Kana POV

"H-Hoya-sshi...w-what are you doing h-here?" I asked him surprised and slightly embarrassed that he had been here while I've just been crying. I probably look hideous and here he is, unfazed, staring at me with sad eyes. I couldn't stand to look at those eyes. They made my heart feel strange. Stranger than it already has been acting.

Let me just say, when Sunggyu appeared earlier, my heart was beating quicker than usual. Probably because I've been trying to avoid Infinite all this while so I got nervous having to face a problem...right? And when he hugged me, it's because I'm not used to guys hugging me, let alone having any skin contact whatsoever, right? 

So having Hoya here right now, in a private space, alone, was not helping my nervous heart. What can I do? What can I say? What should I do? What should I say? Because at the moment, I was at a loss. I could only ask him what he was doing here when that's only one of my many questions. 

"Kana-sshi..." he started with a sad tone. I couldn't stand the guilt filling me so I started to get up, only to be pulled into a warm embrace that I very distinctly remember. "Please don't leave me again..." More tears started coming out of my eyes. I can't do this, no, I shouldn't be doing this. Not with Hoya, not with Sunggyu, not with anyone. 

I started pounding on his hard chest. I need to get away. He doesn't deserve someone as selfish as me. No one does. I deserve to be alone. That's where I belong, being by myself. But he never let me go. In fact, he held me tighter, as if I would disappear again if he let me go again, which was in fact what I wanted. To disappear.

"Let me go!" Pound. Pound. "Hoya-sshi, please!" Pound. Pound. Tears. "Hoya-sshi.....please..." Pound. Tears. Sobs. "You don't understand...so please..." Tears. Sobs. "Hoya-sshi..." Sobs. Pound. I sank to the ground slowly, still in his embrace. My body was weak from all the energy I had exerted from the running to this. Also, from the pain my heart was feeling.  

Hoya-sshi, why is my heart hurting like this? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you and Sunggyu-sshi doing this to me? Why must my hurt so much over such a small thing that didn't even hurt that much long ago over the same issue? Why now? Why not then? Why does it hurt? 

"Hoya-sshi...why won't you leave? Why are you staying? Why can't you let me be alone like I'm supposed to be? I won't do any good for you, I can't do any good for you. I'm worthless, don't you know? So why are you still here? For this hideous looking, crying, insecure girl, why?" I poured out to him.

Instead of a response, he just kept on keeping me in his embrace. I had my head leaning in his chest as a result of my sinking to the ground and him holding my head in his hand. I looked up to see how close his face was to mine, but his eyes were closed. I saw the small shadow of dark circles around his eyes and felt bad. Had this really effected him that bad?

He was taking slow breaths, almost as if he was trying to calm down. When he finally opened his eyes, we were lost. Oh, so very lost. I haven't been like this since...had I been like this before? I don't even know. We just stayed like that for...who knows how long. It could've been an eternity or it could've just been two minutes. I don't know.

When I finally snapped out of it was when his lips were on mine. They were soft but slightly chapped. They were cold too and were very passionate. Passionate? For me? Everything is so new with him. I did a small gesture of trying to kiss him back, but I wasn't too sure if I was doing it right, considering my extreme lack of ever being in a relationship.

That's right. Hoya's kissing me. My first kiss, and he's stolen it. No, I guess I'm allowing it since I'm trying too, right? We stopped to try and catch our breaths, but all the while I was enjoying this. That's right, I am enjoying this moment right now. I hadn't realized my eyes were closed until I opened them to see Hoya's eyes. 

His gaze held so much...so much...just so many things that I couldn't read it. My heart was racing so fast I thought I was having a heart attack. My stomach had so many butterflies flying around, I felt almost giddy. What is wrong with me? I couldn't...I couldn't possibly...like Hoya? No, that would just be a repeat of the past which is exactly what I wanted to avoid...then why?

All this time, he hadn't said a word so I was worried. I didn't know what to do or say and he still held me in his embrace. I decided it was time to see if I have feelings for him or not. So I did something thought I would never do: I hugged him back and then,

I kissed him. 

Hoya POV

After discovering Sunggyu hyung had disappeared, I went to go and try to find him. I need him to prove to Sungjong that I didn't do anything to Kana. I couldn't find him anywhere on campus so I figured he might've gone to the music store Sungjong and Kana work at. I headed over there and just searched around everywhere.

While I was searching, I stumbled across a small room with a piano and recording equipment. I started recording a message to Kana, a message she'll never receive at this rate. It contained everything I've been feeling and how I feel now and questions. So many questions...

"Choi Kana...do you have any idea what you've done to me? I can barely sleep at night without being invaded by thoughts of you. You just appear everywhere, in my thoughts, dreams, I may as well be hallucinating! Gosh...why is it you? You, the girl I only talked to on our lunch date, that is, if I'm allowed to call it that. 

Why you? The girl who dances amazing, sings amazing apparently, is beautiful inside and out, is shy and cute, yet so tempting but innocent? I don't get it. And yet you have the biggest insecurity issues I've ever seen--practically zero confidence! How can you believe everything's a lie, when you're lying to yourself by thinking that? 

I could say I don't know you, but I actually think I know you better than you know you. I'm just waiting patiently for the moment I can see the full and entire you, all for myself. Ah, is it wrong of me to say such a thing? Geez, Kana-sshi, why do make me go so crazy? We'll probably never speak again at this point, so it will be okay for me to drop formalities, right?

Hey, Kana. I think I'm falling in love with you. Remember after our lunch date at the park when we fell asleep and woke up with you in my arms? That is my favorite memory. It just felt so right, holding you like that, having you so close to me. I miss you. I want to hear your voice again...please? For maybe even just one second, please?"

As I paused to think about what to say next, I heard the piano playing. Wait, when did a person get in here? I turned around only to see Kana, tears streaming down her face and playing a sad melody on the piano. (Listen to this song! http://youtu.be/jSvxE5eIUIQ) I listened and could feel her feelings through the song. 

She finished and I clapped. She realized my presence and was surprised. She was hastily trying to wipe her tears. It made me sad seeing her crying like that. Then I realized that Kana was sitting right in front of me, in person, after such a long while. She asked me what I was doing here, but I didn't answer. She looked away from me, not looking me in the eyes. 

"Kana-sshi..." I started, sadness tracing every sound. I couldn't help it. She started to get up to leave, but I couldn't let her. Not again. I held her in my embrace, not wanting to ever let go. "Please don't leave me again..." I pleaded. I can't let her leave. Not when she's finally here, even though it's unwillingly. I need to talk to her again. I need to.

I could tell she was crying by the way her shoulders were shaking. I wanted to comfort her, but then she started pounding in my chest. She screamed at me to let her go and that I don't understand, but that's why I possibly held on tighter. I want to understand, so as she slowly sank to the floor, I kept holding her. 

As we were sitting on the floor, she was still crying. But then she asked me those questions. Why? Why? Why? I closed my eyes to try and search for an answer, but I couldn't think of anything to really say. Why won't I let her leave? Because of all the reasons I've recorded. Because of all the things she needs to know about herself. 

I opened my eyes to see her face so close to mine and was lost in her beautiful brown orbs. I stared and noticed how her eyes were Japanese, possibly the only thing that made her look partially Japanese. I kept moving closer to her, as if a magnet was pulling me in closer to her. The next thing I knew, I was kissing her. 

I savoured the way her lips felt on mine. They were oh so soft and just felt...right. Then, she did the most amazing thing I thought would never happen: she kissed back. Her attempt was so cute because she was so timid, as if she had no idea what to do. We stopped to try and catch our breaths, but all the while I was staring at her with so much...so much...I was confused myself. 

She opened her eyes and looked at me, conflict written all over her face. I still hadn't said anything, but I didn't feel like I needed to. However, what happened shocked me so much, I couldn't even think straight. She slowly wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in to kiss me.

If there is a heaven, this is probably what it feels like. Pure happiness. Bliss. Flying on cloud 9. When she stopped to catch her breath, I was sad. Of course I was sad. But my gosh...I don't think I could stop smiling...maybe I wasn't even smiling, just having a blank face from so many emotions I was feeling. 

She was blushing by now and hiding her face in my chest. I was beyond happy. Then I remembered the recording from earlier. "U-Um K-Kana-sshi...I want to show you...something....." Real smooth, Hoya. I got us both up and pressed play on the recording. She listened to everything and stayed silent well after it was over already. 

I didn't rush her to say anything, I just waited. However, I was getting anxious with her silence because I couldn't tell if it was a good thing or not. Is she happy? Is she mad? Should I leave? Am I in trouble? Ah, she's been quiet for so long! I definitely said the wrong thing. What was I thinking?! She hates me now...

"Hoya-sshi," she said. I widened my eyes and looked at her. "U-Uh yes?" I saw her make a small smile and say,"Thank you...really...I'm sorry I've caused you so much stress and worry. I didn't know I would have such an impact on you, let alone anyone at all. I wish I could believe all those...compliments. Hopefully, one day I will. Maybe you can help me, yea?"

I smiled in return, but it faded away as soon as I saw her "smile" now. It was bitter. More tears fell from her eyes and I knew where this was going. No...no..."Hoya-sshi, I'm so sorry. Maybe...one day you can help me...but not today...not tomorrow or next week or next month...just not now...but thank you so much." 

My knees sank to the floor as she walked out of the room and left me alone once more. She left me. And I'm letting her. Why? That just seems to be the main question lately. But why? It's because...I'm falling in love with her. 

Kana POV

The recording...he let me listen to how he has been feeling all this time and it made me feel glad. I'm so glad that he feels this way, that he gave me all those compliments. I'm so glad...because it will make things a little bit easier this way. Because there's a hope for some day, one day, another day with him. 

But that day won't be any time soon...it can't. I still need time. And if he does feel that way about me, he'll understand. Hopefully. Because I'm giving him hope for a later. Like a rain check. And hopefully he'll know I'm doing this because I like him. Stupid Hoya...this is all your fault. Thank you, I'm sorry. 

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UPDATE!!!!!!!! What do you think? Poor Hoya :'(  in the end, things are still the same...but not! >;)  and those scenes....so awkward to write. This is what I get for never being in a relationship so I'm not comfortable with these relationship thingys...oh well. Comment! Subscribe! Pretty please!! Thank you!!! <3