“I’m 18 already, I know what I want!”

Her laughter pained him more than anything.

“Please, Jungkook. Just because you’ve turned 18 doesn’t mean you’re an adult. You can’t just randomly say you like me and expect me to see you differently. You’ll always be that 15 year old kid to me.”

“It’s not random!” He retorted. “I’ve liked you since I was 15, you’ve just never accepted it. Never seen me as a man.”

The very words left a bitter taste in his mouth. Why couldn’t she see how much he loved her? How much he always had? He’d tried to tell her several times before but she’d always either misunderstood or brushed it off… either that or been too drunk to remember. Drinking away her sorrows from her boyfriends through the years being jerks to her, then coming to Jungkook for solace.

Well, no more. He would have her understand this time.

“Just because you want me to see you as a man doesn’t mean I will.” She looked at him with a frown and took a step closer. “I mean, look at you. With that baby face, how could anyone?”

Jungkook flushed, not sure himself whether it was embarrassment or rage. He’d never resented his own face before the first time she’d said that, a few years ago. Shaking off the memory he tore up his t-shirt to reveal his abs, well toned from the endless practice.

“Do these belong to a child?” He asked, voice shaking with anger.

She laughed again at that, the mocking tone clear. “Please, Kookie, having abs doesn’t make you a man. Being hot has nothing to do with it.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice screamed that she’d just called him hot but the main part of his brain wouldn’t register it. Instead it was flooded with images of her previous boyfriends, of all the things they had done to her.

“Then what would make me a man? Huh?” He walked towards her menacingly. “I’ve seen what you think of as manly. Is that what you want me to be? Is that what I need to become for you to see me?”

He grabbed her waist and forcefully pressed his lips to hers, pushing her fully against the wall she had taken a couple of step backwards to when he approached her. Her hands grabbed his arms, trying to push him away but he was stronger than her by far. Was this really what she wanted?

She managed to break free from his kiss by turning her head sideways, leaving his warm breath falling on her ear and neck instead.

“Is this really what you think makes a man?” Jungkook whispered, pulling back a bit and letting go of her waist. “Because if it is… I’d rather stay a boy.”

Her face turned towards his again and he gently the hair out of her face. He had been angry when he pushed her against the wall but now all of that was gone. How could she let guys do things like this to her? How could she think this was okay? That this was what counted as love and affection?

“Kookie…” She mumbled, her eyes wide and staring into his own as he realised he could feel the beginning sting of tears.

“I’d rather stay a boy.” He said again, with more conviction this time. “If that means I can treat you the way I want to treat you; the way you deserve to be treated.” His fingers gently her cheek and it made him infinitely sad to know there had been bruises there before, left by another guy. How could that be what a man was?

“If being a boy means I can touch you like this, kiss you like this…”

He let his lips touch hers again, the softest of kisses. Pulling away made him squeeze his eyes closed for a second longer, knowing that it must be his imagination that her lips followed his for a moment.

“...I’ll be a boy all my life, then.” He finished, looking at her and seeing a single tear fall silently down her cheek.

He stepped away from her even as her hand grabbed for his shirt. If she wanted him to stay now it was only because of what he had done in his anger. He could almost hear the snap of his heart breaking as he realized she would never love him back. He heard her sob as he turned away and wished for nothing more than to hold her until she felt better. He just couldn’t put up with that being his only role any more.

“I’m sorry, Kookie.” She sobbed behind him as he fought with his own tears of rejection. “It’s just… I don’t deserve someone like you.”

He turned around to stare at her; now sitting on the floor after sliding down the wall, sobbing quietly.

“You’re too sweet for someone like me.” She continued, staring at his feet or maybe the floor. “I’m no good for anyone… that’s why I keep turning you down. You shouldn’t like someone like me. I thought if I brushed you off you’d just get over it and find some nice girl, lord knows you have plenty of fans to choose from so I’m sure there’s some girls in there who deserve to be loved by you… in a way I don’t…”

“What the hell are you saying?” Jungkook interjected, kneeling on the floor in front of her. She flinched slightly at the harshness of his tone and he immediately felt guilty, softening his voice for his next words. “Are you saying you like me back but don’t think you deserve me? Because that’s ridiculous! Of course you dese-”

“NO I DON’T!” Her sudden shout was followed by a sob and she buried her face in her hands. “I’d never be good enough for you. I’m not the right material for an idol’s girlfriend. I don-”

“THAT’S NOT UP TO YOU!” Jungkook was angry again, perhaps even more angry than before. He didn’t shout often so she looked up from her hands at him but he kept going. “Why the hell do you think you get to choose who’s good enough for me?! I choose that for myself! If I think you’re good enough then you are and you get no ing say in the matter! You can reject me because you don’t like me or think of me only as a friend but you don’t get to ing say it’s because you’re not good enough because you are! If you weren’t this wonderful I’d have stopped loving you a long time ago but you make that pretty much impossible so never ever say you don’t deserve something because it’s not your damn choice, it’s mine!”

They sat there and stared at each other for a while, Jungkook breathing heavily from his shouted rant.

After a long silence she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper: “Could you… teach me?”

“Teach you what?”

“What it’s like to be loved by a boy.”