☆ Twenty-Eighth Star

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When I was woken up by the door bell, and opened my eyes, I felt a massive headache drilling my brain, and that was by far the worst possible way you could ever wake up at nine in the morning. My throat was parched, and swallowing didn’t soothe the pain. Only a glass of water could help, but my head was giving me a hard time. As soon as I stood up from my bed, nausea overwhelmed me. I touched my neck, and waited a little for the feeling to subside. The door bell rang again.

I went downstairs, past the dining room, and realized with horror what a mess we had made last night. Tipped over shot glasses, empty Soju bottles, dirty dishes, cold leftovers. The table was in a state. It was going to be such a hassle to clean the sticky surface. I shook my head regretfully. Last night was fun, but the aftermath was not worth it. Maybe.

The door bell rang for the umpteenth time. I groaned. Whoever was at the door was an impatient one. Frankly speaking, I had more right to be annoyed. Who had the decency to ring the bell of someone’s house at nine in the morning on a Sunday?

I finally reached the door, but I took my time opening it. The pain moved over to my temples, and I really just wanted to get it over with and go back to bed. However, when I realized who was standing in front of the house—

“Hi,” he said, as if this was the most natural thing to say to someone you hadn’t seen for three years.

Woohyun stood before me, in a black T-shirt and jeans. His hair was cut short, the fringe not even reaching his brows. Dark circles revealed themselves under his eyes. There was a cut at the corner of his lips, that burst open when he smiled. His body frame looked stronger as well as wider. But other than that, nothing else had changed much. If you peeled off a few layers, you might still find the 17-year-old boy.

“Come in,” I told him, stepping back. He bowed a little, and walked into the house. As I followed him, I noticed how my head only reached to his shoulders. I had to look up to meet his eyes. And it was something I had forgotten.

“Did you have a party last night?”

He stopped so abruptly, I almost ran into his back. We were in the corridor, looking into the dining room. I scowled inwardly. After all these years, that was the first thing he found out about me. 

“Can you wait in the living room? I need to freshen up.”

I didn’t wait for his answer, and just walked straight into the mess, up the stairs. My legs led me to the bathroom, and as I was brushing my teeth, I laughed at how ridiculous this was. I felt groggy, and my head was still throbbing, but the image of Woohyun in my house was just so surreal. Even for someone who was still hung over. I felt like I wasn’t quite awake yet.

Dismissing my doubts, I washed my face, and fixed my hair. I also went back to my room to change into decent clothes. At least, a bra. And leggings. To cover my bare legs. When I went downstairs, I grabbed a glass of water, and chugged it down my throat. It soothed the pain a little.

Just as I had told him, Woohyun was sitting in the living room, engrossed in his new phone. A sight that suddenly hit me with reality. My heart pounded against my chest, and my knees wobbled a little. I had to force myself to move forward. It was suddenly the hardest thing to do. He looked up when I sat down next to him.

“You smell nice,” mentioned Woohyun matter-of-factly.

“Must be my face lotion,” I said, patting my cheeks.

He looked at me for a few seconds, in silence. I felt uncomfortable, but there was nothing I could do. He asked, “How have you been?”

“Been doing well,” I responded. He chuckled a little. So I squinted my eyes at him, and he covered his mouth, but one corner of his lips was tugged upward. “What about you?”

“I was in the army.”

“I’ve heard.”

“It was quite hard.”

“Was it?”

“I had to stay for 21 months,” he said. “So that was quite lonely.”

“And now you moved back here?”

He nodded, leaning back. “With my mother. We’re staying at my grandparents’.”

“You went to Mrs Go’s funeral?” I asked.

“Yeah, received the letter a few months after I was discharged.”

“What are you doing now?”

“Odd jobs here and there,” he answered, closing his eyes. My gaze trailed the outline of his face. He breathed through his nose, calmly, as if he had all the time in the world. Or like his time had stopped, and nothing forced him to rush anymore. When he opened his eyes again, I turned away. “What about you? What have you been up to?”

“I’m working at a translation company in Seoul. Forlorn & Found.”

“What brought you back here?”

“Mrs Go.”

He smiled, and the dimple next to his lips deepened. “Our Cheese Lady.”

I wanted to ask him so many questions, I wanted to talk about so much, but once he was in front of me, it was like I had forgotten how to converse. Suddenly it seemed as if all I wanted to talk about was why he disappeared, why he dumped me, but right now this wasn’t the Woohyun from three years ago. They were two different people, and even if I asked him, he wouldn’t know how to answer. Because this had nothing to do with him anymore.

The pain in my throat returned, so I swallowed. It really wasn’t the best idea to consume alcohol when it made you so dehydrated. Just as I was thinking of getting some water, I remembered my manners, and gasped. “, I didn’t ask you whether you wanted anything to drink.”

“It’s okay. I’m leaving anyways.” He stood up, and looked down at me. “When are you going back?”

“Tonight.”

He handed me his phone. “Type in your number,” he said.

My fingers automatically pressed the right sequence, though I was utterly confused. I gave it back to him, and he flashed me a smile. Then I walked him out, waved, and closed the door. Even as I went back to my room, and lay down on my bed, I hadn’t fully grasped what had just happened. My brain refused to explain it to me, refused to let me know the secret. I stared at the ceiling for the longest time, hoping I could find the answer up there, but still nothing made sense. All I knew was: Woohyun came to the house. We exchanged numbers. And the pressure on my chest was still there.

☆

In the evening, I took the train back to Seoul. JB said he would pick me up from Seoul Station, which I thought was very nice of him. I hadn’t spoken to anyone about seeing Woohyun because I personally hadn’t understood anything yet. I didn’t want to explain it to them without fully knowing what it all meant. It was so bizarre. Almost as if it had been a dream. I checked. His number was in my missed calls. He really did appear at the house.

JB just pulled up in front of me when I walked out of the station. I got into his car, and we drove to our apartment. After half an hour (because of traffic), we arrived. I waited for him to check his baby in the car park, which was a habit of his because he was peculiar with some things, and together we took the elevator. On our floor, JB went ahead, and I followed him, still thinking about the whole Woohyun thing. The door opened before JB could type in the passcode. Sunggyu stood there, welcoming us with Daegu in his arms. I laughed because in the back Mijoo was dancing in her cow onesie.

“Yes, finally more estrogen!”

Sunggyu dropped the cat, and hugged me. Before I could go to my room, JB had already grabbed my arm, and dragged me to the couch. From my back, I could feel Sunggyu pushing me. I stared at them in confusion when they sat me down. Mijoo was on the floor, looking up at me.

“What is it?” I asked.

“What happened?”

I looked at Sunggyu. “What do you mean?”

“Did you go see him?”

My heart sank, and I opened my mouth to say something, to tell them about Daegu, about the army, about his short hair, about the divorce, but nothing would come out. I blinked a few times, and rubbed my lips with my fingers. I didn’t look at any of them.

“Did he kiss you?” asked Mijoo, her voice shrill.

“No, no,” I quickly responded. “We didn’t do anything like that.”

“Tell us what happened then. Don’t keep us in the dark,” said JB.

Sunggyu placed a hand on my shoulder, so I faced him. His eyes darted between mine, as if he was contemplating which one to trust more. “Are you okay?”

And that might have been the thing that broke me.

My throat tightened up, and my vision blurred. I calmly tried to breathe in, as it suddenly seemed like my lungs were lacking air, but a sigh escaped my lips instead. I shook my head in humor, and turned away. 

“I don’t even know what’s happening,” I said, when the first tears ran down my face. Appalled, I wiped them with my hands, but carried on, “Seriously, nothing bad even happened.”

I could feel someone my knees, gently drawing circles with their thumb. But the tears wouldn’t stop. It also became harder for me to breathe, harder to swallow. And when everything got a little bit too much, I was pulled into someone’s embrace. I sobbed into their chest, and they held me tight, and caressed my back. For a few more moments I stayed in the warmth of their body, bathing in their scent. It felt so good to know they were here.

When I calmed down, and pulled back, I thanked Sunggyu for lending me his chest. His T-shirt was soaked with my tears, and I laughed. He made a funny face, so I jokingly slapped him.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” said JB, scratching the back of his neck.

I shook my head. “It’s okay. It’s not a big deal.”

“Didn’t seem like it’s not a big deal,” Mijoo grunted. “I’m so gonna destroy this Woohyun.”

“You should’ve done that three years ago.”

“If only he didn’t disappear.”

Sunggyu patted my back, and I smiled at him. In that moment I felt so grateful to have these three people in my life. They were so fun to be around, and they realized when things got serious. Knowing they were always behind me, pushing me forward, supporting me when I was unsure, cheered me up. It wasn’t as hard to face my problems. It didn’t hurt as much.

“It was just,” I started, fumbling for words to say, “I just feel so sorry for this 17-year-old girl that agreed to be in a relationship with someone who put her through so much pain. And lies. And more pain. And a lot of crying. A lot of ice cream with cookies. A lot of chick flicks. And weight gain.” Mijoo snickered, but the two guys didn’t really get what I was hinting at. So I went on, “It all just came back. With him coming back and all. Almost like time has stopped, and three years passed with the blink of an eye, and now it’s like I’m still nineteen. Just older. And moved on.”

“I guess it’s because you never got a satisfying answer,” said JB. “He was such a big part of your life. And there was always this mystery around him.”

“And it’s not like he didn’t love you,” said Mijoo, placing her arms on my thighs.

I shrugged. “I think there might have been problems at home, but I wouldn’t necessarily count on that to be the reason he disappeared.” Looking at Sunggyu, I added, “His parents got divorced.”

Silence settled between us, like a veil of fog. My eyes burned a little from all that crying, but it wasn’t as bad as my dry throat. I swallowed again.

“I think,” began Sunggyu slowly, “you need to figure out what you really want from all of this. The chance is finally there for you to find out what has happened. But you need to know what it is that would wholeheartedly allow you to look at Woohyun with a smile.”

So I thought about it, about Sunggyu’s words, and I realized I had always known what I wanted.

☆

Before I went to bed, I received a text message from Woohyun. He was talking about the planetarium in Daegu’s National Science Museum, and how they had renovated everything, and he asked me whether I remembered when we had gone there after our exams. Conflicted, I went to Sunggyu’s room, and showed him the message. He said it would be a good opportunity for me to get what I wanted, so I texted back:

Are you free next weekend? Let’s go there.

He replied seconds later:

Sure

On Monday, I had a thorough discussion on tic tac with Mark who said they were invented by the Americans, but I insisted they were Italian. (I won.) Then I for the rest of the day, and he complained to Hyori, earning himself a pat on the head. I also invited him over to the apartment because I had promised him food, and I made spaghetti bolognese (for the jokes), and only Mijoo joined us since Sunggyu was with his girl(friend) and JB went to visit his parents.

When Thursday came, I caught a cold, and Sunggyu made fun of me for getting sick in summer, so I coughed at him, hoping the bacteria would spread and attack his body. He cooked porridge and bought me medicine though. (He had a day off.) Then we watched some TV shows, and I fell asleep in the living room, and Friday morning, when I woke up, I was still there.

In the evening, I went back to Daegu, all recovered, and was welcomed by the smell of tofu stew. My parents and I had a late dinner together, but it was very  wholesome and hearty. I went to bed at eleven, and mentally prepared my heart for the date at the planetarium.

☆