Haesoo's POV

Sometimes… Sometimes I get tired of living.

Everything feels like a chore and a burden.

Sometimes…

Sometimes I…

I really wish…

That I’d stopped breathing…

The very moment I shut my eyes at night.

Echoes.

I couldn’t distinguish just how many voices there were. All I heard were echoes. Everything so unclear.

I couldn’t open my eyes.

My body felt weak.

My heart.. felt weak.

“Will.. be okay…”

“Don’t worry… there’s nothing… she’s… everything’s fine…”

“I’ll leave now…”

“Goodbye… Angel…”

“Is she waking up?” asked a honeyed voice.

“I think so,” another voice, throaty now, said. “Haesoo? Haesoo, darling? Can you hear me?”

Even though I wouldn’t… Even though I wish I couldn’t… I forced a nod.

My father sighed in relief and so did my step-mother. But, really, as hard as I tried, I couldn’t see the sincerity in her concern. It all seemed forced.

I scanned the room I was in, forgetting about the woman. It was my own room. The two people I’d heard talking earlier weren’t around.

As if I’d asked, my father explained, “You passed out during gym so you were brought to the nurse’s office. But since you didn’t wake up even when it was getting late, we were called to bring you home.”

It all made sense now. And very fast, memories came flooding into my mind. How and what happened, it flashed under my lids like it had just occurred two seconds ago.

“Luckily, your brother was willing to help to bring you home. Your mother and I weren’t able to make it.”

Hearing that, my heart suddenly sank. It sank because my father couldn’t make time for me despite my situation. It sank because I was wondering what my “brother” was feeling and thinking having to be burdened to bring me home, whichever brother it was.

“It’s actually the first time Jin was willing to leave the house. And much less set foot into the school,” my step-mother said.

That took me aback. She as talking about the mysterious male I always saw in the balcony at the end.

“Jin?” I questioned. Why him?

“Your other brother,” she curtly said.

Suddenly, I had many questions. Who exactly is Jin? Why doesn’t he leave the room? Why wasn’t I being told anything about him or even basic information about this family? It was as if I was merely made to live with a bunch of strangers. As if Sonyeo and my father refused to make any effort to bond this new family. But maybe Sonyeo already knew what I wanted because she quickly excused herself from the room, leaving my questions unanswered.

I saw my father creasing his eyebrows, as if wondering what he should say. Probably whether he should address my complaint about Jeongguk or ask what happened exactly at school. But before he had the chance to, I interrupted and told him I wanted time alone in my room.

“I assume you’re not attending school again tomorrow?” he asked before leaving.

I pondered for a few seconds. It wasn’t going so well at school but it wasn’t good to skip so many days of school.

I turned away from him and shook my head, “I’m going.”

He nodded but then paused again, “By the way… I’ve grounded Jeongguk, alright? He has gotten his punishment.”

I didn’t respond.

He didn’t say anything else and left, shutting the door behind him.

I forced myself up and walked out of my room, to the balcony. Jin wasn’t at his balcony. Taehyung sat on his balcony floor, painting something I couldn’t see. Jimin was sleeping on his hammock, listening to some music from his earpiece.

I don’t know what, but something was so odd with this family. At one glance, you’d think they were a boring family, every single member minding their own business and not caring about each other. Like strangers. But if you live with them, eat with them, share toilets with them, you’d know… You’d know that within these white walls, there were secrets. There were so many secrets hidden and uncovered and no one, not a single soul, was willing to say anything to the two newcomers. Or perhaps it was just her - the loner.

I sat on my favourite stool, ears plugged with my earpiece, listening to my normal jam. My eyes stared at the clear, dark sky. No stars, no clouds. It was blank, just like this family. But behind this façade, there was something. Something yet to be discovered.

My thoughts wandered. Like it always has.

I had no control over my mind. No control over my actions.

I’ve never been broken; and I’ve never been opened. I was an untouched book stored in the deep depths of a forgot