☆ Fourteenth Star

_______________________________________

It was a Friday afternoon when Woohyun invited me over to his place. He told me we could start revising the subjects for the entrance exams together since he was an idiot at studying. Having accepted his offer because it seemed like a good idea to study together, I called my parents to tell them about me staying at Woohyun's place until later that day. It was my mom who picked up.

“What's the matter, Anjell?”

Noticing the ill temper in her voice, I seriously contemplated whether to ask her for permission or not. My parents were still having this fight over something I didn't know of, and piling more stress on my mom wouldn't be too good of an idea. But when I looked at Woohyun, who was staring hopefully back, I decided to get out of my comfort zone and do what I really wanted to do. Finally speaking up my mind.

“I'll be staying at a friend's place,” I explained, glancing at Woohyun who was perking an eyebrow at me, “to study.”

“When will you be back?”

“I don't know,” I said as I watched how Woohyun turned around to wave at some girls, who were passing by to leave the school building. They were probably the girls from class 4.

“Just come back before dinner,” my mom pointed out before she hung up.

Stuffing my phone back to the pockets of my skirt, I looked at Woohyun, who had already turned back around to face me. The growing grin on my face gave everything away, and in the next moment he showed me one of the prettiest smile he had in store. I never noticed he was that handsome.

To arrive at his neighbourhood, we had to cross the street next to our high school, then turn right, where you were able to spot a real rice field, and keep on walking until we saw the sign Yoo's Hair Salon. Before we would pass by the shop, we had to turn around the corner where the cheese lady lived. She was a woman who used to give us cheese cubes for free whenever we turned up in front of her little shop, that got closed down a few years ago, back in middle school. Ever since we entered high school, though, our weekly visits to the cheese lady stopped for some reason.

“You remember Mrs. Go?” asked Woohyun when her house appeared around the corner.

“Of course.”

“Shall we pay her a visit?”

I pursed my lips, smiling. “Well, why not?”

We headed towards the fence, the one leading to her house, jumping in slight surprise when all of a sudden a black cat appeared out of nowhere from the hedge, that looked like Mrs. Go had watered just earlier. Noticing my close proximity with Woohyun, I quietly pulled back as one of his hands reached over my body to open the fence. He flashed me a sly smile before he stepped into the garden, stopping in his tracks to admire the flowers and the plants.

It wasn't like we had never seen nature before. Trees, plants, flowers - they were all over Daegu. Maybe not as prevalent in the core of the city as it was in remote areas, like the country side. But we were just impressed by the maintenance of the roses and the hedges. It almost looked like a professional photography of nature.

After pressing the bell, we waited on her veranda, wondering where that black cat went. We had never noticed before that Mrs. Go had kept a pet back in middle school, so we thought it must be the neighbour's cat.

Woohyun suddenly turned around and gazed into my eyes, not saying anything. It was weird. We were supposed to be a couple, but we never did anything close to what lovers would normally do. We didn’t hold hands when walking back home, and he never stole kisses when no one else was looking. It didn't feel any different from being just friends. Though, I had to admit I was glad about this outcome. I wouldn't know what to do if Woohyun suddenly leaned in for a kiss.

The shuffling sounds of slippers against the wooden floor resonated inside the house before Mrs. Go opened the door, eyes doubling in size upon seeing us. It almost looked like she was about to tear up when she motioned for us to come in. I was glancing around the corridor, trying to look for something that had changed after all these years, but found nothing. While following Mrs. Go further into the house, probably towards the living room, I noticed a framed clover with its ends slightly parched, hanging on the wall. It was a present we had given her in the past for the cheese she used to cut into cubes for us. I recalled the memory with much delight.

Woohyun suddenly stopped walking for some reason, and I almost bumped into him. Seeing Mrs. Go's slender figure growing distant, I softly pushed him, urging his legs to resume working. With a smile, he hurried to decrease the distance between us and our cheesy lady. That was when I realised that something did indeed change after the conversation we had a few days ago. The way he looked at me and the way he smiled. They were different. He gazed at me as if I was the only girl he would ever look at. He smiled at me as if he knew I only belonged to him and he only belonged to me.

We entered the living room just as Mrs. Go was placing pillows onto the ground. She told us to sit down, and opened the lid of a water bottle, which she had pulled out from under the coffee table. Woohyun quickly insisted on pouring the water himself. With a warm gaze, she said, “You’re all grown up now.”

He chuckled in response, carefully placing a cup under the bottleneck. “Of course, I'll be turning 18 next year.”

“What about you, Anjell?” Mrs. Go looked at me, a genuine smile on her lips. “How have you been?”

I was a bit confused by her sudden question, so it took me longer to answer. “Um... I've been fine. And you, Mrs. Go? How's your husband?”

At that moment, before she could respond to my question, Woohyun accidentally spilled the water over the table, startling all three of us. Mrs. Go quickly stood up, her gaze not faltering, and said, “Don't worry, Woohyun. I'll bring the towels.”

As soon as she disappeared around the corner, where the kitchen was probably located, I looked at Woohyun. “What's wrong with you?” I asked. Watching him trying to soak the water with his sleeves, I added, “You're usually not that clumsy.”

He returned my gaze, somehow looking sad. “Haven't you seen the altar?” I shook my head. “The last room on the corridor.” I still couldn't remember having seen an altar in Mrs. Go's house. “I think her husband passed away.”

Realising what a question I had asked her moments ago, I felt my eyes slightly watering at the thought of Mr. Go having left this place. I remembered the flowers, the plants and the black cat. I remembered what people say about widows, and what I had seen on TV. For some reason, the whole revelation made me feel extremely upset.

Woohyun placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, gave me a smile, and said, “It's okay. Mrs. Go will be fine.”

The rest of the visit passed by quickly. She placed a plate of cheese cubes onto the table after having disappeared for longer than probably necessary. Most of the spilled water was soaked by Woohyun's uniform. She asked us about our future plans, which was when I found out about Woohyun wanting to study in Seoul. Mrs. Go somehow managed to obtain the information of us dating by interrogating him. She said she had always wanted us to be together ever since we had been middle schoolers. At that moment, the black cat appeared, startling both Woohyun and me. It indeed turned out to be Mrs. Go's pet. And even as we were standing at the door, on our way to leave, we didn’t mention a single word about Mr. Go again.

We headed towards Woohyun’s neighbourhood, and as we were immersed by the setting sun, admiring how the different colours bled into each other, I quietly nudged him in the side. “Hey…”

“Hm?”

“About Mrs. Go's husband...”

“You want to talk about it?” he asked.

I nodded, clearing my throat. “I mean... Don't you think it's upsetting to see someone you have been loving for so many years suddenly passing away?”

“Of course. It's dreadful.” He blinked a few times, watching the faint sun rays mix with the clouds. “It's sad.”

“You've grown accustomed to their presence, and they suddenly die, leaving this unbearable loneliness behind. It's depressing,” I added.

“Death is selfish,” remarked Woohyun suddenly. I perked an eyebrow at him, not fully understanding his remark. With a slight sigh, he went on, “I know you can't ask Death to spare you some more months. I know you can't ask It to have mercy, and you most probably can't prevent death.” I saw a slight furrow on his forehead. “But dying is selfish. You are leaving the people who love you so much behind. It's selfish. I know you can't prevent your own death, but it's still selfish.”

Shaking my head slowly, I said, “You're being ridiculous.”

He looked at me, and smiled. “Don't worry, I won't die before you.” 

It only earned him a smack on his arm.

☆

Usually, whenever I was at his place, and his mother was there too, she would greet me with a dazzling smile, then turn her attention to the next person in the room, maybe Sunggyu or a female classmate. I was never the only one invited over, never the only one to enter his house. So when Woohyun had suddenly warned me before walking in, I didn't really know what to expect. It had never crossed my mind that his whole family had been informed about our relationship. Because I myself hadn't told my own parents yet.

His mother was a woman in her early 40s, probably a few years younger than my own mom. She always kept her hair short, ever since I had known her. She had known me for a few years now, so she wasn't really surprised to see me walking in. I assumed she had known about her son’s feelings for me all along. Judging by the few opportunities in which I had seen them together, I concluded they had a very close relationship. He would always leave a peck on her cheeks whenever he returned home. Guys nowadays hardly do that.

His older brother was pretty much informed about almost everything going on in Woohyun's life, I noticed. Although they had an age difference of four years, it seemed like they were as close as friends. With occasional teasing and fights, of course. It made me feel a certain degree of envy since I was an only child.

Woohyun's father was a big mystery to me. I had never really seen him in my life, only on family pictures. Woohyun always said that he was extremely busy with his work so even the sons could hardly enjoy their father's presence. On photos, I noticed he barely looked like Woohyun or his older brother. They had probably only inherited their mother's genes.

Besides his father, who was at work, and his grandparents, who lived somewhere else, all of Woohyun's family members were present. Even their grandparents’ Jindo dog, Nurungie.

“Anjell, you're getting prettier by the day,” his mother remarked, smiling at me. I noticed it was something elder people always tend to say to youngsters.

Gently taking my hand, Woohyun pulled me away from the kitchen and towards the staircase that led to the bedrooms on the second floor. “Mom, we're going to study now.”

“Sure, I'll bring the drinks to the living room.”

“I'm more comfortable in my own room,” he insisted, urgently looking at his brother at the kitchen counter for help. The latter only shrugged his shoulders.

“The living room is perfect for studying, Woohyun.” His mother looked at me, her gaze still radiating the kind of warmth one would expect from a parent. I thought I should say something until I heard Woohyun grumpily mumble words along the lines of, “And for ing.”

Boohyun, his brother, probably overheard his remark because he started laughing hysterically, holding his cup up as if to replace the bro fist they couldn't do due to their distance from each other. Woohyun only smirked back.

“I'll prepare the drinks, and you can already go studying.” She gave her younger son one last meaningful look before she added, “In the living room.”

After imitating his mother's facial expression, he turned to me, a smile replacing the previous frown. “Com' on.”

We were sitting in silence, both of us focused on revising the topics we had learned all these years. There was one time, while I was looking through the notes Sunggyu had given me, when I saw his hand quietly approaching mine from my periphery, only to be interrupted by his brother plopping down onto the couch to give us drinks, which led to Woohyun turning his attention to Nurungie, as if nothing had happened. Surprising was that I didn’t know whether to be happy or disappointed.

The math formulas refused to get into my head, so I observed Woohyun a little, then asked, “You want to study in Seoul?”

This question had been nagging me ever since we had visited Mrs. Go.

He looked up from his sheet of paper, a crease on his forehead. After softening his gaze, he nodded. “Yeah. I've heard you can study astronomy in Seoul.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he said, his face suddenly brighter, full of delight. “Isn't that awesome? I can finally learn more about the stars and the galaxy.”

“But you'll need to be very good at maths and physics.”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “I'll learn them along the way.” Looking back at the maths problem in front of him, he asked, “What about you? What are you going to study?”

“I'm not sure yet,” I responded, wondering why Woohyun would major in a subject that didn't have the greatest chance of being employed. “But I'll stay in Daegu.”

Nodding once, he went back to scribbling possible answers onto his paper, leaving me to my own thoughts about the future. I watched him, and wondered just what to do with my life. There were so many paths to take and so many ways to go. There were plenty of opportunities and chances, but when one wasn’t sure which to choose, then those doors would close themselves before one had the chance to try. And how could one be sure about an answer, be sure that it was the right choice? We were only 17, and we already had to think of possible outcomes in ten years. No one was there to guide you through the hard journey of becoming an adult. It was so hard.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed someone ringing the bell all this time. I looked at Woohyun, and he was looking at his brother, as if to tell him to open the door. The latter sighed, and stood up from the couch, walking to the door. He glanced back once, his eyes narrowed at his younger brother, and scoffed. When he stood at the entrance, and opened the door, I curiously tried to look past him. Only when Boohyun stepped aside, a tried expression on his face, did I see the red locks.

“I knew it would be your visitor,” said Woohyun’s older brother, letting Krystal enter the house. She was slightly drenched, her hair sticking to her fair face, but  she still looked stunning. I didn’t know it was raining. The weather forecast didn’t say anything about rain.

“What are you doing here?” asked Woohyun, with a furrow between his brows, as he stood up and walked over to her.

Scoffing, she said, “You haven't called again.”

There was this awkward silence between them, in which neither Woohyun nor Krystal knew what to say. It seemed like she hadn't noticed my presence yet, and I wasn't sure if I even wanted to let her know.

“Am I disturbing something or...” she trailed off, noticing me sitting on the floor in front of the TV. She soundlessly gasped, slightly agape, her eyes widened, then looked at Woohyun, then at me. She asked, “Oh, you guys are on a study date?”

I just smiled back, not knowing how to answer her question. It was Woohyun who responded. 

“Yeah, we are.”

Fidgeting slightly, she said, “I’m sorry. I didn't know...” 

Krystal seemed quite uncomfortable in the current situation, so I stood up and told her to come in. Woohyun gave me a look, but I ignored him. We couldn't possibly let her walk into the rain again. She would only catch a cold, and I didn't want to be responsible for that.

She sat between Woohyun and me at the coffee table, thanking Boohyun for giving her a towel to dry her hair. I thought I should say something to ease the tense atmosphere, so I asked, “Are you good at maths?”

Krystal shook her head. “No, not really. I don't like maths. I'm going to study something in which maths isn't this relevant.”

“What do you want to study?” I asked, genuinely interested.

“Maybe fashion design? Or something like make-up design.”

I was a bit distracted by the face Woohyun was making, his eyes cast on the ground, lips slightly puckered. He seemed mad at me for having let Krystal join us. I noticed that by the way he hadn't spoken up at all ever since she had entered the house. 

Looking at the visitor, I nodded. “At least, you know where to go from here.”

“You have no idea about your future plans?” she asked.

I shook my head. “Not really.” Looking at Woohyun, I continued, “I just know I want to stay here with my parents. I know classmates who want to study abroad or in Seoul. But I would like to stay.”

“That’s fine. I mean, I won't study design in Daegu because I think the universities in Seoul are better. But if I wanted to study Science, for example, I would just do it here so I could stay with my family.”

We continued talking about school and dreams and pet peeves, everything we could think of. After some minutes, Woohyun started to join us, finally ending his sulking phase. Boohyun seemed interested the moment we began talking about cars. And after a while, Krystal's sister arrived to pick her up. She apologised again for interrupting, but I told her that there was nothing to interrupt, in the first place, and she just smiled, leaving with her sister’s car.

When Woohyun’s mother didn't seem to be keeping her eyes on us anymore, and Boohyun was in the bathroom or something, he quietly pulled me upstairs towards his room, entering and closing the door behind me. There was a small shelf in the corner, filled with books he had never read before. His study desk was right next to it, only spotting a laptop, a small lamp, and a few notebooks. He was quite neat; didn’t carelessly throw clothes onto the ground, like I did sometimes. His room looked like it had just been tidied up.

“I'm so tired,” said Woohyun, throwing himself on his bed.

I shook my head at his ridiculous remark, chuckling to myself. “It's not like you ran a marathon.”

“But my head is burning,” he argued, closing his eyes. I remained in my position next to the door when I spotted an old photo from middle school pinned onto the notice board above his desk.

“You still have this?” I asked, approaching the photo. I was able to immediately spot Woohyun with his messy hairstyle.

“Yeah,” he responded. “And that reminds me, that guy at the far left used to have a crush on you.”

My eyes doubled in size, and I looked back and forth between him and the photo. Furrowing my eyebrows, I tried to remember the guy who, according to Woohyun, used to have a crush on me. But the photo was too blurry and too small to spark any enlightening moment in my memory.

“Don't bother remembering him,” Woohyun chimed in as I retreated back from the photo. “He doesn't like you anymore. It was just a childhood crush.” I glared at him. He just shrugged. “It's the truth. No need to look at me like that. I know I'm handsome.”

I looked away.

“Anjell,” he said suddenly, his voice surprisingly soft. “Come here.”

Reluctantly, I turned back around, seeing how he motioned for me to sit down next to him on the bed. With a bored expression, I approached him. “What?”

“Sit down.”

I sat down.

“Good girl.” 

He was still lying on his back as he took my hand, his eyes closed. It was sudden, his affectionate gesture, and yet I didn't mind much. It wasn't like I never had skinship with guys before. I would hug Sunggyu at goodbyes, and I once had to hold Myungsoo’s hand during a Truth or Dare game back in our first year. Sungjong especially liked skinship with people, and Howon used to be my boyfriend. Having my hand held by someone wasn’t exactly new to me. But it still felt thrilling once more, a kind of electricity running through my hand.

I was drawing circles with my thumb on the back of his hand, which caused him to grin brightly, his eyes still closed. I wondered if I could seriously see him as my boyfriend, as someone I would call at night and text in the morning, someone who would mean more to me than Howon ever did. I wondered if our relationship could actually work out. But his eyes were closed, and he was smiling, and amusement had crept onto his face. It looked so peaceful. He looked so peaceful. And I just wanted toㅡ

He suddenly sat up, his face now in front of mine. He was still holding my hand, and I was still drawing circles with my thumb. We were sitting next to each other, body facing different directions. He was looking into my eyes. It was a gaze in which I saw myself reflected, a gaze that whispered my name.

And then he leaned in.

And we kissed.

And maybe that was all I had needed to realise that I liked him.

☆