This time it's Blind by Lifehouse. As usual, you are recommended to listen to the song :) 

Red for thoughts/monologues.

This is going to be a two-shot. Why? Because this is my favorite song and I haven't listened to it for a long time.

Right now, I am staring at this very beautiful face that happens to belong to my bestfriend and the love of my life. Can I call her that? Well, she's THE love of my life but she never knows about it. We are sitting face-to-face in a local coffee shop and  talking to each other over a cup of coffee but to be honest, I'm not really paying my full attention to whatever she's talking about. I'm just happy to see her again. I just wanna spend time with her and by spending time i mean looking at her beautiful face and hearing her beautiful voice. 

That's enough for me.

"Sooyoung." 

Oh, that's my name.

"Yes, Jessica?" and that is her name.

"Were you listening to me?" She said, while scrunching her eyes at me.

"Nope." I bluntly answered, earning a light punch on my arm.

"Aish. What are you thinking about?" She was looking at me. She rested her chin on her palms. 

"Nothing." Nothing that I could tell you, at least.

"Really?" She raised her eyebrows, questioning me.

I nodded. 

"Okay then." She glanced at her watch, "I think we should get going."

"Let me settle the bills," I said and stood up from my seat, "Consider it your wedding present." I smiled. 

But my heart aches like hell as the word 'wedding' slips through my lips.

It hurts when the wedding is hers and not OURS. It hurts when the bride is the person who stole my heart away but the groom is not me. 

"YAH! Not fair! This is too cheap!" she complained.

I forced a laugh, "Just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you. Okay?" 

Please say that you want me because I would be the happiest person on earth to give my whole life to you.

But she just smiled and answered me with an okay. "I'll wait for you outside," she continued.

She waited outside the shop while I was settling the bills. She leaned against the glass pane of the shop and just stood there. I stared at her figure, thinking

'How did I lose her?' I had 13 years worth of chance but I guess I wasted them away.

I took my change and made my way outside.

"Is he picking you up?" I asked her.

"Ummm." she was looking at the ground before lifted her head and looked at me, "I was thinking if we can walk together to the apartment. Since we are on the same route, if you're okay with it?"

"Of course. I'd love-," you , "-to."

So, we walked rather slowly to her apartment as if we were trying to stall each other, as if we were hoping that time would follow our pace and slow down; hoping that the night could last longer than it would. Or was it all just me?

The walk was fairly silent.

I was trying to say something but I practically gave up when I know that everything I was planning to say is just going to hurt either her or me or both of us.

I want to ask her to cancel her wedding that is going to happen in 2 days and marry me instead. I want to tell her that there's absolutely no one that knows her better than I do. I want to tell her that I love her so much and I want her so badly. I want to tell her that I loved her for 12 years and I'm going to love her more and more everyday even after the day I die. I want to tell her that the moment she says 'I do'; my life, my heart, my soul and my everything are going to crumble into a million of irreparable pieces.

But I swallowed all the unspoken words and kept them to myself, giving them the chance to devour my heart. 

I. am. such. a.

"Coward."  ! I said it out loud! I just had to blurt that out, didn't I?

"What?" She looked at me quizzically.

"Nothing. I just remembered, I used to be scared of the dark."

"You did?"

"Yeah. But I stopped being scared when I met you."

She tilted her head, "What? Why?"

"Because you are scared of the dark too and I want to-" I shouldn't say this. I shouldn't continue this sentence. Let it hang. Let it hang, Sooyoung. Don't finish the damn sentence. 

"You want to?"

Don't say it.

"Protect you." YOU, BRAIN. Just you and your involuntary cognitive reflexes.

"Protect me? Why?"

DON'T ASK ME THAT! I cannot answer that. How can I answer that?

"Because. Because I..."

Brain, don't do anything stupid. Heart, be strong.

"Because you..."

Mouth, speak up.

"Because you are... 

my best friend." and my heart squashed.

"Oh," she responded. "Thanks, Sooyoungie."

I'm dying. Nope. I'm dead. I am a walking dead. And just then, we finally arrived in front of her apartment building. 

"Well, here we are. I guess," she took a deep breath, "I'll see you on the wedding day." 

"Yeah. See you on the wedding day. Bye."

I turned and started to walk away when she called me, "Sooyoung!" and I turned back, "Um?"

"I'm gonna miss you."

Hearing that, I walked back to her and hugged her tight, "I'm going to miss you more." I felt her stiffened before returning the hug. 

I let her go. 

I walked away.

I let her go.

 The next part is coming up very soon. Sorry if it's so confusing *bows*