[title track: dangerous - david guetta]

[this is SUPER long sorry orz]

chapter 25;
(part 1)

It’s ridiculously easy to escape and you try to ignore the fact that it’s only because Yongguk is letting you and Baekhyun escape so easily.

You watch as Baekhyun picks at the doorknob with the knife, tongue poking out a bit in concentration as he works at the screws.

Eventually, the doorknob loosens, falling into his hand. He places it on the floor before straightening up and looking back at you, nodding. He still looks so determined and as the two of you make your way down the dark hall and retrace your steps through the corridors, the gnawing feeling in your stomach intensifies. There’s one person waiting at the doors all the way at the end of the hall and you step forward before Baekhyun can do it, easily hitting the guard in the back of his knees so he collapses, completely caught unaware. Before the guard can reach for his side, a weapon undoubtedly hidden there, you twist his arm and catch his throat in a tight grip. He struggles against your hold, squirming in your arms, but you keep your grip firm until the guard’s body goes limp. You pull his head back by the chin and press a finger to his pressure point, letting go as soon as you confirm that the guard is unconscious.

That’s when you straighten up and dust off your knees before looking back at Baekhyun, who’s just standing there watching you with interest, even as he grips his side, knife in his other hand. The two of you stare at each other for much too long before Baekhyun steps over the unconscious. He glances over at you. “Is he dead?” He asks as he prods at the guard’s side with his foot.

You shake your head, the gnawing feeling morphing into something akin to numbness. “He’s just unconscious.”

“Well.” Baekhyun nods, his eyes flickering from you to the unconscious body. There’s an unreadable look in his eyes and for a second you feel uncomfortable. You feel like he’s staring right through your tight lipped smile. You feel like he can read exactly what’s going through your head. Then his expression morphs into surprise. “I wasn’t expecting that from you.”

He sounds disbelieving and your eyes flicker over to meet his, your expression annoyed. “Don’t tell me you’re surprised.” You make a face at him, forgetting your worries for a moment because you can’t believe Baekhyun would still have the audacity to doubt your abilities. “I run a damn mafia, Baekhyun. I know how to incapacitate people.” You mutter, exasperatedly glaring at him.

You expect Baekhyun to snap back with something sarcastic. Instead, he slowly breaks into a smirk. “There it is.” He says, softly, his eyes twinkling strangely in the dark as he surveys your face.

You’re confused and it only makes his smirk grow wider. “What?” You ask, frowning.

He just shakes his head, smiling to himself as he brushes past you, his arm knocking against yours as he heads out the door. You follow after him, frowning at his back. What the hell did that even mean?

It’s so easy leaving the building and you unconsciously finger the chip clipped to your ear, sighing softly. It’s unusually dark, dark clouds covering up the moon. The streets are quiet and the sound of your boots echo, even as the two of you run further and further away from the bar. Eventually, Baekhyun slows to a leisurely walk and you do the same, shivers running up and down your spine because you know that you’re not alone, not really.

It’s quiet between the two of you before Baekhyun finally speaks up, voice soft and eyes trained ahead. He doesn’t reach for his cellphone or anything so you assume Yongguk had taken it. “What did he tell you when you were alone with him?” Baekhyun murmurs.

“Nothing of importance.” You glance at him before looking down at your hands.

That’s when he turns on you, stepping in front of you so you’re forced to stop walking or walk right into his chest. He eyes you with that same distant curiosity he’s perfected for weeks now (but you know what’s hidden underneath and you wish, no pray, that you could somehow take it all away). “I didn’t ask whether it was important or not.” Baekhyun says, slowly.

“Why do you want to know?” You snap back, even as you step away.

“You look unhappy.” Baekhyun says it so softly you barely catch it. His jaw clenches but he doesn’t look away. “It’s hard to look at.”

That’s when you scoff, you can’t help it. “I’ve been unhappy for weeks now, Baekhyun, maybe even months.” Because of you, those words hang between the two of you, unspoken but so present. You continue speaking, ignoring the way your eyes sting. “What made you notice it now?”

“It’s different.” Baekhyun’s eyes soften, the hardness melts away right before your eyes, before he looks upwards and away, jaw clenching. “It’s a different kind of unhappiness.” He swallows and you watch the way his Adam’s apple jumps with the movement.

You look down at your hands, then, and realize that your hands are clutched tightly together. “Sorry. I’m sorry.” You say, suddenly, surprising even yourself even as you continue staring at your hands. Guilt continues to gnaw at your stomach and you don’t think it’ll go away anytime soon.

“What are you apologizing for?” Baekhyun’s voice drifts down to you and it’s curious, amiable almost.

“Everything.” Your voice cracks halfway through the word and a few tears fall from your eyes. For what I have to do later, you think. You’re apologizing for the future, for what’s to come, and you hope he’ll somehow remember this, when the time comes and he’s staring down the barrel of your gun.

You’re still staring at your hands when another pair of pretty fingers joins yours. You watch with glassy eyes as he slowly pulls your fingers apart, unclenching your fists for you. His fingers fumble with yours and you just stare at your tangled hands. He flattens your hands before twining his fingers through yours, hands cold but soft as he rubs small circles into the back of your hands.

Baekhyun doesn’t ever respond. He just tugs you down the street and you watch his back, your fingers occasionally tightening around his when the darkness around you suddenly morphs into an image of Yongguk watching you. You can’t keep Yongguk out of your mind; he’s constantly lurking at the very edge of your consciousness.

“I won’t tell them.” Baekhyun says, suddenly, his back turned to you as he leads you down the street. “I won’t tell them that you were working with B.A.P. to kill us.”

“Why?” You ask in astonishment, wishing you could see his expression.

“Because you’re not helping him anymore.” Baekhyun responds, his voice soft. There’s confidence behind his tone and you try your best not to jerk your hand out of his and run. “It’ll only complicate things if anyone else finds out.” There’s a pause before Baekhyun continues, voice suddenly hard. “I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this because it’ll be easier for all of us.”

“Thank you.” You murmur, as you stare at his back.

“I’m not doing this for you.” Baekhyun repeats, dropping your hand. He turns to look you right in the eye, expression firm. He looks almost uncertain as he speaks, like he’s trying to convince himself of the fact. “I’m not doing this for you.”

~.~.~.~.~

It’s silent when Baekhyun and you step into his house. Your breath catches in your throat when you find Xiumin sitting on the kitchen counter, blood all over his shirt and a gash across his arm, while Yixing hovers over him, needle and thread in hand. Xiumin winces, pursing his lips as Yixing pushes the needle into his skin and gently sews his wound back together, thread tangling in his gloved fingers. Luhan leans over Xiumin’s other side, a hand holding down either side of Xiumin’s right arm as he murmurs to him in a quiet voice, as if he’s distracting Xiumin from the needle.

You glance to the left, where the living room is, and you spot Jessica crouched next to the fireplace, her face buried in her hands. Her shoulders are moving up and down steadily, as if she’s breathing slowly. What surprises you is that Sehun is sitting beside her crouched figure, legs crossed. You watch as he slowly the curve of her spine, hand moving up and down soothingly. Sehun doesn’t utter a word, his expression patient. Jongin sits on the couch, a purpling bruise adorning his cheek, and watches Sehun and Jessica with an unreadable expression. After a moment, he finally meets your eyes and he doesn’t look away.

That’s when Mina appears in front of you, you jump in surprise. She looks frazzled but otherwise unharmed. She’s fiddling with the edge of her shawl, a nervous habit you’ve noticed she’s just recently picked up, and can’t seem to meet your eyes.

You don’t ask what’s wrong, you just stare at her expectantly, although you could easily guess what was wrong. Minhee is obviously not here thanks to Yongguk and the last time you spoke to her on the phone, she had mentioned she was on her way to Baekhyun’s and she’d be a little late. She was supposed to do surveillance with Sehun, you remember, your mouth going dry. How did she end up getting taken if she was supposed to be in the house the entire time?

“They took Minhee.” Mina says, her tone soft and strangely steady. “She demanded to go with Luhan, Jongin, and Xiumin to stakeout the bar and they were attacked.”

You’re supposed to react. You can see the expectancy in everyone’s expressions, the way Xiumin avoids your eyes and the way Luhan doesn’t avoid your eyes.

“You’re not surprised.” Jongin pipes up from the couch. He speaks bluntly, eyes narrowing. “Why?”

Jessica remains crouched on the floor, face buried in her hands, but Sehun’s eyes flicker between Jongin’s and yours. The chip embedded in your ear feels like a burden.

Slowly, you turn to Luhan and ignore Jongin’s question. “You let them take her.” You state rather than question, anger bubbling up in your chest. Your voice sounds cold to your own ears, an undercurrent of ferocity ringing in it. You’re angry about a lot of things and suddenly you’ve found an opportunity to pin all that anger on someone.

Luhan straightens up and gives you a sincerely serious look. “We tried to get her back but we were outnumbered.”

“You let them take her.” You repeat, voice rising in volume and fists clenching. Suddenly you’re moving towards him and you’re angry. You’re just plain furious. Rage boils in your blood and you’re reeling forward without thinking anything through, intent on punching him. Luhan was in charge of the stakeout. What were the chances that Minhee would be taken out of the four of them? They’re not weak, by any means, and doubts begin to flood your thoughts, blinding you. That, along with the anger and frustration that has been building up inside you for months now, blinds you from any sort of rational thinking. Your voice is surprising steady, loud but steady. “You ing let them take her.”

Arms wrap around your waist just as you try to lunge at Luhan. You thrash when Baekhyun roughly pulls you back, hissing a little when you elbow his injured ribs. Baekhyun speaks in a low voice right in your ear. “Calm down.”

“Do not tell me to calm down.” You snap. You’re glowering at Luhan. For once, he doesn’t look smug. Luhan looks genuinely sorry, his eyes sparkling strangely in the dim lighting. It makes you angrier because he chooses now to look apologetic about something he’s done. “Get the off me, Baekhyun.”

“Would we be this injured if we didn’t try to stop them?” Luhan snaps back, over your shouting and struggling.

For a moment, you stop and stare at Luhan. His sorry expression morphs into a strangely sincere one. “I swear on my life I tried to get her back. We were so close. We almost—”

You laugh, loudly and bitterly, cutting off his excuses. Because they were just that: excuses. “But you didn’t. Almost doesn’t ing cut it.”

“Look at it this way,” Xiumin speaks up before Luhan can say anything else, his voice soft. “They won’t kill her.”

“Right.” Your eyes unconsciously wander to Mina, who looks pale, and you slump even further into the arms holding you back from punching someone’s face in. “It’s not like anything could be worse than death, right?” Sarcasm drips from your tone and Baekhyun’s arms tighten around your waist.

It’s silent, so silent. Mina just stands rooted to her spot, her fingers fiddling at a rapid pace with her shawl. Jessica seems so much tinier crouched before the fireplace. You hate yourself for even implying that in front of her. You close your eyes and try to breathe, but it’s hard.

That’s the moment Kris chooses to step into the living room. He takes a quick cursory glance around the room, eyes lingering on Jessica and Sehun before he turns to you, Baekhyun holding you back from Luhan.

“We’ll get her back for you.” Kris says, so suddenly that your eyes immediately snap up to meet his. “If that’s what you want.”

“Of course I do.” You bite out, narrowing your eyes at him. You doubt you look intimidating when you’re being caged back by Baekhyun, but you don’t care. “What do you want in return?”

“I can’t do anything for you out of the goodness of my heart?” Kris asks, a wide smile slowly spreading. His eyes are calculating and you don’t like it.

“No.”

Kris smirks, humming tunelessly. He doesn’t speak for a while and just when you think he won’t say anymore, he opens his mouth. “You’ll owe us, that’s all.”

“What,” You begin, staring at him. “What will we owe you?”

“A lifetime of loyalty.” Kris taps his chin thoughtfully. “LILAC will replace B.A.P. You’ll basically owe us your lives, anyway, right?” You want to say no, you want to refuse, but Kris just continues speaking. “Did you think I’d let you fade into the background after all this was over? I’m not done with you just yet, Lee Sooyong.”

“What if I refuse?”

“You won’t.”

You look at him, frowning. “How do you know?”

“You and I have similar ideals. I’ve said this before. You won’t jeopardize Minhee’s safety.” He stares at you the way a predator stares at its prey.

Right then and there, you’re unsure which future path sounds worse, B.A.P and Bang Yongguk or EXO and Kris.

“Baek.” Kris interrupts your thoughts. His expression morphs into worry you’ve never seen on his face before. It’s almost fascinating to see it bloom so suddenly. “Let Yixing treat your wounds and tell me what happened later.”

Baekhyun’s arms fall away from your waist and you steady yourself, watching as he steps around you and pats Kris’s folded forearms a few times. You can’t see Baekhyun’s face but Kris’s expression softens considerably. You can see how much he cares for s and you wonder if that’s why Kris hates you so much. You hurt Baekhyun and you doubt Kris will ever forgive you for it. When Kris meets your eyes again, his expression hardens, even as Baekhyun saunters off to Yixing, who’s beckoning him towards the counter right beside Xiumin with a gentle grin.

Without another word, Kris leaves with Sehun in tow. Suddenly, you’re incredibly grateful that Baekhyun decided against telling anyone about you working with B.A.P. You’re positive Kris would have killed you on the spot.

~.~.~.~.~

“What happened to you?” Jessica is the first to break the silence as she peers up at you.

After Kris left the room, you decidedly took hold of Mina’s hand and pulled her along with you until you were at Jessica’s side. Ignoring the fact that Jongin, Baekhyun, Luhan, Xiumin, and Yixing were still in the room, you hesitantly put an arm around Jessica and fortunately she didn’t move away. After long minutes of silence, Jessica finally let go of her own knees. She inched closer to you and you just silently pulled her closer until her head was tucked under your chin. She snuggled closer to you, her breathing steady and you smiled to yourself. With a brief glance in Mina’s direction, you pulled her closer too, until her knees were brushing against yours, her hand still firmly intertwined in yours. Her fingers tightened around yours, and you hated the way her grip was so tight. There’s a Minhee shaped hole between the three of you that’s hard to ignore.

You’re the lucky one among your best friends, you realize as you sit there, huddled between them, and you hate the fact that you haven’t had the time to really comfort them. You were hurt emotionally, but they’ve been hurt physically as well as emotionally and you can’t imagine what they’ve been through. You feel guilty at the thought. They’ve been through so much and you blame yourself for all of it.

“Yongguk knows we’re working with EXO.” You tell her, voice soft. You stare at Mina and your intertwined fingers for a moment before you continue speaking, completely aware of the device pinned to your ear. “I’ll do everything in my power to get Minhee back, okay. I swear to you that I will fix this. I’m sorry for putting you all through this. I was so…I was so focused on my own problems. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for either of you when you needed someone to talk to. I’m really, really sorry for being such a horrible friend.”

That’s when Mina tugs at your hand, making you look up at her. There’s a fire in her eyes you recognize from before and it reminds you so much of the old days that you bite your lips so they’ll stop from trembling. Mina looks strangely annoyed. “You’re not a horrible friend. Don’t say that.”

You sniff, your vision blurring a little. “I am, but it’s okay because I’m going to fix it. I’m going to fix all of this.”

Jessica glares up at you, eyebrows furrowed. Her eyes glisten a bit, her hair covering half of her face. “If you’re thinking about doing anything on your own, I’m seriously going to punch you.”

You can’t help but snort at that. Jessica rolls her eyes but Mina is the one to speak. “And if you say you’re sorry one more time I’m going to punch you, too.”

You can’t help but burst into giggles at that, a few tears slipping down your cheeks. “Why are you two so mean?” You mumble, pushing Mina’s arm lightly. After a moment, you eye them both seriously, smile dropping into a frown. “I’m being serious. I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I was never even—”

“You’re human, Sooyong.” Mina interrupts, loudly, before continuing in a much softer voice. “You made a few mistakes but it’s okay. You’re trying your best. That’s all that matters.”

“But I’m not trying hard enough. It’s not—”

“You are. We’re still alive, aren’t we?” Mina grabs your hand and nods towards Jessica. “We’re still alive and we’re here for you. We’re all still in this together. Minhee is just…she’s still alive, too. So please don’t cry anymore.” Mina brushes at your cheeks with the back of her hand, your hand still intertwined with hers, “We’re going to get through this together, do you understand? You don’t get to blame yourself anymore.”

You nod slowly, sighing, “I was supposed to comfort the two of you, not the other way around.” You mumble, making a face. “I hate crying.”

Jessica laughs softly and you smile.

It’s silent again before you break it, glancing between Jessica and Mina. “If you two ever need to talk, I’m here for you. I don’t…I can’t imagine what you’ve been through…I know I’ll never fully understand it either. But I’m here. I will always be here.”

Jessica pokes your side, a noise of distress falling from her lips. “Same goes for you. Don’t think I don’t notice the way you bottle everything up, unnie. I’m not stupid.”

“This isn’t about m—”

“Uh, yeah it is. This is about all of us. You’re included in that.”

Jessica looks so adamant that you blush, dropping your head so they can’t see your face. Jessica laughs at you and Mina coos delightedly, “Aw, are you embarrassed?”

“Shut up.” You mumble as you attempt to pull away from them. They just pull you closer until you can’t escape and you suddenly feel overwhelmed by all the feelings coursing through you as Jessica and Mina pat you. You mentally swear that you’ll get your friends out of this in one piece because they’ve been through too much. You refuse to let them die, if it’s the last thing you do.

The room is extremely silent after that and the three of you just remain huddled together, reveling in the comfortable silence. When you lift your head to take a cursory glance around the room, you realize that Jongin, Baekhyun, Luhan, Xiumin, and Yixing are gone. You wonder when exactly they had left the room.

~.~.~.~.~

Late at night, you untangle yourself from Jessica and Mina’s sleeping forms so you can get a glass of water. You’re surprised EXO didn’t decide to kick the three of you out. They didn’t bother giving you three a guest room though so you ended up sleeping on the couch.

When you turn the corner and step into the kitchen, you nearly scream in surprise. “. You scared me.” You hiss, a hand over your heart.

Kim Jongin just tilts his head at you, eyes puffy from lack of sleep and the bruise on his cheek more prominent than earlier. He looks strangely uncomfortable in your presence and you frown before stepping towards the sink. The only sound in the room is the sound of water running from the faucet and the clinking of glass. You gently shut the cupboard door and turn off the faucet when Jongin finally speaks, his chin resting on his palm. “You never answered my question from before.”

You stare at him incredulously as you sip at your water. “What question?”

“Why?” Jongin says, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “Why did you seem so unsurprised when Lu hyung told you about Minhee-ssi?”

You slowly tuck your hair behind your left ear and lean back against the counter, eyeing him blankly. “I don’t know. I was just too shocked to react properly.”

Jongin seems to scan your face, eyes searching. His eyes hover over the left side of your face a second too long, eyes narrowing even further before his expression returns to a more blank state. “I wish I could trust you.” Jongin sighs, almost dramatically, his fingers tapping against the table rhythmically.

Tap, tap, tap. Your attention focuses on his fingers.

“This isn’t news. I don’t exactly trust you either.” You respond, irritably. He just smiles before he gets out of his seat, the chair screeching back along the kitchen floor.

He stares at you for a long moment before he stretches, a sliver of tanned torso appearing.

“Did you know that whenever you lie you tend to look up to the left and grasp for something with your right hand?” Jongin asks, oh-so-casually as his lips fall into a graceful smirk. “That’s why I don’t trust you. You lie too much.”

He leaves the room before you can respond, your eyes wide as you glance down at your clenched right fist.

~.~.~.~.~

You’re walking to class, the next day, when someone taps your arm. You turn on your heels, raising your arms into a fighting stance unconsciously. There are two boys staring at you, slightly bewildered, and you’re vaguely annoyed that they’re taller than you even though they look like freshmen, the free lanyards handed out at freshmen orientation hanging around their necks making that fact obvious. You immediately drop your arms, smiling forcefully when you recognize one of the boys from student council.

“Uh, hi?” You question, wrinkling your nose in confusion. The boy on the left looks stoic, his snapback a dark black, and his cynical expression makes you a bit uncomfortable. He looks a bit like Kyungsoo, but more angular, if that makes sense. The boy on the right is the complete opposite, however, since he’s grinning toothily, eyes forming wide crescents. His jawline is sharper than a knife and he has an arm casually draped over the other boy’s shoulders.

“Call me B.I.” The stoic boy—B.I.—says, tone professional. The boy next to B.I. eyes him in amusement before he turns his grin on you.

“And I’m Bobby.” He says, holding out a large hand. He’s wearing a sleeveless shirt and his muscular arms make you eye his hand cautiously. After a moment, he drops his hand, still smiling, still relatively unfazed by your blatant rejection. B.I. is definitely not a regular nickname and judging from the way they’re looking at you, with slightly guarded expressions, you figure this isn’t some kind of friendly meeting.

You watch carefully as Bobby hangs over B.I.’s shoulder and stares at you, gaze sweeping from your head to your toes almost analytically, as if he’s sizing you up. “I’m sure you already know who I am.” You say, crossing your arms. “What do you want?”

B.I. doesn’t waste any time, he just slips his backpack off his shoulders and s it. You tense when he pulls something out, but breathe out in relief when you realize it’s just a red folder. He holds it out for you to take.

You narrow your eyes at B.I. suspiciously and Bobby laughs, loudly, his eyes scrunching up cutely. “It’s from Yongguk hyung. He wanted us to tell you that, and I quote, ‘I have people watching you so I expect you to work hard’.” Bobby makes little air quotations around the words Yongguk had said to him and you grimace.

“So what does that mean?” You mutter, taking the folder from B.I as you glance between Bobby and him. “He’s making you two stalk me from now on?”

B.I. rolls his eyes, a little incredulously. “There’s more than just the two of us, you know. All of us were ordered to keep you in check. You have nothing to worry about if you just do as hyung instructed.”

The smile that graces B.I.’s face after he speaks is almost terrifying in its sweetness. He smiles widely and it matches Bobby’s in intensity. It makes a shiver run down your spine because it reminds you of how genuine Yongguk’s smiles can be.

“And don’t open that in front of too many people.” B.I. adds, nodding his head towards the folder. Bobby nods in agreement grimacing a little at the folder.

“Did you open it? Are you even supposed to do that?” You ask, incredulously. Bobby just grins, innocently, and B.I. shrugs, nonchalantly.

Suddenly, Bobby waves at you, grinning with his eyes again. His tone comes out mocking, his fist in the air, and you scowl at him. “See you, noona. Fighting!” Before you can respond, the two of them walk away. When you blink, they seem to melt into the crowded hallway and you can’t seem to figure out which way they went. You can’t spot them anywhere.

Shivers run up and down your spine as paranoia seeps into your veins. Suddenly, it feels like everyone is watching your every move and it freaks you out, knowing that there were strangers watching you and you can’t even pinpoint who they are. Your skin crawls and you hurry to your next class as you stuff the red folder into your backpack, the hairs at the back of your neck standing on end the entire time.

~.~.~.~.~

 Sitting in the most secluded corner of the library you can find, you finally dig out the red folder from your backpack. You look around one last time, making sure there’s no one in this part of the library (you even lay flat on the floor and peek under the shelves, searching for shoes), before you finally flip it open.

The moment you open it, you nearly gag at the sight, immediately flipping it closed and closing your eyes. You can smell the dead body from nights ago and you take a deep, deep breath. The folder contained large prints in full color of those pictures Yongguk had texted Baekhyun before he had captured the two of you. Slowly, you peel the folder open and brace yourself for the sight of the corpse. You try your best to ignore the slit throat and blood pooling everywhere, instead focusing on the familiar face; the full lips, tanned skin, and narrow face.

You thought maybe you had imagined who the corpse had been. You hoped you were somehow wrong. You hoped Yongguk wouldn’t be the type to send Baekhyun these pictures. But your first impression had been correct.

You’d recognize that face anywhere, even if he’s not smiling prettily or laughing. It’s Jung Daehyun, you’re positive of it now, and your hands shake, the folder quivering in your unsteady hands. Slowly, you flip through each photo of Jung Daehyun’s mutilated body, all taken from different angles, all highlighting throat. The imagery remains seared into the back of your eyelids, but you keep going, wondering why the hell Yongguk would send you (or Baekhyun) a folder full of photos of the love of his life’s dead body.

What is wrong with him?

Then you find a piece of notebook paper, three orange sticky notes tacked on to it sloppily. The cramped Korean seems familiar and it takes you a minute to realize that it’s Minhee’s handwriting. The page underneath seems like an official record, personal information written into the fields in sloppy, unfamiliar handwriting. You return back to Minhee’s handwritten page of notes and you try to decipher what she’s written. There’s a ton of cross-outs and ink smudges and her handwriting is jumbled up all over the place. It reminds you of Minhee in general and suddenly you really, really miss her.

Then something catches your eye, a single phrase that Minhee had circled over and over again.

Initiation or planned?

Your phone buzzes then, breaking you out of your thoughts.

Your fingers shake even as you scramble for your phone.

From: Yongguk

Minhee-ssi is nosy but very thorough, isn’t she?

Your head snaps up at the text. How the hell does he know you were going through the red folder? Your skin crawls and you fall to your hands and stomach as you scan the floors from beneath the shelves. There’s no one there, though.

Your phone starts to vibrate loudly in the silence of the library making you jump. You reach for your phone and blanch at the caller ID.

Yongguk, it says.

Hesitantly, you sit up and after a long moment of staring at your phone you finally swipe at it.

“I want you to hurt him, Sooyong.” Yongguk doesn’t even wait for you to answer, his tone too amused for your liking.

“I know.” You mutter, rolling your eyes in irritation. “You’ve told me so nearly a dozen times already.”

He chuckles, clearly amused, and you frown at the bookshelf in front of you. “You can’t hurt him if you continue avoiding him as much as humanly possible.”

You make a face. “I’m not avoiding him. What are you—”

“You skipped Communications.” Yongguk says, bluntly.

“So what? Are you my mother now?” You scoff, rolling your eyes. “I am a grown adult. And it’s highly possible I skipped Communications for reasons not pertaining to some boy, thanks.”

 Yongguk just laughs. He laughs and laughs and laughs until he abruptly stops, startling you. His tone is much darker than before. “You are going to stop avoiding him.”

“I’m not—”

“And you’re going to tell him you love him. You are going to—”

“No.” You interrupt, nearly shouting into your phone as your eyes widen at his words.  Your voice bounces and echoes in the quiet library. You feel so small, suddenly. “You can’t make me tell him that. I’m not going to ing tell him I love him.”

“Oh, but you will, sweetheart.” Yongguk murmurs, his voice as soft as ever. His voice morphs into something cold and you shiver at his words. “Unless you want me to hurt Minhee-ssi, you will do as I say.”

“No.” You whisper, stubbornly. You can’t do it because not only will it hurt Baekhyun, but it’ll also hurt you. It’ll devastate the both of you and you wonder if that’s what Yongguk wants.

“I want Baekhyun to experience heartbreak in every ing way, just like Daehyun did as he was left there choking in his own blood because of Baekhyun, the boy Daehyun trusted and loved.” Yongguk’s deep voice rumbles through the receiver, tremoring with malice. Your eyes fall to the photographs peeking out of the red folder. “So you’re going to tell him you love him. You’re going to kiss him. You’re going to him. You’re going to make him feel like you love him and then...” He laughs, maniacally, speaking in between each bark of laughter. “And then you’re going to kill him.”

Anger and dread sweeps through your body. You speak without thinking, snapping at him, your hands wrapping around your phone as you glare at the bookshelf in front of you. “You can’t make me do this. You can’t.”

Your chest constricts and you close your eyes. Please, you want to say.

“Yes, I can.” Yongguk states, voice crackling. There’s the sound of a distant door slamming and the faint clanking of chains. “Right, Minhee-ssi?”

You hear a familiar voice gasp loudly before cursing. Then you hear the softest, weakest, most familiar voice coming through the receiver and you nearly drop the phone. “Sooyong…Sooyong, is that you?” Minhee’s voice shakes and you wish you could pinpoint why.

“M—Minhee.” You murmur. Your heart drops to your stomach when Minhee laughs, sounding strangely relieved. She sounds so tired and weak and you’re so afraid.

You’re terrified.

“He said you were…oh God.” Minhee’s whispers grow more hurried with each word, urgency dripping form her tone, “Sooyong, listen to me. You need to leave me here. Listen. You need to take Jess and Mina and leave. Don’t do what he says. Leave, get out, just—” Minhee’s urgent whispers get cut off abruptly. You can hear her muffled voice before there’s a loud clang and Yongguk cursing. Suddenly, a shrill shout of pain fills your ears and you blanch. It’s Minhee, you realize, and you jump to your feet, feeling useless.

It’s silent on the line for a whole minute and you start pacing. You start panicking.

“You will do as I say.” Yongguk says, through the receiver, the faint slamming of a door resonating in the silence after his words. “And if I have to tell you this again, you will regret it. Do you understand?”

You lean against the bookshelf. “What did you do to Minhee?” You ask, a hand over your mouth so he can’t hear how ragged your breathing sounds.

“Do you understand?” He shouts it, ignoring your question, and you grip your phone tightly, his loud voice startling you.

“Yes.”

“I will be listening, Sooyong.” Yongguk sighs, tone warning. “I will be watching. Understand?”

You take a deep, steadying breath. “Yes.”

~.~.~.~.~

The moment you stumble out of the library, you smack headfirst into someone, the red folder falling from your grip. Thankfully nothing falls out of folder and you let out a shaky sigh of relief.

When you look up, your apology dies from your lips, your eyes locking with Jongin, of all people.

“Why are you in such a hurry, noona?” Jongin asks, staring at you in a way that makes you feel exposed. His dark hair falls in to his eyes and his usual sleepy demeanor seems a little bit too sharp. You make a face at him, burying your emotions away, as he hands you your folder.

“I’m late for class.” You respond, too quickly.

Jongin blinks at you, but doesn’t say anything, so you step around him and walk away.

~.~.~.~.~

From: Yongguk

You don’t want me to get really angry, Sooyong. I’m waiting.

~.~.~.~.~

From: Kris

There’s a meeting tonight.

~.~.~.~.~

“We’ve got a lead.” Kris says, the moment you step into the basement, Jessica and Mina right behind you. You make a face because of course Kris would get straight to the point. You study the dimly lit room and the way some members are sprawled out on the floor and couches while others are pouring over the glass table in the middle, beside Kris.

“No time for pleasantries, huh?” You ask as you sidestep Jongdae, who’s sprawled across the floor with his hands in his head, and peer at the table Kris is fixated with over Kyungsoo’s shoulder. You gently tap his arm and Kyungsoo steps aside, allowing you room to lean closer and examine the papers strewn across the table. Jessica sits cross-legged beside Sehun and Tao and Mina joins Jongdae on the floor, right beside where Yixing is kneeling. If a stranger looked in, it’d seem like you and your friends belonged in that basement alongside EXO.

Kris grunts before glancing up at you, his hair falling over his eyes, “I thought we already established that I don’t give a about your day.”

“Fair enough.” You mutter, rolling your eyes before nodding towards the papers. “What exactly is this?”

“A map.” Kyungsoo responds from your right. You look up from the papers, glancing at Kyungsoo curiously. He doesn’t supply any more information so you lean closer to the table.

You take the time to study the papers, eyeing the disconnected, abstract lines strewn across each of them. There are dotted lines and a gigantic red X, along with tiny sketches at certain points. It looks like it was drawn with a box of crayons. There’s a sheet with a list of coordinates next to Kris’s hand and you purse your lips. “This is a ty map.” You state, frowning at the mess of coordinates. The map barely resembles an actual map, let alone anything recognizable.

“Yah!” Jongdae shouts from behind you indignantly. “That took me a long time to make.”

You glance over your shoulder and frown at him. “Is it supposed to look like a pirate’s treasure map some five year old drew?”

Xiumin cackles from across the table. Before Jongdae can say anything, Baekhyun speaks up from where he’s kneeling next to Xiumin, across the table. “Does it matter?” He speaks firmly and you stiffen.

Your eyes snap up to meet his and he’s staring at you with such intensity that you immediately look away. For some reason, his words irk you but you can’t figure out why. There’s a long moment of silence and the tension in the room seems to grow heavier. You look up just to find that Baekhyun is still staring at you, eyes strange, and Yongguk’s instructions are suddenly the only things going through your mind.

“Anyway,” Chanyeol’s voice booms through the growing (and frankly awkward) silence, tone full of fake cheer as he draws out the first word. “Our lead let it slip that B.A.P’s main headquarters is at the SM Police Station.”

“You think the lead is trustworthy?” Jessica speaks up, her voice soft but her eyes sharp. Chanyeol nods vigorously.

“My type of torture usually ensures the truth.” Joonmyun says, delicately, a lopsided smile adorning his kind face. You shiver internally at his expression, locking eyes with Jessica for a moment as you mentally note to stay far, far away from Kim Joonmyun.

You turn to look at Kris, who just stares at the map with his arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows furrowed. He already seems like he has a plan. “You already have a plan, don’t you?”

Kris just nods. He doesn’t say anything and you exhale loudly.

You wave a hand over his face and he scowls at you, expression murderous. You ignore his expression. “Are you going to tell me or…?”

“I was getting to it.” Kris says, swatting your hand away. “We already have blueprints of the station. The lead says Yongguk will be busy with personal matters in about a week.”

“Personal matters?” Mina questions, sounding confused.

“A day of remembrance for one of his men.” Yixing murmurs to Mina, who makes a sound of understanding. You realize he’s talking about Daehyun. Who else would Yongguk have a day of remembrance for?

“He’d always drop everything around this time. It was ing inconvenient.” Kris adds, seemingly lost in thought. It’s strange to listen to Kris dismiss Jung Daehyun the way he is. Your eyes unconsciously drift to Baekhyun’s stiff form. Baekhyun meets your eyes with a steady gaze and your heart skips a beat, forcing you to look away.

“Are you sure he’ll be vulnerable?” You question.

“Yes.” Baekhyun, of all people, responds to your statement, tone aloof. You lock eyes with him, watching with disbelief as he shrugs. This isn’t the same Baekhyun who you had watched freeze in horror at the sight of Jung Daehyun’s mutilated body. “He never did think straight around this time. He was would always get sloppy and it’ll make him a thousand times easier to take out.”

Sometimes you forget that EXO had worked with B.A.P. for a long time, even after Daehyun’s death. It’s so obvious that they know each other well and it unsettles you how calculated they’re being. It unsettles you that Baekhyun seems so unaffected by the circumstances. He’s speaking so clinically.

You stare at Baekhyun for a minute, contemplatively, and he sticks his chin out, as if he’s daring you to challenge him.

You turn to look at Kris. “If he’s going to be that emotionally unstable then it’ll be dangerous. Who knows how unpredictable he’ll be.”

Kris grins, slowly, his gums appearing. “You scared, rookie?” He asks, voice dripping with amusement.

“No.” You scoff at his grin. “I’m just covering all the bases here.”

“Uh huh. Sure.” Kris says dismissively as he ruffles through a few sheets of paper on the table. He uncovers a set of blueprints and sets it out, beckoning you closer with a single nod of his head. “So this is what I’ve decided to do…”

~.~.~.~.~

“What do you want?"  Baekhyun mumbles, his face blocked by the refrigerator door. You stand at the kitchen doorway and stare at the curve of his spine, covered by a thin shirt, your eyes unconsciously drifting to the pretty hand clenching and unclenching around the handle of the refrigerator. Realizing that you’ve been staring for way too long, you look up and away, bottom lip caught between your lips. It was time to say it, but now that you were faced with the prospect of Baekhyun you’re nervous.

"I just…" You trail off and shake your head. You can't believe you’re so flustered right now, your cheeks burning up. You’re a mafia boss, for God’s sakes. "Um. I. You. Um."

That's when Baekhyun firmly shuts the refrigerator door and straightens up, peering at you with the most unamused expression. He has a small carton of strawberry milk in his hands and his messy hair falls into his eyes. You think he looks incredibly beautiful and your resolve just crumbles. You can't do it. You can’t do this to him, to yourself.  You can't.

"Are you just here to stare at me?" Baekhyun leans his shoulder against the closed refrigerator door and slowly snaps open the milk carton, curious eyes trained on you and eyebrow raised. You can feel the heavy burden of the chip clipped to your ear and you shiver under Baekhyun’s gaze, knowing Yongguk is waiting, watching, listening.

"I..."

Baekhyun chugs down his milk and throws the carton away. You can barely speak; all you can do is stare at the floor and fight with your conscience. The sound of footsteps pad closer and closer and the chip on your ear feels so heavy. It feels like Yongguk is breathing down your neck even as Baekhyun continues to stare at you, with blank, chocolate brown eyes.

After another moment of silence, Baekhyun brushes past you, his shoulder bumping against yours not gently. You stumble back a little but he doesn't stop to look back at you. You watch his retreating back with a sense of awful, horrible dread, your heart pumping wildly against your ribs. You think of Minhee and you feel weak and you find yourself fixated by what his retreating back means, your heart pumping against your ribcage. The pit of your stomach is filled with a flock of butterflies, fluttering all about, and suddenly your thoughts are jumbled together and—

"I love you." The words leave your mouth before you can stop them, your whole face instantly heating up. Why are you doing this? A voice in your head screams at you. Your palms grow sweaty and you can’t stop talking, a babble of words streaming from your mouth.  "I'm sorry, Baek. I just. I love you too. I love you too."

The words leave your mouth in a breathless whisper, your voice catching up in a soft lilt, and you know that it’s true. You just wish you didn’t have to tell him under these circumstances. Your voice cracks and you can't stop shaking your head. You run your hands through your hair even as he turns on his heels, slowly facing you.  You can't meet his eyes; you can't believe you're doing this. But do you have any other choice?

"I'm sorry." You repeat, pushing your hair away from your face as you stare up at the ceiling. "I'm so sorry."

"Is something wrong?" he asks and your eyes immediately snap up to meet his. He looks worried, disbelieving even.

There’s something in his expression you can't quite place, his eyes strangely softening as he watches you carefully.

You just shake your head and turn away because suddenly you want to find a place to hide. You want to run. You’re a horrible person.

There’s nowhere to go, he’s blocking the only exit, and before you can silently calculate the logistics of leaping over Baekhyun while he’s distracted, he steps towards you. With each step forward you unconsciously step away, fingers tangled in your own hair, until your lower back hits the kitchen counter and you really do have nowhere to go.

You look up, you can't help it, and Baekhyun is staring down at you, expression the most open you've seen it in a while.

His eyes search yours for a long time, rapidly studying your face, and your eyes fill with tears. You’re telling the truth but your intentions, the circumstances, are all wrong. You don’t want to do this. You attempt to squeeze past him but he’s standing so close and all you can do is press yourself further back against the countertop. You wish the ground would just swallow you up. You belong down there anyway.

"Why are you crying?"

Warm fingers trace along the lines of your jaw and the words fall from your lips without consulting your brain first. “I’m sorry. I love you.” You say in between silent sobs. You pull your face back but his fingers follow your cheeks, they stay with you as he attempts to wipe the tears from your face.

The warmth in his eyes makes the tears fall harder. The way he caresses your cheeks makes your knees weak, his fingers tiptoe down your jaw before his hand finds purchase against the base of your neck. “If you love me, then why are you trying to run away from me? Why are you apologizing?” Baekhyun murmurs, grip firm against the back of your neck.

This reminds you of Yongguk’s words about avoiding him and you scowl. “I’m not avoiding you!” You blurt out, unthinkingly.

“I never mentioned anything about avoiding me.” Baekhyun reminds you, a tiny smirk appearing on his lips. You immediately avert your eyes at that, cheeks heating up as you pull your sleeves over your wrists and hurriedly brush at the tears wetting your cheeks.

“I’m not trying to run away from you.” You mumble, so softly it’s a wonder he hears you. But he’s so close that there’s no chance he’d miss it.

He chuckles, low and throaty and so, so soft, and you take an unsteady breath, hoping to God he doesn’t notice that you’re breathless. “You’re really ing with my ego, you know that? First, you declare that you love me too and, next thing I know, you’re practically crawling over the countertop in an attempt to get away from me.”

You blink at that and your eyes drop down to focus on your surroundings. He’s right. You are, in fact, sprawled on top of the kitchen counter, your left leg stretched out across the counter to the point where your socked toes are hovering over the sink basin all the way to your left. Your right leg is dangling off the counter, his hip brushing up against it. Your back is pressed up against the tiled corner wall above the kitchen counter, your head resting on the cabinets. You quite literally look like you’re trying to crawl away from him or, at least, melt into the wall and cabinets behind you. You clear your throat, a little awkwardly, even as he smirks smugly. “Your ego deserves it.” You snap, forcing yourself to relax a little.

“Hmm.” Baekhyun hums, tone not exactly warm. He’s so close that you can feel his body heat radiating off of him. You can smell him. “Why the sudden confession, then?”

He looks at you with sharp eyes, previous warmth gone from his eyes. He doesn’t believe you, you realize, your heart inexplicably dropping to your stomach.

Your cheeks feel cold from the dried tears and your voice comes out small. He doesn’t believe you. You were telling him the truth, despite the circumstances, and he doesn’t believe you. “You don’t believe me.” You breathe out, your hands shaking in your lap.

It’s silent except for the sound of your soft breathing and you close your eyes, squeezing them shut.

“How do I know you mean it when you won’t even look at me?” Baekhyun says, matter-of-factly. He sounds so unaffected, so cold. It scares you. Then he laughs, so bitterly, and you clasp your fingers together tightly. “You’re clearly trying to make me feel better because you feel guilty. I am not Jessica or Mina. I don’t need or want your apologies.” Baekhyun’s whispering now, his fingers tightening at the nape of your neck, the extra pressure just barely noticeable but heavy. “I told you I still trusted you and you honestly thought it’d be a good idea to come to me days later with a half-assed confession like this? You honestly expect me to believe you? What the hell are you trying to do? Are you trying to clear your guilty conscience in case you die and end up facing whatever God is up there? Because I don’t need or want your pseudo-martyr bull, Sooyong. You’re not the good person here so—”

“Shut up.” You shout, cutting him off completely. In a way, he’s right. You do feel guilty, but you’re not lying. Your head turns up so you can finally, finally, meet his eyes. He’s fuming, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he stares down at you, nostrils flaring. You lower your voice although it’s still filled with cold anger. “Shut up.” You repeat as you jab a finger against his chest. “You don’t get to do that. You are not allowed to play the victim here. I wasn’t lying, for ’s sakes, Baekhyun, I’m not trying to make myself feel better. I am not lying to you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I love you.” You growl, throwing your hands in the air in frustration. You look him right in the eyes and finally pinpoint the strange emotions in his eyes. It’s hurt. He’s hurt because of you and you deflate instantly. Your voice trembles and you can’t stop wringing your hands. You let every single bit of emotion from the past months pour into your next words, your eyes flitting between his as you bite your lip. “I love you and I’m sorry because I don’t deserve to. You deserve so much better. I don’t deserve your—mmph.”

His lips smother yours, cutting you off, his fingers still gripping the back of your neck. He tastes like strawberry milk and you’ve never tasted something so good. His other hand cups your cheek, fingers digging into your skin. He kisses you desperately as he pushes you further back on the counter. Butterflies erupt in your stomach and you pull him closer, kissing him back after a moment of shocked surprise. You whine when one of his hands gently flutters to your waist only to abruptly pull you closer. You whine into his mouth and he swallows it right up, eagerly. Your hands wrap around his neck and the two of you are a flurry of touches and kisses, his fingers tugging at your hair until you gasp into his open mouth. He pulls away first, to catch his breath, and you find yourself uncaring of your body’s necessity to breathe. Instead you swoop in and mouth kisses along the corner of his lips, trailing down his jaw and neck, tasting his soft, salty skin. You stay there, and nibbling and relishing in his soft groans until he pulls you back up with a light tug to your hair. You tug at the fabric of his shirt, fingers trailing, and he cups your face in both hands, one of his thumbs tracing over your bottom lip as he stares at you, his eyes shining.

“You don’t get to do this either.” He gasps out, tone a thousand times raspier. He drops his head down, his forehead knocking against yours and his grip on your face a little tight. “I tried to get over you and I was doing so well. You don’t get to tell me you love me and then tell me you don’t deserve me. That’s not your call to make.” He says in between his ragged breathing, his thumb dragging along your bottom lip and his eyes searching yours. “You just. You don’t get to kiss me once and bring me right back to loving you like before. Not when you plan on dying in a week. You don’t get to do this to me.”

Your heart continues to race as you study his face. His voice actually cracks at the last sentence and he looks so utterly vulnerable right then that you find yourself sliding closer to him. You kiss the thumb pressed over your bottom lip, one of your hands trailing down his back as you rub circles into the curve of his spine. You hold him close in an attempt to provide comfort and close your eyes. “I’m not planning on dying.” You breathe out, voice shaking because of how close you are to him. You can feel his heat pumping in his chest.

“I don’t know if I can take your word on that.” He stares at you, his eyes dark with emotion and his expression contorted into disbelief and muted sadness. “I don’t think I can come back from this again, Sooyong. I don’t think I can watch another person I love die.”

Your breathing hitches at his words, even as Baekhyun’s eyes sparkle with a distant, age old sadness. “Trust me.” You whisper, clutching his shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere. You really think a psychotic mafia leader can take me out? Especially when I’m already dealing with your psychotic mafia leader?”

You scoff overdramatically, rolling your eyes, and he slowly breaks into the tiniest of smiles, his eyes darting between yours.

"I love you.” Baekhyun hums, smiling as he leans in to place a quick, chaste kiss against your lips, his thumb dragging along your jaw, raising goosebumps.

“I love you, too.”

~.~.~.~.~

Only later do you find your fingers brushing along the tiny, cold, silver chip attached to your earlobe. Only later do you remember that Yongguk heard every single word you had said to Baekhyun. Only later does the guilt come crashing down and you’re hit with the awful revelation that you don’t know how to not kill Baekhyun and save Minhee at the same time.

~.~.~.~.~

“I’ve a funny story.” Jongdae says at the lunch table, the next morning, lunch barely making it into his mouth. “You see, last night I had this aching hunger, so what did I do?” Jongdae’s eyes slide over to Chanyeol, who seems more preoccupied with his sandwich then with Jongdae. Jongdae yanks and shakes Chanyeol’s forearm, dramatically, startling Chanyeol into dropping his sandwich back on to his plate before he can take a bite. Chanyeol scowls at Jongdae. “I went to the kitchen.” Jongdae exclaims even as he leans across the table, eyeing you with a smirk.

“Were you always this dramatic?” Mina asks, pursing her lips.

Luhan just nods without looking up from his phone. “It’s pretty toned down today, believe it or not.”

Jongdae crosses his arms across his chest and leans back against the plastic chair, eyes still locked on you. “Do you know what I saw in Baekhyun’s kitchen last night?” Jongdae asks, eyebrows rising suggestively. His eyes dart to your left and you unconsciously glance to your left, as well. After the kiss (and many, many more), Baekhyun had headed upstairs and you ended up back in the living room where Mina and Jessica had undoubtedly taken all the blankets, leaving you completely blanket-less. When you woke up the next morning you were wrapped in a vaguely familiar duvet that smelled really nice and had the distinct feeling of déjà vu. Baekhyun didn’t exactly discuss the night before with you but he had smiled at you before heading to his morning class. He had left coffee brewing for you and you’re not exactly sure what that means. It has to mean something or else Baekhyun wouldn’t be sitting beside you right now, arm barely a hairsbreadth away from yours.

Baekhyun is busy scrolling through his phone, chopsticks hovering near his mouth as he attempts to eat his food without actually looking at his food. Half of his noodles spill from his chopsticks and back into his bowl before he manages to get it in his mouth but he doesn’t seem to notice. He seems more relaxed almost, but you still wrinkle your nose at his eating habits and someone snickers.

“They were practically eating each other’s faces off.” Jongdae says, almost accusingly, as he points between you and Baekhyun. You blink in surprise, cheeks heating up.

Jessica looks up in surprise, her eyebrows furrowing, and Mina gapes. Surprisingly, nobody else reacts. You expected someone from EXO to have a bad reaction and you’re shocked.

Chanyeol just puts down his sandwich and eyes the two of you for a long moment, expression contemplative as he chews and swallows his food. Then he sits back and grins widely at the rest of the table. “That’s going to be 30,000 won each.”

Half of the table bursts into grumbles and you watch in growing irritation as Kyungsoo and Luhan grudgingly take out their wallets.

You gape at them. “You bet on us?”

“Tell me you at least kissed him first.” Sehun exclaims, eyeing Chanyeol’s outstretched hand with slight belligerence.

“Nope.” Baekhyun says from beside you and you turn to glare at him, even as he snickers when Sehun reluctantly drops a wad of cash onto the table. Jessica pats his back consolingly while he pouts cutely. Chanyeol pumps his fist, grinning wildly as he gathers his money. He hands half the money to Jongin, who’s smirking, and you cross your arms in annoyance.

“Guys, it’s not cool to have a bet going on people’s romantic lives.”

“The angsty between the two of you was just too tempting.” Chanyeol quips. Then he smiles, mischievously. “And Kris is going to be very pissed off with you.”

“Why?” You frown because Kris is bad enough when he’s in a good mood.

“He lost.”

Baekhyun cackles almost evilly at Chanyeol’s words and you shove his arm lightly, scowling. Baekhyun just grins, sharp teeth showing as he twists an arm around your waist, tugging you closer, your chair tilting to the side a little before you manage to straighten it out. Before you can pull away, he presses an exaggerated kiss against the side of your head with a loud chu and you swear you’re as red as a tomato because everyone at the table is watching (either grimacing, snickering, or rolling their eyes).

You only turn redder when Chanyeol groans and drops a bunch of won in Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s waiting hands, glowering at you and Baekhyun.

~.~.~.~.~

Jessica grabs your arm, her eyes darting down to the end of the hallway. Her expression doesn’t give much away, but her grip on your arm tightens with urgency.

“Maybe I’m being paranoid but I swear those boys haven’t stopped watching us?” Jessica murmurs. Sehun’s head snaps up from his notes to stare at the two of you and you momentarily lock eyes with him over Jessica’s shoulder. You peek down the hall and nearly groan at the sight. Bobby and a smaller boy are staring intently at a phone and laughing about something just down the hall. It’s obvious to you that they’re pretending. Bobby looks up from his phone and meets your eyes. He gives you a friendly smile (you swear his eyes are glinting) before the smaller boy drags him around the corner and out of sight.

“Do you know them?” Jessica asks.

You shake your head and make a face at Jessica. “No I don’t know them.” You shrug, ignoring the twinge of guilt for lying to Jessica. “Why would they be watching us?”

Jessica opens before pausing and shaking her head. She shrugs and returns to her textbook. Sehun, however, is still staring down the hall, eyes distant. When he looks at you, you smile, pleasantly, and he narrows his eyes.

There’s distrust in his eyes and it makes you nervous.

~.~.~.~.~

You:

You're too emotional. It’s making you sloppy.

 

From: Yongguk

I’m angry, not emotional. And why? Are you worried I'm going to do something ‘unpredictable’?

 

You:

No. I'm worried something will go wrong because of your negligence. Like the fact that you’re using amateurs to stalk me and people are noticing it.

 

From: Yongguk

I know what I’m doing. I suggest you stop worrying about everything else and do what I’ve told you to do. Need I remind you that you have barely nine days left?

 

You:

I'm being serious, Yongguk... Anyone can see that you’re not okay. What if Himchan dies because of this? What about Youngjae or Jongup??  Zelo?!?

 

From: Yongguk

You’re starting to piss me off, Lee Sooyong. You have four days to Baekhyun and five more days to make him feel like you love him unconditionally or else I will kill her. I swear I will.

 

~.~.~.~.~

 

 “Come here.”

“What?” You look up from your textbook, positive you look absolutely frazzled. It’s the weekend and you’re holed up in SM University’s library, thanks to the dreaded finals week. Finals are just around the corner and you can’t believe how much schoolwork you’ve managed to neglect. You’re ninety-nine percent sure you didn’t learn half of this. But you’re still class president and you’re expected to do well if you want to keep your position and be taken seriously.

Baekhyun sits across from you at the tiny library table, his elbows on the table as he rests his chin on the back of his hands and watches you with curious, shining eyes. He’s been sitting there for maybe an hour now because the two of you were supposed to be studying together. Instead it turned out you were the one studying and Baekhyun would switch between watching you study, doodling, and leaning back on his chair to see how long he could balance on two legs.

“I think you need a break. You’re going to go bald at this rate.”

You scowl at him and he just exhales loudly. You watch as he promptly shuts your textbook, making you lose your place. You open your mouth to snap at him, but suddenly he leans forward and places his palm over your mouth even as he makes a shushing motion with his other hand.

He shakes his head even as he gets up and rounds the table, easily tugging you out of your seat, his hand still over your mouth. You grab his arm, shaking your head. You’re not going to leave your things here to get stolen.

After a long minute of silent arguing and shaking his arm and him shaking his head and pouting adorably, Baekhyun finally relents and takes a moment to shove your stuff back in your backpack before putting it over his shoulder. He steers you towards the exit, rolling his eyes at you as he drags you away from other frazzled students who are studying just like you should be doing, and you deflate when you see a group of hovering classmates swooping in on your now empty table.

Annoyed, you his palm the moment the two of you step out of the library and Baekhyun shrieks in horror, pulling his hand back to his chest. “Ew.” Baekhyun exclaims, eyeing you with disgust. “Did you just me?”

“You just dragged me out of the library.” You point out, crossing your arms.

Baekhyun just wipes his palm on your arm, still disgusted, and you swat at his hand. He playfully continues to wipe his hands on you as he speaks. “I was trying to help. You looked like you were two seconds away from crying.”

“I’m going to fail.” You mumble, groaning. Baekhyun just throws an arm over your shoulders and pulls you into his chest as he pats your head like you’re some kind of child. “I’m going to fail and it’s going to be your fault.”

“Hey!” Baekhyun pouts adorably, bottom lip jutting out as he looks down at you. “It’s not my fault you’re not a natural genius like me.”

“I hope you fail your finals, too.”

“That’s not nice.”

You make a ridiculous face at him and you’re about to respond when you feel Baekhyun stiffen against you, his fingers tightening around your shoulders. You look up at him and follow his hard gaze across the hall. Then you stiffen, too, your heartbeat quickening.

It’s Yongguk, standing in plain sight, watching the two of you.

Yongguk looks wilder than you last saw him, his dark hair sticking up in all kinds of directions and even from this distance you can see the dark bags beneath his eyes. You expect him to remain where he is but instead he strides up to the two of you. Hs movements are jerky, his eyes almost unblinking.

Your eyes dart up to meet Baekhyun’s and his jaw clenches, even as he briefly looks down at you.

Yongguk comes to a stop right in front of the two of you, his gaze moving lazily up and down your form, lingering for a moment on Baekhyun’s arm around your shoulder before resting on Baekhyun’s face. “So you ran back to her even though she’s betrayed you twice?” Yongguk asks, casually, malice dripping from his tone. There’s something about the way he stands that seems wild; predatory, even. His eyes are sharp and dark and his face seems thinner, more angular. He looks like he’s buzzing with anger and something else you can’t pinpoint. His presence looks and feels incredibly dangerous, like a ticking bomb that could go off at any moment.

You think this is the most dangerous Yongguk has ever been.

“What do you want?” Baekhyun’s tone is cold, full of ice.

“Who gave you permission to visit Daehyun’s grave?” Yongguk snaps.

“It’s open to the public, isn’t it?” Baekhyun asks, shortly.

Yongguk just stares, nostrils flaring in silent anger. His eyes glint and he stares down at you, his height suddenly comes off as incredibly intimidating, but you keep a neutral expression, watching him carefully.

Then he smiles, wickedly, lips curling back over his teeth and gums.

His eyes snap to the side, hovering over your form. “It was nice to see you, sweetheart.” He says in that same, intimately sweet tone he always uses with you. Baekhyun grips your shoulder when you unconsciously cringe away from Yongguk’s predatory gaze.

Yongguk turns on his heels jerkily and walks away and you’ve never seen someone so emotionally unstable before. It’s terrifying in its instability. It’s too unpredictable.

“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” Baekhyun mumbles, one of his hands drifting from your shoulders to the center of your back, just along the curve and dip of your spine. His fingers are feather light as they fumble about in a strangely comforting way.

~.~.~.~.~

"You’ve got a little bit of whipped cream right…there…” Baekhyun says, nodding towards your face, his eyes focusing on your lips. You’re practically chugging through your sundae in order to somehow keep the anxiety, caused by Yongguk’s surprise visit, at bay. You look at him in confusion, not catching his words. Baekhyun sits on your right, his chair turned towards you, while he watches you with a wrinkled nose and an expression torn between exasperation and adoration. Sighing, he reaches out and swipes at the corner of your lips with his thumb before pulling back. There’s a dollop of whipped cream on his finger and he promptly puts his thumb in his mouth, it off.

Your cheeks get warm and you’re sure you’re incredibly red right now, judging from his amused smirk and the way he suddenly starts on his thumb in a much more lewd way. You kick his shin under the table and he yelps, throwing you an offended glare. “What? Does this make you frustrated?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you, almost challengingly, even as he at his thumb in an increasingly seductive way. Butterflies form at the pit of your stomach and you blush a deep red. How does he not look ridiculous doing that in the first place?

It takes exactly two more seconds of him his thumb, just to get on your nerves, for you to decidedly return the favor. “Two can play at that game.” You hiss, pouting, and he actually laughs at you, raising his eyebrows curiously.

You look around for a second, noting the relatively busy café and customers who seem way too involved in their own affairs rather than the two of you. Then you reach for his hand and he raises his eyebrows. You stick the thumb he in your mouth and Baekhyun’s so surprised, his eyebrows nearly blend in with his hairline. His mouth drops open into a small ‘o’ and he makes a small noise of irritation. His eyes grow dark almost instantly as you on his thumb, tongue flicking across his warm finger.

Then you pull his hand away, smiling sweetly, and mock him, “Did that make you frustrated?”

He actually glares at you and you purposely swipe up some whipped cream and it, smiling at him. You raise your eyebrows challengingly, even as you on your fingers in an incredibly seductive way, and he crosses his arms, eyes dark.

That’s when someone clears their throat and you jump, glancing to the side. The owner of the café, an elderly little woman with salt-and-pepper hair, eyes you with a scandalized expression and that’s when you realize you still have three of your fingers in your mouth. You pull them out and smile, awkwardly. “A young man just told me to give this to the two of you.” She says. She places two cups of hot chocolate on the table and leaves, shaking her head and mumbling as she turns.

Baekhyun snorts at you when you cover your face in embarrassment, your cheeks burning.

“You totally deserved that.” He says, undoubtedly grinning.

“Shut up.” You mumble into your hands. Baekhyun giggles loudly and your heart practically jumps in place at the sound of it.

~.~.~.~.~

Yongguk is getting restless. You can tell from the texts he sends you and the looks he gives you at school. There’s a sort of uncontrolled hostility radiating from Yongguk’s actions, his very being, and it makes you anxious. You’re just trying to prolong the inevitable because you know you won’t come out of this unscathed. You don’t think you’re emotionally ready to ‘ Baekhyun’ (as Yongguk puts it) and you’re horrified that he wants you to do something like that. You’re horrified and you feel guilty and that is not a good combination. You want to throw up.

So when your phone vibrates against your hip, you ignore it. You selfishly ignore the heavy feeling that there are eyes on you as you walk through the halls of SM University.

But it doesn’t last long.

Not when B.I. steps into your path on your way to Communications, eyes solemn (disappointed, almost), and s a small white envelope into your hands before leaving you alone.

There are three colorful stamps plastered across the top right corner and before you can question him, he turns away.

The envelope is thin and you immediately find the bathroom, tearing it open in the confines of one of the small bathroom stalls.

A couple photographs peek out from within the confines of the envelope and you slowly pull them out. There are two pictures, one of which you eye in confusion. It’s a photo of a sharp set of medical scalpels lining a small tray. Slowly, you turn to the last photograph, your breath catching in your throat. It’s a high quality picture of Minhee, face covered in cuts and bruises. You can see the faint remnants of a bruised eye, barely visible behind a curtain of scraggly blonde hair. Her arms are tied above her head, to the pipes behind her, and her head lolls to one side, groggily. In front of her lies the tray of scalpels, propped up on top of a small, steel stool.

You take a deep, shaky breath, eyes darting across the pictures as you try to figure out what the hell this is supposed to mean.

Your phone buzzes and buzzes but you can’t seem to convince yourself to pick it up. You don’t want to hear what Yongguk has to say. You don’t think you can mentally deal with what Yongguk has to say.

But you take one last look at the pictures and steel yourself. This is Minhee’s safety on the line, you remind yourself. You have to deal with whatever Yongguk has to say.

You slide your phone open, steeling yourselfd. “What the do you want?”

The first thing you hear is soft whimpering. Then you hear begging, a hoarse voice crying out no over and over and over again. It doesn’t click, at first, at least not until you hear the voice form complete sentences.

“St—stop. She picked up the phone. I heard…her…please…no, not there. God no, please, no…nonono, n—” A loud scream fills your ears interspersed with wracked sobs, Minhee’s voice cracking in a way you’ve never heard it do before. You pull your knees to your chest, your hands shaking as you listen to Minhee’s pained screams.

Then you hear Yongguk’s voice, soft and smooth, as he shushes a whimpering Minhee. “Shhh, it’s just a finger. You’ll be fine.” Absolute rage bubbles up in your chest, quickly followed by terror and helplessness because you can’t do anything. “She’ll be fine won’t she, Sooyong-ah?” His voice is right in your ear, right in your head, and you want him out. Your phone buzzes and you don’t bother to look at the text message, knowing it’s probably photographic evidence of whatever he’s just done to Minhee.

“I’m going to kill you.” You whisper.

“No.” Yongguk speaks to you as if he’s reprimanding a misbehaving child. “You’re going to kill Baekhyun. You’re playing around and I don’t ing like it.”

“You’re insane.” You exclaim, rising up on to your feet. “You’re ing insane.”

Yongguk laughs, he actually snickers, his tone almost bitter. “You sound just like me. That’s exactly what I told him.”

“I’m nothing like you.”

“When EXO is dead, it’ll be just you and me, sweetheart.” Yongguk laughs, deep voice reverberating. “Let’s see how long it takes for you to come up with a plan to have me killed.” That’s when his tone drops, darkening significantly. “I wonder who will be your Daehyun? Will it be Minhee-ssi?”

“If you touch her again I swear to God I will—”

“Stop playing around or else I’ll cut off another one of her fingers. I’ll cut off one finger for every single day you avoid my orders.” Yongguk speaks sharply. Then he sighs, as if this conversation is exhausting him. “I want to see him suffer and unfortunately that means you’ll have to suffer, too. We all need to make sacrifices, right?”

The remorse at the end of his sentence isn’t real. He’s mocking you. He’s not sacrificing anything.

“So what will it be, Sooyong?”

~.~.~.~.~

Kyungsoo owlishly blinks at you over his shoulder as he sautés vegetables over Baekhyun’s stove (which you’re pretty sure only Kyungsoo uses in the first place). You ignore his abnormally large eyes, instead focusing on pouring yourself another shot of vodka into your glass. You might have already consumed five (or more, who’s counting really?) shots while watching Kyungsoo cook himself dinner, humming softly. Who knew watching Kyungsoo cook would be so entertaining? He’s very good at flipping the vegetables over the stove like some fancy chef and you tell him so. He just snorts.

After another long couple of minutes of watching Kyungsoo sear meat you try to pour yourself another shot. It’s hard to aim into the glass, unfortunately, so after a good thirty seconds of struggling you decide to just take sips straight out of the bottle.

Eventually, Kyungsoo turns off the stove and stares at you. He washes his hands and wipes them on a dishtowel and you get distracted by how gigantic his eyes are. “We have a meeting in half an hour. Why are you getting drunk?”

Your eyes widen and then you snort. “. I forgot about the meeting. I was wondering why I was here.” You’re not exactly slurring but you’re not exactly speaking correctly either. You hope Kris doesn’t notice because you have a feeling he’ll try to kill you. Besides, you’re not totally drunk.

Kyungsoo just shakes his head before sliding into the stool across from you. He’s already dumped his food onto a plate and you don’t even remember seeing him take the pan off the stove in the first place. He picks up his chopsticks and you stare at his food longingly before picking up the bottle of vodka. You can feel Kyungsoo’s eyes on you. After a moment of silence, and you wincing as the vodka slides down your throat, there’s a loud sigh.

You glance around in confusion, ninety-nine percent sure that didn’t come from you. Someone plucks the bottle from your hands and you whine, swinging your feet. Kyungsoo silently drops an empty plate in front of you and scrapes a bit of his dinner on to your plate. He gives you water, too. He places the vodka in a cabinet above the sink, before turning back to you. He points his chopsticks at you, menacingly. You giggle at how not menacing he looks.

“Eat.”

~.~.~.~.~

You don’t even make it down the stairs to the basement for the meeting; in fact you barely make it down the hall.

The moment you hop off the kitchen stool, you nearly fall over on your . Kyungsoo grabs your arm, not so gently, and you giggle, covering your mouth. “Whoops.” You say, patting Kyungsoo’s arm reassuringly. “I got this, Kyung.”

“Soo. Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo corrects, letting your arm go.

You wave your hand dismissively. “Whatever.”

You walk out of the kitchen, your head spinning much more than it had been when you were sitting down. You run into someone, knocking your forehead against their chest. Your nose twinges in pain.

“Woah, careful there.” Baekhyun’s familiar voice makes you look up at him as you rub your face.

“Hello.” You murmur breathlessly, blinking at him. For some reason, he looks especially gorgeous at the moment, his dark hair skimming his forehead and jawline sharp. He purses his pink lips at you, eyebrows furrowing cutely. You snicker at his expression.

“What’s wrong with her?” Luhan’s voice comes from beside Baekhyun and you stand on your tiptoes, peering over Baekhyun’s shoulder at Luhan. Luhan eyes you in amusement and you glare at him.

“She’s drunk.” Kyungsoo states.

“No, I’m not.” You counter, shaking your head. In retrospect, that’s not a good idea because you immediately feel dizzy and stumble back a little, catching yourself before you fall. “I’m not drunk.”

“You’re slurring.” Chanyeol points out and you frown at him, wondering when he showed up. “I was always here.” Chanyeol adds and you can’t believe you’re saying your thoughts out loud again. You look up at Baekhyun and he’s watching you with narrowed eyes. He’s making you nervous. He gives you a tiny smile and you realize you said that out loud too.

“Okay…” You relent, gesturing wildly with your hands. “I might have drunk a teeny…tiny…little bit.”

“How much?” He touches your elbow, steadying you.

"A couple of shots.”

“Almost half a bottle.” Kyungsoo says at the same exact time. You turn on your heels, swaying a bit, and jab a finger in his direction as you gasp loudly.

“He’s lying!” You gesture at Kyungsoo wildly. “I mean anyone with eyes that large can’t be trusted.” Chanyeol guffaws and Kyungsoo glares, instantly silencing Chanyeol with just a look.

Baekhyun just gently winds an arm around your waist. “I think you need to go to bed.”

“No.” You shriek, remembering Yongguk’s demands. You clutch the front of Baekhyun’s jacket, staring at him intensely. You have to do it, though. Yongguk can hear everything. You need more alcohol or else you’re going to cry, you realize, as you scan Baekhyun’s startled expression, his eyes filling with confusion and worry. You don’t deserve his worry. Tears prickle at the corner of your eyes but you don’t let them fall.

“Hey,” His hand flutters down the back of your head, your hair, and across your back in a comforting manner. “Are you okay?” He asks as he gently traces circles into your back, along the dip of your spine. It soothes you and you blink at him. He smiles strangely, his face swimming in your blurred vision.

You nod. “Yeah... I’m fine!” You respond cheerily, earning a disbelieving snort from Luhan. You glare at Luhan over Baekhyun’s shoulder and you swear Baekhyun laughs a little.

“Come on.” He tells you. “I don’t think you should attend this meeting. You need to rest.”

You nod again and he nudges you down the hall. You wave at Kyungsoo, who only rolls his eyes at you.

~.~.~.~.~

You stand in the middle of his room, awkwardly swaying in place, even as you watch Baekhyun dig through a bag in the corner. You keep glancing at his bed and suddenly you feel incredibly warm and flustered. You fiddle with the chip on your ear before realizing that you probably shouldn’t do that, so you quickly drop your hand and clasp them together, behind your back.

Finally, Baekhyun faces you, a water bottle in his hand. He stares at you for a second, seemingly confused. “Aren’t you going to sit down?” He asks, pointing to his bed. “You don’t look so good.”

You franticly shake your head, without thinking. Your visions swims and it feels strange. “It’s fine. I’m fine, totally fine, completely and utterly fine.”

“You look like you’re going to fall over. Sit.” Baekhyun says, after a moment, staring at you with a slightly exasperated expression.

He steps towards you and you look around for an exit. You step back onto his desk behind you, sweeping a few of his pencils and books away, before you slide onto his desk. There’s a soft thud as a few pens fall to the ground and you sway on the desk, holding out your arms to balance yourself. Then you smile up at him, head lolling a bit since it really is getting harder to sit up, and primly cross your legs. “There. I’m sitting.”

He stares at you for a long moment, corner of his mouth twitching upwards. Then he steps closer and you stretch out your arm, so he can hand you the water bottle. You don’t know what you were thinking earlier, getting drunk wasn’t making anything easier, in fact it was a million times harder convincing yourself that you need to make a move on him now than it was before.

He doesn’t hand you the water bottle, he completely foils your plans by stepping past your outstretched hands until his hips are just brushing against your crossed legs. “Mind telling me what’s got you so worked up?” Baekhyun murmurs, voice raspy and eyes twinkling, as he leans forward at the waist, his finger fumbling with the water bottle in his hands.

He’s not touching you but something about his proximity, his voice, his entire demeanor, has you feeling flustered. You feel warm all over, butterflies forming at the pit of your stomach, and you roll your eyes. You practically squeak under his gaze and squeeze past him, rolling off the desk. You don’t stick the landing, however, and end up tipping over onto your .

Baekhyun bursts into laughter as you sit on the floor and pout up at him, rubbing your . “Don’t laugh, it hurts.” You exclaim, your words slurring as you attempt to kick his shins, attempt being the operative word since you miss and end up sprawled out on your back.

He laughs loudly, a hand over his mouth as if he’s trying to suppress it but it’s obvious he’s laughing at you. You grimace and pull yourself up. You stumble and Baekhyun grabs your elbow, but you immediately shake it off, stomping over to his bed and sitting down, arms crossed as you pout. Baekhyun doesn’t stop laughing, tears forming in his eyes.

Eventually, he sits down next to you, the bed creaking and dipping, and you refuse to look at him. He drops the water bottle in your lap, his hand lingering over your knee, almost absentmindedly, and you jerk at the sudden touch, fingers tightening around the water bottle.

“Seriously though, what’s wrong?” Baekhyun murmurs, voice soft and still full of faint amusement.

You shake your head, quickly, focusing your attention on opening your water bottle (which is a lot harder than it should be). “Nothing.” You mumble, the word somehow leaves your mouth as one syllable.

He watches you take a gulp from the water bottle, his gaze on the side of your face heavy. “Are you scared of something?” Baekhyun pauses before continuing. “Of someone?”

“No.” You exclaim, crossing your arms as you finally turn to look at him. “I’m not scared of anything.”

His warm eyes soften significantly and you’re relieved to see that there’s no pity in them. You despise being pitied, especially because you know he can see right through your façade. Your head swims because of the alcohol and you take another swig of water, grimacing. He tilts his head at you, “You can be strong and scared at the same time, you know.”

You giggle at that, the bitterness you wanted in your voice ruined by the influence of alcohol. You lean back on your hands and loll your head to the side, examining his soft expression. There’s something about his expression that makes you feel like you can tell him anything. Or maybe that’s the alcohol making your mouth loose and your words spill easily. “No, I can’t.” You shake your head. “People are relying on me. I can’t afford to be scared. I can’t afford to appear weak.”

“Showing fear doesn’t make you weak. It just means that you’re human.” Baekhyun says.

“Coming from the boy who prides himself in his fearlessness.” You retort, rolling your eyes slowly.

He watches you take a swig of water, pursing his lips. He bumps his shoulder against yours, rolling his eyes mockingly. “I wasn’t always fearless though.” Baekhyun says as he lifts his legs onto the bed and crosses them, his knee over yours. “I know it’s hard to believe, but I used to be scared of a lot of things. I used to be afraid of the dark.”

You giggle at that, leaning into his shoulder a bit as you look up at him. Your whole body is warm and leaning against him feels so much more comfortable. “The dark? Seriously?”

“Yah!” Baekhyun claims, glaring down at you in mock anger. “I was a kid, okay?” A thoughtful expression clouds his face, his bottom lip catching in his teeth. He looks so distant, then, and you can’t tear your eyes away from him. “I used to be afraid of the dark because it always made the house feel emptier, you know, I could always pretend someone was home but when it gets dark it always got harder to pretend. I’m not afraid of the dark anymore, for your information, but I’m not as fearless as you think, as flattering as that is.”

You stare at his expression for a good minute, admiring his features, his reminiscent eyes, and his fond little smile

“I’m afraid I’ll be the reason they die.” You blurt out, suddenly, the water bottle crackling in your hands as your fingers clench. “I don’t think I could live with it.”

Baekhyun’s pretty fingers are warm to the touch and you watch, fascinated, as he gently pulls your fingers off the water bottle, his own fingers slowly threading through yours, filling the empty spaces perfectly. Your breathing hitches for a moment. He draws small circles into the inside of your wrist with his thumb, silence falling between you two. You look up at him and he’s looking down, his expression focused on the task at hand. Finally, he speaks, his eyes never leaving your intertwined fingers. There’s the slightest of trembles from his fingers and you study his expression, noting how perfectly unaffected he seems despite the concern floating in his eyes.

“It gets easier.” He says. His eyebrows furrow just the tiniest bit. “Living with death gets easier.” He leans towards you, his head tilting into your line of sight until he catches your gaze. “But you won’t have to deal with that. I promise you won’t.”

“How can you promise me something like that?” You blink at him, frowning, a growing sense of horror filling your bones. “How can you promise me that when they’ve all been hurt because of me? When Yongguk said…when Minhee is….”

You choke on your words, eyes watering as you try to pull away from Baekhyun. You pull against Baekhyun’s grip until he pulls you into his chest, his arms winding around your waist. Butterflies fill your stomach and you breathe into the crook of his neck, shaking in his arms. His hands press against the center of your back, somehow steadying your shaky breathing. Baekhyun’s voice is muffled against the top of your head. His voice is nothing but a whisper but you find your entire being focusing on it. “But they’re not dead. Hey. Listen. They’re still here, aren’t they? They’re still by your side. We can save Minhee. No one is going to die and you’re going to be okay.”

You know nothing will be okay until you do what Yongguk wants. Yongguk’s commands race through your mind and you don’t know what to do. Your thoughts won’t stop racing and eventually you pull back and stare up at Baekhyun, your heart pounding. Yongguk is watching, listening, and you have to do it. “Help me.” You whisper, to no one in particular. Baekhyun’s eyes dart between yours but before he can speak, you pull him into a deep kiss, even as you wipe at your tears.

It’s a heated kiss, on your part, as you thread your fingers through his hair and pull him closer, your legs swinging over his lap. Baekhyun responds almost unconsciously, reaction almost startled as he bites at your lip. Heat rushes to the pit of your stomach and you whimper softly when Baekhyun’s fingers trail down the curve of your back, warm fingers hot against the strip of skin between your shirt and jeans. It’s hot between the two of you and his fingers are trailing all up your back. You aren’t thinking straight, the alcohol in your system leaves blank spots in your memory. You don’t know how or when your shirt ended up on the floor, you don’t know when you managed to wriggle out of your jeans, when your bra ended up beside your jeans, when Baekhyun ended up shirtless, his eyes hooded as he looks up at you. You dip down to his neck and leave a trail of kisses up and down his skin. He pulls you back down to his mouth, his teeth clashing against yours before he trails sloppy kisses up your jaw, mouth hot. Your skin is searing and suddenly all you want is him, all you want is Baekhyun. It’s ridiculous how much your body wants him, how much you want to touch him, despite everything. You gasp out his name when he nibbles at your earlobe, tugging gently at the flesh. Your gut coils and clenches, your knees press against Baekhyun’s waist, his hips slowly grinding upwards.

“Do you really want this?” He breathes into your ear, concern and lust and love filling his voice. Your heart flutters in your chest and you can’t keep your hands off of him.

You do, but not under these circumstances. You still nod however, fingers tightening in his hair as you grind your hips against his, softly. He dips down, finding that spot on your neck, and you squirm in his lap. You can feel his lips turn up into a smile, one of his hands gently brushing aside your hair as the other one plays with your chest, squeezing and kneading. His soft pink lips tiptoe up your jaw, his touch so loving that it makes your insides melt. You melt into him, into a pliable, fluttering puddle.

“I need to hear you say it.” He reminds you, his hands cupping your cheeks. You watch with hooded eyes as he pulls back a little, his forehead brushing against yours. There’s a look in his eyes that makes your breathing hitch and you stare at him, searchingly. He looks cautious, his eyes guarded almost. You blink at him, thoughts still so hazy. Slowly, so slowly, he leans forward, his grip on your face firm. His thumb brushes underneath your eyes, dragging across your skin, and that’s when you finally realize that you’re still crying. His smile is tired, exhaustingly sad. His eyes are full of worry, distant concern and warmth. You open your mouth to say something but no sound comes out. Your cheeks are wet and he looks anciently sad.

You can’t seem to give him verbal consent, so instead you nod.

You nod and nod and nod, swooping forward to capture his soft pink lips in yours. He lets you kiss him, he doesn’t push away, but he doesn’t exactly respond either. You need him to respond to your touch. But he doesn’t and your emotions won’t stay in place. The alcohol in your system makes you whimper against his mouth, fingers tugging at his shoulders in almost desperate need. He’s still cupping your face and when you pull back, silently questioning him, you’re taken aback by how tired his eyes are, how they begin to swim with pity.

“I think we should sleep.” He says, words coming out of his mouth haltingly. “I think we should stop. You’re drunk. You don’t…you’re clearly not okay.”

“I can’t do it.” You blurt out, voice breaking when you realize that Yongguk is going to hurt Minhee even more because of this. Baekhyun doesn’t want to continue because he can tell you really don’t want to, because there’s no verbal consent on your part. Baekhyun’s expression morphs into a mix of confusion and something heartbreaking. He’s looking at you like he pities you and you hate it because you are being pitiful.

“You don’t want me.” You state, your eyes wide as you stare at him, your fingers tightening around his shoulders.

He shakes his head, a tiny smile lifting up the corner of his mouth. “Of course I want you, God, I want you so ing badly. But you’re not thinking straight right now.” He whispers, a hand caresses your cheek, fingers lingering. You close your eyes, opening them when he eventually pulls his hand away. “I’m not going to take advantage of you.”

He carefully unlatches your fingers from his body and you don’t react, you just watch his face and the different emotions flickering across his expression. Your arms fall limp to your sides and you shiver at how clammy your skin feels without Baekhyun plastered to you. You can’t stop thinking about Minhee, about Yongguk. You can’t stop thinking. You watch as Baekhyun leans back and grabs his t-shirt from the head of the bed. He nudges your arms upwards with his wrists, even as he straightens out the shirt. You lift your arms above your head and he loops his shirt through your arms, pulling it down your body. He’s leaning incredibly close to you and his proximity brings you a strange sort of comfort. Baekhyun directs you toward the head of his bed and you scoot upwards, eventually lying down, the pillow cold against your burning face. He pulls the sheets over the two of you before pulling your head against his chest, a hand sifting through your tangled hair.

After a long moment of silence, your eyes grow droopy. “I’m never drinking ever again.” You mumble against his skin.

“Don’t worry. You were entertaining.” He says, chuckling softly. “At least until you started crying.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He presses a sloppy kiss to the top of your head, his fingers twirling through loose strands of your hair. “Maybe one day you’ll be ready to tell me why.”

You nod against his chest, slowly drifting off to sleep when Baekhyun starts humming softly, voice melodic and soothing. 

 

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authors note:

Unfortunately I injured my writing hand pretty much all of December (it was my right index finger too ;__;) so I did write but I wrote like 4 words per minute?? It was awful I had to do a fic exchange and everything lol. This is part one of the last chapter though, since the last chapter seems to keep going and going (it’s already at almost 25k!!! RIP) and I wasn’t expecting it to be so long so I'm editting the next part and putting this up in the meantime. Part two will be up within two weeks, I have the last few scenes to do :00 and then the epilogue will go up about two weeks after that…and then Baekhyun’s POV!! (which I’ve been planning and I’m so excited because it will add so much more insight into the story!!) and then we’re DONE. *cries*

Thank you for reading so far and commenting and subscribing.

You're all lovely tbh!!!!!

We have a couple more chapters together, so hit me with all your thoughts!!!! 

Important: Please, please, PLEASE don’t plagiarize my work. It’s happened for a second time on the same story and I can only describe the feeling as someone literally stealing my baby when I look away for just a second. This fic is my baby pretty much, I’ve been emerged in this universe and these characters for nearly a year and a half (??) and it feels so awful when someone just kind of takes all that, you know? If you like the concept, then okay go ahead and take a single concept you like and build from it with your own ideas and thoughts. But please don’t steal an author’s work, especially word-for-word. It's not a good feeling at all. This fic means a lot to me because I’ve put in so much work and thought into it. Please respect me enough not to steal from me. Thank you. 

As usual, let me know what you thought below, I read every comment and will try to respond to every one of them :)