CHAPTER ONE: Serving Families

Fall, ten years later

Twenty helpers consist of three ushers, two footmen, and fifteen chambermaids.

Scurrying inside the stoned mansion, everyone does his task diligently as Sunday noon peaked once again. The maids in peach and yellow dresses did their own duties of wiping, folding, sweeping, and fixing the living and dining area. The two ushers and their butler were inspecting and delivering the dishes finished by the head cook in the scullery.

One butler was pouncing to and fro the receiving area, waiting for the lords and ladies to arrive after the Sunday visit to the church and a walk at the park. It was a hectic day for a Sunday.

Half an hour later, five carriages and three cars stopped at the front yard and women in silk dresses and expensive hats alighted the vehicles. They were shortly followed by men in handsome suits tailored perfectly matching their top hats.

The chambermaids and ushers bowed along the entryway as the noblemen walked in pairs.

A young chambermaid of twenty scurried to the last line, just making it in time before the head of the household walked pass her. She curtsied with a smile.


In celebrations and occasions, new faces are always the talk. From the higher ups to the lowest of maids, a new face is definitely a new delight like a new dish served for lunch.

At the end of the pile was a handsome young man. His face new amongst the house helpers. They all couldn't help but gawk at his pale face. He was handsome and young, a proud smile on his face. Despite this, his eyes were soft and caring, almost gentle as it may seem as they glimmered behind the messy bangs he sported.

The young chambermaid at the end of the line caught the young lord’s stare by accident and all she could do was bow her head low, hoping against hope that her action would not be mistaken for disrespect. Meeting of gazes was a form of impertinence, especially when the permission hasn't been granted, in entourages most particularly.


Thankfully, Sunday lunch passed promptly. The number of people in the villa helped kept everyone busy. Maids almost had to raise their skirts up to their knees to be able to walk properly posthaste. The lords and ladies were most demanding at lunch. They were always hungry.


When afternoon hit, half of the helpers were on rest. The maids were laying idly on their shared chambers, chatting, laughing, sewing, and things they do on their leisure.

The head of the house, the Master, was kind enough to spare all helpers a day of rest unless it is most heeded. This day was an exception as a lunch party was organized by their lady for a return and of visitors from court.

The topic of each gossip was centred on the handsome young lord at lunch. The maids giggled as they praised the young master. Their squeals echoed along the hallways of the chambers, admiring the handsome lad.

However, one chamber maid was missing on the usual talks. She was seated at the porch just behind the scullery shaded by well-kept bushes. Her legs were crossed beneath her skirts, pillowing a think book enclosed in her hands.

She had wanted to read, all her life she wanted to be learned. Her dreams were too much being a Lady’s maid but she nevertheless tried. She struggled with the words as she read out loud under the afternoon skies smiling at herself whenever she succeeded.

“Out... outrageous.” She finished the sentence and sighed, not expecting the challenge of a collegiate novel.

Her lips formed into a beautiful pout as she rested her head on the stone wall behind her thinking of the story as it progresses. She rested her eyes.


“It surprises me that a scullery maid reads.”

The deep and cool voice made her jump, straightening her posture until she was up on her feet.

“My lord,” She curtsied, head low.

Unfortunately, the heavy bind slid down her skirt, revealing a loud thud on the wooden floor. Heat crept up her face as she bent down to pick it up in hurry.

The scent of citrus filled her nose as she raised her head a little, only to see a handsome face in a strong smile. His delicate fingers wrapped around the think bind as he straightened up. She followed suit, her eyes reaching until his chest.

“Pride and Prejudice.” He murmured. “Promising.”

She bowed her head, not really knowing what to say. She laced her fingers together.

“So... a scullery maid reading.” His deep voice grew louder as he take a step closer to her. “How did you study, girl?”

She mumbled and bowed her head lower. Maids are allowed to study; however, due to the constraints of work and the demands of their masters, helpers did not have chances to attend school. Such leisure time is spent resting or playing.

“What is that?” He turned his ear closer to her face and her cheeks heated. “I didn't hear you.”

“I’m not a scullery maid, my lord.” Her voice was shaking. When no response came, she panicked. Her answer was a mistake; she curtsied once again and apologized to the young master. She’s going to get a good scolding later on.

She heard him giggle as he retreated and circled in front of her, his one hand massaging his nape and rolling to his brown soft locks. She swallowed, daring to raise her head to face him. He smiled.

“I apologize.” He said truthfully. “Then, what may I address you, my dear?”

She swallowed once and opened to speak. “I am the young lady's chambermaid, my lord.”

She didn't notice that he was still holding her book and then, his other hands reached for hers. Her first instinct was to pull back, but he kept a firm hold as he bowed to her. His palm was rough, yet soft against her smooth and tired hand. It was warm and surprisingly, she liked it.

“Forgive me, my lady.” He spoke as he brought his lips to the back of her hand. “I should have thought better than a cook from the scullery.”

Insult. It was what she felt as he spoke those words. Her chest clenched as she realized he might have been mocking her. Of course, lords and ladies would never look into helpers, onto maids. Only Lady Ahra treats her differently. Even the head butler and head lady of the house would look down at all maids, scullery or not.

She pulled her hand abruptly and took her book from his hand.

“Forgive me, my lord. A mere maid should never converse with her master. If you would allow, I would resume my reading in my room.” She curtsied once again clenching her book tightly it almost pained her hand. “I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

She walked away leaving the young master in awe, and not knowing that the man she just spoke to, the man who took her hand for a kiss was to be the next lord of the household.


***


Lee Sungmin skidded out of the chambers, with nothing but the moon as his light. Fixing his pony-tailed hair and pulling up the trousers that had loosen on his waist, he slowly crept out of the scullery and to the backyard.

The feeling of a pair of trousers and a dress shirt that wrapped his body made him feel warm. Night would always be his favourite time as he could wander around the mansion unnoticed, and unknown. Fixing his cap, he walked to the pond just at the corner end of the huge greenery.

When he first came to the place, he got lost, just like most children would. There were mazes, almost like labyrinths, scaring people that the Minotaur might appear. As he grew older, he grew bolder and every twists and turns of the maze had been engraved in his small head.

He sat at the cold marble that surrounds the flowing fountain, admiring the dancing water under the moonlight. It was beautiful, even more than the lake he had grown accustomed with from the small orchard he grew up.

He smiled as he reminisced the days when reality seemed so far away from him, and yet, with a snap, he was here, living.

His fingers trailed down the cool water, willing him to close his eyes to feel the cold sensation. The water, its feel, its sound, they give him utter relaxation that no sleep can. He giggled as his hands continued sweeping the liquid, his actions growing more playful every time.

Moments later, half of his arm was dripping and his face stained with small splashes. He was enjoying his play.

“I didn’t see you earlier today.” A familiar deep voice rang and immediately, his playtime halted. He raised his head and come face to face with a familiar young man.

He was not clad in suit, but a simple dark blue dress shirt covered by a dark blue robe as he hugged himself with his arms.

“Are you sure you’re from here?”

Sungmin bowed his head almost about to curtsy when he stopped his action and bowed. He bit his lip.

“I... I am... I...”

“I don’t think you’re a thief though, as your pleasure comes from the fountain. But you’re not one of the butlers, are you?” He circled him, his stare intimidating as the young boy bowed his head lower. “I am not to judge anyway. I just arrived this morn so I am not acquainted with the servants though.”

The young master gazed at the flowing water in front of him and smiled. “Ah, it’s beautiful.” He dipped his hand onto the cool water and sighed again whilst the young servant was left glued to where he was standing.

“From where I came from, there are no artificial ponds or fountains or lakes.” He murmured. “I didn't know they could be this beautiful.”

“What are you doing standing there?” The young master inquired. “Weren't you playing with the water earlier?”

In fear, Sungmin walked slowly to the young man and raised his head to meet his gaze. Much to his surprise, he was smiling at him.

“You remind me of a lady’s maid from earlier. You have the same eyes. She reads though.” The young master kept on talking as they sat on the fountain edge.  He was not anymore sure if the conversation was directed to him until the young master asked him. “Do you read?”

Sungmin shook his head vigilantly.

Silence wrapped the two men as they sat, bathed in moonlight. Sungmin felt a smile crept onto his face as the minutes ticked and as he grew accustomed to the silence. It was comfortable despite having a stranger near him. To be honest, he shouldn't be flaunting himself around, much more to the young master as he was. 

He was shying away, knowing now who the man was. He was the only son of the house, the youngest amongst two siblings, the boy who was sent out to study overseas to uphold their family’s name. Sungmin have heard of him. But instead of a handsome young man, he had envision him as a stern geek. He did not expect that he was the same man from earlier as well.

“I have a question.” The young master spoke and scooted closer to him. “Do helpers and maids have something against being called lords and ladies?”

The boy blushed, understanding perfectly what the young master was asking. He bit his lip and swallowed audibly.

“Maybe...” He spoke softly, his voice deeper. “Maybe we get offended from time to time.” He answered honestly.

“Why?”

“Because it suggests that we are being mocked, my lord. And with your permission, we don’t want to feel any lower than what we are.”

“Even if we don’t mean it that way?”

“Yes, sir.”

Moments later, the young master stood up, towering him as he looked down at him. “I never thought of that. I never had a servant overseas.” He smiled. “Would you relay a message to a pretty lady for me? She’s of the lady's chambermaid and I think I offended her today. Can you tell her that the young Master Kyuhyun is apologizing for his misdemeanour?”

Sungmin stared at him in awe, not knowing how a young lord could act so carefree in front of a mere servant. Nevertheless, he nodded.

“Thank you.” He bowed slightly and walked back to the main house leaving the young servant alone, in awe.


***


She pulled her skirts up as she pranced through the wooden steps. She woke up late once again and her lady would be up any minute now. Oversleeping was becoming a hobby and she knew it was not good. She sighed in frustration asking herself for the umpteenth time why the villa was too big.

When she reached the main house, she climbed fast through the marble staircase and to the first door to the left. Pushing the mahogany wood open, she sighed in relief as her lady was still snuggled in bed.

She headed to the bathing chambers to prepare the warm tub for her.

When she was done, the lady on bed shifted and her eyes blinked sleepily. A soft knock was heard and she let the maid enter with a tray of food. She took the tray and let it rest on the other side of the huge bed. Two chambermaids followed suit.

“Good morning, my lady.” She greeted the beautiful woman as she sat up lazily. “Breakfast is served, ma’am.” Her brown tresses were a mess but she still held the beautiful smile. He was gorgeous than most ladies the chambermaids had seen.

“Hello, Sungmin. Good morning to you too.” Ahra smiled at her as she settled the tray above her lap. “I have music class today, right?”

“Yes, ma’am and reading classes in the afternoon.”

She nodded kindly. “This is so tiring. I haven’t got proper rest since yesterday’s lunch and I’m back to schooling again.”

“But studying is very much fulfilling, Ahra.” She reasoned out. Thankfully, her lady was kind enough to spare her in calling her by her name. Lady sounds old anyway.

The two maids stood at the corner of the room, looking pleased. “Ah. Sungmin, it’s tiring most of the time. Plus, the instructors are too demanding. Women these days are harsh.”

The young chambermaid giggled. “You promised you would never be such.”

“I won’t. I act younger than my baby brother anyway.”

Upon the mention of the young master, the chambermaid felt her cheeks blush. She avoided her lady’s gaze as she reminisced the event from the past day… and night.

“My brother is too distant from us ever since he returned yesterday.” The young lady whined. “The prospect of inheritance doesn't excite him. Who would be anyway?”

“Inheritance?”

Ahra took one last bite on her waffle and pushed the tray aside. She drowned a glass of milk and finally stood up. She helped her with the sheets as she headed to the bathing room.

The divider was set up as she sat on the small stool, averting her gaze as the young lady stripped herself from behind, dipping herself onto the hot tub.

The two maids, Sunyoung and Jinri, aided her in her bath. She sat quietly, fixing the scents and clothes to be used next. When done, she stood up and curtsied before closing the door. She waited.

When the young lady was out of the chambers, she was clad in a robe; the two chambermaids scurried to dress her with her petticoat and corset. Sungmin made sure the laces were fixed. “Mother and father are leaving for England after New Year.” Ahra shared finally, sitting on her chair as her lady’s servant combed her hair. The younger ones curtsied and walked out of the room, leaving them on their own.

Her locks were soft and smooth. Sungmin liked running her hands on them as she prepared her hair for the day.

“They’re retiring.” The young lady continued, looking at the young lady through her mirror. “The war from before left them weary. And a new lifestyle would be the only cure.” She smiled sadly. 

The war was a sensitive issue amongst the aristocrats. It tore them down more than it tore the country. It brought a plague amongst the abbeys called weakness. It raised insecurities and the like.

They never liked it. “And there has to be a head in here. The villa could not be left. Kyuhyun is the only son; he would inherit it as the heir.”

“I’m to be lady soon as well, but neither of us wanted it that way.” She smiled sadly. “I’m only twenty four and Kyuhyun would be turning twenty-two next year. Neither of us are eligible for marriage and titles. How can we manage such household? Not to mention the telegraph business and Kyuhyun is to be member of court.”

She listened to her whines. The lady Ahra was fond of whining, but still, she did as what was expected of her. She was a responsible daughter and member of society. She smiled on her woes and laugh at her bitterness. The children of the Cho mansion were too mature for their age; it was how they were brought up.

The breakfast bell rang and Ahra bid her goodbye, her eyes tired and sad despite the sleep she got. Sungmin could only nod at her, not fully understanding the life of the lords.



The young chambermaid busied herself in fixing her lady’s room as soon as she was out for her school. She fixed the sheets, brushed the floors, wiped the dressers, and cleaned the window.

She pulled the curtains down; replacing them with cannery-embroidered ones.

The autumn chill breezed through the room as she opened the windows to let the sun shine in. It was past noon and there were laughter from the lawn below.

As she peaked, the young master’s form dawned to her. He was clad in simple chemise and loose black trousers as he held a ball on hand.

He has a smile on his face as three more young lords ran to him. They were playing, tackling each other, and laughing so hard. But he heard his laugh and it was different amongst the others. She had to stop herself from closing her eyes to the sound.

She suddenly remembered what the lady mentioned earlier. How can such a joyous lad lead a company? A household? He was indeed too young.

She remembered him all intimidating from the previous day. However, she also knew that he was nothing but tender, casual, and kind. Her gaze lifted to the fountain from afar and her cheeks heat up. Not wanting to get caught she pulled the glass window close and shaded it with the newly hung curtains.

Unfortunately, she didn’t notice the quick glance the young lad threw towards her before she could finally shield herself with the drapes.


***


“Hello.”

She turned around to find her young master smiling at her. His teeth were showing as his glimmered. She was carrying the sheets to the living area. Later on, Lady Ahra would be arriving. The appearance of the young lord was unexpected.

She waited before bowing a little. "I hope the boy... ugh," He paused as he inched closer to her, a shy look radiated from his face. He just came back from his game, his clothes were soiled, and he was drenched in sweat and mud. "You look like him. Do you have a brother in here?"

She shook her head abruptly. Would her carelessness bring out the consequence? One day, the young master would figure it, better be careful from this day forth. He was the first person to caught him as is. She gripped her skirt and curtsied.

"Well, it was dark that night anyway. Uhm... did he apologize on my behalf?"

She nodded slowly knowing too well what he was asking. The young master giggled and moved closer to her. She really didn't like how he was too comfortable with her. He frigtens her.

"Well?" Her chest thumped when he enveloped her hands and took the pile of sheets from her. "Do you forgive me now?"

She panicked. The sun was up, it was broad daylight and the young master was conversing with her. More so, he was holding the piles he should never hold. He was too close, and... They were alone on the second floor hallway. Even if she was no lady, she is known to be a girl, and being in a room with a man alone is not allowed in society, maid or not.

In fear, she took the sheet from the young lord and curtsied fast. "I'm all right with it my lord, you didn't have to." She said before scurrying to the stairs only to feel herself panting as soon as she was in the laundry room.


***


"Sungmin, the lady Ahra is leaving for Busan tomorrow." Sunmi instructed her a week later. Things were back to normal in the mansion. The Master and Lady were too busy in court and they have brought the young lord with them. The young lady, on the other hand, was finishing her academics that coming spring and she was sent to be tutored more often. "And since she would be out of the villa, you may help in the chores at the study room and assist the footmen."

Sungmin nodded. They were all lined up. Choi Sunmi, head housemaid, and Oh Inyoung, head butler of the house, walked in the aisle created by the servants. At least she would have some days of rest as well. Even with Ahra around, some of the ladies' chambermaids would mandate her to work in other chores.

"His lordship would also want us all to lessen the chores we have. He mentioned to me that he did not want to overwork his servants by cleaning the tapestries and tables everyday." Inyoung added. "Sunmi and I would converse on how the schedule would be fixed."

Everyone heaved a sigh of relief as they nodded. "Okay... go on now. Aside from the kitchen maids and footmen you may all rest for the day."

She pulled her skirt up, wanting nothing more than to reach her room. She wanted to rest and to sleep.

"Sungmin..." It was Sunkyu. She was one of the scullery maids. She beamed as she caught up to her. "A circus would be on town this weekend. Would like to come and see it? I bet there would be handsome messengers and lads around." She giggled, her soft hair falling as she pulled her cap down. She smiled at her.

"I'll try." She answered softly and turned to her room separated from everyone else. She never really had a choice when it comes to Sunkyu. She knew she would have to come.


***

She locked herself in her room and gave a sigh of relief.

Lee Sungmin, stays in a different chamber in the maid’s cottage. It was a place chosen for her by Sunmi, the head housemaid. Being the chambermaid of the young lady of the house, she was given a privilege and also, to keep her deepest secret.

Pulling her cap, she allowed her hair to fall to her shoulders, and immediately, she wiped the powder off her face.

Through the small mirror she possessed, she stared at her face and exhaled audibly. Sometimes, she questions what she is... well, she would never be a she anyway. But people mistakes her for one, and well, she already looks like a girl. Eight years, and she's turning to a girl completely. 

She knew her fate and it was at the age of thirteen when she found out the story behind the pretence. Her parents were once rich, almost members of the court but one day, her father lost everything he owns in a horse race bet.

The lost should have warned him and made him stop, but it didn't. Just like any other vices, it grew worse, until there was nothing else left except his pregnant wife and another daughter.

It was Choi Sunmi's master whom he owed a lot, Cho Younsaeng, the head of the Cho villa and household. It was years after the war and people were clamouring for food, shelter and definitely money. When Lee Sunyoung lost everything, and still a good amount of debt remains, he promised his child to Younsaeng, telling him that he could have the baby.

Younsaeng wanted a girl. He needed a maid to be trained to attend to his eldest daughter and demanded for Sunyoung's eldest daughter. Unfortunately, Sunyoung fought for his child, telling his old friend that the baby his wife was bearing was a girl.

"I would give her to you on her thirteenth birthday. By then, your daughter is training for ladyship and would need the assistance of a chambermaid." After much negotiations, Younsaeng agreed.

However though, her parents escaped, leaving her to a young lady in a near countryside. The lady was her father’s half sibling, her aunt to be exact and she had pledged an oath to her brother to have Sungmin serve where she was supposed to be. She didn't want another mouth to feed.

Unfortunately for all of them... Sungmin was born a boy.

Being a payment even before he was born, his parents did not expect his uality to hinder to the plans. But his father, a sly man, urged his sister to make him a girl. And so at the age of ten, he started wearing skirts. He painted his face, he worked day and night to keep his figure as that of a girl’s, he grew his hair until at the age of thirteen, he was given as a payment in the Cho household as a girl.

No one knew of the secret, only Sunmi.


Sungmin rested his body on his mattress, his stomach laying flat on the softness of his bed as he sighed in frustration. He would be attending the fair once again, but as a girl. One day, he'll get to show up as boy, one day.

The few instances he escape the house as a boy were moments to be treasured since he could be himself. Sometimes, he hated the fact that he was leaning towards being a girl than the man he truly was. It was complicated but he has to do it. Younsaeng is a gentle man in court, he could have his father killed. He could find them wherever they might be. And really, he has no other choice.

Wanting not to worry himself, he took the book once again and resumed reading, finding reverie and solace in the world of the Bennett’s, the life of spoiled daughters of society and family.

Sometimes he wonders, sometimes he made himself believe he was one of them. He finds the peace and satisfaction in the fictional life of the characters in the books. For almost nine years, he had been living as a girl. For nearly a decade, he was on the verge of believing he was one. But he wasn’t, and he would never be.

Sungmin knew that his life would never be of the princesses and ladies in the novels he reads. He knew that he would grow old, alone and cold, unsure of what he is, of what he wants. He would never know who he was, who he is.

He would never know love.


To be continued...


A/N: T_T I hope I didn't confuse you. I know this is really really weird and I'm so sorry for this crap I wrote. Please tell me what you think of this. It's weird, I know. I wasn't able to fix it properly too. I'm sorry if I kinda disappointed you.. 
From the next chapter onward, I'll be using male pronouns to pertain to Sungmin. I kinda used 'female' here to confuse you all. Chapters are long and boring. I'm so sorry. :(
Thank you, all who commented and subscribed. ILY! ^_^

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