A/N : Happy Chinese New Year to all of you who are celebrating; May the horse year bring you prosperity and good health! 

Jong Dae paced around the dorm room that he shared with his best friend. The room was awfully quiet and it felt like the walls realized that the ringing voice of laughter from a certain someone was missing. Jong Dae made his way to Baek Hyun's bed and sat on it gently. The bed was made and it clean; so was everything of Baek Hyun's. He might not be here but Jong Dae made it his duty to maintain everything just as Baek Hyun had left it. It was the least he could do since he-

He glanced quickly to his watch and nodded. Ten minutes.

He vaguely remembers a dream he had yesterday. He saw himself and Baek Hyun in the auditions again but this time Baek Hyun was picked to move on but he wasn't. Baek Hyun then became a trainee by himself and went on to train for M1. Baek Hyun went through a journey of ups and down but it was worth it because he debuted and became famous. Baek Hyun was happy and Jong Dae was no where in that journey. Was it a sign for Jong Dae to remove himself from Baek Hyun's life? Jong Dae does nothing but ruin-

Eight minutes.

He walked to the small window of their room and stared out. It was a busy day and the streets was bustling with people heading to where they had to be. If everything was normal, Jong Dae and Baek Hyun would be part of the crowd hurrying to the training centre for practice because they were always late. Things weren't normal and training was delayed for M1 due to Baek Hyun's condition. A condition that Jong Dae had-

Five minutes.

Jong Dae pulled on his sneakers by the door of the dorm and shrugged on a coat. He left his iPod back in the dorm because whilst music usually helped him think, right now it just suit as more of a nuisance. He tried listening to sad songs but it reminded him of how sad he was. When he listened to happy songs, it showed him how happy those people are while he was troubled. Music wasn't an outlet anymore and it hardly ever distracts the constant tug of his heart. It doesn't distract the pain of causing his friend to-

Three minutes.

Jong Dae forgot to take the longer road and his footsteps automatically pulled him towards the direction he had been avoiding for a week. He didn't wanted to see; he didn't want to remember; he didn't want to relive all the blood; the scream and the tears. He shut everything out and walked briskly away from where Baek Hyun was hit. He didn't want to remember he was the cause to it all. It was his-

One minute.

He walked faster towards the florist on the way to the hospital. He picked up a bouquet of flowers that looked purple but it was actually flecked with translucent shade of pink and red. It was striking and beautiful just like the boy that was in the hospital. Perfect and delicate. With the bouquet savely tucked under his arms, he made his way to the hospital before glancing at his watch again.

It's time.

Jong Dae knew that everyone that ever visits Baek Hyun was busy during this time of the day. This was the only chance he could slip in and slip out without anyone knowing. Without endangering Baek Hyun even more if his enemy knew he still had contact with Baek Hyun after the warning. He knew it was risky to visit Baek Hyun but he just had to.  

He made sure the room Baek Hyun's in was quiet before pushing the door open slowly. He took in the surrounding and smiled when he saw all the flowers that he brought in before wasn't thrown away even though no one knew who brought it. He discarded the wilted ones and replaced it with the new ones he bought. It smelled wonderful and Jong Dae hoped that Baek Hyun could smell it too.

"Hey Baek." Jong Dae silently whispered. He took hold of the latter's hand and gently squeezed it. "It's me again." He gave a sad chuckle he hoped came out normal. "I brought you more flowers, this one is so beautiful, can you see it?" Jong Dae waited but was greeted with silence. What hurt most was that each question he asked was laced with hope of an answer but every time there wasn't one, it kills him even more.

He sighed before continuing. "I know I said I wouldn't come back the last time but I'm here. I can't stop myself from coming and it's bad." Jong Dae gave Baek Hyun's hand another squeeze after a long silence to show he was still here.

"I just want to keep you safe but I'm so tired Baek, I just want to give up. You are the strong one, I need you." Jong Dae muttered before slowly putting his head to lean on Baek Hyun's arm. He needed to feel the security that Baek Hyun used to give him just one more time before he leaves for good. 

He woke up startled because he didn't even know he fell asleep but there was something moving. Jong Dae gasped when he saw Baek Hyun's fingers drumming on the hospital bed. He screamed for the doctor and pressed the emergency button on the wall. A few nurse and a doctor came in and they asked Jong Dae to leave the room. Jong Dae walked to the nearest pay phone and dialled Chan Yeol's number which he found in his phone. Baek Hyun must have saved it in just in case his phone ran out of battery. He made his voice hoarse and rough before saying he was the representative of the hospital and asked him to come quick since Baek Hyun was moving. He hung up when Chan Yeol thanked him.

Jong Dae looked at the room Baek Hyun was in one last time before turning to leave. Guilt crawled around his body and he couldn't forget anymore. Everything was his fault. He tried to stop himself every time he thought back about what happened to Baek Hyun and distract himself with something else. He refused to let himself fall into the void of sadness but now his friend needed him and he couldn't even be there for him. For the first time in a whole week, he finally plucked up the courage to face it all.

It was his fault that Baek Hyun was in danger. He caused everything for being here. He ruined everything.

The worst thing of all, Jong Dae had no idea how to fix it.

~~~

Jong Dae doesn't know how he ended up home but he was. It was weird being home after so long but right now standing outside of his house, he wanted nothing more but to see his family again. He rang the bell.

"I'm coming." A voice shouted faintly and Jong Dae smiled upon recognising his mother's voice. The door opened and Jong Dae's mother looked out and opened to greet the guest before abruptly closing it again. She looked at Jong Dae in shock for a while before Jong Dae grinned and stepped closer so he could hug her. "You're home." It wasn't a question, it was a statement filled with relieve.

"I am." Jong Dae whispered back and hugged his mother tighter. He missed this feeling so much; he missed home so very much.

"Come in, come in." Jong Dae's mother said while releasing her grip on her youngest. She took off Jong Dae's coat for him and hang it on the coat rack.  Jong Dae looked at the small gesture of affection and sadness found it's way to him again but he tried hard to smile it away. When his mother turned to look back at his face, she suddenly grabbed his cheeks in both her hands and made Jong Dae look at her properly. "You're getting thinner."

"I'm fine."

She pursed her lips in concern and the corner of her lips rised up, mirroring her son's. "Is everything...are you okay?" She asked suddenly. Jong Dae's face fall slightly and his mother caught the look on his face. 

"Everything's fine, mother. You worry too much." Jong Dae said while cupping his mother's hands on his face. She dropped her hands and remained her gaze at him.

"You're a bad liar." She said with a small smile. "You look tired, why don't you take a nap? Dinner is almost ready so your father and brother would be home soon. They would be delighted to see you." His mother dragged him along by the arm to his old bedroom. He looked around quickly and everything still looked exactly as he left it. As if reading his mind, she spoke. "I come in and clean regularly but everything is left untouched just as you left it."

"Thank you." Jong Dae said sincerely and couldn't resist hugging her again.

"Come on, take a nap. You look like you haven't slept in weeks." She had that concern look on her face again which made it hard for Jong Dae to decline so he didn't. He lay on his bed and his mother tucked him in like she used to when he was small. She bent down to kissed his forehead gently. "I'm worried about you."

"I know, I'm sorr