Chapter Eighteen

The memory slowly appeared.

He was rushing out of the house, catching up with Yoseob. He quickly hold the younger boy wrist when he was close enough, stopping the boy from making another step.

Yoseob slowly turned to Doojoon, with an unreadable expression and a weak smile. “I’m okay, hyung.” The small guy spoke. “Don’t worry about me. It may sound selfish but could you help Junnie hyung clean up. Being angry is not good for him,” Yoseob continued.

Doojoon was startled when he heard Junhyung’s pet name, showing how close they had become. He felt angry, stupidly jealous with something that he did not have the right to be jealous. Doojoon instantly released his hold from Yoseob’s smaller wrist.

“Don’t act as if I’m trying to sooth you and I’m not worried at all. I just want to tell you don’t be such a spoiled baby,” Doojoon replied, in rage.

Yoseob did look startled with the reply but he still tried to smile. “Okay, I won’t,” he paused. “I’m going to the convenience store for a while,”

Doojoon looked away, still feeling angry although guilty also started to fill his heart. “Okay,” he answered coldly.

Yoseob turned away, walked towards the elevator.

“Hyung, I never hate you,”

Doojoon instantly awoke from the nostalgic memories as he heard the kind quivering voice. It was obvious to him that Yoseob was crying. Junhyung could never replicate Yoseob’s trembling voice. Doojoon thought.

 Yoseob softly spoke, tying to smile even he was weeping. “I did feel bad sometimes but I can never hate you,”

Yoseob spent quite some times last night to read the messages sent to his phone. He read it alone in the living room. He read it one by one, not wanting to miss any important message. That was where he knew how Doojoon felt all this time. The older guy kept apologizing for his bad behaviour towards Yoseob, kept regretting he did not confess his feeling instead. He was just scared as he knew he would be rejected and he did not know how he would response to that. He scared that they would be awkward with each other. However, confessing was much better than hiding the secret longing. They might find a way to ease the awkwardness anyway and Yoseob might still alive today.

“Don’t feel guilty, hyung. My death is a fate that was written before I was born. It was not your fault. Its not anyone fault,” Yoseob continued as Doojoon did not response verbally.

Doojoon frowned, closing his eyes shut. He did not sure on how to react. What do you mean, Yoon Doojoon? The person you want to meet the most is here, in front of you. The other voice scolded him.

Doojoon gradually opened his eyes and took a good look at the floating scarf in front of him. As usually, it was empty except for the floating red scarf which was now at his knees’ level. Slowly, his mind started to sketch Yoseob figure there, kneeing in front of him, with his teary eyes, red nose and swollen lips.  Yes, he could feel it, that the one in front of him was Yoseob. Hyunseung was right. Yoseob is here. He is back.

Yoseob reminisced back, the moment he read the messages. After a while, the messages were regarding Doojoon incompetent as Beast leader. He complained on how Beast never made any comeback after Yoseob’s death. How he could not unify the members anymore. How the fans’ love started to fade and the fanbase became weak. How the media did not use Beast to describe them anymore as if they were individual artists.

“You are the best leader I could ever think of. You did great. I can’t imagine if I was the leader of Beast. I would do worse. I might make the group disband,” Yoseob explained, trying to cheer Doojoon up. He had stopped crying but the remains of the tears could still be heard in his voice.

“You would do better,” Doojoon finally voiced, trying to smile. “Yoseob,”

Yoseob smiled as he looked at Doojoon expression. The older was smiling faintly. Finally, he heard Doojoon voice. Finally, the conversation started. Finally, Doojoon approved his presence. Finally, Yand Yoseob was able to put across Yoon Doojoon.

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The kitchen was suddenly lively that morning. There were jokes and laughter, there were teases and victims and there were brightness and warmth. Dongwoon stood up, walked to the pan and filled up his second plate of rice for that morning.

“Anyone need another plate of rice?” Dongwoon asked as he looked around the table.

Kikwang raised his hand and smiled childishly. Then, he quickly passed the empty plate.

“I thought you are dieting,” Doojoon asked as he knew Kikwang needed to be fit in his drama. He would be showing off his abs if he was not mistaken.

“It’s my cheat day,” Kikwang teasingly grinned. “I’ll be dieting again after this,”

Doojoon shot a death glare at Kikwang, warning him to be more disciplined. However, he knew how disciplined Kikwang was when it was related to his physical. Deep in his heart, he respected that chocolate abs guy. He did his best to maintain his physical while Doojoon was still unsuccessful on polishing his.

“Kikwang-ah, don’t slack off just because I can’t compete you,” Yoseob warned, pursuing his lips as he frowned.

Junhyung chuckled as he saw Yoseob’s grimace expression.

Kikwang became sullen as he heard Yoseob. Yoseob was always his best rival, in love or abs. He was always his best friend. It was sad that now, they could not be rivals anymore.

“What are you thinking, Seung?” Doojoon who was oblivious of Kikwang feelings, asked as Hyunseung was silent. Not that he worried. He was just curious. That guy always in his own thought and sometimes his thoughts are so amusing.

Hyunseung made an eye contact with Doojoon before he replied. “I just wonder how each day, we could... hrmm...” he paused, thinking of the right word. “feel Yoseob more and more,”

Yes, Hyunseung used the word ‘feel’. He liked that word. They might can’t see that little guy nor touch him but he could feel him. Only Yoseob had the magic to bring laughter in the most depressing moment and this moment proved that Yoseob was here.

“What do you mean?” Junhyung asked, confused. He turned to Yoseob and saw the adorable guy was making the perplexed expression as well.

Hyunseung changed his focus to Junhyung to reply the rapper. “I mean, on your birthday, I didn’t see any flying things or what so ever. But, we could see it yesterday and today, we can suddenly hear Yoseob’s voice.

Dongwoon, being the brightest, was excitedly raised his hand when he heard the question of Hyunseung. “I think I have an idea of why,”

“Why?” Kikwang asked curiously, innocently.

“Each time we grant Yoseob hyung’s wishes, we could feel him better,” Dongwoon explained. “Like at first we did Junhyung hyung birthday party then we could see anything that Yoseob hyung hold. After that, we stay in this house together and we could hear Yoseob hyung voice,”

Kikwang titled his head, he could not really understand. Hyunseung frowned, thinking. Junhyung just nodded his head, fully understood.

“Then, do you have any other wish, Yoseob?” Doojoon asked eagerly. His eyes were looking directly at Yoseob as if he could see the smaller guy. He had his own reason. This time, he wanted to be the one who granted Yoseob’s wish. He needed to do his part well as the leader of Beast. Plus, Yoseob was one of the members. That was the excuse he told himself although he knew that he did not want to be defeated by Junhyung anymore. It was always Junhyung who made the main vocal happy. It was always the singer-songwriter who could bring smiles and laughter to the Yang Yoseob. He did not want to be lost to that guy forever. He already lost Yoseob to Junhyung and now he would not lost anything anymore. At least, not his pride as the leader of the group.

Yoseob turned to Junhyung, wanted to see the older guy expression and he saw a smile. Yoseob returned the smile. Then, he observed every eye which was now looking at him, waiting for his answer. He was hesitated to answer. This time, his wish was not an easy one but of course it was possible. Yet, he was afraid of the responses from the members of Beast. Yoseob took a deep breath before he answered.

“I wish to listen to Beast new album,”

Author's note:

I'm trying my best to update as frequent as I can. :)