This . . This cant be happening . .

This . . This is impossible . . 

This isn't true . . I refuse to believe that it is. However, the shouts kept me from ignoring the truth. 

The truth that Kim Sunggyu ruined our comeback. The comeback that was suppose to boost the ratings of INFINITE by a thousand .. 

 

All of us have worked hard until the day finally came. But he .. He just had to ruin it. The truth is, other groups, companies, people, and even our fans started looking down on us. All because of our weak, conceited, stupid leader. In cams, it would seem like he was the boss, the dictator, the everything. But all of those were just for show, because people wouldn't like it if they found out that we, the seemingly innocent dongsengs seek entertainment from him through his pain. Yes, it is evil and i know it, yet, we all still do it. Because if you were in my place, you'd do the exact same thing. When you see him and his pained expressions, you cant help but blush a little because of its cuteness. He would just seem so . . Hopeless and the sight of it makes out hands itch to do more. Seeing him like that will make you do more things to him. And once you've started, you wont be able to stop. Its addicting. 

 

We all watch him run away from the studio to somewhere else. The fans, and the group who just performed earlier, looked at us in disbelief. The group, INFINITE, that was called to be perfect, just made a mistake. The group who performed earlier was mocking us with them purposely trying to hold in their laughter and some of them, imitating what just happened with silly expressions plastered across their faces. I looked at them, with my usual cold and scary stare and the insides of my mouth, appearing as if i'm holding back my temper to beat the crap out of them. 

 

"Myung." Sungyeol called out while yanking my arm making me face him and leaving the mocking group, out of my deathly sight. 

"Don't look at them like that . . It might make things more complicated." He said, and i nodded. I tried to hold myself back a little, making sure that i wont unconsciously approach that group and start a fight with them. After all, a person as handsome as me cant have a bad reputation. My face should match my reputation. Perfect. 

 

I watch as Dongwoo-hyung helped Hoya-hyung to stand up after me, accidentally tripping him. I watch as Sungjong looked down on the floor with trembling hands. I watch as our manager and other people guide us down the stage after that awkward moment. And lastly, i watch Woohyun-hyung run out from the stage to, obviously, to follow Sunggyu-hyung. Sungyeol and I followed. 

 

We ran as fast as we could just to keep up with Woohyun-hyung. We turned to a corner, and saw Sunggyu-hyung rushing to the comfort room and slamming the door behind him. Woohyun-hyung ran towards the door and tried opening it, but to no avail, it was locked. 

 

"Yeol." He sharply called out. "Call a personnel and have them open up this door now." He instructed. Sungyeol immediately ran out from the scene and later on, with him, he brings a personnel, and the worst person to be here, manager-hyung.

 

"Hyung!! Hyung!!" Woohyun yelled while banging the door. Soon, everyone in INFINITE gathered to see wether Kim Sunggyu was . . I don't know, a wreck? We all waited for the door to be opened to see what's happening and finally, after much door-banging, and "hyung" yelling, the goddamn personnel finally found the right key. 

 

As soon as the door got opened, Woohyun immediately went inside and came to the rescue of the silently crying, knee-hugging, miserable cutie in the previously locked bathroom. He caressed Sunggyu's shoulders and hushed out some questions. Sunggyu, only nodded or shook his head. We all watch as our idiot of a leader broke down in Woohyun's arms. It both disgusted us that he was called a "leader" and pitied him because of the wreck he is right now.

 

I feel a small grin creep up in my face. He looks so cute right now. I look at the other members to see them feeling the same way. Except for Dongwoo, who's at the verge of tears righ now. I saw Hoya his lips and eying Sunggyu-hyung with such lust in his eyes. Sungjong, hiding his hands inside his pockets out of nervousness. Sungyeol averting his eyes and biting his lips to stop it from trembling, he hid his hands in his pockets and let out heavy air. He looked at me, and I looked at him. He looked like he was controlling a beast inside him. I walked towards him and slapped his back. "Someone seems nervous." I said. 

 

"Oh shut up myung." He said and swatted my hands away. I only smirked at him. I looked back at where Sunggyu-hyung is and saw him being escorted out of the bathroom while Woohyun, holding his waist and shoulders. All of us who're at the scene, followed them. 

 

Sunggyu-hyung held his head down and was hiccuping too. How cute~ 

He was wiping his eyes using the back of his hands. Everyone and anyone who passed by us looked at us with such horrid expressions. I hated the way they look at us. Like were some trash. Even though seeing my cute little toy suffer is entertaining, he still doesn't deserve to be looked at like that. He doesn't deserve the bashing that he'll definitely receive after all of this got out in public. That INFINITE, became a wreck because of his little mistake that a leader shouldn't have committed. The small thing that escalated to something big. 

 

I went over to Sunggyu-hyung and caressed his back and smiling reassuringly to him. After all, i still need him if i were to entertain myself. Soon, all of us arrived at our dressing room. Woohyun made Sunggyu-hyung sit down at the couch. Dongwoo draped a jacket over him and Sunggyu-hyung immediately snuggled closer to the jacket, closed his swollen eyes and rested. All of us who are eager to see his cute pained face decided to leave him alone for today. Even if we're what woohyun calls "brutal idiots" we still have the decency to leave someone who's become an total emotional wreck alone. We all sat or stood there while watching our cute toy sleep and rest. When we thought all is bliss, the devil came in. I mean . . Manager-hyung came in. He looked furious and was gripping his white samsung galaxy s3 tight. His phone is the only place where he keeps track of our schedules, and because he's holding it, looking as if he's ready to throw it any minute, something bad must have happened to us. Something . . Not even Woohyun-hyung would be able to protect Sunggyu-hyung from, or me, not that i'll try to. 

 

He paced inside the room while we watch him mumble incoherent things under his breath. He continued this for awhile until . . The sight of my cute sleeping toy, caught his eye. He walked towards Sunggyu-hyung, grabbed his collar, and threw him at the floor. This action made my toy's eyes, bolt open.

 

"W-what's wrong h-hyung?" He asked while stuttering in the process. Manager-hyung only looked at him with anger in his eyes and Sunggyu-hyung, looking back with such pleading-sorry eyes. We all looked at the situation. It seems like manager-hyung will be laying a heavy hand on Sunggyu-hyung. I surveyed the room, Woohyun isn't here, he left a couple of minutes ago with Dongwoo-hyung to do something. Maybe about the people who saw everything. Since the those two aren't here, i guess . . My cute little toy will receive punishment, since theres no one who'd be willing to protect him. I know i wont.

 

"We . . Just lost 4 show guestings, 3 music shows, and one possible feating in an album. Those things were important, up until you messed up in stage." He sharply said. "And it looks like .. We have nothing else to do besides going home because of your failure." 

 

Sunggyu-hyung was silent. He was looking down at his hands, slightly trembling. Fighting the urge to cry. I saw manager-hyung raising his hands that holds his phone, ready to slam it at my toy's fragile body. Manager-hyung threw the phone at Sunggyu-hyung when suddenly, a broad back of someone familiar protected Sunggyu-hyung. Woohyun.

 

Woohyun hugged the crying Sunggyu and yelped out once the phone landed his back harshly. 

He let go from his hug and asked. "Don't you think you're being too much manager-hyung?" 

"We've all worked hard to finally be where we are right now, to be almost at the top of everyone else. Then he, he just had to destroy everything we've worked so hard for. He ruined everything that the other members worked hard for!" He stated. The room fell silent. Its true though, all those years of training with hurtful remarks from other people that i/they wont debut, and all those countless hours in the training rooms stealing all of the strength and energy that we have. It was hard at first of course, and our first debut song didn't really made a dent on people's minds. But slowly and surely, we made our way towards the top. Because i've recalled everything that has happened to me and the other members, i cant help but feel a little pissed off that all of those efforts, wasted in a mere seconds. 

 

"But seriously?" Woohyun snapped back, still hugging the slightly trembling cutie." To throw a damn phone at him?! Isn't that a little too much? He is still a person with feelings after all! I'm sure he had his reasons for that little mishap." 

 

"Little?" Sungjong yelled with tears b his eyes. "It took us a long time before we could be what we are right now! Only to ruined in a mere minute!" He yelled. 

 

I want to say something too. But i feel like i shouldn't. I rather watch than to mix in with the mess. I just want to go home now, i feel a little ty. 

 

"I'm s-sorry . ." Sunggyu-hyung said, cutting the anger in the atmosphere, shocking all of us."I . . Didn't m-mean t-to. I promise i'll b-be b-better . ." He said. "I'll . . P-practice m-more, and a-always have my f-focus." 

 

Sometimes I wonder. Is he's really this . . Innocent? So pure? Or . . Is he also messing with us because he knew that he is our weakness? I swear, i could feel my ankles weakening when he said that. And . .most of all, why am i like this? I don't remember enjoying other people suffering besides him. Since when have i and the other members been sadistic? Is it when the CEO told us that we cant hook-up with chicks that we figured that Sunggyu-hyung could be an alternative? Some twisted people we are. But then again . . It is quite fun.

 

We all mentally decided to let the wreck of a leader go today, we all figured that shouting or telling him how he messed up over and over again wont do any good for any of us. Rather, it would ruin what we have left. And we all communicated this mentally with no words. How cool is that?

 

The members and I decided to sit down on random places to cool ourselves down a little. Hoya at the stylist's table, Sungyeol at the couch with Sungjong, dongwoo at the swivel chairs, and me at the arm rest of the couch. Manager-hyung didn't seem to want to cool himself off and so, he stayed there standing while staring at Woohyun with such angry gaze, and Woohyun, also determined not to break the gaze. 

 

"Can we just end this day already!" Hoya-hyung yelled. We all flinch at his voice. He never yells, and when he does, you should know best to do what he wants. He is a very patient person, and so, when his patience snaps, it means you have done something too much. 

 

Hoya-hyung then, grabbed his normal clothes and left the room. Dongwoo followed him, probably to calm the chunk of meat down. After all, those two are inseparable. 

 

Woohyun finally gave up the "glaring" contest and looked at the crying cutie-pie in his arms. Sunggyu-hyung looked up at Woohyun, and Woohyun smiled at him. Sunggyu-hyung was about to smile back when the sight of the terrifying manager-hyung caught his eye. And so, instead of smiling back, he just hung his head down.

 

"Nee hyung, lets go change." Woohyun said. 

Woohyun helped Sunggyu stand up. They grabbed their clothes and also went out to change. All of us who are left in the room just . . Stood or sat there dazed. Its just . . It cant be real. INFINITE cant be broken. Our reputation . . Its . . Gone. Will we still be able to fix it? Just like those other times when we mess up. Can we? I've gone all this way only to be put down again? Thats just . . Unbelievable. 

 

"You three should should go too and change. We're going home." Manager-hyung said. We all nodded in response,  grabbed our clothes, and went out. 

_________________________

 

I thought everything will be fine as long as i practice hard enough. It turns out, its still not good enough. Does that mean my efforts aren't good enough? That . . Its not really my efforts, but it was me that isn't good enough? I promised that i wont hurt myself again because i'll only be called stupid if i do. I guess . . I may have to keep it a secret. 

 

I dressed myself with Woohyun on the dressing stall next to mine. I wore a black sleeveless hooded shirt that reaches my thighs, white skinny jeans and brown high cut shoes. There was big and broad mirror that is placed across the dressing stall, and so, when you come out, you'll be able to see yourself in it. When i got out from the dressing stall, that retched mirror was there. And because of it, i was able to see what i was wearing, what i didn't notice i was actually putting on. I gripped the end of my shirt. 'I cant be wearing this . . This isn't mine.' I thought.

 

"You look good hyung." Woohyun said. I looked at him and saw him wearing his favorite green polo shirt, cream colored pants and also, a brown high-cut shoes. 

 

I touched my arms "but this isnt mine." I said. " and i also look . . " my voice trailed off, its embarrassing for me to let him know how i feel about my ugly self. Woohyun has the body that always had girls throw themselves at him, he has that smile that just makes you feel like you can die happy right On spot. he is the mere definition of "perfect" in everyone's eyes. and what am i? trash.

 

"No matter what you think" he said. "You look good to me." He patted my shoulder and smiled. I tried to smile back, but it only came out as an awkward one. He chuckled and ruffled my hair. "No need to return my smile if you don't feel like smiling." I looked down at the floor and hid my hands inside the pocket of my shirt. 

 

"I'm sorry i messed up." I said. Woohyun poked my arm and i looked at him. "It isn't your fault." He said. 

"Isn't my fault?" I asked, almost yelling, but i didn't say sorry. I was really furious, with myself. "It was me who caused that mistake in the stage, i should really be sorry." 

 

Woohyun sighed and touched my chest. Even in the thickness of my shirt, i can feel his warmth radiating from his hands. He's looking directly at my chest as if he can see a beautiful scenery unfold in it and so, he smiled like a kid. I was about to grab his hand, eager to feel more of the warmth when he suddenly pulled away. 

 

"Its good to see you've calmed down a little." He said. "Yes i know it was you who bumped to myungsoo, but it isn't really you who did it, something happened to you that made you do that. Aren't i right?" He asked and i nodded. He smiled again and patted my head "see? So its not really your fault." He said. "Anyway, lets go now and go back to the guys, they might be waiting." 

 

The walk back to our private room took us like 5 years than 5 minutes. Maybe its because of the mocking stares that i get when i pass by people that made it seem like it took us a long time. It seems to me that i have developed a hobby of always hanging my head down because i did just that while walking. I don't want to see their eyes or hear their murmurings. Woohyun however, hung my hoodie over my head, preventing me from seeing people who's watching me and also making me disappear from other people's eyes. 

 

"They're saying you look good in sleeveless hoodies." Woohyun suddenly said, breaking my nervousness. "They say your milky-white skin's to die for." I look at him, completely weirded out by his compliment. "Y-you're c-crazy." I said, stuttering. goddammit, i cant form sentences around him. What is wrong with me?!

 

"Aigoo hyung, no need to deny it, i know you like what i said." He said and grinned at me mischievously. I elbowed him in his arm and said. "I do not!" 

 

"You do hyung." 

"I do not!"

"You clearly do hyung."

"I do not!" 

"Then why are you bright red?" 

"I a-am?"  

"Yeah hyung, you're as red as a tomato." He stated. 

I was about to respond to him when suddenly, i felt my whole surrounding spin, my head feeling light. Lighter than it should be. A big wave of pain suddenly struck my head and feel my stomach turn. 

"Hyung?" Woohyun called out, bringing me back to reality.

"Uhh I don't feel so good hyun." I said. 

Woohyun walked towards me and i took steps back until i hit a wall and slump down. He touched my forehead and suddenly, his expression changed. "Hyung . . You're hot." He said.

"Am i ?" I asked and laughed, trying to look like i'm fine. 

"Hyung this isn't funny." 

"S-sorry." 

Another wave of sharp pain ran through my head, i clutch my head and wince in pain. 

"Hyung, you okay?" Woohyun asked, which i find to be a stupid question. Woohyun held my shoulders and shook me a little. "Hyung, can you hear me?" He asked and i nodded. "Can you make it back to our private room?" 

 

My vision started to dim and darken. Woohyun suddenly started shouting and violently shake me. I want him to stop, he's not really helping me feel better. I tried to say something to him, but i don't think he heard me.  

 

Then everything went dark.