“Is that—started Donghae.

Leeteuk cut him off with a nod.

“Should we hide?” asked Donghae softer.

“Siwon? Is someone at the door?” asked Kyuhyun walking towards them with Daerim in his arms.

“KiHo-ssi,” said Leeteuk.

Kyuhyun’s eyes bulged out of his head.

“What?! Well, why are you just staring at the door, open it!” he said nodding towards it.

Siwon finally reanimated as Kyuhyun’s words entered his brain.

He quickly opened the door and then stood there, staring his father directly in the eyes.

“Appa,” he said softly when his voice started working again.

KiHo looked at the four faces staring back at him. Four boys that he had watched grow into men and live lives that he didn’t exactly agree with. He tried not to think of that, and more about the love and care he felt for them, especially the one standing directly in front of him.

“Abeonim,” said Leeteuk quickly bowing as did Donghae.

“Jungsu-ssi, Donghae-ssi, it’s nice to see the both of you again,” he said with a nod.

“Yes, it’s good to see you as well,” said Leeteuk rising.

“You look well, abeonim,” said Donghae weakly as he also straightened.

“Thank you,” he said nodding to both of them.

It was quiet for a few moments.

“Wonnie-ah, aren’t you going to invite him in?” asked Kyuhyun, still struggling with Daerim.

Siwon shook his head, he couldn’t explain what he was feeling right now or why he wasn’t completely present.

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry Appa, please come in,” said Siwon as he, Leeteuk and Donghae all stepped back.

KiHo took off his coat and then handed it to Siwon who hung it up as he took off his shoes.

“It’s so good to see you abeonim,” said Kyuhyun with a smile and he bowed as well.

“No need for all of the formalities, Kyuhyun-ah,” said KiHo stepping forward.

Daerim was still wailing in Kyuhyun’s arms as KiHo looked down at her.

“So this is your daughter,” he said looking back up into Kyuhyun’s eyes.

Kyuhyun nodded. “This is Daerim, your granddaughter. I’m sorry this is how she’s meeting you for the first time. She’s a little bit upset.”

Everyone seemed to stop moving as KiHo stared down at Daerim still fussing.

“How long has she been crying like this?” he asked Kyuhyun.

“Maybe an hour? An hour and a half? We’ve tried everything we could think of to make her happy,  but nothing’s worked. I’m beginning to think maybe she’s sick or hurting,” said Kyuhyun softly.

KiHo could see the fatigue on Kyuhyun’s face but at the same time, he could also see love and need to soothe the baby in his arms.

“Do you mind if I suggest something?” asked KiHo looking back at Kyuhyun.

“Not at all,” said Kyuhyun with a small smile.

KiHo took off his watch and started rolling up his sleeves.

“When Siwon-ah was a baby, he used to cry like this at least once a week before he was a year old. His eomma and I found out maybe around the second or third month how to calm him down. Maybe the same will work for her,” he said walking towards the kitchen.

Kyuhyun eagerly followed behind him. Leeteuk, Donghae, and Siwon looked at each other. Without saying anything, they all followed after the two and stood in the back, watching.

“We’ll need to take her clothes off,” said KiHo motioning towards her.

“O-okay,” said Kyuhyun slightly confused as KiHo moved forward and started gingerly removing Daerim’s shirt.

Once she was free from it, Kyuhyun held her up so that he could pull down her pants and then remove her diaper.

After she was completely , Kyuhyun cradled her against his shoulder as KiHo the faucet on the sink.

He waited until the water reached a slightly warm temperature and then motioned for Kyuhyun to come forward with her. He helped Kyu hold her under the gentle stream of  water so that the pressure hit her chest and belly.

After a few moments, Daerim stopped crying and her body stopped jerking.

Kyuhyun smiled over at KiHo.

“It worked! Oh my G-d thank you, thank you!” he beamed.

Siwon watched from his position against the wall as KiHo smiled back at Kyuhyun.

“Eventually just the sound of the water might be enough. Some nights, this was the only way we could get Siwon to stop crying. He loved the water. When he was a few months older, we would set him in this little blue tub in the bathroom and let him play for a while until he tired himself out.

Kyuhyun looked over his shoulder at Siwon and smiled.

“Isn’t that funny Wonnie? Already she’s taking after you.”

Siwon nodded as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Leeteuk tapped his arm and motioned towards the living room. Siwon and Donghae followed after him.

“Are you okay?” asked Leeteuk once they were far enough away from the kitchen.

“No. Actually, I’m a little confused and freaked out, KiHo-ssi—started Donghae in a low whisper.

“Not you Donghae-ah,” said Leeteuk with a soft smile.

“Oh, sorry Hyung,” said Donghae sheepishly, his cheeks flushing.

“I’m fine Hyung, why wouldn’t I be?” said Siwon casually.

“Well I’m just worried. You haven’t really said anything since your father walked through the door. This is the first time you’ve seen him in months. He’s finally seeing Daerim for the very first time. How are you feeling?” asked Leeteuk with a small frown as he searched Siwon’s face.

“I…don’t know, I’m not exactly excited to see him. I wasn’t expecting this at all.” said Siwon rubbing his hands over his face.

“Now that he’s here, are you sure you're going to be okay? Do you want us to stay for support?” Leeteuk asked putting his hand on Siwon’s shoulder.

“…no. Thanks Hyung, but I think I need to talk to him alone and find out what he’s here for.”

“Well, so far it’s been good. He finally got Daerim to stop crying,” said Donghae cheerfully.

“That’s true. Maybe he is finally ready to make amends,” said Leeteuk. “But if he says anything hurtful about Kyu or Daerim-ah, just call me and I’ll—

“Wonnie, can you please bring me a towel for Daerim?” asked Kyuhyun from the kitchen.

“Okay Kyu!” he called. “Hyung, it’ll be fine. I’m not going to do anything stupid, don’t worry.”

“Great, okay Hyung, he’s got it covered, can we please go now?” asked Donghae glancing towards the kitchen.

“Donghae what are you so afraid of?” asked Leeteuk shaking his head.

“Nothing, Hyung. I just think we shouldn’t be here when KiHo-ssi comes back,” said Donghae putting on his shoes.

Leeteuk chuckled, “Well, I need to take Donghae-ah home before he has a panic attack from your father’s presence alone. Tell Kyuhyun goodbye for us?”

Siwon nodded as Donghae opened the front door.

“Take care Siwon-ah,” said Leeteuk giving him a hug goodbye.

“Thanks Hyung. Donghae hyung. You’ll have to come back again when Daerim’s in a happier mood.”

“Don’t worry, I will!” called out Donghae.

Siwon smiled as he saw Leeteuk playfully shove Donghae as they walked towards the elevator. The smile slowly vanished though as he closed the door, realizing what was still waiting for him in the apartment.

                                                                        ~~~

“I think she’s falling asleep,” whispered Kyuhyun softly as KiHo reached to turn off the tap.

Siwon walked over with a towel in hand and helped Kyuhyun dry her off as KiHo stood and watched. He saw Siwon gently patting her dry as Kyuhyun held her close. They shared soft smiles and words as they saw Daerim slowly giving into the sleep she had been fighting.

“I’ll just take her to our room so she can nap for a while,” said Kyuhyun as Siwon her soft black locks.

“Okay, I’ll come check on you all later,” he said, stopping himself just before he leaned in to give Kyuhyun’s forehead a kiss.

Everyone in the room felt the awkwardness of the gesture before Kyuhyun finally just excused himself with a small bow to KiHo and walked down the hall.

When Siwon heard their bedroom door close, he finally looked over at his father. He realized they hadn’t said more than a few words to each other the entire time he had been there.

“Can I offer you anything?” he asked looking around the kitchen.

KiHo shook his head. “No, I’m fine, thank you.”

“Well, we can move to the living room to sit then,” said Siwon gesturing awkwardly.

KiHo led the way after it was clear that Siwon wasn’t going to be the first to move.

When they reached the living room KiHo sat in armchair that was to the left of the couch. Siwon slowly took a seat on the couch, sitting on the edge, tension making his entire body rigid.

KiHo winced, seeing how uneasy Siwon had become around him.

“You know…Pastor Johnny was right. She is beautiful…she reminds me of you as a baby, so much,” he said with a small laugh.

“Her name is Daerim and she has more of Kyu’s features if you looked closely enough,” mumbled Siwon looking down.

KiHo cleared his throat uneasily.

“What are you doing here Appa?” Siwon questioned.

KiHo slightly cocked his head to the side. “What kind of question is that for your father?”

“Considering everything that’s happened, it’s the perfect question. What else am I supposed to say? You just show up to our home after not speaking to me for months. You’ve missed everything, Kyu being pregnant, giving birth, and seeing Daerim when she was first born. So why now? What is that you want?”

“…I’ve missed you,” said KiHo simply.

Siwon tried to control his emotions at the dissatisfaction he felt with this answer.

“You what? You missed me? That’s strange because I don’t remember you calling or coming to visit before now. What I do remember is you walking out on me when I needed your support the most.”

“Where did this rage and anger come from Siwon-ah? It’s not you, this is not my son,” said KiHo softly as he looked at Siwon. “What I did was wrong, I fully accept that. And I understand, you're still hurting, but—

“No Appa, you don’t understand how I feel. You have no idea what we’ve gone through in the last year because you didn’t want any part of it,” said Siwon shaking his head. “Kyuhyun almost…you know what? Never mind, I’m sure you don’t care to know that we almost lost our baby, or that Kyuhyun was hospitalized, or that he went through a painful depression.”

“I’m not a heartless person Siwon. I just can’t 100% support your marriage and you know why that is. It has nothing to do with Kyuhyun as a person. I see the love and respect he has for you and your child, and I acknowledge it as being genuine, but it’s a union that just isn’t right in my heart. It’s not fair for you to respond to that with hatred.”

“You mean like you did when I first told you I loved him? Or when I told you we were getting married? Or when you told me you wouldn’t support us having a child? Was any of that fair in your eyes?”

It was quiet for a few minutes as Siwon’s words sunk in.

“I never meant for things to go this far Siwon-ah,” said KiHo shaking his head. “I never meant to hurt you. You're my son, it’s not meant to be like this. Can’t we just go back to how things were before?”

“No, we can’t,” said Siwon shaking his head. “Before I had been ready to accept you completely, but now that I’ve held my daughter in my arms, I’ve realized I can’t do that, for her sake. If you think I’m going to let her feel an ounce of the pain you’ve given me or Kyu, you’re mistaken. It’s my job to protect her from people like you.”

KiHo felt himself crumble at Siwon’s words.

“That’s how you really feel about me son? That I want to hurt you or your family?” he asked looking into Siwon’s eyes.

Siwon was at a loss for words.

“Don’t do this…don’t make me the bad person Appa,” said Siwon softly shaking his head as he stood up. “I’m not the one who put us here. And I’m not so sure I’m ready to put in the effort to make it work again. Excuse me, I need to check on my family.”

Siwon walked past his father and towards his bedroom. He burst through the door making Kyuhyun jump.

“Really Wonnie?!” he said softly as he checked to make sure that Daerim was still asleep on his chest.

“Sorry baby,” he said guiltily as he ran his hands through his hair.

“What’s wrong? You look really upset,” said Kyuhyun sympathetically as he gently moved Daerim to her bassinet.

Siwon moved around anxiously as he tried to get his thoughts together.

“I can’t do this with him. He wants to pretend that nothing happened at all. How am I supposed to just forget everything that he’s done? It’s just too much Kyu. I wasn’t ready to have to confront all of this today. That’s the problem, he never gives me a fair chance with any of this. He comes over and makes Daerim stop crying and he thinks it fixes everything,” said Siwon pacing as he fought to keep his voice low for Daerim.

“Siwon, come here,” said Kyuhyun motioning for him to sit down beside him.

Siwon paused and then walked over to Kyuhyun, standing at the edge of the bed.

“Come here,” giggled Kyuhyun softly as he patted the space beside him and then opened his arms.

Siwon complied and laid down beside him. Kyuhyun wrapped his arms around Siwon’s body pulling him close. Laying his head against Kyuhyun’s chest he let out a long sigh as he closed his eyes.

“Do you think I’m wrong Kyu?” he asked softly.

“No baby. I just think you’re still hurting and you're letting that pain make really important decisions for you,” said Kyuhyun as he rubbed his fingertips through Siwon’s hair.

“Then what am I supposed to do?” he mumbled.

“Will you promise to listen to me, please? I know you're upset, but I really need you to try and look past that,” said Kyuhyun softly as his fingers continued to run through Siwon’s hair.

Siwon felt the tension slowly ease out of him just at Kyuhyun’s touch as he nodded.

“When it all boils down, he’s your father Wonnie and he loves you. But he doesn’t agree with how you’ve chosen to live your life, and that’s something he might not ever be able to come to terms with. So you have a choice to make. You either have to accept him, flaws and all, and truly forgive him, which means letting go of this anger you have bottled up. Or…you ask him to leave now, and that’s the end of it,” said Kyuhyun firmly.

“It’s not that simple Kyu-

“No Siwon, it is. Do you love your father?”

“Of course, but—

“Then it is. It’s not fair to Daerim otherwise. She can’t grow up in an environment where her father and grandfather can’t be in the same room,” said Kyuhyun glancing over at her peaceful sleeping form.

Siwon gave a defeated sigh.

“When he came in and stopped Daerim’s crying. There was no judgment or malice in the way he talked to me or looked at her.  Just give him a fair chance to make it up to you,” said Kyuhyun softly.

Siwon pulled himself up and gave Kyuhyun a soft kiss.

“You're right Kyu,” he said nestling his face back down into Kyuhyun’s neck. “But do I have to go now? Maybe he left already. I was kind of mean—

“Yes now! And quickly. I want KiHo’s golden boy back,” said Kyuhyun smacking his lower back.

Siwon grumbled as he dragged himself off of the bed and to the door.

“Be nice!” whispered Kyuhyun as Siwon looked back at him.

When Siwon walked back into the living room his father was standing next to the window, staring out at the setting sun.

“Appa,” he said softly once he was standing beside him.

KiHo sighed as he continued to gaze out the window.

“I see so much of me in you it scares me a little sometimes,” he said with a soft chuckle.

Siwon didn’t know how to answer so he stayed quiet.

“You're so protective of them…almost to a fault. Just like I was with you, your sister, and your mother. I can’t blame you for following your instincts Siwon-ah, so I hope you don’t blame me for following mine. Sometimes even if I think I’m truly doing the right thing…I can be an old fool, so you just have to be patient with me. This job of being a father is never finished, you’ll never stop learning, so be ready,” he said finally looking over at Siwon.

Siwon nodded and then looked back down. It was quiet for a minute until KiHo finally spoke again.

“I’m sorry Siwon-ah,” he said firmly. “Please find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Siwon’s defenses started wearing down. His father rarely if ever apologized. Hearing these words meant everything to him.

“I’m sorry too Appa. And I do forgive you,” said Siwon weakly.

He thought the fact that he was almost moved to tears had gone unnoticed by KiHo, until he reached out and grasped his hand.

Siwon nose turned pink as he sniffled, trying his hardest to keep his composure. But when KiHo pulled him in for a hug, he couldn’t hold back any longer.

KiHo held him close as Siwon wept on his shoulder. For so long he had been holding in so much stress, pain, worry, and guilt and for the first time he felt safe enough to let it all out.

Siwon wasn’t sure how long they stood there embracing each other, father to father but most importantly, father to son, but what he was sure of was that it wouldn’t be the last time.

                                                                                        ~~~

a/n: I love this photo ^^ Too precious for words!