CHAPTER NINE
Realigning The Lost Stars.The unnerving feeling in my gut stirred once more, deep within the pit of my stomach. I was incredibly on edge tonight, too restless to sleep; an odd sense of anxiety was coursing through my veins, a weird knotted tension in my chest... in my heart. What is going on?
The shadows seem to be silently stalking me as I made my way down another empty street, paranoia flooding my system as I pictured myself to be one of those tragic victims in those horror films- the ones that would be brutally murdered by the savage mythical creatures lurking in the dark. I groaned aloud, as if having the unnerving queasy sensation wasn't enough, my out-of-proportion imagination had to be working on overdrive tonight as well.
I was about to across the street to visit the 24/7 café when a blur of colours caught my peripheral vision. Donned in a navy blue hoodie with simple back jeans, the figure was walking briskly, almost sprinting in the opposite direction of where I intended to go, as though he was frantically running away from something. I frowned in confusion, "Oppa?... Aye, it can't be him... Right?"
JAEJOONG'S POV.
Left, right, left, right... I stared blankly at my white sneakers as I strolled on the grey cement pavement.
What am I doing really?" I questioned myself silently, it's the wee hours of the morning and I should be in bed, not taking some random late night walk... Not to mention how much trouble I'll get into if Yoochun and Junsu finds out I'm unnecessarily skimping on my sleeping time again.
You see, I've always been a lonely person. Ironic huh, a celebrity's life practically ensures a constant stream of people surrounding me but yet, they can't chase away the bitter loneliness within. Which kinda explains why I'm not in the bed at the moment... I can't sleep.. I don't want to sleep... not when I'm all alone in the apartment.
The sleepovers Junsu, Yoochun and I have had lessen significantly, from both the hectic solo schedules we have and the fact that we were starting to get used to the idea of sleeping at our own separate apartments... but sometimes, it's night like this that I can't stand the silence that's going on war with my sanity. Work has always been my faithful companion and distraction from the loneliness and everything that comes with it, a small price to pay in my opinion; a gradual toll on my body from the lack of rest in exchange for never really quite feeling alone and to be blissfully away from the haunting thoughts and forbidden memories. Given a choice, I would very much rather coop myself in the studio of the company, immersing myself in producing a new track. My method of combating with loneliness that night brings forth had worked... until my nosy bestfriend whom goes by the name of Park annoying Yoochun had to interfere with my, and I quote, 'self-destructive plans'.
In short, Yoochun made sure that whoever was to see me camping in the studio at some ungodly hour at night was to haul my out of the building, period. I scowled at the memory, throughly and utterly annoyed by how everyone was so compliant to Yoochun's words.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I'd nearly missed that all too familiar sound; the sound of controlled footsteps. Years of being stalked by saseangs had practically equppied me with the uncanny ability of knowing when I'm being followed, regardless of how silent my stalkers' footsteps are. I groaned inwardly, I had been so sure that I'd escaped any saseang fans that were lurking near my place when I'd left. With a subtle backward glance, I caught sight of a slightly obese woman hovering a distance away. Cursing under my breath, I sped up in hopes of losing my pursuer, even using dirty narrow alleys as a form of escape means... no dice though, twenty minutes later, my stalker is still hot on my heels. Out of sheer desperation, the moment I rounded the bend at the corner of the street, I sprinted as fast as I could to what looks like an old worn down abandoned building, practically flying up five stories worth of stairs without even stopping to catch my breath. Closing the door that leads the stairways to the rooftop, the toll of participating in such vigourious running exercise that I haven't done in a long while finally caught up with me as I panted heavily, gasping for air, "Note to self; I should probably stop drinking and smoking so much, my stamina is not even half as good as how it was... and I think I reallyyyyyy need to make a trip to the gym."
I was still recovering my breath by the ledge of the rooftop, my arms propping my upper body up when I heard the door creaked open. Oh no...
"Jaejoong-ssi, you're pretty fast... considering how widely known that you don't exactly lead the healthiest lifestyle, I nearly lost you."
Narrowing my eyes, I tried to appear as cold and intimidating as I could, "Who are you and what do you want? My autograph? A picture with me?"
"HAHAHAHAHA." To my absolute shock, the woman burst out laughing as if I've just told her a hilarious joke.
"You think I'm your fan? Me? Hahahaha. Are you kidding me?" The deranged stalker stopped laughing as abruptly as she started laughing, her face full of malice as she glared at me. I gulped under her intense stare and groaned inwardly, "Of all the people I could have met, I had to bump into an insane one."
I took an automatic step backwards when I saw her approach me, her walking mannerism reminded me acutely of how a predator moves when it hunts its prey.
"YOU BROKE DONG BANG SHIN KI UP." She screeched, her voice echoing in the silent neighborhood.
My blood went cold upon her words, "Wha--"
"YOU. YOU, YOOCHUN AND JUNSU. YOU THREE BROKE DONG BANG SHIN KI UP, YOU THREE BROKE CASSIOPEIA UP!!!!"
I paled under her accusation, her words speaking of the very nightmare that haunts me, "I didn't..."
"SHUT UP!!! How could you do this to me? To us? To them? JYJ. J FREAKING Y J. How could you abandon them so cold heartedly? How could you leave them behind?! And to allow your fans to hurl all those nasty insults to them both while you three lead such comfortable life... IT'S NOT FAIR AT ALL. Did you watch the recent Balloons performance that HoMin had to sing with SHINee? YUNHO OPPA LOOKED LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO CRY! They're hurting so much... We're hurting so much, all the stupid fanwars between the two stans.. We used to be such a happy fandom, but now all that's left is misery and sorrow... You three did this to us, it's your fault. IT'S YOUR FAULT!!"
I saw her coming towards me with something in her hand but I couldn't move, her harsh words kept ringing in my head, "IT'S YOUR FAULT, IT'S YOUR FAULT!"
"It's pepper spray you idiot, I hope it burns."
"OOOOF." I breathed out as I felt a sharp kick directed to my stomach.
"Stop it!" I called out, swinging my hands blindly as I tried to defend myself from her incoming attacks. Step by step, I was walking backwards towards the corner of the rooftop until I tripped over something along the way, the momentum of my actions caused me to fall over the ledge and I found myself holding onto the ledge of the rooftop for my dear life.
"Help me!"
"Omo omo, what have I done? I've only meant to hurt him, not kill him." chanted the deranged fangirl in panic.
"Yah, don't leave!" I called out to the fangirl as I heard her footsteps hurrying her away from me without as much as an apology.
Alas, I felt the last of my strength slip away from my fingers and the next thing I knew, I was falling...
I watched as my life flashed by in a whirl of vivid colours, the sound of laughter and cries filling my ears. With a wistful smile, I accepted my imminent death, "Goodbye everyone... I love you all.. so much."
I stared in mortification at the scene unfolding right before my eyes, unable to tear my eyes away from the scene as I stood frozen to the ground. It happened so fast that I've barely registered anything; my body moving on its own accord, sprinting forward to the ledge, Jaejoong falling backwards, a vague acknowledgment of the deranged fangirl hurrying past me... A small part of me was screaming for me to not allow Jaejoong's perpetuator to get away, but that's not of importance right now, all that matters now is Jaejoong and his safety... Faster, I need to get there faster...
"NOOOOOO!!" I screamed, lunging half of my body over the ledge just to grab onto Jaejoong.
His eyes shot open immediately, his brows furrowing as he tried to focus his sight, "Yoon-Yoona?"
"Neh it's me, Jae oppa. Don't let go!! Hold on, I'll try to lift you up."
I wasn't confident in my plans though, already I can feel my strength slipping away as I struggled to hold onto Jaejoong. Factoring that both of palms were beginning to sweat, it was only a matter of time before both the lack of friction and my depleting strength will allow Jaejoong's hands to slip from my grasp, resulting him to plumment to his death... Tears of frustration lined my eyes as I registered the helplessness of the situation and my futile attempts of bringing Jaejoong to safety.
"Yoona-ah, let go."
Tha familiar voice so soft, so quiet that I'd nearly missed it.
"No." I replied adamently, shaking my head out of sheer stubborness. I refuse to even consider what the angelic figure was suggesting. It can't be done... I can never...
"Yoona, you have to let go or you'll fall as well."
"NO. I am NEVER letting go." I growled back at the angel without an ounce of hesitation.
"Yoona-ah..."
"No no no no no no no no." I chanted in despair as a choked sob escaped my lips.
"Yoona, look at me."
Timidly, I raised my head to look straight into his hypnotizing eyes. "Jaejoong oppa, I've missed you..."
With a small serene smile on his face, his eyes roamed all over my face as if he was memorizing my features to his memory, "You've grown even more beautiful Yoona-ah." His voice so gentle and filled of warmth that I could almost imagine his hand caraessing my face as he spoke.
"Oppa..." I breathe out, I didn't know what to say... I don't even know where to begin. All I could do was to project all of my feelings towards him in that one word; to convey all of my apologies, my longing, my desperation and helplessness of the current situation...
It seems that he understood my unspoken words for he gave a breathtaking smile in return, "Arra Yoona-ah, arra... It's alright. I can't even tell you how glad I am to be able to see you for the last time, but... You gotta let go of me now, you know you have to."
"No, I-"
"Listen to me!" Frustration evident in his voice, "You have to let go or you'll fall as well! One death is enough tragedy for tonight, so let go of me! You still have a long beautiful life in front of you, you've to fall in love, to get married, to have kids! I... You can help me tell my family goodbye, to tell them how much I love them.. how much I'll miss them. You've to tell Yoochun and Junsu that they'll have to stay strong and to tell... to tell Yunho and Changmin how much I've missed them, how sorry I am that things have turned out to be like this... tell them that I'll wait for them in the afterlife, and perhaps by then, all of us can get back together without judgments and hatred. You can do this right? Do it for oppa... let me go."
"STOP TELLING ME TO LET YOU GO!" I bellowed as the emotions and tears that I've been trying to hold back finally broke through.
"You think that I don't know that I'll fall as well if I don't let go? Arra oppa, I know. But... how do I let you go? How do I let you go thinking that I hate you to the pits of hell when I don't. How... How do I let you go when I've never aplogize nor explain my actions to you... when by trying to protect you, I've to hurt you. Were you never curious or did you think I was that evil of a person to desert you when it's your time in need?"
I shut my eyes as I tried to even my breathing, to stop the hiccups. "How... How do I let you go now that I've finally found you again." I whispered softly as the tears streamed down my face.
"Yoona-ah..."
His voice so broken that it very nearly threatened to bring about a fresh set of tears. Squaring my shoulders, I spoke once more with new found determination, "Okay, I'm gonna try to lift you again oppa, see if you can swing your legs or arms up. On the count of three.. one, two, THREE!"
With a of luck, and perhaps it was also because of the adrenaline coursing through our blood, Jaejoong managed to have a firm grip on the edge of the ledge. Pushing himself up, he rolled over the ledge to safety before laying flat on his back, breathing heavily from his ordeal. My legs finally gave way as the adrenaline recceded, tucking my knees close to my chest as I let go of my emotional restraints, bawling to my heart's content, "He's safe now... God, I nearly lost him. He nearly died, we nearly died. I was almost too late... Thank God, he's safe. He's safe."
"Sshhhh... Hush now, it's all over. We're both safe now." I felt myself being securely locked in Jaejoong's embrace, his soothing words did nothing but to bring about another round of tears, from both relief and longing. Had it really been close to two years since I last spoke to him?
Eventually my cries were reduced to mere snifflings and I was so exhausted that I'd nearly fell asleep in Jaejoong's arms before Jaejoong had to ask the golden question, "Those words that you said earlier... was it the truth? What exactly are you hiding from me Yoona-ah?"
I tensed and watched Jaejoong cautiously, caught off guard by the sudden question. With a defeated sigh, I proceeded to tell Jaejoong everything about the threat made by the CEO, the new spying manager, what I was forced to do in order to protect all of them and the run in with Junsu in the airport. "Technically, I'm allowed to contact you since the start of the year but I guess the CEO made sure that whatever that we have will be too broken to be fixed by the time comes. I didn't exactly believe that he would be capable of doing so but considering how mad you guys were... especially seeing how things played out when I bumped into Junsu, I would say that he had succeeded huh?" chuckling humorlessly as I spoke.
"I'm so sorry, I... We didn't know... We thought that you..." He whispered aghast, unable to continue his sentence.
Grabbing both his hands, I forced him to look at me straight in the eye, "Don't be sorry, it was normal for you guys to think that of me when I behaved that way. I should be the one that is sorry, I should have tried harder to regain our friendship rather than to throw in the towel just like that."
Using my free hand, I wiped a stray tear on his cheek, "Uljima... when you cry, you don't look pretty anymore~" I giggled as I singsonged towards the end of my sentence, knowing how much Jaejoong hates being called pretty.
"Why you little..."
I thought that we would head our separate ways when we leave the building but Jaejoong, being the gentleman that he is, insisted in escorting me back to the dorms personally. We were comfortably silent on the way back, each of us basking in our own thoughts after such an eventful night.
"Oppa, we're here."
"Wha- Huh?"
I chuckled at the confused Jaejoong before giving the latter a brief but tight hug, "Despite everything that happened tonight, it's really good to see you again. I'm gonna miss you, take care oppa, goodnight."
I pulled away from the hug and was about to head into the lobby when a tight grip on my wrist halted me. "Wait, give me your number. There's no freaking way I'm letting you slip past when we've a chance to be friends again."
I stood there gaping at Jaejoong's words, "You mean... You want us to be friends again?"
"DUH. Seriously, you think I'll just let you go when you just saved my life AND protected me all this while? Not a chance." rolling his eyes a little at my question, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
I squealed a little as I hugged the idol once more, "Jincha Jincha? We can be friends again?"
"OOOF. You need to stop tackling me with bear hugs, I haven't dealt with bear hugs since I parted ways with Yunho--"
Jaejoong caught his words halfway before clearing his throat awkwardly, "Right, phone number please."
Deciding that it would be better to ignore Jaejoong's slip at Yunho's name, I fished my phone out of my pocket as we exchanged our numbers respectively. Sneaking a curious glance at my phone screen, Jaejoong started whining, "Yah, why on earth are you saving my name as 'JiJi'... I am not a cat."
I rolled my eyes a little at him despite how adorable he looks with that pout on his frowning face, "Well, I can't possibly save your name as Kim JaeJoong can I? Imagine what great schemes the CEO will come up with if he finds out we're talking to each other again."
Jaejoong scowled a little at my explanation but didn't retort since we both knew that this is for the best. With a pat on his head, I bade him goodbye before heading into the lobby. I was about to enter the lift before I decided turn back to find Jaejoong again, to tell him what I've been contemplating to say. Running down the street, I was able to catch up with the idol before he was able to flag a cab home. "Wae? Miss me already Im Yoona-ssi?" asked Jaejoong with a cheeky smirk on his face.
I punched his arms playfully in response, "Yeah right, I just wanted to say... Even though I know that you didn't ask but... They, the two of them.. They're not as okay as they seem. They're still trying to move on and even though they don't admit it, they missed you more than you three will ever know. Were they angry? Yes. Were they hurt? Yes. Are they still upset? Most probably. But despite everything, I doubt they've ever hated you.. Just a lot of pent up emotions. So don't be fooled by what you see on tv and what you hear, just trust in their hearts and always keep the faith neh? Give them time, give all you time to heal those painful wounds before facing each other again in due time."
Surprise fleeted across Jaejoong's face, "They don't hate us?" he whispered uncertainly, as if he was coming to terms with something incomprehensible.
I gave a comforting smile in return, "I'm sure they don't. I've really got to go now, take care alright."
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