Kana POV

I woke up to white. White ceiling, white blanket, white lights. It took a while for my vision to clearly focus and the rest of my senses to kick in. I heard a steady beep coming from somewhere to my right and I could smell a light scent of lemon clean linens. After slowly turning my head from side to side, I figured I was in the hospital. I closed my eyes to focus and remembered I had collapsed at the restaurant.

Oh yea...the restaurant. I had been there before with Hoya. It was for our lunch date. Would it be called a date? He probably thought it was. And then Infinite joined us and we went to the park and I fell asleep...and then I ran away.

That's right, I ran away. I remember it all now. I remember who I am, why I ran, why I forgot. All that...and what did it accomplish? I was able to fall for a man who openly loves me and a man who lied to me for months. All Hoya did for me was love me while Sunggyu lied that we were even a couple in the first place. But regardless, I cheated on him. How could I have done that to him? He didn't deserve that. He deserved someone who would love him back unconditionally. And while I did start to fall for him somewhat, was it more or less than how much I fell for Hoya? 

And now that I remember everything, from my horrible past to my ever so somehow functioning daily life, was I supposed to make a choice between the two? Who did I fall for more? Now that I can remember everything, the only thing I remember so far between the two is that I don't remember telling them anything about me. I couldn't tell them anything when I was in my memory-lost daze because I didn't know anything about myself and now, what, was I just supposed to get up and tell them both my whole life's story?

Just as I was thinking about all of these thoughts, a doctor walked in to and was surprised to see me awake. "Good morning, Choi Kana-sshi. I'm glad to see you're finally awake. My name is Dr. Kim. It seems you went through quite the amount of trauma which caused your blackout. Do you remember who you are?" he asked me.

My throat was sore from not being used in however long, so I managed to croak out a "Yes" and he made a note. He handed me a cup of water with a straw for me to drink from which eased my throat a little. "Do you know what year it is?" he asked, also adding, "Don't worry, you haven't been out that long, only a few days." Feeling slightly relieved, I managed to reply, "2016." Making another note, he continud with the rest of the general check-up things and updated me on my condition.

"Well, considering your previous visit and this visit, we did do a check on your brain to make sure you were okay, and I'm happy to say there was nothing we found. However, I am concerned about your well-being since this is your second visit for being unconcious for a few days with no real medical issue. I have to ask if you are being abused or if you have been in the past?" Dr. Kim said. My eyes widened a little that he would think such a thing but I couldn't exactly blame him. When someone comes in unconcious for no reason, it could be pretty concerning. 

I told him I wasn't being abused or I wasn't abused in my past but I did tell him a little bit about why I came in. When I finished telling him about the basically-running-away-from-my-problems story, he wrote down some more notes and told me I should consider visiting a therapist/psychiatrist. I hesitantly agreed since I don't like the idea of someone telling me how I feel and what-not, but I took the small slip of paper with the name of a reccommendation from Dr. Kim and stayed quiet. 

Dr. Kim told me that after they run a few tests with me awake, I would probably be able to leave later today. I thanked him and he left soon after. I was then left alone with my thoughts again to which I started thinking about what I would do for my situation. Just as I was putting Sunggyu and Hoya against each other in my head, the two of course walked in at the same time with flowers and a bag that looked like it had food. To make sure it wasn't another dream of mine, I pinched myself slightly and it hurt. I dreaded what would be following.

They at first didn't say anything when they noticed I was awake, and I kind of wished I had pretended to be asleep or something. Hoya spoke first, asking, "Hey, you're awake. How are you feeling?" I only nodded saying I was okay by my simple gesture, to which Hoya kind of frowned a little. Sunggyu then asked, "Do you...know who we are? Can you speak?" I only stared at him, slightly angry knowing he took advantage of my memory loss to pretend to be my significant other.

I then replied with a cold tone, "Yes, I know exactly who you both are. And as you can see, I can speak just fine." Sightly shocked from my reply, both theirs widened a little. Scoffing from seeing them being shocked, I said, "Look, I get you're concerned about me and I'm grateful that you for some reason care about me enough to be here, but I'd much rather prefer to be alone right now."

I could tell they were about to protest when I cut them off by saying, "You guys don't even really know who I am, and there's no way you can deny that. You don't know anything about my family, about my background, about me. My likes, dislikes, hobbies, anything other than I dance, sing and go to the same school as you."

Both of their faces fell a little, knowing I was right. I kept going, unable to hold myself back from all of my thoughts finally coming out. "To be honest, I don't like that you both are here fighting for my attention when you don't know me at all. I appreciate that you guys really do seem to care about me, but I don't think that lying to me," as I looked at Sunggyu, "and trying to steal me away from someone who had the title of my boyfriend," turning to look at Hoya, "is the right way to go about trying to say you care about me. If you cared, you would've been honest from the start, you would've tried to help me for the sake of helping me, not just for your own personal gain of receiving my love. You would've cared about me, the person who had lost her memories, regardless of whether it was on purpose or not on purpose."

They both stayed silent as I breathed a sigh of relief from letting it all out of my system. I didn't even know I thought all of that until it slipped out, but that's usually how it goes. I wasn't sad or upset really, more like frustrated at the situation and how things ended up being the way they were. The nurse then walked in and said she was going to take me to go do the tests. I said okay and turned to the two men who caused me so much stress and told them, "Please don't wait up. I don't know how long this will take and honestly, I'd prefer it if no one was here when I get back. Thanks for everything."

They wheeled me out on a gurney and I didn't look back from the two boys who made my heart feel so confused beyond anything. After the tests and a few hours of waiting, I was released from the hospital. I looked at my phone to check the time. It was around 6PM and I made a small sigh when I saw I didn't have any messages or notifications. Once again, I was successful in pushing away the only people that probably cared about me and being alone.

I took the bus and managed my way to the grocery store to buy ingredients for dinner. I walked into the grocery store with an empty shopping cart and started aimlessly walking along the aisles. I tried thinking of things I already had at home so that I wouldn't have too much food. As I was making my list on my phone (while still aimlessly walking), I suddenly ran into someone. I got startled and dropped my phone. I bowed immediately and rushed a flurry of apologies before dropping down to get my phone. It wasn't until I reached my hand out that I heard my name, "Kana...?"

I looked up, only to be met with the face of Changjo, my first love from high school. I froze, unable to process what was happening. "It's you! It's really you, Choi Kana, isn't it?" he exclaimed. I only bowed and muttered a quick "sorry" before trying to run away with my cart. Changjo was that much quicker, however, and grabbed my wrist while saying, "Wait!" I stopped, but kept my face hidden. I couldn't face him, not after how I pushed him away back in high school. 

After an awkward pause, I finally turned around to face him. I looked him in the eyes and scanned him. It was a face that hadn't changed much, but had gotten more defined. He had definitely gotten more handsome and bigger. I felt proud like a mother would be of her son. He smiled at me and without any hesitation, enveloped me in a bear hug. It was something he used to always do, something I missed.

"How...how long has it been? How are you? Oh my gosh I can't believe it's really you," he said, acting as if it had been over 20 years or something since we'd seen each other. I couldn't believe he was acting this way toward me; no anger from the past, no distance from how long it had been. We were, after all, best friends who could never hate each other.

I felt regret hitting me like a truck. How could he be so nice to me when I treated him so poorly in our senior year of high school? I was supposed to be his best friend, his date to prom because he didn't want to ask anyone else, his partner in crime. And yet, I let him down, I ignored him, I broke our friendship. But here he was, hugging me, smiling at me like I never did him any wrong. I couldn't understand it. I broke down in tears.

I couldn't tell if he was panicking or was frozen in fear from the fact that I was just crying in front of him. Little did I know, he was looking at me with eyes that also wanted to cry because he missed me too. Because he knew exactly how I was feeling but wanted to assure me that he forgave me for everything. So he gave me a hug, in the middle of a grocery store, and whispered words that told me it was okay. 

We ended up eating dinner at my house and catching up. I had never felt more relaxed than I did with him. We joked around and made fun of each other, talking about the past and our adventures. It didn't take us long to come to the topic of why I suddenly stopped being his friend back then. He looked at me with pain in his eyes, pleading to know what happened. Why did I ignore him? How could I just leave him, and Teen Top, out in the cold? 

I took a long breath and told him the story of how Hyeri used to bully me about being friends with him and the rest of Teen Top. I never told anyone about the bullying because I never thought it was that big of a deal. Her words never used to get to me until she somehow found out I had a crush on Changjo. Once she knew, she would scare me by threatening to tell Changjo my feelings and her insults got worse, making up rumors that I slept with Teen Top and it's the only reason they kept me as a "friend." Then one day, I just got sick of it and decided to do something that I knew would make her stop, which was to stop being friends with Teen Top. It wasn't hard to hide and run away, which was pretty disappointing since they were supposed to be my friends.

Changjo looked at me with regret in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Kana. I know I should've gone to you. I should've asked for an explanation earlier and I should've tried harder to protect you from Hyeri. I had no idea you were bullied all that time back then. But the reason none of us from Teen Top tried to go to you was because we had heard, from Hyeri, that you had a boyfriend and that crushed me," he said. I rolled my eyes after hearing the Hyeri lied to them so easily just to keep them away from me.

He continued, "If you didn't know, I liked you as well, and so much back then. The guys knew how I felt about you." My eyes widened after hearing his words, but I kept my mouth shut. "The news shocked us all and I couldn't face you after that. The guys honored my wishes of not wanting to see you since I couldn't stand the thought of you being happy because of some other guy. But knowing that was never the truth...I hid from you for nothing. And I'm so sorry. I should've known," he finished.

He and I looked at each other with feelings of regret and relief, feeling sorry to each other for the things we did in our past. We hugged and cried in each other's arms. I missed my best friend, the only guy I could cry so easily in front of like this--not counting when I cried in front of Hoya. Oh yea...Hoya. And Sunggyu. For a moment, I forgot they even existed. 

I released from the hug and took a deep sigh. What happened in the past affected me so much that I became a whole different person over the 4 years I've been in college. Teen Top would never be able to recognize me if they were just watching me on a normal day. I wasn't always an ice princess, I used to be warm and,a lthough shy, pretty friendly. But I pushed away my friends, my family, anyone who I could possibly care about because some jealous girl told me I wasn't worthy of the person I cared about the most. All that lead to me pushing away two guys who cared about me enough to even make me fall in love with them a little. 

I looked at Changjo and said, "I'm really thankful I ran into you, literally *laughs.* And all of this has been so enlightening, you have no idea the kind of person I've become." He looked at me skeptically and I said after rolling my eyes, "No, I'm not into drugs and alcohol, but I have become a person who is cold and heartless. I don't have any friends, I haven't talked to my family in years, and I rejected two guys just today who I actually started to fall for. I've rejected one of those guys more than any guy deserves to be rejected, and it was all because I was--am--scared. I'm afraid I'll hurt him, I'm afraid he won't find me, I'm afraid he'll stop loving me. What should I do? Am I supposed to choose one over the other?"

Changjo sat in thought for a minute before finally saying, "Man, to be one of those guys," with a huge goofy grin. I hit his arm and said, "Ah seriously? I'm in need of help and this is what I get?" After laughing, he said, "Okay okay, all jokes aside, I really do think either of those guys is lucky to have you even like them a little. All I can say is, find a guy who will your best friend, your secret keeper, your everything. Of course, they'l never beat me as a best friend, but choose the guy that can come close."

I smiled, feeling relieved, energized, and anxious. In order to find my best friend, it meant I would have to learn to open up all over again, which will be difficult, but maybe, just maybe, I'll find him.

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Wow!! Appearance from the previous crush, Changjo!! He gave some pretty helpful advice and they both were able to find closure from the past. What will this closure lead to: the finale or the new beginning? Thank you for reading ^^ Please subscribe and comment!