Chapter: Back to f(x)

“Are you really sure about this?” Minho asked him when he told them Luna’s leaving. They knew they fought but never thought it could come to this. It looks like Taemin already made up his mind.

“It’s for the best hyung,” Taemin answered. Their manager didn’t want to make her leave but Taemin told him that he could no longer live with her and if she won’t leave then he will. He knows his hyungs understand him but Key has a problem dealing with things. He didn’t want Luna to leave like this.

Luna is in his room right now packing the last of her things. She told him she’d do it and not bother his manager. Key look at him like he wants to say something but held it in instead he went to Taemin’s room to check on Luna.

She was just sitting on the bed.

“Sunyoung…” Key approached her and sat beside Luna. “Are you done?”

She nodded her head. “Wae oppa? Did Taemin ask you  to check what’s taking me long?”

“No,” Key said. “I thought you need some help but it looks like you’re almost done. I’ll drive you to your dorm.” Another nod from Luna. “Look at me Sunyoung.” She turned to Key. “Aigoo, stop crying.” He gathered her into his arms. “Everything’s going to be fine. Just give him more time, it’s not easy for him as well.”

“I think Taemin hates me,” she sobbed. “And Jongin as well.”

“Wait, you broke up with him?”

“No, I can’t oppa. I don’t want to see him looking at me with the same look Taemin gave me. Jongin said he needs me.”

“Do you want me to just punch both of them?” Key said hoping to make the mood light. She pulled away from Key and smiled at him but it didn’t even reach her eyes.

“I’m confused oppa, I’ve liked Jongin before. I secretly wished we never had to part ways but things change I thought we could bring back the past. I thought nothing has changed. But I did and it’s not even his fault. I don’t want to hurt Jongin but Taemin…”

“Likes you.” Key finished for her. “You were okay with everything until Taemin confessed.”

Luna nodded her head. “I can’t even look at him without feeling pain here.” She put her hand on her chest. “I ruined everything oppa.”

“Of course you didn’t. Love would be nothing without pain Sunyoung. I know you don’t want to hurt anyone but you will eventually, you have to choose. It’s easier to fight for someone than to let them go.” He took her hand and gave it a squeeze making her look at him. “It takes courage for someone to fight for love, to keep someone you love but real courage is letting that love go, knowing that it would hurt like hell. Baring your feelings to someone who you think you don’t have a chance with is stupid but a brave thing nonetheless. Taemin was brave enough to tell you he likes you, he knew it would hurt but he still told you. He let you be with Kai knowing he’ll lose his chance with you. I’m not saying Kai doesn’t love you Sunyoung all I’m saying is Taemin loves you too. And that’s why he’s letting you go.”

A knock on the door and both of them turn to see who it was. Jonghyun came in with a very sad face.

“Sunyoung, it’s all my fault.” He said and immediately kneeled before her.

“Oppa what are you doing?” Luna got onto her knees as well she dried her tears with both hands.

“I never should have told Taemin that lie. Now look where it got you.”

“Ani oppa, it’s not your fault. Please don’t do this, I’m not blaming you. All you wanted was to help me, I’m actually thankful not just to you but to everyone.” She smiled at both of them. “I felt like staying with you all made me feel like you’re my real brothers.”

“Of course we are,” Key said joining them on the floor squeezing them both in a tight hug.

_

“You can’t do this Taemin,” Onew told him the moment he knew what the maknae wanted to do. He can’t even believe their manager is okay with it.

“Then what do you want me to do hyung?” Taemin asked too tired to argue with anyone now. “I don’t want her staying here. I want my room back. I want my life back.”

Onew studied him for a moment like it’s the first time they met. The younger guy sleeps on the floor in a room he shares with Jonghyun ever since the fight with Luna. He knows Taemin is used to having his way. He’s always been favored because he’s the maknae and the four of them would always make sure that he’s comfortable and that he’s okay. Onew could see him struggling to figure things out with Luna even before the maknae realized his feelings. But it was too late for Sunyoung already had someone else.

“But Taemin don’t you think you’re overreacting?” He finally said what he wanted to say. Taemin glared at something and Onew was glad he was not looking directly at him. “You can’t expect Sunyoung to accept you right away. You can’t expect her to choose you right away. She’s still with Kai. And I know you’re her husband and all but only in paper. Did you give her any other reason before that might led her to think there is more to your marriage than what you had agreed on?”

“I told her I like her hyung,” Taemin said.

“Yeah but after you burst out of anger and all because you found her with Kai,” Onew felt the need to defend Luna. “Did you even say it out of love Taemin or did you just confess because you’re angry and you wanted to make her feel miserable just like you?”

“Stop it hyung, I’m not gonna change my mind.” Taemin stood up not wanting to hear a bit of truth of Onew’s words. He left the room only to see Luna coming out of his room with Key and Jonghyun behind her. Her eyes were swollen. He left her right away after he called his manager. He left her in the practice room with Jongin. She came here after a couple of hours to get her things. He felt a lump of pain in his chest seeing her face. But for all the pain she’s feeling Taemin does not regret telling her he likes her.

“I’ll get the car ready,” Key said going out before Luna taking one of her bags while Jonghyun takes the other and Bap who was already in his cage. Taemin looked at the dog but he can’t look at the owner.

Minho went to Luna and hugged her. “We’ll all be there for SmTown,” he told her. He knew he'd be seeing her again but it feels like they're losing a family member. They'd been so used to her presence, her loud cheerful voice in the morning and every silly things she does in the kitchen.

“Neh of course oppa,” she smiled at him. Onew just stood there opening the door for Luna. He didn’t say anything. Minho put his arm around her shoulder and walked her out.

She turned to get a final glimpse of Taemin before she leaves. And he was also looking at her. She meant to say goodbye but no words came out. He bowed down his head and turned to go to his room.

“Come on Sunyoung,” Minho told her and with Onew all five of them left to send her back to f(x).

_

He never knew his room is too bare until Luna left. Gone are the weird and pink stuff toys, the curtains were also changed back to pale blue. His sheets were back to white as well, he now had normal pillows not the ones she brought with her. Her annoying laced blankets were gone too. The drawers were empty, the closet full of space again. He has a lot of space again, too much space.

He slumped on the bed. Everything is back to normal. Now there’d be no need to knock before he could enter his own room. He could do anything again now that he has his room to himself. No more waiting for Luna to finish using the bathroom. No need to wear anything when he sleeps. He could do anything again now that she’s gone.

Taemin stood up and got the necklace from where he hid it. The gift he had wanted to give her, now forgotten.

This is better for both of them. Maybe they need time apart. Maybe he needs time away from her.

_

Victoria was furious when they arrived at f(x)’s dorm. She didn’t like the way Taemin dismissed Luna. Onew was the one who took all the anger from the other leader. Of course Luna didn’t hear any of it because Sulli and Amber took her to her room so she could rest with instructions from Victoria that they don’t ask her questions yet. Luna looks so tired and worn out.

“I’m gonna have to talk to that young mister!” Victoria said for the second time. Onew was surprised to even hear her speak in Chinese out of anger. “Wait ‘til I get my hands on him!” She said in Chinese and Onew and Key looked at each other not understand a thing.

“Unnie calm down,” Krystal said to Victoria. “You’re scaring them.”

Victoria sighed and looked at the rest of Shinee. “Sorry…”

“We’re sorry too that we can’t prevent this from happening.” Onew said. “You might not like to hear this but I think Sunyoung and Taemin need time apart.” Krystal agreed with Onew but the look on Victoria’s face says otherwise. “We’re gonna go now, we’ll see you in SmTown.”

Krystal saw them to the door while Victoria went to check on the other girls but before she could even open the door Sulli and Amber both came out of the room.

“I think she’s sleeping,” Amber said.

“I don’t like this,” Sulli said. “Luna unnie… it’s the first time I’ve seen her like this.” She feels like they should do something for Luna she’d always take care of them that she wants to do something even just to help a little.

“Don’t worry Sul, she’d feel much better after sleeping,” Amber tried to assure her but Amber knows Luna needs more than sleep right now. It’d take a while to get used to this they could only hope that things wouldn’t get worse.

_

He knew it could happen but he never knew it’d hurt this much. It feels like dying inside, like he could never be happy again. And the worst is that he couldn’t let the others know how he feels. It’d only burden and worry them especially Suho.

Losing Luna once was heartbreaking but he handled that well. They were young and they got separated not because they no longer like each other but for their careers. They needed to be apart. But losing her for the second time makes him feel like letting her go the first time was a big mistake. And the fact that he lost her to another man make it even worse.

She never said the word but she doesn’t have to. Those tears she cried when Taemin told her to leave also broke his heart. Did she cry like that when he told her he could no longer be with her? He feels like a jerk for even thinking like this. She doesn’t deserve this.

He doesn’t deserve her because if he did then he wouldn’t be here wallowing in misery because the girl whom he had loved for all these years just cried for another man.

“Jongin,” Suho called him. Sehun must have told him that he was here in the rooftop. “It’s getting cold.”

He turned to him and was given a jacket. “Thanks hyung.”

Suho stood beside him stretching his arms and welcoming the breeze. They were silent for a moment just taking in the view before them.

“The first time I was told that I’d be debuting with 11 other guys I was so happy,” Suho said and Jongin doesn’t know where this is going but he let him talk. “I was so happy that I’d finally be able to go out of the practice room and let the world know that I’m also part of SM. All those years that I trained just watching the others debut before me is finally over, but you know what really made me happy?” He paused to look at Jongin and he knew Suho won’t go on if he doesn’t reply.

“What?” Jongin felt the need to ask.

“I’m never gonna be alone again.” He grinned at him. “I thought all those years I trained alone, of course there are other trainees but they’re training hard on their own. Sure I’d made friends here and there but they’d either leave or debut without me. And then you guys came and I was so happy that I’d never be alone again. I’d have 11 other people practicing with me, sharing meals, living together and all that.”

“We get too noisy,” Kai laughed a little.

“Yeah you all do,” he agreed. “What I’m trying to say Jongin is that you’re not alone. We might not be able to help you with everything but we’re here to listen and to share the pain with you.”

“I know hyung,” Kai said. Suho put his arm on his shoulders. “So you’d do anything to help me?” Suho nodded.

“As long as it’s legal,” Suho added and Kai laughed. “Yah I’m serious.”

Kai stopped laughing and turned serious again. “Then give me the moon back hyung, make the moon mine again.”

The leader knew what he meant by this. Suho looked at him sadly before turning away.

Jongin didn’t know how long they stood there in silence. He never told him more and Suho didn’t press for details. He thought it’d be better to be alone but Suho’s presence gave him strength.

_

The next day Kai was greeted by Sehun already in the practice room. He thought he’s the first one to arrive they’re not scheduled for practice for another hour but he wanted to be here and dance to kill time.

“Woke up too early?” Kai said and Sehun just nodded his head. He joined Kai in his warm up and they both danced to “Growl” after. He knows how Kai felt. He too had liked Luna and lost her to his friend. No words were needed to let Kai know that.

“I’ve made my decision,” Kai said sitting across Sehun on the floor. He let him finished his drink before he went on. “I think I know what I should do.”

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Sehun asked seeing the determination on his friend’s face.

Kai shook his head but smiled. “It’s not what I want but it’s what I think is best.”

_

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