He held my hand tight, so tight I couldn't even feel my fingers. Everyone seems to be in an awkward situation, no one dares to talk and the eerie silence started hurting my ear. It was this girl standing right in front of us was the cause of all of this.

 

I looked at Jinki and he was obviously stunned to his feet, it was like he had seen a ghost came back to life. It was like he wasn't able to breathe as he watched her within his two wide eyes. It was like he was trying his best to face her without fear yet it felt like he was screaming lies. I knew I was in the middle of two strange yet longing boundaries somehow cutting me to thin bits. I felt pain as I saw the want from their yielding eyes as they stare at each other. So intense yet so diverse...

 

"Jinki. . ." the girl said stepping forward to our direction. Jinki stepped back and turned around forcing me to turn with him, his hair falling off his face as he bowed down and started walking away.

 

"Wait!" the girl pleaded but Jinki refused to listen. I was speechless and I did nothing but to follow him through the darkness of the corridor.

 

I didn't even say goodbye to Taeyon and Minho.

 

-----

 

I was being led to the unknown path of Jinki's hidden sorrow. His back was a deep shade of darkness and denials. I hate it because I knew he was in all sorts of pain. I knew and felt it by how the way he held my hand, the way the blood from my fingers stopped circulating. I knew there was something wrong with him and I am hoping he had reasons why he brought me with him at this state he was going through.

 

That he had something to tell me...

 

But I don't know if I'm prepared for it.

 

He was still mute and walking nonstop. I don't really know where he was leading me but I poorly followed him while the thoughts compiled in my head started to combine in such fugitive ways. That girl had a large impact on him. The way he looked at her was unbearable and something undeniable. Like she was part of something from Jinki's past, the past that Jinki never once brought up to me and hindered it from his own mind making me so sure that that girl was Jinki's fatal weakness.

 

I'm not dumb.

 

I know.

 

That girl was her.

 

His girlfriend.

 

I grew impatient and started to force him to a stop. When I whimpered he immediately came back to his senses and halted. He wasn't even breathing when I called him out so I run to his front and caressed his cheek.

 

And I was so shock to see his face.

 

We stood there in the dark corridor, the dim light illuminated from the sky, our face closed, my hands placed on his flushed cheeks, his eyes were far lost from the real world looking straight past me without even a blink. This sight of him was the worst thing that I could ever imagine.

 

The sight of tears falling from his cheeks…

 

He was crying...

 

Jinki was crying...

 

This was the worst.

 

I don't have any preparations from this kind of situation. I never thought Jinki, so smart so tough, would be building up tears from his solemn eyes for just one girl. I shook uncontrollably as I started to panic with my teeth gritted to a tight shut. I probably looked awful in front of him but I don't care right now. All I care about was how am I going to react into this kind of circumstances.

 

"Jinki...please! Jinki! Look at me! I'm here for you...please. Tell me...stop crying. Stop crying! I said STOP!!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!!" I screamed at his face, quivering from my own words. I wiped off the continuous flow of tear drops on his cheeks. I can't stand it!

 

I shook him vigorously but he was still staring at the thin dead air. I begged for him to stop, to stop from acting weird because I don't know how to handle this kind of situation. He was always the one who comforts me when I'm down and crying on my knees. He was the one who makes me happy when I'm at my worst. And to see him shed his tears right in front of me, to see him shed tears to someone I barely know, was the reason why I felt so far away from understanding him better than he understands me.

 

It hurts.

 

"Jinki...please look at me...please..." I couldn't help but cry from the agony of his tears falling uncontrollably from his eyes. I just want to hug him and burry my face in his chest. I had no other options now but to reach out for him and let him feel that he was not alone. That I'm here for him even if this hurts. It was my only way of trying to understand what he was going through right now.

 

"Jinki...please look at me..."

 

I thought it will never end but at last he woke up and finally realized that I was there. He hugged me back and squeezed me tight placing his chin on top of my head. His soft sniffing sounds were a sign that his breathing again. I gripped him tighter afraid of letting go, afraid that he might let me go because of her.

 

"Eve...I'm so sorry..."

 

No...no...please don't leave me...

 

"But I..."

 

Jinki...no...

 

"I need to..."

 

"NO!!!" I shrieked and hugged him. No! This was not true...He can't do this to me. He can't...

 

"Eve..."

 

"No! Jinki! I am not letting you go just because you saw your girlfriend! I won't!"

 

Silence followed afterwards and I thought it was time to lose my grip and take the stinging pain that started forming in my heart. I wouldn’t want another special person go away just like that, but the way he cried so quietly by himself and so lost for words made me realized that I was not enough for Jinki to forget that girl. Just one sight of that girl made him like this. I really don’t know but I thought I need to free him…

 

I slowly pulled away trailing my fingers on his arm that easily fell off from mine. I turned around and started walking off. But as soon as I took a step…his hand caught my wrist and pulled me back to him.

 

“Eve, where are you going?” he asked. I winced from the sudden stab in my heart. It was ironic to feel it. He had stopped me. He refused to let go.

 

"I thought you need some time on your own." I looked down afraid of meeting his eyes. Jinki’s finger softly reached my chin and tilted my head up to meet his, his eyes were still filled with tears.

 

"No, I need you now more than anything…I need to tell you everything...I want you to listen to me. I can't stand to see her again. I was hurt before and I don't want to lie to you and pretend nothing happened because you are now worth everything to me..."

 

My eyes were wide open as he spoke about his feelings. I felt so much pain yet he washed it away with such words he used.

 

I am worth everything to him.

 

That was enough...

 

He buried his head on my neck and slid his arms on my waist pulling me close. His touch melted me right there and I can't help but to yield my body into him.

 

"Eve, I don't know how to deal with this kind of feeling...this pounding pain in my chest and I don't know how to get rid of it. Upon seeing her I felt that my heart collapsed from remembering our past. I'm so sorry if I had to tell you this. You're the only one I and feel safe about it. But I don't want you to let go of me either even though I'm hurt because of her. Am I selfish? I'm so sorry... I-"

 

"Sssshhh...I understand." I cut him off. I've never seen him talk like this so open-heartedly. All I know was that I can feel how special I am to him that he would tell me he was honestly hurt and want me to help him but didn't want me to let him go. It was going all around and completely out of hand.

 

But there was a light feeling I got from his sudden outburst, the feeling of strength in our relationship.

 

I caressed his cheek once more and smiled. I wiped away the remaining tears from my eyes and his. I kissed him.

 

I love you…

 

I’m willing to listen…

 

“You could start by telling me your past with her…”

 

He heaved a breath, enveloped his body towards me, kissed me on my forehead and my hair gently. I felt his love in such small ways…

 

“Come with me…”

 

-----

 

We ended up in his room, our bodies tangled in his bed embracing each other’s warmth. I cuddled onto his chest and heard his smooth beating heart. I closed my eyes and listened to him, listened to what he needs to say.

 

He told me he was broken hearted when Hyoyeon left him. It was his first time to feel that sudden kind of pain he never studied. All the while he was agonizing that pain, there stood one girl who accompanied him and comforted him, he felt he needed someone to hold on so he accepted that girl’s company. That girl loved him and he knew it even without her saying it. He knew that his best friend was in love with him and he thought he needed that loving comfort to forget.

 

“Yoona was always there for me…so I was able to forget my childish pain from Hyoyeon’s absence. And I asked her to be my girlfriend without even thinking…I asked her, and she said yes easily…”

 

They’ve been together after that but Jinki felt it was wrong to used Yoona in such ways to forget Hyoyeon. He didn’t love Yoona as much as she loved him, he knew it was bad but he enjoyed being with her. Enjoyed the time they spent together as friends turned into sudden lovers.

 

“Unexpectedly, Yoona left and moved out from our district. That’s when I realized that I already felt something from her. That I fell in love with her but it was too late to even say it.”

 

Jinki regretted it. And he was once again alone, afraid to love and to get hurt the second time around. They promised each other to enter high school together, he kept that but there was no way to fulfill it.

 

“Jessica was brave enough to enter my life. I didn’t want anyone to distract me from studying but she was persistent. Even though I tried to push her away…slowly I also realized I was opening up my heart for her.”

 

But between Jessica and Yoona, Jinki knew he still had feelings for the lost love. It was unpredictable. The day Jinki was supposed to confess to Jessica was the day Yoona returned and claimed him back.

 

“I was a fool. But I wanted Yoona back in my life and I wouldn’t want to miss that chance again. I told her I love her and she came back because she loves me too. Our relationship was intimate yet she wanted no one to know about it. I kept her promise and loved her all the way…”

 

Jinki thought everything would go smoothly, that everything would fall like what they had planned. They promised to graduate and be together for a long time. They made a promise to be forever. But eventually, events will always be unpredictable.

 

“She needs to leave again and this time she doesn’t know if she’ll be coming back. Her parents were always the blame for it but all the while I felt she grew out from me. It felt like she wanted to be free again. It was something I couldn’t understand completely. I was the one who begged for her to stay but…in the end she choose to leave.”

 

Jinki’s voice started to tremble as he recalled his past. All I could do was to fondle his back and hushed him like a mother. I knew he needed someone to talk to, deep inside I knew he was alone and no one knew this about him but me. It was still me. I believe it was still me. And I couldn’t be happier than just listen to his feelings coming out of his hidden self.

 

Jinki was always cold, the one who always have a nonchalant behavior towards everything, the one who thinks calmly and quietly, the one who avoids opening up. And yet he was here cradled in my arms, talking to me and telling me what he had been hiding through those thorn years.

 

It was still fresh for him. It was just a year ago a year before he met me, before I came to his life. I understand how it feels. I understand the feeling of being alone, the feeling of someone leaving you out of the blue. Unlike him, my mom would never come back and I already accepted it so I knew how much Jinki was suffering because she suddenly re-appeared right before his very eyes, the reason why his been concealing his real feelings.

 

Even if it hurts…

 

“What are you going to do now?” I whispered under him. His fingers dug deeper in my back while he shifted forward cuddling me in his arms.

 

“I don’t know…”

 

I swallowed the hard lump on my throat.

 

“Do you still…love her?”

 

His silence was enough to understand. I sighed and held him close.

 

“I’ll always be right here with you…”

 

I suddenly realize how much Jinki have been going through years but I also realize how much of a jerk he is, first using Yoona with Hyoyeon then Jessica with Yoona and probably me with Yoona still. But I can’t blame him, I can’t blame him enough. He was really smart in academics but stupid when it comes to love. Nobody is really perfect in this world. Everyone has a flaw, whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional. In certain areas there would always be something missing, something lacking, and something out of hand. In Jinki’s case, he was missing assurance, assurance of a stable relationship, assurance that everything would go with everything he impends.

 

But nothing is like that Jinki…

 

Everything has its ups and downs…

 

Nothing is perfect…

 

You should know that…

 

No wonder he never ask me to be his girlfriend. He was assuring I won’t leave him, silently checking if he made the right decision to choose me, to be with me. I now understand why…

 

Don’t worry Jinki, I won’t…

 

I smiled and looked up, his face of an angel slowly drifted off to sleep. It was a tiring day for him and he needs to rest, his not a superhuman. He needs to rest.

 

I cuddled him, squeeze myself up and reached his dreamy face. I leaned closer and put a light kiss on his slightly opened red lips. I slowly got my way out, tucked him his blanket, and walked towards the door.

 

But before I turned the knob, I told him something I’ve been telling him secretly from the day I started to realize it.

 

“I love you Jinki…”

 

A/N: The next chapter should be fun! ^^ I at writing sad parts lol please forgive me. DX

 

And you’ll find more about Yoona in the next chapter. Don’t judge her just yet…kekeke.

I really like Yoona, seriously, and Jinki once told that Yoona was his ideal type so I wanted her to be the ‘girl’ from Jinki’s past and her character is perfect for the role hehehe…BUT STILL ONKEY! LOL.

Stay tuned! Thank you~!