Just woke up... urrggghhhh its monday again!! 

i hate/love mondays...

hate well its pretty obvious....

love it because i get to see her again... both them :(

she is the reason why i love mornings... even though it hurts me to see her with another person 

 i still manage to hide it... the PAIN..

heres my story... my name is Kim Taeyeon but everyone calls me Taeyeon.... Im 16 years old.. i love to sing, and play different intruments. im very energetic especially with my close friend Hwang Tiffany. she is pretty, smart and cute as a marshmallow. she can be serious and cute at the same time. Anyways back to me.. 

Second week of september when i first met her. i was with my neighbour on our to school.. she was on the same bus as me.. i actually beside her... she looked very small and yound so i thought she was younger than me.. when we arrived at school she looked very lost but she ended up in the main office. I was pretending to look for some pamplet.. so that i dont look like a creeper.. anyways after that i realize that she was new. i was gong to help her but a girl approach her and talked to her... so i was guessing that she would be fine then... 

weeks past and i see her everyday in the bus alone and i also see her in the main stairs when were switching class.. there was one time that we made an eyecontact and she smiled at me... i was shock and did not react.,That they i realize i like her. i liked many girls before but i do not have any courage to confess because first i dont want to be rejected and second people will find it wierd liking the same gender as you.. no knows about me being a bi or lesbian.. im still confuse. i never told anyone because im scared, not even my family member. 

another week past and one day i decided to make a move.. a SMOOTH move to get to know her and talk to her.. i know that she doesnt sit down in the bus after school be ause its crowded.. so i decided that i would join her standing up.. that day was the happiest day of my life.. i simply start talkng to to my neighbour about life and i just randomly ask her if she was on my grade.. then my neighbour laugh at me because i did not realize that she was on my grade and i felt stupid but it was fine because i finally got to talked to her and be friendly with her..

more weeks past and we got even closer...one time we were talking about gay people and lesbians..

ty: what do you think about gays.. i used to have a lot of gay friends back to my hometown.. how about you??

tf: well gays are fine with me because they are funny but lesbos.. they are weird and scary

ty: you know i used to go to an all girls school..

tf:.... must be had with those lesbos...

ty: :( .......... y-yeah... 

she hates them... she did not like one bit of them.. and i was hurt but i recover. i did not give and still shiw her my love...

she likes our friend siwon... he is a nice guy.. funny, smart, skinny, tall , and cute?? 

i want to be closer to her and to do that i have to talk about siwon. i did not like it but  i have to bare the pain..

she wants to be closer to siwon and i gave her some advice on how to.... and sometimes i make some moves to get them closer.. i hate doing it but for her happiness i willing to do it...

before christmas break they start dating i was happy for her because she picked a nice guy but at the same time sad..

we used to hangout at lunch time but now she have to go with him somewhere in the school propety eating.. the only time i get to see her is in the mornng.. or afterschool but not on tuesday.. because she hav some school stuff to do.. 

every morning at the bus... that 25 minutes we spend at the bus are the best moments of my life and after that are like stabbing you in the heart. they kiss, tease and hug each other everytime we get to school.. and i have to see it all. before we get to the cafeteria we still have to walk for about 2 minutes and those 2 minutes were sometimes taken by SIWOn because he would just grab her (which she really like) and drag her to the cafeteria.. thay would leave me behind.. everytime i get to our table i would always show a weak smile to everyone.... 

i just wish that someday she would realize all the things i show her are not sisterly love but more of a romantic love.. but i know she will never know it because she never pays attention to me.. i should let go of her before i hurt myself too much.. im already hurt  its too late but it could be worst... should i let go?? do i have a chance?? do you even notice?? are you that blind?? 

one thing i know is that i will always love you even from afar.. i hope you enjoy your love life with him.... I love you.. fanny... marshmallow.. mushroom.... miyoung.. T_T i should let go now