☆ Seventh Star

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One Sunday morning, I found myself sitting in a cafe somewhere in the city, a cup of tea in one hand while the other was busy flipping through the pages of a book about Chinese legends. I was reading something about the red string of fate, and caught myself liking the idea of having someone already predetermined as your future partner despite me not usually believing in myths and superstitions. The Chinese legend goes like this: every individual from birth on has a red string wrapped around their little finger. And there will be someone in this universe, a certain person, around whose finger the other end of the red string attaches itself. It can stretch and get tangled, but it will never break apart or rip. You are connected to your fated one, so it doesn’t really matter if people will hurt you on your way there because someone has already tied you both together. And you just have to allow time to let you meet andㅡ

On second thought, maybe it was too cheesy for me after all.

Someone approached me in the cafe, I noticed that from my peripheral view, and when I saw him, I quickly hid the book about Chinese legends under my other school materials, and smiled a little. Sungjong sat down in front of me, and asked whether I had waited for a long time, but I just kindly shook my head.

He let his eyes wander across my face, then said, ”An, how's school?”

Sungjong used to be one of my closest friend back in primary school, when times were so much easier, so much happier, and so much less pressuring. Back then, we were a group of seven kids. Sungjong, Hyomin, me and four others. At first, it was only Hyomin and me. She approached me at the beginning of our first year, her cute pigtails swinging simultaneously to her quirky steps, and easily broke down my walls. She was always smiley, always friendly, always girly. Teachers liked her. Parents liked her. Classmates liked her. She was everybody’s darling. Especially the boys had taken an immense interest in her sweet personality and her pale face, including Sungjong. Which was when he joined us. The other four became part of the group over the time. 

Feeling the slightest pinch of nostalgia stab my chest because he was using my pet name, the one everyone had used back in primary school, I answered shortly, “Good.”

He searched my eyes for a long while, as if he were trying to strip me down , to look into my heart. I remembered Sungjong always being like that. Being so sharp and real. So smart, knowing exactly where to look for the answers to his questions. He said, ”Remember when we used to drink from milk bottles and Hyomin always nagged at us for spilling some onto her new shoes?”

“Of course, I do,” I told him, chuckling a little. Then, recalling the question that had always been bugging me, I asked, “Do you still keep in touch with her and the others?"

“Nah, we do go to the same school and all, but she is popular now. She wouldn't want to be seen with me.”

“Oh.”

"By the way,” began Sungjong, “when you started dating that Howon guy, and she found out, she had that really surprised look on her face. That was so priceless." 

"Why would she be surprised?" I asked, brows knitted together.

He shrugged a little. ”She never thought you would get a boyfriend."

I nodded bitterly, pressing my lips into a firm line, gaze fixed on the cup of tea in front of me. All of a sudden, I regretted to have agreed meeting my primary school friend because of all the past memories I had wanted to erase. He was my friend, but he wasn’t sometimes. I liked him and I still enjoyed his presence even if we hadn’t been able to keep in touch during middle school, but at other times I just wanted to throw him out of my world. Sungjong, in the true sense of the word, was a complex part of my life.

"An," he began again, his voice suddenly soft, "I actually asked to meet you because I wanted to apologise.” He took a deep breath, and looked away. “Sorry for everything."

☆

I was in my classroom, sitting at my seat next to the windows, chin placed on top of my palm, my elbow supporting the weight, and I was looking at the teacher, reading the things he had written on the blackboard, but I couldn’t really listen to what he was saying or see what he was writing there. Everything was vivid before my eyes, but I wasn’t really present. I was just too tried, couldn't properly sleep last night, and having history class first thing in the morning was really not helping me with staying awake. There were too many information swirling in the air at once, and I was just too sleepy to process everything. I was just too sleepy…

I must have fallen asleep right then and there because the next thing I remembered was a soft voice whispering my name right next to my ear. It sounded like a lullaby, but it was also too rough for a lullaby. I slowly opened my eyes, although they wanted to go right back into slumber land, and saw Woohyun looking at me, lips pressed together to suppress a grin.

“Anjell, really.” He shook his head in amusement, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “What have you been doing all night?”

It took me a few moments to realise that I was still in my classroom and that the first period had already ended, that it was currently break time. I couldn’t believe I was able to sleep through the loud noises of my classmates. It was so unusual for me.

Someone chuckled, and when I looked up to see who was laughing at me, I saw Sunggyu standing right behind Woohyun, his eyes curled into half-moons. He asked, “Were you studying the stars or something?”

I wanted to retort something back, but Myungsoo beat me to it. “I bet you were staying awake to eat late night snacks.”

“Seriously,” said Woohyun, bringing my attention back to him. He seemed a bit annoyed, looking at the two males around my desk. “Who told you guys to stand here? Go away." He tried pushing Sunggyu back, away from my seat, but the latter only angrily slapped his hand away and pointed at me. 

"Will you stop touching me, and just tell her?"

“Tell me what?”

Woohyun returned my gaze, and smiled sheepishly. "We're going to skip school."

“What, no.”

"See, I knew she would say that,” interjected Myungsoo, kind of relieved.

Woohyun scratched the back of his neck, and reasoned, ”Butㅡ”

“No, Woohyun. Stop trying to force me." 

To be honest, skipping school did sound really tempting considering how tired I was and how great it would have been to go home and catch up on sleep. But I couldn’t do that. That would be even more unusual for me. And I wasn’t the kind of person to give in into such temptations. I was stronger - and awaker - than this. And I couldn’t let my parents grow disappointed at me. I couldn’t lose their trust.

"Let's do it after school then,” suggested Sunggyu, not really explaining what he meant with “it”. 

"Why are you including yourself in this?” asked Woohyun, annoyed. “It was my idea, and I’m only taking Anjell with me.” He, too, did not care about mentioning the content of his idea.

Myungsoo - my last resort - joined the two to my disappointment, and said, without explicitly telling me, "I doubt Anjell wants to go with you alone. And besides I have the money.”

“What the hell,” I said in the end, frustrated at their vague answers, “are you guys talking about?”

☆

Woohyun was sometimes a big puzzle to me. There was something going on his head, gears working in the opposite direction, that only he could understand. He had a peculiar view of the world, blurted out things that no one would have even think about, feared the disappearance of something that was eternal, and was charming. The Woohyun kind of charming. Not in the Sunggyu kind of way.

His plan, the one none of them had even thought of explaining to me at school, was to hang out in downtown Daegu, and I was bewildered as to why he had wanted to skip school for something that wouldn’t run away from him. I couldn’t understand why he was so eager to get there as soon as possible, why he feared sudden changes so much. Believing that a city was going to change drastically in just a few hours was stupid. But that was just Woohyun being Woohyun. Him being a big puzzle to me.

We took subway Line 1 towards Banwoldang, and when our train passed Jungangno station, I remembered the mass murder that had once taken place here ten years ago. I was only seven years old back then, so I couldn’t really recall the sentiments I had felt when the news broke out. But knowing that a fire spread and innocent people were in so much panic and fear did make me feel sad all of a sudden. I looked at Woohyun, and he smiled at me, and then I remembered that this was the present now, and I shouldn’t dwell on a past that didn’t belong to me.

When we exited the subway station in downtown Daegu, my stargazing partner suggested to eat some ice cream to enjoy the last days of summer - even though it was already autumn. We did that, and walked a little, and Myungsoo suddenly spotted a punching machine at the other end of the street. The guys wanted to test their strength, so we crossed over, and they tried it out. Somehow it reminded me of Howon. For no reason. In the end, it turned out that Myungsoo was the strongest among them.

Sunggyu then dragged us into a game centre because he wanted to play the new shooting game. Since there was another booth right next to the one Sunggyu was using, and you were able to play together, in a duel or as a duo, we forced Myungsoo to join him. My excuse was that I didn’t know how to play such games, and it would be boring to have me as an opponent or partner. And Woohyun’s excuse was probably that he didn’t want to embarrass himself.

We - the two non-players - watched them for a long while, sometimes laughing at Myungsoo for cursing because Sunggyu didn’t back him up properly, until Woohyun got bored and pulled me to the claw machine at the back of the game centre.

Standing in front of it, he said, "Which one do you like?"

"Don't tell me you're gonna win it for me,” I retorted, laughing at the thought. 

He shook his head. "Why can't you let people surprise you?"

“You are just being too obvious.”

"Just tell me,” he said, frustrated and a bit embarrassed by himself. 

I looked at him, and suppressed the amusement from showing on my face. He wanted to impress me for some reason, maybe an instinct as my long time friend, so I tried to compose myself, and made efforts to look through the stuffed toys. Actually, I was never really a fan of toys, but I didn't want to disappoint him since he was so eager to win something for me. He had a determined look on his face, so I pointed at the stuffed toy with a red string attached to its hand.

He nodded, pulled his money out, and inserted it into the machine. Grabbing the joystick, he pushed it forward, trying to position the claw right above the plush toy I wanted. He looked focused, his brows knitted together, and I just couldn’t avert my eyes away. For some reason he looked charming. He pressed the trigger button on top of the joystick, and the claw descended down, openings its prongs to grab at one of the toys. We waited patiently, watching the claw close its hands, and I laughed when it failed to get a hold of a plush toy. The claw just moved to an opening of the case and released, well, nothing.

Woohyun cursed, saying how stupid the machine was, and I just patted his shoulder and told him that it was okay. I was laughing, and he was laughing too, but he wouldn’t give up. He pulled another banknote out from his pocket, and inserted it into the machine.

While he was focusing on positioning the claw above the stuffed toy, this time hoping to get it right, he asked me, "Are you unhappy today?”

“No, just tired,” I answered, albeit wondering how he was able to tell.

"Seriously, Anjell, what have you been doing all night?” He pressed the trigger button, and we both watched how the claw lowered down. “You couldn't sleep?"

"I guess you could say that."

Unfortunately, he failed to win me the plush toy a second time, and he let out his frustration by punching his fist against the machine. A nearby employee gave us a look, and Woohyun apologised, saying something along the lines of “I can’t control my temper sometimes,” which earned him a chuckle from my side.

Myungsoo and Sunggyu joined us after a while, and the latter volunteered to play the game. To our surprise - or mostly to Woohyun’s irritation - he got it right at the first try as he pressed the trigger button, and the claw dove down into the sea of stuffed toys, pulling the male doll out. And with it came the other end of the red string, attached to a female doll.

"Lucky bastard,” remarked Woohyun, having his arms crossed in front of his chest.

Sunggyu handed me the plush couple with a smile on his lips. I thanked him, glancing at Woohyun who was sulking a little. Myungsoo then poked the male doll, and said, “Hey, isn't that like ‘Buy one, get one free’?”

“It is,” said Sunggyu, playfully wrapping an arm around my stargazing partner’s shoulders.

And then he smiled, my stargazing partner, and that was just Woohyun being Woohyun. Him being an unsolvable puzzle to me.

☆

Woohyun and I would be walking home together because both of our neighbourhoods were in the same direction whereas Myungsoo and Sunggyu lived in the opposite area. We bid them goodbye somewhere on the way, and Sunggyu hugged me suddenly, which surprised me a little, and let go with a smile on his lips. He was just joking around, but it didn’t seem so funny to Woohyun because he started acting strange after that. I had an inkling why he was suddenly changing his mood, but I was hoping not to be right with my assumption. 

I inspected the stuffed toys, finding the black dots, which represented the eyes, and the blush on the cheeks adorable, when I looked at Woohyun and said, ”I’d give you the male doll, you know, but I don't want to cut the red string apart."

"You don't need to give it to me,” he returned shortly, not even glancing my way. His gaze was fixed on the ground.

“Then I’ll just call him Woohyun."

He abruptly stopped in his tracks and turned his body to me, this time lifting his eyes to mine. The setting sun cast a orange glow on his face, enhancing his soft features. His fringe was covering his brows, his hair catching the remaining rays of the sun. He looked younger, and I was reminded of middle school where he had only been taller than me by an inch. Now the top of my head would only reach his shoulders. And suddenly I wanted to run my fingers through his hair, but he stopped me when he said, "Anjell, I..."

There was worry wavering in his gaze, and I wanted to ask him why he looked at me like that, and tell him that I didn’t like it, that I wanted him to stop, but he already lowered his head before I could say something. 

“Anjell, do you still think about Howon?"

I was caught off guard by his sudden question, and it caused me to step further away. I refused to look at him, unable to take the pained expression he was showing, when I answered honestly, “Sometimes. Not a lot, though.”

He said nothing after that, so I looked up to see his reaction. He was just biting his lower lip, his hands curled up into fists. Upon taking a closer look, I noticed that he was ever so slightly nodding. And I felt like something was wrong here, between us.

I cruelly said, ”I don't like this tense atmosphere.”

And he simply answered with, ”Okay,” putting his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He looked up at me, and forced a smile on his lips. There was more than  just one thing wrong between us. But neither of us considered talking about it. Woohyun shrugged, and then finally said, ”See you at school.”

For some reason he looked so small and vulnerable back then, so weak and fragile. Sometimes he was so strong, looked like he could conquer the world, and other times he was only Woohyun, a boy who had the same burdens as any other person in this world. He could have been struggling with problems at home, or doubting himself because of all his past girlfriends just leaving him, but no one would really know, and no one would care to ask. I had been friends with him for five years, and I had never once stopped to think about Woohyun’s life, about his worries and his fears. And I was too selfish, too full of myself, to even consider asking him. And maybe he would just walk away one day. Maybe this was the reason why I had lost my grasp of him.

☆