Daehyun glanced up at the cup that was offered to him.  Blinking a few times to clear the thoughts from his head he discovered Himchan giving him a short smile, the cup still outstretched for Daehyun to take it.  Tentatively accepting the object he murmured his thanks taking a few sips of coffee before ultimately placing the cup down on the end of the small table in front of him.  Clasping his hands together Daehyun released a tired sigh.

At the moment Yongguk, Zelo, and Jongup were cleaning up the mess Youngjae made of his room while their manager went out to replace all of the destroyed items.  The group allowed Daehyun to sit out the task noting just how distraught the male was, blaming his self for being the catalyst to the events that transpired earlier that day.

Himchan sat down beside the Busan male who was slowly falling back into his self-accusations.  Reaching over Himchan rested a hand on Daehyun’s knee jerking the other male out of his pity party.  Offering him a smile the older thought about what he was going to say having time to do so while making coffee.  Removing his hand Himchan stared into his own Americano.  “This is not your fault Dae, you have to let go of blaming yourself for Youngjae being in the hospital.”

“How can you say that?” Daehyun snapped, the response something that Himchan must have anticipated as he did not jump or pull back when his younger charge retorted.  “I’m the one who thought I was helping him by getting rid of all that stuff.  Now he’s in the hospital for trying to commit suicide.”

“We don’t know it’s a suicide attempt,” Himchan commented.

“It might as well be,” Daehyun voiced.  “You saw the damage he did to the room.  Do you think he just tripped and fell over the stuff?  The floor has signed he banged his head into it repeatedly.  That’s a clear sign of his attempt to kill himself because of me.”

“Is that what you think?” Himchan blinked staring into the anguished gaze of Daehyun.  “Do you think that he hates you so much that he would commit suicide?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore,” Daehyun said, his eyes blurring with tears.  “How did things get this bad Channie?  We were happy, we were all together and making it.  Then this comes out of nowhere to turn everything around.  What the hell did Jae do to deserve the stuff she put him through?  How is that fair?”

“Life is seldom fair,” Himchan sighed.

“Don’t give me that meta-philosophical bull,” Daehyun shook his head, picking up his cup once again to sip on the contents.  “I’m not in the mood to hear that everything happens for a reason.  What’s the reason behind my best friend suffering because one crazy woman cannot separate herself from what we do?  How is it fair or even right that she asserted herself into his life against his will and then all that she gets now is a slap on the wrist and locked away for a few years?”

“I don’t know what to tell you Dae,” Himchan replied.

“There’s a chance she’ll be out in a few years if she shows penance for her actions,” Daehyun blinked clasping his hands tightly around the cup.  “I was reading up on how the court system works.  There’s a chance that she will only get life imprisonment, but that can be overturned if they find she was criminally insane.  What if she got out in a few years only to do this all over again?  By then she would have time to make sure that Youngjae was never found.  He doesn’t need to go through this again.”

“The federal agents and detectives working the case are going to make sure she never has the chance to get out and commit another crime on this scale,” Himchan assured.

“How sure can you really be about that?” Daehyun wondered.  “I’ve had a lot of time to think this afternoon.  I know I was wrong, I know that and I’m paying for it.  You don’t have to coddle me Channie.  I didn’t think I did anything wrong, I just wanted to help him.”

“I know that, so do the others,” Himchan reassured.

“But does he know that?” Taking another sip of his coffee, Daehyun replaced it on the table.  “I’ve never seen that kind of look of hatred on his face before.  It wasn’t the Jae I was use to.  Is that the face we’re going to have to deal with every time he slips into that mood?”

“I don’t think-“

“You said the doctors refused to give him medication because he’s addicted to it right?  What if they decide he doesn’t need it anymore?  Are we going to wake up to him breaking things and screaming because he can’t have his medication?” Daehyun asked fearfully.

“I don’t think it will work like that,” Himchan said biting his bottom lip in thought.  “I’m sure once they re-evaluate his condition, they will give him medication that will make him better.”

“How sure of this are you?”

“We have to trust the doctors on this.”

“How sure of this are you Channie?” Daehyun repeated twisting his body to face Himchan.  His dark eyes pleaded with the older to let him know that everything was going to be fine, that the doctors and detectives would set their lives straight.

“Pretty sure,” Himchan voiced seeing Daehyun somberly nod.  “He’s going to get better, you don’t have to worry about that.  Once that woman is put in prison we can close that chapter in our lives and moving forward with supporting Youngjae into recovery.”

“Channie,” Daehyun spoke up taking in Himchan’s words of encouragement.  “Do you think that after all this is over he’s going to stay with us?  What if he decides that he doesn’t want to be a part of B.A.P any longer or the company thinks he is a danger to us?  I heard manager-hyung talking to the company earlier about what happened.”

“We will accept whatever decision Jae feels he needs to make to move on.”  The response came from Yongguk entering the room with a large trash bag in hand.  “We don’t know the extent of everything that happened, we should not force him to keep going if he cannot cope.”

“Just like that, we dismiss him?” Daehyun blinked.

“Don’t get me wrong about the way I stated it,” Yongguk said.  “I meant in respects to Jae’s health and mental state.  It’s inhumane to force him to keep moving forward with us when he cannot cope.  We are a second family for him.  We have to understand his position on saying no more if it comes down to it.”

“I wholly agree with Guk on this,” Himchan said.  “The fact he wanted to move forward with us to begin with is commendable on its own yet we have to take into account the hospital visits he will need to have, the physical therapy, not to mention he will get tired more easily than we do right now.  There’s also the added problem of our female fan base.”

“What about our female fan base?” Daehyun frowned.

“Right now he has an aversion to women being close to him.  When we were coming from seeing the hospital, he ran like a bat out of hell from an elevator a female nurse was.  The things that woman did to Jae took a toll on him mentally as well,” Himchan recalled.

“I knew nothing about that,” Daehyun murmured.

“I just noticed it when we were leaving the hospital, I didn’t have time to bring it up with the chaos of today,” Himchan said. 

“We should give him the option to do what he needs to get better and let him know that we are going to support him no matter what,” Yongguk said.

“I agree,” Himchan said.  “Shall we go help the others clean up now Dae?  When he’s able to come home I think he will appreciate the effort we took in making him feel welcomed.”

“All right,” Daehyun nodded.

---

Youngjae looked up finding his manager walking into the hospital room wearily.  His mother had left for the time being to allow him his rest.  Ironically in her absence the doctors decided to re-evaluate him to make sure he was not a threat to the rest of the hospital.  Doing his best to keep from being restrained again, things went as smoothly as possible once he managed to get the male nurses to assist him.

“Youngjae,” his manager said closing the door to the room.  “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” he nodded noting the distance the man put between them as if Youngjae would fly off the handle at any given moment.  “You know I’m not a danger to anyone.  You can come closer hyung.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean…” the man trailed off, lowering his head.

“I know what they told you and what they think but I’m fine,” he commented.

“It’s because of the drugs correct?  Did the doctors tell you what they plan to do?”

“They are going to start me on a drug treatment regime.  I have to go to drug rehab along with the physical therapy set in place,” Youngjae sighed glancing up at the IV bag.  “They said it a few months time I will be able to get off treatment if I don’t relapse.”

“Relapse?” his manager frowned.

“As they explained to me, getting hooked on pain killers again,” Youngjae said his voice relatively calm in the face of this adversity.  Perhaps now that Soonim was no longer in his life, the worry ebbing away his courage to face the world subsided.  He had nothing but himself to hold him back.  “That won’t be a problem, I’m not going to relapse.”

“That’s good,” his manager smiled.  “I came to tell you that the others are in the process of cleaning things up, the room should be as good as new by the time you get out.  Did they tell you when you would be discharged from here?”

“Tomorrow more than likely, there’s nothing to keep me here.  My head isn’t that serious, a little banged up but I’ll live.  After they finish evaluating my condition, I will be given medication treatment and I can work on becoming drug free,” Youngjae reported.  “Did you come to let me know?”

“Not just that…” the man trailed off picking at a spot on his pants.  “I had to tell the company what happened.  They asked me if you were up to the task of doing a comeback, so I came to ask you that question Jae.  I will not fault you if you are not ready for it.  I will let the company know.”

“I don’t want to give up,” Youngjae assured.  “I don’t want to run away, it will be letting her win in the end.  It’s unfortunate what happened at the dorms, but I guess I can thank Dae for setting this into motion.  Nothing would change.”

“What happened?  The others are tight lipped about it.  I want to hear what you have to say.” His manager took the chair by the bed, staring at the frail young man who appeared strangely settled than first since returning to Korea.

“Himchan and I went to the hospital, but when I heard the doctor say that I was addicted to the medication, I left.  Perhaps I was in denial then.”

“And now?”

“I don’t want to accept the truth, but what else can I call it.  It doesn’t feel good to have others call you a drug addict.  It’s not by choice that I feel I need those medications.  Someone who has never experienced what it’s like to have your entire body turn against you over medication doesn’t understand just how terrible it is.  So maybe I still want to run from the truth.  It’s a handicap I don’t want to keep enduring, so I will fight to get better for my own sake and my family.  Saving my mom from those words…I want to save her most of all from that pain of seeing me differently so please don’t tell her,” Youngjae replied.

“You have my trust,” his manager said.  “I will let the others know not to say a word either.

“Thank you,” Youngjae smiled slightly.

“After you left the hospital what happened?”

“Himchan said we could look into other doctors to see me.  We returned home after that.  I needed my medication however Daehyun told me that he threw away the bottles.  The next thing I know, I snapped.  I wanted to know why he would do something like that.  I was desperate and I lashed out against him.  I regret it now.”

“So that’s what he was tight lipped about,” the man murmured leaning back in his chair.  “After you fought with Daehyun what happened then?”

“You saw what I did to the room, I don’t think an explanation is needed,” Youngjae sighed.  “Once I had nothing else to rip apart I couldn’t stop myself from hearing her in my head.  The things she did to me looped over and over again.  I just wanted the voices to go away.  I didn’t care what happened in the process of banging my head against the floor, I just prayed it would stop.  Next thing I know, I wake up here restrained to the bed.”

“The doctors felt you would not be in your right state of mind and hurt yourself or others in the process,” the man offered.

“I already know that.  I’m over it.  I don’t want it to happen again,” Youngjae muttered.  “It brought back memories of what she did to me.”

“I’m sorry,” his manager expressed.

“As I said I’m over it.  I don’t plan to let it happen again.”

“I’m glad you’re in better spirits.”

“I’m not, but I’m moving forward, I can close that chapter to my life now,” Youngjae chuckled, the words the federal agents said to him an hour ago playing in his head again.  It was wrong of him to celebrate the death of another person, but he felt it was what she deserved.  A small part of him wished he could have been there to witness it with his own eyes.  He contemplated if the others would see him differently for it.  “They came by earlier.”

“They?” the man tilted his head to the side finding a strange light glowing in Youngjae’s eyes as a smile curled the ends of his mouth upwards.

“The federal agents,” Youngjae clarified.  “They told me she tried escaping.”

“And?” the man sat on the edge of his seat, anxiety bubbling up.

“They shot her and she died,” Youngjae smiled.  “I can close that chapter now.”

“That woman…”

“Do you think it’s strange that I’m smiling?” Youngjae asked.  “A part of me feels repulsed I could be so happy inside, but a bigger part of me is happy she’s dead.  Hopes that she suffered for everything that she put me through.  It wasn’t enough she was going to jail.  She needed to die and now she’s gone.  It feels like waking up from a bad dream.  My mom was here when I got the news, but I couldn’t show her how much I was truly happy that woman no longer existed in this world.  Is it wrong of me?”

“…I can’t answer that,” his manager said after a long minute of letting Youngjae’s words sink in.

“Neither can I,” Youngjae voiced. 

A/N: Youngjae's coming to terms with his life and everything, Daehyun's feeling a boat of guilt over what happened to Youngjae, the rest of B.A.P are unclear where they stand with Youngjae, and then there's Youngjae's coping with the news from Soonim...I honestly think I could keep this story going for a while at this rate.  Though I'm in the process of outlining my next B.A.P story...let's just see where the chapters lead from here on.