CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Realigning The Lost Stars.The Choices We Make.
NOV 2012.
SEUNGHYUN'S POV.
SEUNGHYUN'S POV.
"I'm here again." I thought.
Leaning against the ivory marble sculpture of a handsome horse, I surveyed the all-too-familiar surroundings with slight apprehension. Nothing much has changed, I concluded. The sun was concealed behind a blanket of white clouds, its rays wonderfully warm than scorching hot, the sky a perfect shade of baby blue. A gentle breeze blew and I watched the garden; trees, grasses, bushes and flowers alike moved accordingly to the direction of the passing wind. The garden was another exquisite beauty of its own, various shades of green mixing with the ensemble of the vibrant exotic flowers, adding a touch of European romance to the place. This was the kind of place where you would almost expect to see Snow White strolling into the garden or to see a unicorn nibbling one of the berry bushes.
I scanned the garden once more, tapping my foot with a twinge of impatience. "Any minute now, she's supposed to appear any minute now."
"Seunghyun! Over here!"
I smiled, ignoring the pang of guilt. I wasn't supposed to feel this happy hearing her voice, it was wrong... forbidden. Acting on its own; my legs followed the sound of her voice, admiring her beauty from afar when she came into view. She was glowing against the gentle sunlight, her smile radiant, her soft chocolate brown locks flowing down her back in cascading waves. Gorgeous. Beautiful. An angel.
Standing next to her, I smiled down to her as I watched her gush over how perfect these lavender roses were, how the roses would look even more spectacular if there were silver glitter on the edge of the petals...
"Yah, are you even listening to me?"
Just like every other time, I pinched her cheeks, chuckling at how adorable she looks with her face all scrunched up in a pout. Usually, we... I would stop here, but something was different today; as though someone had tugged on an invisible string, I raised my right hand to her cheek, my thumb brushing against her lower lip.
"Yoona." I murmured in a trance as I gradually lowered my head. I saw the hesitation in her eyes, the way she chewed on her lips as she contemplated if she should pull away. Nose brushing, all I could see was her pink lips, utterly conscious of her warm sweet breaths on my cheek. So close now, just a little more and...
"YAH HYUNG! WAKE UP!!"
"Wha--"
But before I could even process anything in my drowsy state, I was rudely awaken by the sensation of ice cold water hitting my face.
"YAH!"
My rage and irritation ebbing away at the sight of the two perpetrators; Seungri and Jiyong who were doubling over with laughter. Succeeding in their plan to wake me up for our morning schedules, the mischievous two fled my room with their triumph grins and water guns, afraid to face my wrath for their morning pranks and I was left alone once more in my room.
I groaned aloud as I plopped back down onto the bed, pressing the heel of my hands onto my eyes as I recalled my treacherous act in my dream. I should have stopped myself, no matter how tempting it was.
Swarming with guilt and shame, I spread-eagle on the bed as I stared blankly at the white ceiling. Jiyong is my friend, my brother, my leader... how could I have made a move on his girl, dream or no dream? It was just... wrong, wrong on so many levels. Heck, I shouldn't even be dreaming about her, much less dreaming about her over and over again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in love with Yoona or anything, hell no. Okay, maybe just a little crush and infatuation towards the beauty... but that's all it is.
Fists balling by my side, I resolved to keep my feelings in check. I wouldn't allow my feelings to grow, I couldn't afford it. I wouldn't do this to them, to all three of us, especially now that I knew how much I would regret it should the kiss took place in reality instead... it just wasn't worth it. This is the furthest that I'll allow my feelings to go and I swore that I would never ever be a reason for any possible wedges between them... I'd take my secret to the grave if it's the last thing I'll do.
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CHANGMIN'S POV.
Hovering a distance away from the walking Sooyoung and Yoona, I watched in faint amusement at the sight of Yoona flinging her arms in all directions as she ranted passionately to her female counterpart. The duo were speculating with fervor the identity of the mysterious man who Tiffany was pinning after; the same man whom was due for a whole lot of suffering in their hands for causing such a tremendous heartbreak to their sister for rejecting the latter.
Another case of an admirer biting the dust huh... It was on a Tuesday night, two and a half weeks after that eventful Kyu line gathering that Yoona and I managed to have a quick catch up session amongst our hectic lives.
CHANGMIN'S FLASHBACK
"Hey Min, I've something to tell you. Just... promise me that you won't get mad?"
I arched an eyebrow as I sipped on my green tea to the squirming Yoona who was clearly worried over my reaction to what she was about to say.
"Is this about Jiyong-ssi?" I enquired softly, biting back a small smirk at the gasp that Yoona let out.
"You knew?" murmured Yoona quietly while fiddling with the napkin on the table.
"Duh, I am Sensei Changmin. I know everything." joking half-heartedly as I attempted to distract myself from the familiar sadness that was starting to bubble within my chest, only to stop chuckling when my companion was being unusually quiet.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
Clenching onto the napkin, Yoona met my gaze head-on, her eyes blazing with an unknown emotion and I was slightly taken aback by the intensity of her gaze.
"Yoong--"
"I should have told you! As your best friend, you should have found out from me straight, not from the others!" her eyes watering as she semi-shouted her words.
"Yah, it doesn't matter. It's no big deal, you know how things can get in this industry, I--"
"No! It's a big deal because you mean a whole lot to me and you don't deserve to find out in such a manner! I should have sent you a simple text or something. You should have been the first few to know from me myself!"
Jaws slightly slacken, I stared at the sniffling doe in shock, taken aback by Yoona's outburst. Torn between the warm fuzzy feeling of knowing how much I matter to Yoona or being depressed since Yoona's words have basically implied that I was pretty much in the despairing realm of friend-zoned; The eternal nightmare for guys.
Breathing out a quiet sigh at how upset Yoona was, I reached out to ruffle her long curls that I've grown to love, "Honestly, it doesn't matter to me now how I've found out. What I want to know is... is he treating you right? Are you happy now, Yoona-ah?"
I watched the passing emotions shuffled within her brown unblinking eyes as she contemplated over my words before settling a small content smile onto her face, "Neh, I'm happy with Jiyong."
Even if I had been preparing myself for her answer, I couldn't help the crack in my heart at her words. Schooling my face to betray nothing, I plastered a smile as I ruffled her hair once more, "As long as you're happy, I'm happy. Your happiness is what I care the most, Yoong." Even if it means that I'm not the one behind your smile and laughter.
"Keep staring at her and you're gonna bore a hole into the back of Yoona's skull, dongseang."
I glowered at the grinning Yunho and impish Kyuhyun, the two clearly unfazed having being the receiving end of my infamous death glare for years now.
Scowling, I ignored them as they huddled close lest Yoona overheard their relentless teasing. Annoyed, I sped up to squeeze myself between the two bemused Soshi members; an act that triggered the guffaw from my male counterparts while I harrumphed and crossed my arms in response, questioning the reason as to why I was even friends with them in the first place.
Praising the Gods, the restaurant that we were planning to patron came into view and I sprinted off, eager for dinner as well as to leave my teasing company behind. The other four caught up eventually and I knocked on the door of the special entrance specifically reserved for celebrities and public figures. The daughter of the restaurant owner let out a squeak upon seeing the five of us, blushing furiously as she stammered her hellos while nervously darting her eyes to her side.
Foreseeing that the girl would remain rooted to the ground indefinitely, Yunho slung his arms around the shoulder of both Yoona and I, winking to the beet red fangirl, "Ka-ja! Would you mind directing us to the empty tables? The shikskins here are starving."
Nodding enthusiastically, the girl made a move to grab the menu off the counter before leading us up the stairs that was safely situated away from the prying eyes of the rest of the restaurant. Half-turned to the back, I was in the midst of interrupting Sooyoung's and Kyuhyun's harmless banter with some snarky remark when I felt Yunho tensed up and stopped abruptly, along with the sound of metal utensils hitting ceramic plates.
Curious, I faced the front only to have my jaws hung wide open, vaguely listening to gasps of the previously bantering duo when they realized what was the hold-up. Sitting in a semi-circle formation several meters away was an equally shell-shocked group of five; a choking flabbergasted Heechul, a frozen JYJ trio and a gaping Eunhyuk who sat between Yoochun and Junsu.
None of us seemed capable of moving, the tension and silence grew increasingly palpable with each passing second as the two parties stared at the other shamelessly. Heechul, being the opportunist that he is, cleared his throat loudly, "Oh my! What a delightful surprise! Care to join us? The more the merrier and table is big enough!"
The spell broke at Heechul's shout and I tore my eyes away from the trio to Heechul in disbelief, scandalized as to what he was suggesting. Sparing one last look to my former band members; Jaejoong looked downright horrified, Yoochun staring incredulously at Heechul and Junsu whom was staring at me unblinking, I scoffed. Shrugging Yunho's arm off, I spun on my heel, stomping down the stairs without as much as a second glance, fighting the burning sensation in my eyes and the sound of my heart threatening to break into its fragile pieces again.
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YOONA'S POV.
This cannot be happening.
I didn't dare to dart my eyes away from the scene in front of me and I gave myself a quick hard pinch subtly to ensure that I wasn't dreaming or sorts. Nope, this is real alright.
I heard Changmin's scoff and the thumping of the wooden floor as the maknae of DBSK stomped down the stairs, witnessing the involuntarily flash of pain across the faces of all three JYJ members. Instinctively, I held onto Yunho's jacket, preventing in another possible case of runaway. Kyuhyun stammered his greeting and apologies before rushing after his best friend while I gave the forgotten fangirl a nod, subtlety asking for her to leave, relieved that she got my hidden message. Yunho removed his arms from my shoulder and made a move to walk away but I immediately grab hold of his arm. "You have to do this, hyung." I whispered, very nearly releasing his arm at the sight of raw pain that was reflecting in the singer's almond eyes, before giving a nod to Sooyoung who understood instantly.
"Sure, Heechul oppa! I would love to join you for dinner! Hello everyone!" Sooyoung all but shouted as she approached the circular marble table with mock easiness, strategically sitting herself at the empty seat beside Junsu.
"Why?" whispered Yunho, his eyes bright with unshed tears, as though he was begging for me to have mercy, to allow him to flee the scene like what Changmin did.
"You know you want this." and his eyes immediately flashed with anger.
"Hear me out before you lash out at me!" I interrupted harshly, preventing an impending argument stemming from Yunho's infamous volatile temper.
"Who was the one that cried on my shoulders that night when he was drunk? As much as you pretend to be indifferent, you know you've always wondered about them. Were they fine? Were they well? Why was Yoochun and Jaejoong oppa smoking so much again? Were they still mad about everything? So why throw this chance away when you've been awarded of it? I know that it hurts and I won't even say that I can relate to the depth of your hurt because I am not in your position. It hurts me to know that I'm causing you pain by doing this but I know I'll cost you even more if I allow you to simply walk away because you are going to spend nights drinking again, regretting your choice when you should have stayed... when deep down, you know you want to stay."
I watched Yunho's anger wash away, revealing the same scared little boy that I met that thunderstorm night a year and a half ago. Rubbing his arm soothingly, I spoke gently while willing him to remain eye contact, "I know this is terrifying but you're a brave man, Yunho oppa. You're U-Know-YunHo who chooses to face his inner demons than to run or hide cowardly. It's just a simple dinner with extra company, nothing more. I promise that I'll be here all the way, you're not doing this alone. In fact, I'll make you a deal to bring your maknae back here, alright? You can do this, oppa, I believe in you. So shall we sit down and grab dinner with them?"
Waiting patiently, I stood by Yunho as he inhaled a couple of shaky deep breaths before answering with a soft hesitant "Okay." Holding his hand, our company tensed as we neared the round table. Guiding a stiff Yunho to the seat beside Sooyoung, I gave an encouraging smile to Jaejoong whom looked like he was a second away from fainting. Yoochun was scowling, taking a huge gulp of his iced beer while Eunhyuk was holding onto Junsu whom in turn was staring at Yunho in childlike wonder, as if certain that all this was a mere figment of his imagination; a dangerous illusion prior to Junsu's anger when enraged.
With mock enthusiasm, I clapped my hands as I spoke in a cheery voice, "Now, if you would excuse me, I believe I have a runaway to catch."
Jaejoong gaped at me, convinced that I had indeed lost my mind. Junsu turned to stare at me in a mix of wonder and bewilderment while Yoochun remained scowling, glaring at his glass of beer as if it had done him injustice. With a grimace-like smile to Heechul, I left, praying that Heechul and company would be capable of keep the four DongBangShinKi members from fleeing in my absence.
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It didn't take me much effort to find Changmin; the latter was squatting against the wall near the private entrance, an irate expression sewed on his face with Kyuhyun pacing around him like a mother hen. Sighing, I made my way over to crouch down in front of the almighty Choikang Changmin.
"Min..."
"I am not going in. I am not having dinner with them. I will not. I refused to." Changmin sneered in such fashion as though he was the crown prince asked to have dinner with lowly peasants.
I rolled my eyes at the melodramatic-ness of the entire situation. Boys. And they call us girls dramatic.
"Changmin--"
"I. Will. Not. Nothing you say will change my mind, Yoona." commented Changmin as he shot me a glare. Defiance at its finest.
I huffed in annoyance, irritated by how Changmin was acting like a complete spoilt brat. "Shim Changmin! Are you seriously going to camp out here in the cold with Kyuhyun while Yunho oppa has to deal with it all alone inside?! Are you really abandoning Yunho is such a manner?!"
As much as I would like to remain scowling at Changmin who was being unnecessarily difficult, my anger and frustration seeped away when I witnessed Changmin flinching from the guilt the moment he realized that I spoke the truth; he had indeed abandoned Yunho in a way, albeit not intentionally. My words had hit too close to home.
Freeing his crossed arms, I took one of his hands in mine, "Please Changmin. Don't leave Yunho oppa all alone in there. Let's go in and join them, neh?"
Only to flinch inwardly at the agony swimming in his eyes, my heart breaking a little at his anguished whisper, "I can't... I don't think I can sit through dinner without breaking their necks or myself. I can't bear being this close to them. I don't want to face them, I don't want to break into pieces again."
I steeled in my resolve, I had to be strong for them both, "Yes you can. You can do it, Changmin-ah. I promise I'll be right beside you, you won't be alone. You can sit between Kyuhyun oppa and I. If things get rough, we can always count on Heechul to stop you from doing anything hazardous. I promise that if things get tough, I'll pull you out immediately and we'll leave, no questions asked. But please, just try. Try for the sake of Yunho, for the sake of everyone including yourself."
"Yeah, you don't even need to talk, Min. Just do what you do best, stuffing yourself with food." joked Kyuhyun as he too attempted to coax the stubborn DBSK member.
Changmin alternated his glances between Kyuhyun and I, resembling a terrified child seeking reassurance from his parents, "I-I... Fine. I'll do it."
Smiling as I squeezed his hands, I tugged the lanky idol to his feet as the three of us went back into the restaurant. I sighed in relief when I caught sight of the four DBSK members, no one had gotten killed yet. Changmin nearly bolted again if not for the death grip I had on his hand as well as Kyuhyun who was gently pushing the tall man from behind. The three non-DBSK members beamed at our return whereas Yunho gave a small smile in gratitude and relief; his maknae had came back for him. Adhering to my promise, I sat between the two rigid TVXQ members while Kyuhyun took his place between Changmin and Heechul.
The silence was uncomfortable and suffocating as I glanced at my peers. Jaejoong, whom was on the other side of Heechul, peered cautiously at both Changmin and Yunho from the corner of his eyes. Sooyoung was watching Yoochun worriedly, the actor was determindedly scowling at his beer while Eunhyuk was keeping a lookout for his best friend, ready to restrain the dazed Junsu at the first sign of trouble. Catching Kyuhyun's and Heechul's eyes, we sighed inwardly, "This is going to be one hell of a longggggg night."
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Annyeong Yoroboon!
lindatembam82, if you're seeing this. This is for you! You asked for TopYoon so there you go.
Anyways, just to clarify something: TOP is NOT in love with Yoona!
All the dreams and everything are mere infatuation Top has; yknow the kind where we often fantasize and dream about our crushes. And yes, Top is somewhat 'conscious' while dreaming; the kind of 'sleep' that we're actually aware that we're dreaming at the moment... hmmm, maybe its just me. Also, Top isn't going to woo Yoona. The guilt of the 'almost betrayal' convinced him to nip any possible feelings. As for the reason for writing about Top's crush, it shall be revealed in due time. :)
Next, sending my thanks to the new subscribers: saymy-name, sunflowerfairies, deardiaxry, eilsel & dwidasept as well as each and single one of you lovelies for dropping a comment! ^^
Not forgetting, kumawo to yo0nathelovez & dwidasept for upvoting! ♥
So, there's something I need to tell you guys...
I've gotten a part-time retail job at Cath Kidston (till late June) for some extra allowance and to kill time while waiting for my uni to start (mid Aug). I've no idea how this is going to affect my writing schedule but I guess its safe to say that I'll be updating lesser for this coming 2 months. Gah, it almost makes me regret taking up this job. :(
I WON'T be abandoning this nor discontinuing it (I can't bear it) and I hope you guys can understand where I am coming from.
In turn, I'll try to update as frequent as possible. :)
/le sigh/ Yes, I've noticed a few of the readers had hit the unsub button.
I won't say that I'm unaffected by it but... I suppose it's your choice and I respect it. Instead, I'll just strive harder to improve my writing and make this FF more worthwhile to read. :)
To those who stayed, thank you.
xoxo, againhello.
08/12/17: Yes, it’s a legitimate chapter update. Trust me, I’m as surprised as you are. Enjoy!! :))
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