragging him back to America where no one would be able to find him this time.

Nevertheless he remembered the horrified look on his manager’s face expressing his gratitude over the federal agents killing Soonim.  It wasn’t in Youngjae’s personality to wish the death of another person, however he was not the same Youngjae the man remembered.  Inside he knew he was changed, not just physically.  A part of him was more cynical, more selfish, and guarded.  His trust in people wavered, was tested and Youngjae was never quite sure if could be honest about the darker thoughts brewing inside him.  Himchan was testament to that when he spoke his mind days before.

“I still think you should let them know,” his manager nodded.

“I will consider it,” Youngjae replied shifting his eyes to the light that was now green.  “The light’s green.”

“What?” Twisting around to see that the light was in fact green, the man pressed the gas pedal sending the car back on its course.  “I still think you should let them know when you get there.  It’s something you don’t have to worry about now.  You can focus on recovering for the comeback.”

“I planned to do so anyway,” Youngjae stated glancing out the window again.

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” his manager apologized picking up the agitation in Youngjae’s voice.  “This was a serious matter that could have caused a large scandal for us.  Letting them know that the woman who started this entire thing is no longer with us-“

“What difference is it going to make if I’m the one who is most affected by it?  I had to live through it, on a daily basis for months,” Youngjae interrupted the man’s lecture.  “I know you are worried about the discourse that could occur between myself and the others with what happened, but right now bringing her up is pointless if they can not forgive me for my actions.  Do you think Daehyun can forgive me for my actions just by saying ‘guess what, that woman is now dead’.  People’s emotions do not work like that.”

“I’m not saying it does.”

“Then what would be the point in announcing it if I am not forgiven for my actions.  It is true that she was the catalyst for them, but that’s about it.  She does not control how I act,” Youngjae replied.  His manager fell silent, his thoughts focused on the road ahead of him.  Running a hand through his hair, Youngjae knew he should keep the snide comments to his self the man only wanted to help.  The person he use to be would have listened and given the topic more consideration.  ‘This might be harder than I first thought.’

The silence filled the remainder of the car ride, Youngjae and his manager steeped in their own thoughts.  The bubble of anxiety brewed over when the car pulled up just outside the building of B.A.P’s dorm, the other members stood equal anxious.   Feeling the car stop and shut off Youngjae opened the passenger door climbing out of the van with his overnight bag.

“Welcome back Jae.” Himchan walked up to the younger with a smile.

“Thank you Channie,” Youngjae nodded shifting his eyes to Zelo and Jongup shifting restlessly beside Yongguk who studied him.  A pang echoed in Youngjae’s heart not finding Daehyun amongst the members there to greet him.  Lowering his eyes, he blinked away the realization that his friend was not ready to forgive him for what transpired.  Not that Youngjae blamed him.  They could have their fights nonetheless they were never severe enough that critical harm befell them.

“You must be tired hyung,” Zelo spoke up.  “Dae is up in your room making sure everything is perfect.  You can kick him out at any time.”

“Is that where he’s at?” Youngjae blinked, raising his head to see if Zelo was lying.

“Yep,” Zelo smiled.  “He’s been in there since hyung left earlier to get you.  Channie was teasing Dae that he was acting like a housewife upon his husband’s return from overseas.”

“I still can’t believe that he shooed me out the room to come meet you while he finished up,” Himchan shook his head.  “How about we go up and kick him out the room?”

“That idiot,” Youngjae murmured allowing the members to usher him into the building.

“Hyung,” Jongup said glancing at Youngjae as they rode up in the elevator together.

“Yes?” Youngjae tilted his head to the side.

“I’m glad that you’re better.”

“Uppie,” Yongguk started.

“It’s okay,” Youngjae smiled.  “Thanks Uppie, I do feel better than a few days ago.  I will be even better when I can practice with everyone for the comeback.”

“You don’t have to push yourself,” Himchan said.

“I’m not,” Youngjae said.  “I made the decision I was going to continue with B.A.P.  I’m not going to allow anything to stop me from doing so.”

“It’s good to hear,” Yongguk nodded.  “But if I feel you are pushing yourself too much, I’m going to make you rest up no matter what anyone says.  You’re important to all of us.”

“Even my current flaws?”

“No person is without flaws or faults,” Yongguk smiled.  “We work to keep our flaws and faults from derailing us.”

“Thank you,” Youngjae said after a moment of silence.

“We know it’s hard for you right now.  Himchan explained to us what was going on with you.  He’s the one you should thank the most for putting it in perception for the rest of us,” Yongguk commented throwing a glance to Himchan.

“Nobody comes out of an experience like that unscathed,” Himchan voiced.  “I remember what you told me when we came back from the hospital.  It’s been on my mind for a while.  I don’t understand but I want to put things in sight of a way the rest of us could understand and comprehend.”

“It means a lot to me to do so,” Youngjae said feeling the pressure of vying for their approval dissolve.  The ding of the elevator sounded, the group continuing to the dorm.  There was only one remaining obstacle he needed to clear now: Daehyun.

Parting from the other members, he headed to his bedroom, more than shocked that the destruction was nonexistent.  If he had no memory of ripping the place apart, it would be just another room being straightened by his friend.

“Dae,” Youngjae called to him.

“Welcome home,” Daehyun smiled, stopping what he was doing to walk over to Youngjae.  Not expecting the hug his friend pulled him into Youngjae blinked at the contact before returning the hug.

“Thank you,” Youngjae said.

“I’m sorry for throwing away your medication…it wasn’t my intention to have this happen…” Daehyun apologized squeezing Youngjae against him.  Feeling the shivers travel through Daehyun, instinctively Youngjae reached up his friend’s hair.

“It’s not your fault,” Youngjae said.

“Of course it’s my fault.  I drove you to do this…” Daehyun whispered.

“Don’t be ridiculous babo,” Youngjae sighed.  “You think you’re smart enough to cause me to get hospitalized.  It’s not your fault.  I was in denial of my own condition.  It took a strong revelation to wake me up from the lie I was telling myself.”

“What do you mean?” Daehyun pulled back a little, studying Youngjae’s eyes.  Something had changed in the few days his friend was away from the group.

“I wasn’t planning to tell you or the others yet, at least until I figured out if you could forgive me for what I did, but I suppose when you are all on my side like this, there’s no reason why I shouldn’t tell you.  Perhaps that’s what our manager was trying to convey to me,” Youngjae stated.

“What do you have to tell us?” Guiding Youngjae over to sit on the bed, Daehyun focused solely on his friend who smiled wide.  “Jae?”

“At the hospital, the federal agents came to tell me that woman tried to escape,” Youngjae started holding up a hand sensing Daehyun was about to protest at their incompetence to keep one woman from plaguing him.  “They stopped her, don’t worry.”

“They should do their jobs better,” Daehyun complained.  “What if she managed to escape the hospital?  She would have come for you.  Would they be prepared to explain that situation if it occurred?”

“She wouldn’t be able to do that now,” Youngjae assured.

“She will keep trying until she’s dead,” Daehyun voiced.

“I know.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Daehyun blinked.

“I am.”

“You’re insane, I think you scrambled your brains,” Daehyun stated.

“She’s dead,” Youngjae announced.  “She resisted them and they had to shoot her in the hospital.  She died there, so now I can move forward with life.”

“They…” Taking in the information, Daehyun cupped Youngjae’s face in his hands, studying his face to find any deception in what he just heard.  Could he really believe that his friend’s nightmare was over?  That they could put this situation behind them for good and focus on moving forward together?

“Do you think I’m a bad person for smiling at her death?  When I told our manager…he appeared disturbed by the smile on my face.”  The smile on his face faltered, glancing down at his hands.  “I’m not the same Youngjae anymore.  I can’t pretend to be that person.  It’s going to be difficult to return to that person.  Can you still move forward with the person I am?”

“You’re still my babo do matter what,” Daehyun smiled leaning forward to kiss Youngjae on the forehead.  “You still need my care and for me to look after you, even if she’s gone.  As long as we are connected, it will be my job to hold your hand through the darkness.”

“Clichéd romantic,” Youngjae flushed pushing Daehyun back.  “But I guess…you’re my clichéd romantic.”

“Damn right I am,” Daehyun said.  “You have no choice but to be stuck with me for the rest of your life.”

“I can’t win for nothing,” Youngjae sighed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Daehyun protested yanking Youngjae to him for another hug.  Ignoring the complaint of not being able to breath due to Dae’s tight grip on him, Daehyun refused to let his friend go.  As long as there was breath in his body, he would never so much as let Youngjae out of his sight again.

A/N: Not much to say here.  The last few chapters are going to focus on Youngjae and Daehyun while giving glimpses into his recovery.  The next chapter was supposed to be the last, but I realized I had not resolved some things I wanted to convey and it would not feel right for me just end without a little of the mountain the little babo has to face.  That and just the DaeJae is too adorable to let go just yet.  Next chapter should have a little bit more than this one, the last few chapters were introductory to my conclusion.