Final Part: Above the Waves

"Forgive me," Donghae said quietly. "He asked not to wake you."

The panic rose. Sungmin ran to the door but Donghae beat him to it. The usher took his arms and grabbed him towards the empty couch. "Donghae, what are you saying?" The denial was there, Sungmin knew he was fooling himself. His breathing was paced and he couldn't seem to settle. It was unfair. It was all unfair.

He tried to struggle but the usher was stronger than him, and Donghae pinned his arms onto the armrest. “Forgive me, Sungmin. Kyuhyun had asked not to wake you." He ignored the courtesy the usher was showing him. "Your father is waiting by the hall."

"No. No, Donghae! I won't! I'll follow him." He shouted as he struggled from where he was sitting. There was still time, right? Kyuhyun could not leave him like this, not this way. Sungmin had put his hopes up, they were almost there. Wherever it was, they were reaching something together. And Kyuhyun promised him that he would wait for him, that they would cross the seas of the unknown together. Didn't he?

"Please. Kyuhyun is not like this. He wouldn't give up on me... on us."

"Sungmin, Kyuhyun did not want to be followed." Sunyoung had barged into the room, his eyes glaring over his son. He stopped his thrashing and looked at his father. He frowned. The old man had always been against his relationship with Kyuhyun. He acted civil towards them but his relationship with the Cho’s is a stormy one.

“Sungmin, calm down.”

He was crying. Sungmin could not comprehend the amount of pain pounding inside him. The confusion in his head was grinding his mind and soon enough he would break down. There was too much hope only to be crushed by Kyuhyun once again. He could not understand how after all, Kyuhyun just gave up on them. Why? Why did he turn his back just like that?

So what if he wasn't a lord? It did not matter anymore, Sungmin was a chambermaid when they met and Kyuhyun fell for him. They worked on it and yet... Kyuhyun left him. What hurts the most was that, there was no explanation given.

"I don't understand." He said, voice cracking in pain. "I love him."

There was a soft sigh as Sungmin slumped in his own tears. He was shaking in both anger and fear. Kyuhyun broke him, Kyuhyun left him. It was Kyuhyun’s will to leave Sungmin behind. There was no assurance of them, of their tomorrow.

Why? Why did Kyuhyun choose to leave? Was there something he did not know?

“Kyuhyun loves you.” Sungmin raised his head at the sound of the familiar voice. His tear-stained eyes widened upon the sight of Lady Ahra. Her tummy was bigger than the last time he saw her. She was rubbing her bump as she walked slowly towards him. “He loves you so much, Sungmin.”

He shook his head. It was not true. If Kyuhyun loves him, then he would be there. He would be beside Sungmin instead of someplace else. “He left me.” He croaked.

Sungmin hated the fact that he was helpless. He despised himself for being too dependent and weak. But Kyuhyun was the only person he had when everyone left. Kyuhyun was there at his best and at his worst, he chose Sungmin despite all the complications of their lives.

Kyuhyun had hold onto him and he smiled at him when the whole world had thrown a frown. Sungmin grew up in a world forged by lies, even he was uncertain of the truth in his life until Kyuhyun came. The stories, the talks, and the smiles they shared. They were real.

And even when he feared that the truth would drive the young master away, Kyuhyun stayed. He smiled at him and enveloped Sungmin in a warm apology and told him that everything was fine.

 Now, he was unsure if everything was just a facade, or if any of those were real. That or everything was just a lie, a scene Kyuhyun played so well that he left Sungmin broken.

“No.” Ahra was now in front of him. She knelt to envelope Sungmin in her arms. “He ran away. He was frightened, Sungmin. Kyuhyun, despite all his peculiarities, is frightened of being a commoner. Show him, Sungmin. Show him what you two can be together.”

It was not just about Sooyoung’s threat. It was not just about his family disowning him, or Sungmin being a young lord. Kyuhyun did not want anyone to see him fail. Sungmin was right, Kyuhyun had lived his life as a young lord and despite his own radical attitude he still did not know life of the opposite.

He was running away. He did not leave Sungmin. He wanted Sungmin to be himself and so he left

“Kyuhyun had been quiet most of the time and most people mistakes silence for strength or wit.” Ahra said quietly. “But sometimes, silence can mean fear and uncertainty. Kyuhyun did not speak; he never countered all the accusations and judgment they gave him.”

“He never wanted to be a burden and so he wallowed in his own fear. You have to understand that all our lives, Kyuhyun and I, were showered with wealth.”

The tears stained his cheeks and he could still feel the droplets trailing down his face. It hurts so much to try to understand Kyuhyun’s reason for leaving. Even with Ahra’s words, Sungmin could not decipher it properly. Kyuhyun was frightened of a future unknown. He did not want to put peril in Sungmin’s blooming life. He did not want to be the weight that would pull him back down. Kyuhyun was uncertain of what may happen to him. He felt ashamed and embarrassed. The thin line between his pride and strength had been cut down. But there was something else.

Ahra struggled to stand up. It was then did Sungmin notice the nurse maid behind her. He tried to smile at her, but his face wouldn’t cooperate.  “Go." She whispered to him. "I don't know what Kyuhyun would do but I believe that it is you he needed the most. He was wrong to assume that being distant would do him something good."

Sungmin looked at his lady.

"I know it is not usual, but you love each other and even if society dictates that it is wrong, I don't find it doing any harm to others.” Ahra smiled. "I made my choice when I eloped with Siwon. The only reason I returned was because of my brother, but if he can't find the happiness he wanted, then everything would be useless."

Sungmin shook his head. He'll never make it in time. The pier is a long way from the city and he did not have a carriage to use. It was hopeless. Kyuhyun ran away and he was not able to stop him. He did not even know the reason behind his apprehension. Kyuhyun was frightened for himself, and he could never drag Sungmin with him. He realised how much of a fool he was for thinking that Kyuhyun was just following Sooyoung's wishes. 

Kyuhyun has been stripped off their name and would live by a commoner on his birthday, and that was a week from now. Kyuhyun's tears were of fear and not of sadness. They were of something stronger than sadness. Biting his lip, he mentally scolded himself for being stupid, for not trying to understand. It was too difficult, still. 

"I cannot stop our parents. Given my condition, I have a baby to take care. But that does not mean I would abandon Kyuhyun." Ahra said. "Because I know you are with him and you, amongst anyone else, would be enough."

"I can't.... I won't be able to make it."

Ahra let out a sigh in defeat.

“A ship would leave in an hour.” Sunyoung's voice broke in silence. "My car is still outside."

 He looked at the man he despised. He looked at the man who had technically started all the commotion in his life, and who had dictated him on how he should live. Despite being civil, Sunyoung and Hyori had managed to turn Sungmin into their puppet, their play thing.

His family was the farthest connection he had and they would always be.

"If you would live on half-heartedly, then there is no point, right? I've had enough of your agony and hatred towards me." Sunyoung finally said. The sudden change in him surprised Sungmin. He looked at this man that was his father. "I'm sorry, son. Now, go."

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Sunyoung pulled him up and straightened him. 

"Hyori was wrong. You never wanted this life..." the master turned to Ahra. "You see them more as your family than us. It's enough for me. Go, Sungmin... follow Kyuhyun."

In a blink of an eye, Sungmin opened his mouth to speak and said the word he never imagined to say with utmost gratitude. "Father."

"I'll accompany you, Min." Donghae said with a smile and Ahra had to push them out the door to leave.

*

The car honked and raced along the bricked roads of the marketplace. The city centre was far from the pier and Sungmin had to bear listening to his own heartbeat with every second. It would take them almost an hour to reach the docks and there was no assurance that they would find Kyuhyun there.

He saw Hyori at the Villa, she followed them in the morn and she would want to know what had occurred. Sunyoung walked to her and his father's shaking head was what Sungmin saw before the car raced out to the streets. He frowned as he saw Hyori's face but he couldn't be bothered by it. Not now.

He pulled the chain around his neck and enclosed the small knife in his palms. His head was chanting the same word. "Please, please, please."

"Sungmin."

Donghae placed his hand on Sungmin's shaking palms. "It'll be fine. We'll get there on time."

He wanted to believe Donghae. He wanted to smile and nod at him and to tell him that yes, they would be able to catch the ship. But the uncertainty inside him was overflowing and his mind was drowning in fear.

Also, even if he finds Kyuhyun, would the young master be easily convinced to take him? Would Kyuhyun say yes when Sungmin asked him if he would want to be with him? 

"I don’t know," he admitted. "All my life I've always been guessing of what is to come. I have always forced myself to believe that things would just go normally." He shook his head in bitterness."But I always fall into a pool of oblivion."

He let out a sigh as the car let out another honk. He looked at the usher opposite him and wished that his life was as simple as Donghae's. He would love to have almost nothing than everything if he could be happy with it.

"Hae, thank you." He said quietly. "I never was able to reciprocate whatever you feel for me, but it does not mean that I don't care for you."

Donghae shook his head. "I know, Min. I know that you can never return the same feelings I have for you. It is fine, I'll probably get over it." He forced out a smile and Sungmin allowed his lips to morph upwards.

The sound of the pier and the scent of the seas welcomed them and Sungmin had to move close to the window to look for the cruise ship that was going to take Kyuhyun away from them. He frowned, as he scanned the tankers and the cargos.

When the vehicle came to a halt, Sungmin swore he almost jumped out of it in a quick pace, ignoring the colderwind that hit his skin. Tightening the coat around him, he walked around, looking for a ship that would resemble cruises he read in books.

"Sungmin." Donghae called for him, pointing to the end of the pier. It wasn't how Sungmin imagined travellers' ships would be. He stopped in awe as he looked at how small the people on board were. The crew were starting to lower the plank. The smoke from the tubes were almost covering the skies and Sungmin was deciphering if it was the clouds or plain pollution.

It was so big. How could they make such a gigantic thing float on the waves?

Donghae tapped his shoulder lightly, pulling him out of his own senseless wonder. He looked at the usher before finally scanning the people on the docks. Everyone seemed to be waiting for the plank. The men in uniform were asking everyone to line up. It was only boarding time, maybe, Sungmin still has time.

There were carriages and cars across it. The nobles were given the front plank that would lead to the highest deck. The expensive bags and clothing were paraded as the mess men guided them up. The side entrances were for the middle class. Sungmin scanned both lines but he could not find the familiar figure he was looking for.

 Then, he stopped at the sight of a familiar figure. His heart jumped as he eyed that form he knew so well. The feeling of anger and bitterness welled inside him and he allowed himself to run towards the flock of people. Any moment now, his chest would burst out in pain.

He was unsure if it was pain or something else, but Sungmin had too much pain for the past days that he knew he was already numb of it.

"What are you doing here?" He spat  as he came face to face with Choi Sooyoung, the woman who made things harder for all of them. His face was hard, his hand reached for her shoulders and he almost pushed her back. The lady turned to him in shock but quickly composed herself. There were a number of people in the area and what is to save but Sooyoung’s image.

She let out a sarcastic smile.

"New clothes and a car, and you are shouting at me." Sooyoung answered. "Truly, some little gold brings out the worst on people."

Sungmin frowned at her. "At least I'm not desperate enough to use my power just because I was humiliated in front of others." He ignored the gasps around.

He was more surprised at how furious he was towards her. He did not imagine himself answering back and blaming her of everything that had happened. He said words he did not know he was capable of saying. Sungmin had changed, it's true but he knew that Sooyoung deserved it.

Donghae was behind him, his face morphed into a frown as the confrontation continued. He was ashamed as how he showed his friend his actions but he couldn't stop the anger, the bitterness inside him. He hated the fact that Donghae would remember him like this.

"Kyuhyun, left, Sungmin." Sooyoung spoke. "He rode the ship an hour and a half earlier and even if you did manage to catch up on him, the poor lad would send you away. He is, after all, a nobody now."

Names mattered in this time. The war has taken a lot from men and the upper class continue to cling onto their names. The change in status in such a crucial time is difficult much more if the change was a decrease. Sungmin knew Kyuhyun was frightened. He tried to speak but the words did not come out. Nothing cooperated as he felt his body shake. his hands, he swallowed a painful lump.

"Sungmin."

"He left." Sooyoung answered. "I would gladly accompany you to the cabin offices and check all the names of the passengers in this ship and the one which left earlier."

Sungmin was shaking his head, denying everything that Sooyoung had said. “No.” he whispered. “No, he’s still in this boat, and you just...”

“Lady Sooyoung,” a crew member interjected and he bowed to the lady. He took off his cap and smiled. “The passengers would be boarding, forgive me for being rude, but we are to set the plank now.”

Sooyoung nodded. “I’m going back now. I headed early to make sure Kyuhyun had left. The passengers are boarding the ship now, if you don’t believe me then check for yourself.” With a proud smirk, she looked at Sungmin in the eye as if taunting him even more and finally walked away. It was over.

His eyes were welling. Kyuhyun left. He left. He chose to do things on his own, and  Sugnmin would never find out why. The pier was crowded with people, excited to leave. Some of them were sad, some frightened, but some were plain smiling as they step on the wooden steps. The huge ship sounded and cheers echoed. Every sound left Sungmin empty, it was like every cheer took away a piece of him, throwing it over the waves, hoping it'll reach Kyuhyun somehow.

“Donghae?”

The usher and he turned at the same time at the sound of the familiar voice. 

“Jongwoon?” It was Donghae who spoke and moved close to the first usher. They greeted each other before turning to Sungmin. Donghae moved his head close to whisper something to the older man.

Jongwoon stopped and stared, more like whatever everyone else did when they first saw him. His mouth was agape as his eyes scanned Sungmin’s form from head to toe. The now young master was numb of shame and pity. He ignored the man’s prejudiced stare before finally walking towards him.

“Sungmin.” The older finally spoke. “It’s you.”

“It is me.” He straightened his stance. Sungmin was higher than them, and he should remain his composure. Despite the painful hammering inside his chest, he looked at Jongwoon properly. “Has Kyuhyun,” he swallowed as the name rolled out of his tongue. “Where is he?”

Jongwoon shook his head, carefully watching Sungmin’s reaction. “The left almost two hours ago. He was headed to the New West. This ship is headed to the Orient.” He pointed at the huge ship before them. “Sungmin, I mean, young master, he is but above the waves now.”

Donghae was looking at him. He saw the pain and fear the usher was giving him. He looked at Donghae and then to Jongwoon. He felt his lips lift up into a forced smile despite the tears at the back of his head. Kyuhyun left because he was no lord any more. He left Sungmin because of the uncertainty inside him and he gave in to Sooyoung's demands. Surely, he was doing it to protect Sungmin but Kyuhyun had always told him that deviating from the norm isn't always that bad. What made it different this time?

Maybe Sungmin would never know. 

 Perhaps, they would all never found out.

Sungmin stood there, unfeeling anything. The numbness was overwhelming and Sungmin felt no reaction inside whatsoever. He knew he was on the verge of crying, but his fisted hands and bitten lip was able to stop the emotions from bursting.  The pain and anger and frustration mixed inside him that he couldn’t fathom what he was feeling.

Soon, there was none. HIs grip on the chain around his neck loosened and finally, he allowed the small knife to dangle onto his chest.

He turned to the direction of the car they left parked somewhere. Letting out a sigh, he opened his mouth to speak. "Jongwoon, you have been with him for a while." 

"Uhm, yeah..."

"Have you read The Odyssey?"

The first usher looked at him in contemplation before nodding. "Master Kyuhyun had told me of the story maybe once or twice."

His eyes smiled. "Was Odysseus able to come back home? Did he arrive in time to save his family?"

Jongwoon stared for a couple of seconds. He turned to Donghae who have him a shrug of the shoulders. The story was long, and as far as Sungmin could see, it would take years for the protagonist to reach Ithaca, if ever he finds his way back. He frowned.

"Yes." Jongwoon spoke once again. "As far as I could remember he returned and he reached his home on time."

Sungmin sighed and nodded. It was all he needed to know. 

“Thank you.” He said. “Let’s go home.”

Kyuhyun left, that, he was certain of. For the concrete reasons of his departure, Sungmin could only guess. But perhaps, it was not meant to be said. It was not meant to be explained because Kyuhyun never said a word and his silence punctured him the most. One day, most probably one day, they'll find a way to each other, and explanations may not matter anymore.

With one last look over the waves that hit the docks Sungmin allowed himself to smile. Perhaps Kyuhyun wanted this; perhaps, it has to be like this. With a slow turn, a lone tear felt from his eye and he bid farewell to the winds.

*

The birds were singing at the windowsills when consciousness filled his mind. He smiled as his room was enveloped in warmth and light. Sitting up, the smell of coffee welcomed him. It was a good morn.

"Good morning, Sungmin."

It was late spring. The flowers and plants were all blooming outside. Four months and a half, and the chill of winter was slowly being replaced by a wonderful heat from the skies. It was not the best of the holidays, but it was still the most surreal of them all. He fell in love and had his heart broken in the days of winter. His life, after everything, was never the same again.

Now, he was in a place he had once called home. It was beautiful and peaceful, away from all the drama, a place to move on. For two months, he wallows in self-pity, in frustration. He asked himself what he did wrong, how he was in his past life to deserve such demise. He asked and asked until he himself got tired of the silence that was returned to him.

Then Sunyoung knocked in his door and asked him to leave. He asked Sungmin to find his own life, away from them, away from the sadness they had brought to him. His father was sorry but Sungmin was in no mood to forgive. Not yet when his life was ruined because of the lies that were forced beneath him. He hid them so well the truth was nothing but a blurred view.

Sungmin still agreed. He could be anywhere aside from the Lee mansion or the Cho villa. He couldn’t stay there, not where the lies were born and the sadness grew.

He did not leave the country, not yet, that is.

So, he chose the place where he was allowed to be himself, the place that bore beautiful memories that kept him on fighting.

“Good morning, Ryeowook.” He greeted the young man inside his room. “Has Sungjin left?”

It was the orchard. He chose the orchard where he grew up. He brought Ryeowook and lived with Sungjin. They started rebuilding the place and the cottage had turned into the house he had wished to live in. He smiled and sat up.

A peaceful life was what he had always dreamt of. It was great to be far from the city. He could forget all the pains and all the lies. Donghae and Sunny had visited them twice, bringing stories and updates from the courts. His father and sister were flourishing in court, and the Cho’s followed their initial plan of retiring and leaving the family business to Siwon. Ahra would be giving birth in a week or so, as far as the doctor had said. Everyone was back to their own pace, and the lies have been ignored, they have been slowly forgotten.

 Sungmin stopped his schooling and focused more on the jobs needed to be done at the orchard. He wanted to help Sungjin. He was his family. Here, there were no tresses to maintain. He did not have long dresses to hide himself. He only had his trousers, his short hair, and the real him working from dawn to dusk and living a life overdue.

“Sungmin!”

Sungjin appeared before them. His hand loaded by the usual milk basket and the other occupied by a piece of parchment - a telegram.

“I can’t properly read,” The young lad spoke. “But it is for you.”

[Sungmin, please come to the Cho Villa this afternoon. I need to speak to you about something of import. This is an urgent matter. I would be alone.  – Ahra Cho]

*

It surprised him how everything started flooding inside him once again.  He told himself that the city was never a good place for him, that everything it brings was nothing but pain. But he couldn’t say no to her. Aside from him, Lady Ahra was the only person who remained true to Sungmin. He couldn’t turn away from her, not when she seemed in need.

"I never knew." She said. "our parents did not even tell me. Probably why they transferred to  the East and avoided me all this time."

He clutched the piece of parchment from her, not knowing what to do with it. He wanted to throw it onto the fire but he wanted to keep it with him as well. He wanted to look at it and never see it again. He wanted to return it to her but he wanted it for himself. He did not know that a piece of letter could hold so much. He did not know that everything could be relived by words smudged on an old paper. 

Biting his lip, Sungmin stared at it once again, allowing everything to sink in. Perhaps reading it over and over again would make it better.

 [Ahra, Forgive this overdue letter. You must've been worried and I blame myself for your discomfort.

Know, my dear sister that I have arrived at the port of England two months after I left the city. I failed to notify because I was frightened of what you would do with my message. I am worried that harsh decisions might again prevail once words are spurted out without caution.  I needed to time my mail to make sure that I have left for the Americas when this reaches you.  Yes, you’re assumptions are correct. Our parents had allowed me to be drafted in military enlistment in the West to regain my honour. I did not tell anyone of it for I did not want anyone to stop me nor tell me otherwise. Heechul would arrive two weeks after me. So, you may know that I am not alone in this.

[Ahra, my sister, please take care of yourself. Your brother is in safe hands. Forgive me for lying to you, for using Sooyoung’s accusations to leave. Even her family thought that I left because of shame. No. I left to find myself. I also pray that my nephew would grow up in a place free of war and turmoil, free of racism and status discrimination. I pray that everyone at home is safe. Please do not worry about me. I chose this, and I am prepared for this.]

[Ahra, I have a favour to ask of you. Your brother had nothing but favours. Forgive me but if I would not ask of you to do this, then I do not know when I could. Please tell Sungmin I’m sorry. Please tell him that my heart desires nothing but to see him but I can’t. At least not right now. Please tell him to live his life, and maybe one day, when all of this is over, I could return home to see him. Don’t tell him to wait for me. Just tell him to be happy, for when I return five years from now, I want to see his smile. It might not be directed to me, but at least he is happy. I would just want to see his smile.]

[ell him that he is beautiful, that either dresses or trousers do not matter. Tell him that the wigs and short hairs never did him justice. For he is beautiful beneath and above them all. Ahra, I ask of you, take care of him as you would for me. He is the only one that kept me going and I would keep going until the day I see him again.]

[And dear sister, please do not forget to tell Sungmin that I love him more than anything. Tell him these words. I loved and love Lee Sungmin...]

[-Your Kyuhyun]

“Sungmin?”

He smiled at her, a sad smile that is. He looked at the paper once more and nodded. “He can’t make a choice for me.” He finally said. The parchment was crumpled now in his fist. “I’m tired of living a lie. I love him and I would wait for him. I’m not gonna hide; there are no more thick dresses to conceal who I am. If you happen to send him a message, tell him I’ll wait. Tell him, I understand and I’m here when he gets home. He would see my smile for him.”

She moved towards him. “Thank you, Sungmin.”

“I love him. And I would give him what he desires, my smile... only for him.”

THE END

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So, there it is. I thought this would never end. I had to squeeze in everything in here because I cannot put up another chapter/epilogue. This story has been layouted and reconstructed several times. I'm not joking when I said this was difficult. But I loved the challenge it brought and I hope everyone loves it too. I'm not a very good writer when it comes to outlining and time flows but I hope I was able to give justice to this story. To all those who have read this, Thank you for bearing up with me. Thanks for all your time and effort in reading this. It makes me happy that people like what I write. Sorry if I wasn't able to reply to most comments, but please know that each one of them is appreciated deeply. Again, thank you so much! ^_^