They all laugh of all the things i say. And as a famous novelty item of infinite, of course its my job to make them do so. To make them all laugh in the gruesomest stories of pain and hatred. 

They all laugh again. And i flash my usual eye-smile than once brought controversy because it seems like i cant see anything anymore when i do. 

They all laugh. Not knowing the whole truth of that night when i almost lost my sanity. 

"It seems like infinite's having such a bad year aye sunggyu-ssi?" The MC said as she laughs. I grinned childishly. "Well, i'm not called bad luck for a reason." I playfully said and they all laugh again and so did i. 

"You've attempted a comeback twice now in a row with 2 different songs. And it seems like both failed too. Whats your insights about that?" She asked. And as i hear her question, i felt a painful pang in my chest. It is .. My fault after all. 

"To be honest .." I started. "I feel like B.A.P now." I said and they laugh. 

"B.A.P?" She repeated. "Why?" 

"Well .. They have comebacks all the time just like us recently. But the only difference is that ours failed." I said with a gentle but sad face. They all sympathized with me and the studio went grimly silent. 

"I wouldn't say that we failed as idols" i said. "I think its just one of those times when you just really have to go through rough currents and just hope that you'd .. Make it through." I said.

She then looked at her Que. cards for the next question but her reaction towards it made me uncomfortable. 

"Can we even ask this question?" She asked at the producers. But none answered. 

"Uhmm why?" I asked. But she didn't answer. 

"n-no .. I s-shouldnt." She finally said. 

"I wouldn't mind really." I said. "Please. Go ahead and ask." 

She inhaled a mouthful of air and paces her head back and forth from the Que. cards and me.  She looks panicky. And from my point of view, i'm pretty sure this one is gonna be edited out. 

"About those .. Seasang fans .. " she started. 

----------------------

"Goddammit that station is so rude!" Manager hyung yelled as we drive to our next destination. 

"Its okay hyung." I said. "Besides, they're the media. They'll dig up for anything good for the camera." 

"But still!!" He yelled. "Don't they know about privacy? And respect?!!" 

I just shrugged "hyung .. Its really oka---" 

"No its not okay!" He shot back before i could finish my sentence. "Everyone knows what happened to you. What those-- sick bastards did to you okay?!! To you and your members. Its bad. We know. And they do too. So they shouldn't be talking about that when it just happened 6 days ago!" He ranted as he honked at a passing car. 

I sighed and just proceeded to shut my tramp before i get yelled at again. It has been 6 days ever since that night happened. When woohyun got stabbed and when the members got beaten half to death. They've all been doing well now. Woohyun though is still in the hospital healing from the stab wound. He said he's already feeling okay and would be able to go home. He even said he felt better than before. Saying that he could dance better than Hoya or Dongwoo. The doctors however beg to differ. They did say that he was healing fast. But they think any sudden activities might open up the wound again. So they made him stay in bed all day. 

That night really was something. I think it would be one of those nights that i could never forget. Even if i chose to. Ever since then, i would get panic attacks when left alone in a room. Hoya and the others knew about it too and so they'd always make sure that i was with someone all the time. 

"Were here." Manager hyung said. I looked out the window and saw that we really are here. In the hospital. 

-------------------------  

I've been bed ridden for as long as i can remember. And its boring. Really boring. But today, today will be different. Because sunggyu hyung promised he'll come today to take me for a walk outside on the hospital's rooftop garden. We asked the doctors numerous times and luckily today, they agreed that i've been doing well and can finally do some physical therapy. 

I hear the doorknob twist a few times, and i know that it would be sunggyu-hyung. He promised yesterday that he'd be here around this hour. 
I grin in anticipation and when the door finally swung open, my grin grew wider. 

"Hello hyung!!" I greeted as loudly as i could. Sunggyu hyung just playfully shook his head and smiled. "I see you're still as noisy as ever." He said and i laughed. 

"So hyung." I started. "Shall we go for a walk now?" I asked and he nodded. "Sure." He said. 

The rooftop garden was tranquil and fall colors fill the air. It was only the two of us there, and so we can say we were peaceful. There weren't any fans who'd be yelling 'woogyu' or 'infinite' at all. We were alone, and it was nice. 

We walk ever so slowly because of my injury. We did make a truce with the doctors. If i want to walk out, i'd have to be careful or else i wont be doing it again. Sunggyu-hyung walks closely to me with his right hand wrapped around my hips to support me. I smile a little at that kind gesture. 

"So how was the outside world hyung?" I asked. He laughed. "Its okay i guess." He said. 

"I saw your live interview today." I said. "I cant believe they'd dare bring it up" 

He sighed. "Its okay really." He said. "I don't really mind. And i understand. They're the media, of course they'd bring up everything that will look good in the camera." I just slowly nodded in understanding. 

We were silent, but the silence wasn't awkward or tense. It was calm and peaceful. 

We made 8 rounds around the garden in silence before we decided to sit down on a bench. Sunggyu-hyung still has his right arm wrapped protectively around my waist. He laid his head on my shoulders and he sighed. "I don't wanna go home today." He said. "I wanna stay here" 

I smiled. "Oh hyung, why would you wanna stay here? Its boring here." I reasoned. "Its nice and quiet here." He said. "Everything's messed up back at the dorm." 

I pursed my lips and eventually frowned. "You cant though." I said. "You have things to do don't you?"  I asked and he nodded. "I just want a break." He said. 

I laughed. "Oh hyung," i cooed. "Thats so new of you. I cant believe i'd live to see the day that you'd say you want a break." I joked and he pouted. "You don't know how hard it is!" He yelled.

I just continued to laugh and patted his head. "Calm down ham ham," i said. 
"Ham ha-- what the hell hyun!!" 

"Oh c'mon hyung, its cute! Let it go~" 

He narrowed his eyes. "Don't you dare sing that song." He said. 

"Song~?" I mockingly asked. "What song~?" 

"Oh you know what song!!" He shot back. 

"Song hyung~? But theres lots of songs in the world~!! I wonder which one are you pertaining to?" I cooed. However, he just remained silent and continued to stare with narrowed eyes. I smirked. "Oh! Is it that one from the movie?" I asked and he just stood idle. 

I smirked again, and started to sing. "Let it go~!! Let it go~!! Don--" however my performance got interrupted when a hand suddenly clamped my mouth shut. I just blinked at sunggyu-hyung and gave him an eye-smile.  

He sighed, and finally let go. We sat there again in silence as i kick my legs high up in the air. "What do you want to eat hyun?" He asked. Cutting through the silence.

I grinned. "Oh hyung," i started. "You don't know how long i have waited for someone to ask me that."  

-------------------------

Woohyun and i spent our remaining hours eating back at his room with everything he has been craving for. Pizza, chicken, ice cream, fries, dokbokki, and many many more. We ordered a lot of food so the entire floor of where we are in the hospital, ended up smelling like a delicious restaurant. Nurses soon rush in to check on us but we soon found ourselves feeding the entire 4th floor staff. Its like a mini party really. And everyone seemed happy. Especially woohyun who missed socializing a lot. 

He's like a pregnant woman to be honest. But as long as he's happy, then i guess spoiling him a little is fine. 

When most of the food are gone, people in our 'mini party' left. Mostly because they have patients to attend to and also because there's not much food left. So after a few hours, woohyun and i are finally alone. 

"That was fun hyung." He said while he puts his pizza crust away. "I met new friends." He said. 

"Well thats good to hear." I said. 

"I'm still hungry though." He said while leaning back on his pillow. 

"You're still hungry?" I asked. A little astounded. He nodded. "Hmm yeah. I want more food." He said and i just shook my head. I was about to rant on him about becoming too fat when my phone suddenly rang. 

"H-hello?" I nervously answered. 

"Sunggyu-ah." Manager hyung called out.

"Oh hyung! Whats up?" I said. 

"What do you mean whats up?" He bellowed. "You're late!" He yelled. "For practice!" 

I just frowned when i realized how fast time went by. "I'm s-sorry .. I'll be right there." I said and turned off my phone. 

"You going somewhere hyung?" Woohyun asked and i sadly nodded. 

"Oh .. Well .. Come by when you're free?" He awkwardly said as i walk over him to give him a tight hug. "Don't worry, i'll sneak out" i said. 

He chuckled. "Its okay if you're busy. I understand." 

-------------------------

"From the start!" The instructor yelled which successfully made us all flinch. It has been 8 hours and we still haven't gotten any rest. 

I guess it is my fault. I made the new song too fast. So the movements has to be fast too. We all stood there huffing and puffing. Waiting for the song to restart again. 

The song starts, and we all rush to move in with the beat. We were in sync, and everything was being executed perfectly. The instructor looks at us with a smirk in his visage once he saw that we were doing what we were told. 

It was 3 in the morning when we finished. I don't know why it took us so long  to finish. But what matters is, we're finally going home. 

We all plop down on the floor as the instructor tells us to wash up, hydrate, go home, and rest with water bottles clutched in our hands. When he goes away, some of us start to hit the showers and pack up. 

of course, just like that night .. 

I was the last one. 

"No its okay Hoya, you can go." I said with assurance in my voice. 

"But hyung .. The last time i left you, it didn't turn out so well." He said in worry. I smiled. "Its okay." I said. "I'll be fine, you can go." 

He sighed. "I'll be waiting outside." He said. 

The hot pellets of water is soothing against the aching body. It helps one concentrate and think of things that were kept away to be sane.

Nothing really changed. Infinite is still infinite, and life is still life. 
The members who were badly beaten are now all better and has no traces of any bruise in their body. 

When the whole world got hold of what happened to us, especially me, they all were in a state of shock. They know thats saesangs are like that, but they didn't know that they would actually go 'that' far. Well knowing that they said that, at least i know they buy my story. It was all over the news too. 

Most of them were genuinely sorry for me, and the members. But some, some are just down right mean. Saying things like we were weak, and that i'm a now for allowing such a thing to happen to me. But believe me, i never wanted this. I never imagined that this would even happen to me in my lifetime.  

But the good in all of this is that fans sent us some great stuff to cheer us up. I even received dozens of cakes and sweets. Seeing all those boxes of chocolates and pastries really made me smile like a kid. I eat one a day and they are all so good. I let Hoya and the others have some if they wanted to. 

A small knock on the shower room door brought me back to senses. 
"Hyung? You okay?" Dongwoo asked. "Uhh y-yeah, i am." I answered as i turn the shower off. 

When i got out fully dressed, i was greeted by a frowning dongwoo. 
"w-what?" I asked and he pointed at my arm. I looked at it and found is red and raw. I must've unconsciously scrubbed them way too hard. There weren't any signs of burns though. Everything i do to myself somehow disappeared. No more burns, no more cuts, no nothing. They all disappeared. 

"Hyung .. Did you do that?" He asked and i nodded in guilt. "I didn't realize i did." I said. "I'm s-sorry."

He smiled. "Theres no need to be sorry hyung." He said. "Its not your fault."

The drive back home was silent just like all the time. Most of us were asleep in the van due to the tiring day except for me. I was busy busy studying our schedule for tomorrow. 

We mostly have interviews tomorrow. No music banks, no music shows, just some interviews. Were mostly there to promote for our upcoming comeback. 

Lets just hope everything goes well. 

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Hello i'm back o7 
Its a bit crappy no? But i'll try my best to make it better o u o b