“I don’t love me….

And that’s how I understand..

Why you don’t either…(NN)”

Sooyoung got shock on the news, but it last only for a second, before her face shows it usual cold and unreadable look. She thought that she already get over the girl, but man, she was wrong, so much wrong.

She can feel her shattered heart being stepped on by the news. And like it’s not enough, she feels like crying and screaming her heart out. But who will listen to it anyway? Nobody, yeah, just nobody.

And yoona is even more than surprised to hear the news. Like, how do you put it? it’s just.. oh, damn, did she just hear her name?

The first thing she did after hearing the news is turning her face hurriedly over the tall brunette who is standing not too far from her, but much to her disappoint, sooyoung only has that cold look all over her face, or that what she saw.

Yoona sighed, before she turned her face to her parents, giving both elders a stern questioned look, while her parents are surely pretending not to get it.

“So..” mrs.choi voiced “let’s cheers on the good new..” she smile, lifting her wine glass, making all eyes glued at her and the so called her fiancé. And sure, she doesn’t really have a choice but giving a small smile.

Hands start to raise over the air, along with a wine glass on it, and not having to much choice, yoona did as the same of what others did, giving a slight forced smile on her face.

Sooyoung can’t take more of the that she decided just to take the steps out from the room. It’s really look like all her parents doing seems not enough to hurt her, she knows that neither her parents nor her brother have any single idea about what had ever happen between her and yoona.

It’s would be some kind miracle if her parents start to have their attention on her life. After all, she knows that it is only one thing in her family’s eyes, and it’s just the business.

And yet, here she is, standing in the middle of the big hall, watching at one of her parents doing, and yet it crushed her, all more than pieces. And yes, it hurt like hell.

She took her step out, doesn’t even need to look at her surrounding, and doesn’t even care about whatever the guests all thinking about her leaving their company dinner, or what you can say her as her brother’s engagement announcement. After all, she is still a choi.

Yoona saw it, she saw that sooyoung stepped out from the light, and she took her step to go after the girl, but a soft grip stopped her right at her spot, before she can even have her next step.

She turned around, only to find her mother with a pleading look. And then, without needing much word, she just knows what her mother wants to tell her. It should be something like ‘are you going to leave your engagement? It might embarrass us’ or something similar to that. And yoona know better not to get into more trouble by it.

So, there she is, standing still on her spot, with her broken heart. Her mind keeps on thinking about how sooyoung’s doing. About why sooyoung fled away from the scene if she has nothing left for yoona. And yet, all she can do is wondering around and struggle with her own thought.

And true, there is still a part of her self that hoping, maybe there is still something left for her, something worth fighting for, something that still connect her with sooyoung. Something she wish is none other that the feeling that sooyoung’s once had for her, love..

-----

“What was that mom?! Dad!?” yoona snapped, pacing back and forth in the guest room, just one of the guests room in the grand hotel’s big hall, leaving the company dinner for a while.

The two elders are sitting in the comfort couch, staring at their only daughter who is having both her hands on her waist.

“Sit here, sweetie.. calm down..” mrs.im voiced, patting the seat beside her.

“Calm down!? After I heard about my engagement announcement?!” she shot a disappointed look “and I just know it tonight?! Right on the spot?!”

“Yoona.. we’re doing this for your own good..” mr.im said, trying to calm her daughter.

“My own good?!” she said tiredly “you don’t even ask me first! How could you do this?!”

“Siwon is a good man, honey..” mrs.im said “he seems promising..”

“For what?! for me or the business!?”

“Yoona..” mr.im warned with quite a flat stern tone.

Yoona sighed, sitting on the single seat couch, face buried on both her palm, completely exhausted. Well, it’s all happen so fast, just in a night, and while she can’t even deal with her depression from how to get the tall brunette again, now, she has to deal with her so called engagement.

“He is really good.. he is every person want to be with.. he is good with business, he is well mannered guy, he is from such a wonderful family, he is-..”

“But I don’t want him..” yoona cut.

“Why? can’t you at least try it before you reject it?” mrs.im asked softly, caressing her daughter’s arm.

“I can’t mom.. I just can’t..”

“Why? then, can you explain why you-..”

“Because I’m in love with someone..” yoona cut, lifting her face, staring both at her parent in turn.

“Hmm? What?” mr.im asked, left brow up, staring right at her daughter’s eyes “who?”

Yoona stared back at her parents, trying about what answered should she gives, well, it would be weird if she tells the truth, right?

She knows that she has to tell her parents about that person one day, but not now, just not now. She can’t bet this all in one go. If her parent knows about who the person is, she is definitely sure that her parents will send her home, right back to japan.

And the fact that she hasn’t got a chance to tall to the tall brunette, will make all her work go in vain. The moment she stepped her foot in seoul, she already told herself, that no matter what happen, she won’t stop until she gets back what once hers, no, she won’t let sooyoung leaving her life again.

“I can’t tell you that..” she said finally “j-just.. not now..”

And then her parents just give that questioned look, wanting more of her words.

“There is a reason why I ask you to let me go to seoul, mom.. dad..” yoona explained, carefully “I have been in love with someone when I was still in high school in japan, we’re even been in a relationship..”

“And there is just one big mistake that I ruin it all..” she added “I hurt that person.. and messing everything between us.. she left.. gaing back to seoul..”

“And I am here to look for that person.. I am still so much in love with that person.. and I always will..” she said “so, there is no use of set me up in this kind of engagement..”

“I have my own life mom, dad... Can you please let me do what I think is right for me?” she said, letting silent fall for a moment, and giving time for her parents to give a thought about it.

“..why didn’t you tell us about this, yoona?” mr.im asked.

“You’ve never asked me..” yoona reasoned, calming down after sharing her thought “I think you both just have no interest in that kind of thing..”

“Why can’t you tell us about who the person is?”

“..i will tell you both..” yoona said, after thinking for seconds “I will just take the person right in front of you after I have a tall with that person..”

“..fine..” mr.im mumbled “are you sure about your decision? Rejecting siwon?”

“I do..” yoona answered confidently “I’ve never been this sure..”

Mr. and mrs. Im took a glance at each other, trying to figure out what to do. They both know that it will be no use to force their only daughter in this if she refuses to.

All they want is their daughter happiness. They’re doing this only because they thought that it will make yoona happy. So, when they’re wrong, they figure out that it would be more painful to let this continue.

“..okay..” he said finally “I will try to find some time to talk to choi’s family… okay?” mr.im smiled, making all yoona’s worries died in a second, giving a small smile in return.

“Thanks dad.. mom..” yoona said sincerely, before standing up from her seat “I would like to have more chat with you..” she added “but I have to leave now.. let’s talk next time..”

“Okay.. take care sweetie..” mrs.im said, standing up from her seat, along with her husband, and each give a tight hug to her daughter.

Yoona bided her goodbye before leaving the place, hurriedly going out from the grand hotel, looking for a cab, and going straightly home, and the only thing that stays inside her mind is sooyoung.

-----

After 15 minutes more on the cab, yoona hurriedly go to the apartment, using her duplicate key given by mrs.jin, and going straight to sooyoung’s room.

She walked slowly, and saw sooyoung’s room opened slightly. Without much thinking, she peeked over inside, and so much to her surprise, she saw all the things in the room come into a mess.

There are a lot of shattered broken glasses on the floor, some lotion and parfume bottle placed all over the floor, the pillows falling from the bed, just seems like a complete mess. And there she is, she found the tall brunette is in someone’s embrace, the old lady who is none other than mrs.jin.

Both figures are sitting on the floor near the bed, with aunty jin’s back facing the door, having her arms wrapping around sooyoung’s waist, and the tall girl’s face buried on the old lady’s neck, seems like she is falling asleep already though.

Feeling a presence, aunty jin turned her head slightly, looking at yoona before she spoke “hey..” she said softly, doesn’t want to wake the tired girl “want to give me a hand?”

“A-ah.. o-okay..” yoona said. She is dying to ask whatever happen, but she knows, it can wait.

Yoona tidied the tall girl’s bed, placing the pillows back to the own spot, before she helps the old lady to carry the tall girl on her bed.

After placing sooyoung’s on bed, making sure she is lying comfortably, aunt jin, along with yoona starts to cleaned the mess. And after about 15 minutes, both figures already sitting on the couch in the small living room, having a glass of tea for each, made by aunty jin.

“She was freaking out..” aunty jin voiced which is surely caught yoona’s attention, breaking the dead silent between them, before sipping her tea “and I have no idea why..”

“I thought everything go fine.. but just when she arrived home, she was.. just.. making a mess..” mrs.jin trailed “she keeps saying , screaming, yelling.. that she hates everyone..herself..” she sighed.

“It’s been a long time since I saw her like that..” mrs.jin added “the last time I remember she acted this way is when we’re in japan..” she shifted her gaze to the younger woman “which I believe that.. it has something happen with you..” and yoona just listened silently, not daring to utter a word.

“Trust me.. you don’t know how surprised I was when I see you standing in front of our door step..”

“I don’t know whatever problem you both have..” she said “but please.. just don’t hurt her..” the old lady said, having a sad look on her face “I don’t even know if she can take more..”

“..i don’t want to hurt her.. aunty jin..” yoona voiced weakly “I know that I have made a big mistake..”

“And I am here to fix thing between us..” yoona added “..i love her.. I am so much in love with her..”

“When she left me.. that’s when I realized that I can’t let her out from my life.. she means so much for me.. and I can’t let her go out fro my life anymore..”

“I promise you aunty jin.. I’m not going to hurt her.. not in my lifetime.. and even if it took me all my years.. I won’t give up on her..” yoona said, and another silence fills the small room.

Aunty jin’s eyes glued on the tall girl, having a small smile on her face “okay..” she said “I am getting old.. I know that one day I have to stop taking care of her.. because that time I might can’t even take care of myself..”

The old lady stood up from the couch, still with the warm smile “take care of her for me.. okay?”

Yoona replied with a small smile and nod slightly before standing up from her seat and walking to the taller girl’s room.

She took a couple of steps closer to sooyoung, staring at the peacefully sleeping girl, sitting on the bed.

Her hand run along sooyoung’s face gently, brushing the long hair with her slender fingers, and a small smile crept on her face.

“When will I ever get this close to you again?” she mumbled silently.

“I know that.. this is very selfish of me.. but honestly.. there is a part of me that hoping you’re doing this because of me.. because maybe.. I can still hoping that I am still a part of your heart..”

Yoona leaned closer, planting a gentle kiss on sooyoung’s forehead, before making her way out from the room.